What advice would you to give aliens about humanity?
- Thread starter BlindWorg
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Humans are pretty tasty, and their brains and livers are especially delicious.
Cthulhu loves roasted human entrails.
Cthulhu loves roasted human entrails.
Look either help us out or leave right now. If you help us cure a few diseases or give us space faring technology or some other kind of knowledge than you can stay. If not then you may as well just trade some culture notes with us and leave. Don't get me wrong it'd be cool for you guys to live here and there are a lot of cool people and places here but there are almost as many xenophobes and other assorted weirdos that'll just leave a bad taste in your mouth if you stay too long. And thanks for the offer on the pollution free easily redeemable energy source but if Solotorobo taught me anything it's not all that good of an idea to just leave it here. Just drop some on us every few years and hopefully the economy won't get wrecked by the time you decide to come back again.
Humans are one of the most destructive things you will probably encounter. We kill each for things ranging from beliefs in what is most likely an imaginary being, to us wanting more land to control. We have pretty much stripped our planet of anything useful, so if you're looking for resources you've come to the wrong place. It'd be better off if you just killed everyone on the planet now so that if we do get space travel, we won't start to try and take over the universe.
Stay away from the middle east. Those guys will get mad at you for drawing the wrong picture.
Stay away from any government, they will try to use you for their own political gains.
Don't give anyone anything that might unleash destruction on anything, because some one will use it for such.
Lastly, if you have any general wisdom to share, share it and then leave. People love wisdom, but they don't like things that are different than them. Just make it good or people will fight about it for thousands of years if you were right or not.
Stay away from any government, they will try to use you for their own political gains.
Don't give anyone anything that might unleash destruction on anything, because some one will use it for such.
Lastly, if you have any general wisdom to share, share it and then leave. People love wisdom, but they don't like things that are different than them. Just make it good or people will fight about it for thousands of years if you were right or not.
"Ah, good evening. I trust your joueney went well? Very good. Ah, no. I'm sorry, but I am not the regular liason. He is an utter tit. Ummm...yes, that's a slang term demonstrating that I have no confidence in his abilities whatsoever. Not the point. What IS the point is that you want advice about humanity... Fabulous! Honestly, I'm not sure we're ready. The Vatican's been open-minded about it and the sci-fi fans would have about a BILLION questions (No seriously, one billion questions, at least. I bet you.), but the human race has sort of a perception problem. Bit of a blindspot. If it doesn't fit our reference of understanding, we tend not to accept it right off. Ah yes, you DID notice all the divided nations and conflicts. Good. Listen umm...humanity sort of needs a real reason to bond, to do away with petty grievances and get on with itself. Yes, well we are very petty people. It's a personality flaw: Selfishness. If you happen to be here to uplift us to a better way of life, I suggest you address the United Nations so they all hear it at once, but be mindful of the fact that when I say 'united' in this case, I do mean of course that it's just that they're all in one room, possibly arguing. I do realize that I'm carrying on for a bit, but the fact is...you sort of need someone around that isn't going to bullshit you. Ah...you want that one explained, do you? Well, that's a bit more complicated. You see..."
And so on.
And so on.
Guilty as charged. Assuming it is not inherently dangerous to either party physically or mentally.Dimitriov said:
I would give personally them the advice that behind 90% of smiles are scheming sharks. They don't care about you, they just want what you have and can give them and nothing more. Once they bled you dry they will throw you away.
Serious answer:
"There are large groups of us who value belief and tradition over knowledge and progression."
Not so serious answers:
"Not all of our population enjoys it when you put things in their butt."
"Many of us will go to great and often stupid lengths in the hope of having someone else touch their genitals."
"Despite what you might presume from large swaths of our entertainment, we're very happy to have you here and only some of us will try to kill you."
Captcha: Rocket Science
Dealing with humans is roughly as difficult.
"There are large groups of us who value belief and tradition over knowledge and progression."
Not so serious answers:
"Not all of our population enjoys it when you put things in their butt."
"Many of us will go to great and often stupid lengths in the hope of having someone else touch their genitals."
"Despite what you might presume from large swaths of our entertainment, we're very happy to have you here and only some of us will try to kill you."
Captcha: Rocket Science
Dealing with humans is roughly as difficult.
Don't touch us. We really don't like being touched. We like to touch other animals, especially ones we've domesticated, but hate being touched ourselves. Don't ask me to explain it.
also, the strange appendage on top of our bodies with the hair on it and those 2 little shiney things. That's called our head. Look at it when communicating with us or else we'll get confused.
also, the strange appendage on top of our bodies with the hair on it and those 2 little shiney things. That's called our head. Look at it when communicating with us or else we'll get confused.
