What advice would you to give aliens about humanity?

[Kae]

Don't shake hands without gloves. We don't know what was on your planet, you don't know what's on ours.

This is actually sound advice and the aliens really should take it into consideration.

Eh, I wouldn't give them any advice, I'd just beg them to take me with them because I want to go into spaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaace.

 

[sammysoso]

Stay away for now. We're still trying to get our shit together.

 

[CommanderL]

That I am so very sorry for america trying to blow them up

 

[ninjaRiv]

Keep the fuck away from the internet! Blue waffle? You don't want to know! Seriously! Take it slow, guys. Slow. Build your way up to the internet.

 

[GTwander]

"There is a good chance that some will refuse to believe you exist, even if in the process of probing them."

 

[Syzygy23]

This is what I would say to them, word for word.

You can thank me for saving the human race later.

 

[FPSfanatic]

We're weird. Try and get used to that before anything else. We'll be strange, and our actions are nonsensical. Just try it out before you decide you can't be bothered to be near the people you witness doing it. You might understand why its done in the act of doing it.

 

[Gennadios]

I doubt the human race would have anything to offer these aliens except for the raw materials in our crust, and I'm pretty sure they'd have the technology for robotic mining drones so slavery will be out of the question.

I'd just beg them to keep me alive long enough to watch everything else burn.

 

[Bobic]

We come in peace and have no will to harm you, though we do have the power to incinerate things with our minds. You'd be best off not attacking us.

 

[Ruedyn]

Some of us are nice. Still, make sure to keep a ray-gun underneath your pillow.

 

[Dimitriov]

#1 Our sense of humour takes some getting used to, but it's probably one of the most important things you will need to understand in order to "get us."

#2 It doesn't matter what you look like, or how biologically different from us you are: some humans are going to try and fuck you. You have been warned.

No seriously, that's good advice! You've all been on the internet you know it's true!

 

[Agayek]

Spoiler

don't get drunk as it likem, fucks u yur imagination and poe

ple don't like it

i mean, why would aliens get druk as they come from alinelan

fucking aleins

i would tell them in an englsij accent, don#t get drnnk

or else

the sand man will come

alcohpl isn[t good for you

seriously alien. Find out what you are alergic too, oyu don't want to be alergic to water like those aluens in the film were nd die that would be so sad esecialy as you came so far

Find out what you are alergic too. Just do thay. Do that only.

I've got to ask, just how drunk were you when you wrote the bit in the spoiler tags?

 

[The Ubermensch]

We are an apex predator

We generally find conflict as an efficient means to progress

Now, I'm not going to open fire on you, but some idiot IS going to rally the masses and take some shots. The reason for this is that we're at the precipice of a philosophical revolution and some people really hate change.

Honestly, its probably best if you come back later.

Unless you want sex... in which case go on /b/, hunt down some IPs, and have a party.

I mean some of those guys are ACTUALLY INTO VORE, you know, if that's your game

 

[trophykiller]

My advice? Stay away for now, we got some shit we really need to sort out right now. Once we get our various political, economical, and social issues relatively settled we'll probably be alright, till then just discreetly steal the first and second season of MLP:FiM and run back home.

As well intended as your advice was, it is also contradictory. After watching it, they'll come back, thinking we have more.

 

[Valanthe]

"Our tribes may be vastly larger than they once where, but our instincts are still those of a primitive life-form, have patience with us. There will be a few bad apples who will try to undermine our relationship, please do not let them spoil your opinion of us, we aren't all bad, I swear."

Captcha: "You Are Here"

Helpful always Captcha, good mate.

 

[The Ubermensch]

My advice? Stay away for now, we got some shit we really need to sort out right now. Once we get our various political, economical, and social issues relatively settled we'll probably be alright, till then just discreetly steal the first and second season of MLP:FiM and run back home.

As well intended as your advice was, it is also contradictory. After watching it, they'll come back, thinking we have more.

THE FANDOM WILL MAKE MORE

- there will be far too much shipping, but there will be more. And then the aliens will learn the magic of Big Macs cock

Blame the internet for that, not me

 

[trophykiller]

My advice would be to keep your relations strictly to the UN for now, as the existence of extraterrestrial life will cause some serious freak-outs, especially since the old testament(basis of the 3 main religions, Judaism, Christianity, and Islam) expressly says Earth is the only planet with life on it, whilst the rest is just... pretty scenery, I guess?

Even a creationist has to admit that's a little odd.

 

[PotatoLord]

Give us a chance, don't act like you want to wipe us out, and keep in touch.

 

[AsurasEyes]

For the love of God, do not touch our women. Duke is still pissed about last time

In reality, I'd probably say this, "Humanity is horrible. We're all greedy, self-righteous bastards who would sooner kill someone than change our beliefs. We're sociopathic to anyone outside of our circle of friends, which we call our Monkeysphere. We worship false idols and kill each other over it, oppress those who cannot fight back, and rape our planet for it's resources. We let our emotions drive us rather than logic...and those flaws are what make us great. It is through that hatred and seething emotional turmoil that great people rise from adversity to change the face of our existence. Without it, we'd be emotionless robots with nothing greater to strive for, and so we'd stagnate and turn into a puddle of grey genetic sludge. So, please, be careful for the germs, and welcome to Earth. We're glad to finally meet you"

 

[trophykiller]

My advice? Stay away for now, we got some shit we really need to sort out right now. Once we get our various political, economical, and social issues relatively settled we'll probably be alright, till then just discreetly steal the first and second season of MLP:FiM and run back home.

As well intended as your advice was, it is also contradictory. After watching it, they'll come back, thinking we have more.

THE FANDOM WILL MAKE MORE

- there will be far too much shipping, but there will be more. And then the aliens will learn the magic of Big Macs cock

Blame the internet for that, not me

And just imagine: chances are, they'll have a higher population, meaning more fans, meaning more shipping. Just picture it, left and right there will be images you shall never forget, fanfics you shouldn't read, and spinoffs as far as the eye can see. I bet some of these spinoffs will even have alien species that are horrific in our eyes! Can you imagine it!

Man, my imagination is a horrible place.