Welcome to Sburb! (Dead and Over)

[Pappytech]

>Stabby oXavier: You can't use that technique yet! You have yet to learn it!

In any case, you do manage to take down the remaining OGRES, and deal some damage to your exhausted guardian.

Promotion! Level 6 Hyper Kid. +4000 Boondollars, +250 Build Grist, +125 Amber Grist, + 125 Shale Grist.

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>Greg: After a few minutes of work and expending some Build Grist, you've managed to create a pretty lopsided structure. Still, it stands up and is slowly reaching the First Gate. You're getting the hang of it.

Looks like you should be done in a few more postsI MEAN MINUTES.

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>Beth: Winston is exactly sure what you mean by "timing him" but at least he stops advancing on the IMPS.

The IMPS seem to be impressed that you can control Winston.

 

[Pappytech]

>Beth: The IMPS seem to be conferring among themselves. They glance over at Winston from time to time.

They suddenly seem to come to a decision. They PUT THE GRIST BACK ON THE GROUND, and begin to slowly back away. It seems like they want to be able to leave in exchange for their Grist.

 

[Pappytech]

>Beth: You hand over the REPAIRED TORCH. The IMPS seem interested in it, but abscond nonetheless.

 

[Pappytech]

>Beth:

Spoiler: Show Spritelog

-- drneddelSprite [DS] began pestering avouLeance [AL] at 10:20 --
DS: Hello Beth!
AL: hey
DS: What can I do for you today?
AL: You know what this black stuff is?
DS: Why yes, of course!
DS: It's called Grist.
AL: Ok
DS: You can use it to build and create tools, weapons, or other items!
AL: Is it valuable?
AL: Ok cool
DS: Have you learned how to use punch-card alchemy yet?
AL: I have not?
AL: i mean i've used punch cards but not for alchamy
DS: Well, it's quite simple once you get the hang of it.
AL: Ok cool
DS: First, you need to get your server player to deploy the Punch Designix.
AL: Ok cool
AL: I'll work on that
DS: You can use this device to enter in item-codes, which will then be transferred to punch cards.
AL: Ok cool
AL: How do i get the codes?
DS: Do you have an item with you now?
AL: I have the Whatever it is
DS: Flip it over and look at the bottom.
AL: ok
DS: You should see a capcha code.
AL: Oh yeah]
DS: This is the item's code.
AL: Cool
AL: i swear i didn't put that there
DS: You can find one for every item in exsitence this way! They all have one naturally.
AL: Ok cool
DS: Once you have the item code, you can create it's corresponding punch card.
AL: Ok cool
DS: You can use these punch cards with your other machines, the Totem Lathe and Alchemiter.
AL: Yeah
DS: To create all kinds of wonderful inventions and combonations!
AL: But weren't they back in my house
AL: Nice
DS: Yes, they should still be there.
AL: Ok
AL: How do i get back
AL: or go foward for that matter?
DS: Well, you go forward by entering the First Gate.
DS: But going back should be quite simple!
AL: Ok cool
DS: Just walk back to your house.
DS: I recommend that you go and experiment with punch card alchemy, it should be quite fun!
AL: Anything else i should know before i get Xavier to deploy those things
DS: Hmmm...
DS: You might also want to get him to deploy Grist Torrent.
AL: Ok sure
DS: It's a program that allows you to borrow some of your friend's Grist!
AL: Nice
DS: It's very handy.
DS: Other than that, I can't really think of anything.
DS: Of course, I'll be right here if you need me.
AL: Sure well I guess i wait fro him to be online
DS: Alright. Good luck Beth! I believe in you!
AL: Thanks
DS: Of course!
DS: Goodbye Beth!
-- drneddelSprite [DS] ceased pestering avouLeance [AL] at 10:30 --

 

[senorcromas]

>Rich: Deploy PUNCH DESIGNIX

Done. You're getting the hang of this interface. You place the PUNCH DESINIX against the far wall of the kitchen, right by the ALCHEMITER. It's like Greg's HOUSE was made for these things!... right after you made a few adjustments. Well, it was DEPLOYED as best you could.

>Build up house.
You decide to start building on Greg's house, to distract yourself from seemingly CERTAIN DOOM. Still, it couldn't hurt to check who is on Pesterchum... Huh? Could it be...? Yes! Beth is online! You waste no time PESTERING her.

<spoiler= show pesterlog>
-- tenaciousConifer [TC] began pestering avouLeance [AL] at 11:48 --
TC: Beth! Just the girl I wanted to see.
TC: Or... not, I guess.
TC: Huh.
AL: What's wrong
TC: Oh, awesome.
AL: So what was it?
TC: Hey beth, listen. I don't know if you know what's going down right now, but I kinda need you.
TC: Bad.
TC: Like, really really bad.
AL: What do you need?
AL: Just tell me
TC: Would you be my SBURB server player?
AL: Sure i guess
TC: Sweet.
TC: You've got everything you need?
AL: I think so
TC: Great! Ah, Beth, you're a lifesaver.
TC: Literally.
AL: Sure
-- tenaciousConifer [TC] ceased pestering avouLeance [AL] at 12:00 --

>freak out.
Yes! Yesyesyesyesyes! She said yes! You're not going to die! Hopefully! Soon, you'll be able to be with everyone else in the medium, fighting MONSTERS with your mighty... uh. Hm. Come to think of it, you don't have a STRIFE SPECIBUS yet. Your UNCLE doesn't really keep any WEAPONS around the house... Huh. Oh well. You're sure it'll work itself out eventually.

 

[Pappytech]

>Rich: Your client disk manages to connect to Beth's server. Now she'll be able to deploy your items, and you can hopefully not die a meteor-related death!

 

[CJ1145]

>Dirk: Go build!

Now sporting your awesome new SHADES that are also a PHONE, you head back to your computer and prepare to build up CHAS' house. You then absolutely FAIL TO BUILD as you instead choose to look at that watch again. Look at this STUPID THING, the HANDS aren't even moving. You decide to FIX it, but since you have absolutely no idea how to operate a WATCH, you go about this in the appropriately STUPID manner. You decide that if you TURN BACK THE MINUTE HAND by five minutes, and then turn it back, it must start working again.

>Dirk: Turn back time

 

[Pappytech]

>Dirk: You turn back the WATCH'S minute hand by 5 minutes. It begins to work! That is, it works for another 5 minutes, but gets stuck in the exact same position.

Incidentally, the WATCH appears to be stuck at 5:16.

 

[ArcNitemare]

>Greg:Continue Building.

Well atleast this seems to be going smoothly.You should be done in no time,unless something disturbs you.

And then you can get onto using that ALCHEMITER and make some hopefully useful stuff.

 

[CJ1145]

Spoiler: My sprite

Just thought I'd get in on the fun.

>Dirk: Oh to hell with it.

OK, fucking WATCH. If that's the way you're going to be, let's see how you like it when the time is set back by a whole gogdamn HOUR. You turn the WATCH back to 4:16, before realizing what a COLOSSAL WASTE OF TIME this is. It's time to go and build up CHAS' HOUSE. You walk back to your COMPUTER and sit down, then take a look to see how it's going over there.

 

[WafflesandBacon]

> Xavier: Collect Grist
Grist? You mean these colorful things?
God, there's a lot you don't know about this game.

> Xavier: Pester your glorious forking leader

Spoiler: Show Pesterlog

[05:58] -- lionizedAnon [LA] began pestering snickeringSurrogate [SS] at 17:58 --
[05:59] LA: Hey,
[05:59] LA: You there?
[05:59] SS: oh man i have just been waiting to get in touch with you.
[05:59] LA: Really?
[05:59] LA: Huh.
[05:59] SS: everyone is so busy with these shenangians, but i have thrown out these leadership towels everywhere.
[05:59] SS: left and forking right.
[05:59] SS: except you manage to dodge them every time.
[05:59] LA: Towels?
[06:00] SS: towels. it's in the leaderkit.
[06:00] LA: Ah.
[06:00] LA: Leaderkit?
[06:00] SS: yes.
[06:00] SS: i am the glorious glue.
[06:00] LA: Makes sense.
[06:00] LA: So your our leader in this crazy thing?
[06:00] SS: Yes.
[06:00] LA: Awesome!!!1
[06:00] SS: i capitalized that y to emphasize.
[06:01] LA: I knew I shoulda talk to you!!!1
[06:01] LA: So leader
[06:01] LA: Tell me about these damned machines?
[06:01] SS: machines?
[06:01] LA: In the game.
[06:01] LA: These weird machines
[06:01] SS: oh, right!
[06:02] SS: are you in the medium yet?
[06:02] LA: Yup.
[06:02] SS: good work.
[06:02] LA: Lots of clouds and feather
[06:02] LA: s
[06:02] SS: i will make note of this in the charts.
[06:02] LA: Wow, you thought of everything, huh?
[06:02] SS: the charts are incredibly important.
[06:03] SS: i've got forking everything, man.
[06:03] LA: Yes, the charts are very important
[06:03] LA: Fork...
[06:03] SS: i am running this chat program out of my glasses.
[06:03] LA: ...You're kidding?
[06:03] SS: no, for real.
[06:03] LA: How?!!!1
[06:03] SS: better yet, i have a briefcase computer, and laser eyes.
[06:03] SS: i think that answers all your questions.
[06:03] LA: HOW!!!1?
[06:03] SS: i'm the forking leader.
[06:03] SS: destiny.
[06:04] LA: Fucking awesome!!!1
[06:04] SS: i think the last time we talked i didn't have this quirk.
[06:04] LA: Forking rather!!!1
[06:04] SS: that's another thing.
[06:04] SS: have you been trolled yet?
[06:04] LA: Yeah,
[06:04] LA: the trolls are pretty cool.
[06:04] SS: which ones have you talked to?
[06:04] LA: The blue one
[06:05] SS: she is the cool one.
[06:05] LA: EC?
[06:05] LA: I think
[06:05] SS: yes.
[06:05] LA: Oh yes.
[06:05] SS: when you talked to the red one, just forking, like, tell him off.
[06:05] SS: asshole thinks my forks are uncool.
[06:05] LA: *Gasp*
[06:06] SS: also he has time/space powers?
[06:06] LA: ...
[06:06] LA: Really?!!!1
[06:06] LA: Fucking awesome!!!1
[06:06] SS: not really.
[06:06] LA: How not!!!1?
[06:07] SS: it's forking confusing and whatever.
[06:07] LA: That sounds awesome!!!1
[06:07] SS: forking whatever man.
[06:07] SS: how far are you into this?
[06:08] LA: I just beat three Ogres.
[06:08] SS: uh
[06:08] SS: okay yeah i do that, like, all the time.
[06:08] LA: Giant enemies
[06:08] SS: ogres are forking child's play.
[06:08] LA: Really?
[06:08] LA: Well, I don't have laser eyes!!!1
[06:09] SS: yeah, i just pretty much own.
[06:09] SS: like, five ogres are holding me up right now.
[06:09] SS: i'm making them do tricks.
[06:09] SS: idiots.
[06:09] LA: .....
[06:09] LA: I forking hate you.
[06:09] SS: just, totally inferior, you know? haha.
[06:09] LA: D:<
[06:10] SS: anyway, this is why i'm the leader, man, chill.
[06:10] SS: i'm sure you'll be able to kick as much ass as me one day.
[06:10] LA: Thank you, our glourious forking leader.
[06:11] SS: don't...don't start saying that.
[06:11] LA: That was sarcasm by the way
[06:11] SS: honestly it's only not lame when i say it.
[06:11] SS: why can't you be more subordinate?
[06:11] SS: rich is like the best at this.
[06:11] SS: he calls me glorious leader and everything.
[06:11] SS: but no, someone wants laser eyes for himself.
[06:11] LA: Just tell me how you got it.
[06:12] SS: here's how the story goes.
[06:12] SS: i got this giant battlefork trident from the troll chick.
[06:12] SS: and i just want to town on this ogre army.
[06:12] SS: but eventually, they outnumbered me.
[06:12] SS: and as the trident fell from my hand.
[06:12] SS: i felt something stirring from inside.
[06:12] SS: my vision was augmented.
[06:12] SS: boom.
[06:12] SS: bam.
[06:13] LA: bimp?
[06:13] SS: lasers everywhere in this *****.
[06:13] LA: Wow.
[06:13] SS: killed so many ogres.
[06:13] SS: crazy shit.
[06:13] LA: So.
[06:13] LA: Fucking awesome
[06:15] LA: Like fucking Cyclops in this *****.
[06:15] SS: yes, exactly.
[06:15] SS: that is why i must not remove my glasses, ever.
[06:15] SS: i will destroy the world.
[06:15] LA: Huh.
[06:15] LA: If your Cyclops.
[06:15] LA: Then I must be Proffesor X!!!1
[06:15] LA: My name is already Xavier!!!1
[06:16] SS: i don't think we should be going for the x-men theme here.
[06:16] SS: we're the seven samurai.
[06:16] LA: I'm gonna get pyshic powers!!!1
[06:16] LA: Too late!!!1
[06:16] LA: Pyshic powers!!!1
[06:16] LA:
[06:16] SS: okay sure don't get yourself killed by believing too much in randomly manifested powers.
[06:17] LA: I'll try not to.
[06:17] SS: let's get some shit done, then.
[06:17] SS: i have a few things to tell you.
[06:17] LA: Shoot.
[06:17] SS: the first, is what the hell do you think you're doing with my wife, you damn dirty ape.
[06:18] SS: the second, is what we are supposed to be doing in this game.
[06:18] LA: I'm sorry.
[06:18] LA: ?
[06:18] SS: there is this big thing called the battlefield.
[06:18] LA: I have no idea.
[06:18] SS: light and darkness fight, etc.
[06:18] SS: two kings two queens.
[06:18] LA: ...
[06:18] LA: Chess?
[06:18] SS: that is a dumb analogy shut up.
[06:18] LA: Sounds senisble...
[06:18] SS: LET ME TALK INSUBORDINATE
[06:18] LA: ...
[06:19] SS: i think that can be used as an adjective?
[06:19] LA: I'm sorry?
[06:19] SS: okay, no, let's just keep going.
[06:19] LA: Ok.
[06:19] SS: so eventually light is going to lose.
[06:19] SS: when that happens, shit.
[06:19] SS: we're forked.
[06:19] SS: royally.
[06:20] LA: How do you come to that conclusion?
[06:20] SS: the game did.
[06:20] SS: if light loses we are totally dead.
[06:20] LA: How do you know?
[06:20] SS: sprites!
[06:20] LA: Ah.
[06:20] SS: sprites are your guide.
[06:20] LA: My sprite is stupid.
[06:21] SS: so prototype it with something else.
[06:21] SS: that can talk.
[06:21] SS: so, here's where we come in.
[06:21] SS: i...do not know where all the gates lead.
[06:21] SS: that's where you're going, by the way.
[06:21] SS: up.
[06:21] SS: spirograph in the sky, check that ***** out.
[06:22] LA: Already, prototyped it
[06:22] LA: Twice
[06:22] LA: Gate?
[06:22] LA: Spinograph?
[06:22] SS: pretty much.
[06:23] LA: Makes perfect sense
[06:23] LA: And by perfect I mean none at all
[06:23] SS: going to have to accept it, stabby.
[06:23] LA: I will, forky
[06:23] LA: Later.
[06:24] SS: i'm not done!
[06:24] SS: we're supposed to kill the black king.
[06:24] LA: I mean I will accept it later!!!1
[06:24] SS: okay well phrase it better.
[06:24] SS: the black king gains all the powers of our sprites, by the way.
[06:24] SS: dirk...sort of forked that one up for us.
[06:24] LA: ...
[06:24] LA: He does?
[06:24] SS: yeah.
[06:24] SS: why?
[06:24] LA: This
[06:24] LA: Is
[06:24] SS: did you make a giant robot too?
[06:24] LA: Perfect
[06:25] LA: Nope, half Oprah half Teddy bear!!!1
[06:25] SS: that is excellent!
[06:25] LA: The king'll be easy!!!1
[06:25] SS: except for the robot!
[06:25] LA: Fuck!!!1
[06:25] LA: Dammit, Dirk!!!1
[06:25] SS: oaky, so.
[06:25] SS: okay, rather!
[06:26] SS: that is my briefing.
[06:26] LA: WAIT!!!1
[06:26] SS: we take that forker down as heroes of destiny.
[06:26] SS: what?
[06:26] LA: You told me nothing about these machines!!!1
[06:26] SS: you know how to work them!
[06:26] SS: just go through the forking process.
[06:26] LA: No, I don't!!!1
[06:26] SS: you know the pre-punched card?
[06:26] LA: Yeah.
[06:26] SS: you can punch cards now.
[06:26] LA: The legos?
[06:26] LA: Really?
[06:27] LA: Awesome.
[06:27] SS: everyone has their own artifact from the pre-punched card.
[06:27] LA: With what?
[06:27] SS: it's a new machine.
[06:27] SS: talk to your server about that.
[06:27] LA: Do I have to
[06:27] LA: ?
[06:27] SS: put the differences aside, i'm his server player.
[06:27] SS: ...well actually he's gone crazy.
[06:27] SS: i sort of worry about him.
[06:27] LA: ...
[06:27] LA: How so?
[06:28] SS: he was talking about dreaming and shit.
[06:28] SS: full conscious.
[06:28] LA: Um...
[06:28] LA: Yeah...
[06:29] SS: okay, right, so the machines.
[06:29] LA: Please.
[06:29] SS: once you have the punch designix, you just captchalogue something.
[06:29] LA: OK
[06:29] SS: then you look on the back of that card, and copy the code into the designix.
[06:29] LA: OK
[06:30] SS: suddenly you get a punched card from that card.
[06:30] LA: Oh.
[06:30] SS: take that to the totem lathe with a totem from the cruxtruder.
[06:30] SS: it carves it, and then you can alchemize it at the alchemiter.
[06:30] LA: Alchemize?
[06:30] SS: yes, like...
[06:30] SS: appearify.
[06:30] LA: ...
[06:31] SS: from your grist pile.
[06:31] LA: Grist?
[06:31] LA: The colorful stuff?
[06:31] SS: yes!
[06:31] LA: Ok!!!1
[06:31] SS: one more thing.
[06:31] SS: you want to be a hero, you need heroic duds, right?
[06:32] LA: Right...
[06:32] SS: well, the totem lathe can fit several cards in.
[06:32] SS: you can combine absolutely anything.
[06:32] SS: might i recommend combining your glasses and your phone?
[06:32] LA: Wait...anything.
[06:32] LA: two things?
[06:33] SS: up to three i think?
[06:33] LA: Like a knife and a chainsaw?
[06:33] SS: ...that is very, very concerning, but yes.
[06:33] LA: ....
[06:33] LA: Yes.
[06:33] LA: Hell yes,
[06:33] LA: HELL
[06:33] LA: FUCKING
[06:33] LA: YES!!!1
[06:34] SS: revel in it.
[06:34] LA: I'm sorrt?
[06:34] LA: *y
[06:34] SS: just sort of enjoy yourself.
[06:34] SS: seriously, go on a forking alchemy binge.
[06:34] LA: I will!!!1
[06:35] SS: anyway, i'm rambling and there is time a-wasting.
[06:35] SS: good luck.
[06:35] SS: your sprite will tell you more.
[06:35] LA: I'm sure about that...
[06:35] LA: But thank you!!!1
[06:35] SS: i'm just being a good leader.
[06:35] LA: Damn right.
[06:35] LA: Bye!!!1
[06:35] -- lionizedAnon [LA] ceased pestering snickeringSurrogate [SS] at 18:35 --

> Xavier: Go on a forking alchemy binge
I punch the BUTCHER'S KNIFE and the CHAINSAW.
Yes.

> ==>
I take it TOTEM LATHE and get a TOTEM
Hell yes.

> ==>
I take all three to the ALCHEMITER.
HELL!

> ===>
I place the TOTEM on the ALCHEMITER.
FUCKING!

> ==>
I combine the BUTCHER'S KNIFE and CHAINSAW.
Yes?

 

[Pappytech]

>Chas: You make some HARD-BROILED CANDY CORN! The horrible taste of candy corn combined with the bland colors of the HARD-BROILED BUSINESS SUIT. Bleh. -4 Build Grist.

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>Greg: Dirk's house is starting to look better. You're really getting the hang of this.

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>Dirk: As you turn back the POCKET WATCH one hour, it seems to change a bit. Upon closer examination, the POCKET WATCH seems a bit less scratched. Probably just your imagination.

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>Xavier: You made the LEATHERFACE KNIFE! A chainsaw with knives stuck on it. Looks pretty badass, but sadly it's technically a chainsaw. -30 Build Grist, -15 Amber Grist.

 

[WafflesandBacon]

> Xavier: Examine new weapon
I do so.
What the fuck is this shit?You were hoping for a handheld chainsaw, not this bullshit!
You take that back, its pretty damn badass, you just don't like chainsaws, to large and clunky and when its out of gas you're just fucked.
But you digress.

> Xavier: Consult with your sprite
You yell for your Teddysprite.

 

[ArcNitemare]

>Greg:Build Dirk's House up.

Well atleast nothing bad has happened to bother you yet.At this rate you should be done soon.

Of course as you say that you feel something move across your leg.You look down and see the CAT sitting at the foot of your CHAIR.You sigh.You do hope that your MOTHER will come to collect him eventually.Better with HER then being here with you.Much safer that way for the CAT.

Oh well,back to building.

 

[Pappytech]

>Xavier: TEDDYSPRITE responds to your summons, exiting the house. He seems surprised to see the results of your battle. At least, as surprised as a Oprah/Mutant Teddy-bear hybrid can look.

Your FATHER is breathing hard, but he seems alright. He walks off, muttering about being out of shape.

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>Greg: Despite your wishes, your MOTHER does not appear to take care of Perrywinkle. Looks like you're stuck with the cat for now.

On the plus side, it looks like your construction work has allowed Dirk's house to almost reach his First Gate! You're almost done.

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>Chas: Your ULTIMATE SACRIFICE has not been in vain. The HARD-BROILED CANDY CORN heals your HEALTH VIAL to 125%! You didn't even know it could go that high!

You feel the ground begin to shake again. Uh oh. Sounds like your wish for a higher kill-count is about to be granted.