What are the best comebacks you've ever said/heard?

[Unknower]

"Fuck you, asshole!"
"Fuck you, asshole!"

...

What?

 

[Amethyst Wind]

A pretty good one I heard on the finale of Angel:

Angel: People like you who don't care about anything will never understand the people who do.
Bad Guy: Yeah but we won't care.

 

[AvsJoe]

I dislike Metal intensely it all sounds like mindless thrashing and bad lyrics, I can just about stand hard Rock like Motorhead but thats the utter limit. I like my tunes like I like my women, groovy swinging and with a guitar in them.

You like your women to be impaled with a guitar?

This is the best one I've seen today. It was on the opinion of metal thread.

 

[T-Bone24]

"You're a nerd."
"Yup"

 

[Malkavian]

This thread fails because of the ammount fo people writing comebacks they never said.

Did get a few lulz from those that involved others than the posters. Especially:

And another one. I was in a party with a few friends. And they were talking about Call of Duty:WaW. And some asked me why I don't have it. I said that I don't have it because I, personally, don't think it is worth the 60 bucks.
Well as soon as I said this, one of my close friends just blurts out(may I add not even a second later he is saying this)

"Well neither was your mom's vagina, but I paid for it because you guys need to eat."

I had nothing to say back....

My roomie looked odd at me when I blurbed out a laugh

 

[Skuffyshootster]

Alas, no one in my school is clever enough to come up with a clever comeback. And I don't insult people, because they're to scared to insult me.

 

[Broady Brio]

Chav girl:You are a ugly **** arnt you?
Me: You certainly got your looks from your mum. Shame your mums a plastic surgeon.

 

[scnj]

I hate myself for always coming up with excellent comebacks months after the argument. Always happens without fail.

 

[Wadders]

I hate myself for always coming up with excellent comebacks months after the argument. Always happens without fail.

Same. Wish I could pause time so I could come up with a witty retort on the spot, not days afterwards when mulling over the conversation...

I did hear a good one a while back though:

Person 1: *insults other person*
*waits*
"I'm still waiting for your comeback."

Person 2: If I wanted comeback, I would have wiped it off your mother's face...

Sure it's juvenile, but it cracked me up

 

[El Poncho]

Well a girl said to my friend when he was walking out the door ladies first so I said that must make you a man then(I am not sure if I got the idea from the last escapist thread about it but it was the first thing that came to my mind.)

 

[Broady Brio]

Chav girl:You are a ugly **** arnt you?
Me: You certainly got your looks from your mum. Shame your mums a plastic surgeon.

Shouldn't that be shame your mom's not a plastic surgeon. If she was a plastic surgeon surely she could of fixed her face.

Could work either way, now I think about it. But it did shut her up, which was nice.

 

[Taawus]

The OP: ,,What are the best comebacks you've ever said/heard?''
Me:,, The search bar''

 

[Soxafloppin]

'at least my balls have dropped'

'what? out of your vagina?'

 

[Shapsters]

I was sitting with a rather large friend of mine when a young punk walked by, the kid said,

"Whats up bro?"

My large(350lbs and over 6 ft tall) friend replies, "I'm not your brother."

Kid says, "Well you are also not my father!"

Friend says, "I bet you don't even know who your father is."

It was classic let me tell you!

 

[Thyunda]

I was walking home through my least favourite area of the city. As I approached the border unmolested, I thought I'd make it.
When I passed three rather overweight girls, can't have been older than thirteen. The least unattractive of the three winked at me, but, me having standards, I ignored it.
Then the big mouth started.

"Oi, you! Will you have sex with me mate?"
"Why, what's up? Her dad at work?"
"Oi, her dad's dead, dickhead!"
"Did they never teach you about safe sex?"
"Wha...?"
"Great. Fat, ugly AND stupid. Any redeeming features in there?"
"I'm gonna get me brother on you..."
"Didn't think so."

She got her brother on me. I politely waited for him, of course.

"Oi, mate, wha've you said to me sister, yeah?"
"Same thing I'm gonna say to you. You're fat, ugly and stupid."
"I'm gonna fucking knock you out!"
"Oh, fuck, man, breathmint!"

 

[Insanum]

"I hope your mother gets rabies & bites you."

That shut up my mate.

 

[SultanP]

I was watching CSI with my housemate, when he commented on the show saying:

Friend: "He's dead"
Me: "Your mom's dead"
Friend: No YOUR mom's dead"

We weren't really thinking about what we were saying, so when we realized what we had said we were like "Oh snap! that was awesome!" see, my mom is dead, and his isn't. It was pretty cool.

 

[jh322]

I saw one on lamebook, a sight with funny facebook stuff. this was somebody's status, and a comment on it:

Girl: "We shouldn'y really eat animals, they are our friends. How would you like it if I ate you?"

Guy: "I know 3 guys who've eaten you"

I nearly shat myself.