What are the best comebacks you've ever said/heard?
- Thread starter Undedd Jester
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kid in L4D: your so gay, go back and learn to play the game.
*i perform a 25 extra damage pounce on him, he dies because of horrible teammates*
me: someone needs to yank their spine back in place so you can look up next time.
he didnt say anything the rest of the entire game.
*i perform a 25 extra damage pounce on him, he dies because of horrible teammates*
me: someone needs to yank their spine back in place so you can look up next time.
he didnt say anything the rest of the entire game.
Once heard a man and woman arguing loudly. He attacks her on her spending habits, she attacks him on his performance in bed, etc... Goes on for a while, when suddenly gunshots ring out, then silence. Yeah, I'm pretty sure getting shot ends the argument effectively. How're you going to come back to that, "I'll bleed on you!"?
All I can think of is when someone says "Hahaha you nerd!" as some sort of insult, to which I reply "Yes I am, your point being?" or "Yes, and I'm proud of it." That usually stops them.
*Gets killed by clan mate*
CM: How do you like them apples?
Me: .....
*I re-spawn and kill him a few seconds later*
Me while running to his corpse: How do you like THEM apples and by apples I mean bullets, IN YOUR FACE.
Me while teabagging his corpse: How'd you like them pears? Guess what I mean by pears!
Yeh I stole it, but we all had a laugh.
CM: How do you like them apples?
Me: .....
*I re-spawn and kill him a few seconds later*
Me while running to his corpse: How do you like THEM apples and by apples I mean bullets, IN YOUR FACE.
Me while teabagging his corpse: How'd you like them pears? Guess what I mean by pears!
Yeh I stole it, but we all had a laugh.
Annoying Girl: Don't get a boner!
Me: No-one can with you in the room.
Random Kid: Hey sir is someone making a bed?
Really short woodwork teacher: *sarcastically* Yes, someone's making a two foot long bed.
Hanna: Oh so it's for you then.
Me: No-one can with you in the room.
Random Kid: Hey sir is someone making a bed?
Really short woodwork teacher: *sarcastically* Yes, someone's making a two foot long bed.
Hanna: Oh so it's for you then.
"If you look up stupid in the dictionary there would be a picture of you!"
"Well, I'm not the one looking up stupid in the dictionary. Besides my dictionary doesn't have pictures."
"Well, I'm not the one looking up stupid in the dictionary. Besides my dictionary doesn't have pictures."
Once again, chav arguements.
Chav: Why don't you get a fuckin' air cut?
Me: If perhaps you would like to ask nicely, I may consider your offer.
Chav: Think you're so fuckin' smart don't ya?
Me: Anyone talking to you would think that they are smart.
The laughable part was when they walked over to their friends to test my theory. I laughed so hard at her stupidity that I nearly died from starvation of oxygen. All of that exhalation isn't good for anybody.
Chav: Why don't you get a fuckin' air cut?
Me: If perhaps you would like to ask nicely, I may consider your offer.
Chav: Think you're so fuckin' smart don't ya?
Me: Anyone talking to you would think that they are smart.
The laughable part was when they walked over to their friends to test my theory. I laughed so hard at her stupidity that I nearly died from starvation of oxygen. All of that exhalation isn't good for anybody.
A janitor decided to crack a wise one at me one day.
"You`re the ugliest intern I've ever seen!"
My response:
"You must have a great deal of experience judging how attractive another male is, sir."
He shut up and continued mopping the floor like a good little janitor.
"You`re the ugliest intern I've ever seen!"
My response:
"You must have a great deal of experience judging how attractive another male is, sir."
He shut up and continued mopping the floor like a good little janitor.
"My dick is only 2 inches... from the floor!"
"Whats that dude? I cant hear you from that far down"
"Well, stop sucking my dick then"
"I would if it didn't take me so long to find the damn thing"
xD
"Whats that dude? I cant hear you from that far down"
"Well, stop sucking my dick then"
"I would if it didn't take me so long to find the damn thing"
xD
Cricket sledging is excellent.
Glen McGrath bowling to Eddo Brandes
GM - Hey Eddo, why are you so fucking fat
EB - Because every time I fuck you mother, she gives me a biscuit!!
Glen McGrath bowling to Eddo Brandes
GM - Hey Eddo, why are you so fucking fat
EB - Because every time I fuck you mother, she gives me a biscuit!!
On Xbox Live, me and some of my mates were playing CoD 4, and there was a proper redneck fuck giving us shit because we're English. Lots of abuse was being passed, and I eventually said;
"Hyuk billy bob, I hurd yur sisters gone and git pregnant. That's yur third kid now, isn't it? Hyuk"
He got offended, quit and gave me negative feedback
"Hyuk billy bob, I hurd yur sisters gone and git pregnant. That's yur third kid now, isn't it? Hyuk"
He got offended, quit and gave me negative feedback
My friend: Did you know that if you look up the word 'twat' in the dictionary there's a picture of you?
Me: Did you know that at the age of 17, you shouldn't be using a dictionary with pictures in it? Then we have to question why you were looking up the word 'twat' in the dictionary in the first place.
Me: Did you know that at the age of 17, you shouldn't be using a dictionary with pictures in it? Then we have to question why you were looking up the word 'twat' in the dictionary in the first place.
That was awesome. I'm sure Fox News jumped on it, but to be honest, she deserved it.Wasder said:
"Dude im only 25% jewish!"
"Then 25% of you needs to go back and die in the Holocaust."
"Which body parts? My left arm...maybe half a leg"
"And your balls"
"Why?"
"So maybe they would drop a little"
...............
I guess you had to be there?
Also about the Holocaust thing, he was dissing my race with the Hiroshima and Nagasaki bombings, and me being the immature brat that I am decided to strike back. T_T
"Then 25% of you needs to go back and die in the Holocaust."
"Which body parts? My left arm...maybe half a leg"
"And your balls"
"Why?"
"So maybe they would drop a little"
...............
I guess you had to be there?
Also about the Holocaust thing, he was dissing my race with the Hiroshima and Nagasaki bombings, and me being the immature brat that I am decided to strike back. T_T
Backstory, I have long hair, half my head is shaved though and I usually have quite a bit of a beard just because I don't care enough to shave it. I work in Mcdonalds, but I wont go into that, I work no where near food though.
Skanger girl(Irish chav only worse): 'Your hair is long. It makes you look like a girl, hahaha'
Me: 'Really!? Yours doesn't!'
The ***** wasn't happy to say the least, I usually do this stuff untill the go away, and because its funny as hell outsmarting them. So she tried again.
Skanger girl: 'Yeah well your hair is all greasy, its greasy because you work in mcdonalds'
Me: 'True, it is greasy, but its because I havent showered in a few days, and its not like I can pick the 1 hot chick a week that comes in here anyway, so I just don't bother, whats your excuse?'
She just looks at me all drop jawed and leaves with her equally ugly friends. I continued mopping my floor with my head held high.
Skanger girl(Irish chav only worse): 'Your hair is long. It makes you look like a girl, hahaha'
Me: 'Really!? Yours doesn't!'
The ***** wasn't happy to say the least, I usually do this stuff untill the go away, and because its funny as hell outsmarting them. So she tried again.
Skanger girl: 'Yeah well your hair is all greasy, its greasy because you work in mcdonalds'
Me: 'True, it is greasy, but its because I havent showered in a few days, and its not like I can pick the 1 hot chick a week that comes in here anyway, so I just don't bother, whats your excuse?'
She just looks at me all drop jawed and leaves with her equally ugly friends. I continued mopping my floor with my head held high.
