What do I do with my life?

[Drathnoxis]

You know that question that everybody always asks from the moment you start kindergarten? The one that always seems so far away until you realize that you've already graduated? The question I'm talking about is of course: what do you want to be when you grow up? Well, a while ago I realized my answer to the question. Nothing. I don't want to do anything.

I really don't want to get a job, I had a job when I was 15 and I realized that working really, really sucks. I don't want to go back to school. Even though I did well in school with a 90 average I still didn't like school, and also I can't think of anything that interests me enough to spend 4 years and tens of thousands of dollars learning(and then that leads me back to the situation where I have to get a job). The only thing I've ever had a real interest in is video games, but I don't really want to get into the industry either. Really I have no aspirations in life at all. I don't care about having a lot of money, or fame, or power. I don't even want to be in a relationship or get married.

Basically I'm perfectly content to be exactly where I am. But the problem is I can't just leech off of my parents forever. I know everybody expects me to become a functioning member of society, nobody is too pushy about it but the knowledge of their expectation that I do *something* is starting weigh on me. I just don't know what to do; on the one hand I would like to do nothing, but on the other hand I'm starting to feel like a useless burden and I think I'm noticing my self esteem dropping.

So Escapist, how did you answer the title question for yourself and what should I personally do with my life?

 

[HoneyVision]

Well you've definitely taken the first step, which is admitting that you're a "useless burden" and that you need to be a "functioning member of society" so that's good.

I'm glad to help you out here because I was exactly like you. For some people ambition does not come until much later but don't worry, it will come. You just need to get out there.

I always recommend tertiary education to people. Not because of the education and employment factors (although those are obviously crucial), but just because it really disciplines you. Education more or less gives you direction and eventually sets you up for other stuff. Grab a few prospectuses from local universities and see what you like. There are LOOOAAADS of programs these days. Trust me, you WILL find something you will enjoy. Employers love people who have enough discipline to endure a thankless degree that really tests their patience.

Just from the people you meet at university and the kinds of stuff you learn about you'll realize that there's actually loads of stuff you wanna do. I guarantee you. Jumping to the conclusion that you "don't want to do anything" is single-handedly the most foolish thing a human being could think. It's the laziest and most cowardly shortcut there is. You just need to get out there first.

As for relationships, I'm 25 and still have no physical/emotional need to be involved with anyone, so don't worry about it. Worry about yourself first. Of course the key is to stay positive and keep your eyes on the prize. And don't fall for that "dreams come true" bullshit. There's no alternative to good old hard work.

 

[Johnny Novgorod]

Short answer is find whatever rocks your boat (i.e. passion) and make a living out of it. Can't think of any wiser move than that. I too would love to "not to do anything"... but part of growing up is sucking up that childish "I don't wanna" vibe and taking care of yourself.

 

[Psychobabble]

Well first off let me unburden myself of my unfair and uncivil angst filled knee jerk reaction to reading this, which is to say "Aw gees first world problems are certainly a bummer. Poor widdle you."

Sorry about that. That's just me unfairly projecting my anger at having grown up working a hard labor job at the tender age of 13 for next to no money. Now on to talking to you like the intelligent adult you are and giving you some ideas rather than just abuse.

Alright first and foremost I've seen many young people in your situation for about the past 15 years. Let me start by telling you the most important thing you need to hear, IT ISN'T YOUR FAULT. Up until now your life sounds like it's been pretty darned spiffy. With the exception of guilt of being a "useless burden" I feel you would have to be insane to want to give up your comforts and put yourself in a position of stress and uncertainty. It seems that early on no one taught you that some day you'd have to sing for your supper. So it comes as no surprise you find it quite a shock to learn that lesson at this stage of your life.

So first step, stop beating yourself up over the fact that for the last 21 years you've been conditioned to live your life as carefree as possible. You didn't ask for this to happen, it just did.

Second and probably the hardest step. Now that you have become aware that there is a whole world outside your cocoon and it contains some very unsavory aspects you are suffering understandable anxiety that some time soon you are going to have to become a part of it, willing or not. I'm sorry to say that until you do make yourself a part of it and broaden your horizons you aren't going to be able to find what to do next with your life. Do something, it doesn't have to be a serious commitment. Get a part time job, volunteer your time to some social program helping those less privileged than you, if you can afford it, travel. Anything to get yourself out of your current comfort zone prison.

Third step. Once you've gotten out and seen just how big a world you live in, and touched upon the hitherto unknown experiences it offers, you will find something that interests you. You just have to work up the courage to take the first step. That's honestly the only advice anyone can offer you. The rest I'm afraid is entirely up to you.

 

[AnthrSolidSnake]

I'm in the exact same situation. I graduated high school, am now 20, and have no real job. My passion is to become a writer, "professionally", but my entire life has consisted of "That's not a real job." or "You will need to get a real job first." or "Chances are you won't be successful." All those statements weighed on me, HARD. My english teachers even told me to give up, and some said (though they tried to convey it as if they were saying it nicely) that I had no real talent for writing, despite the fact that I wrote novels since second grade. It didn't even have to be books that I wrote, I just wanted to write almost ANYTHING, to tell a story to someone. My parents were just sort of "Meh." when I told them, and now, when I finally have the actual time to sit down and write something for more than a page or two at a time, I'm constantly being expected to go out and get a job, or go to college. It's less a lack of discipline and more a lack of motivation. No one (except a couple old friends with whom don't talk to me anymore) had any faith in my passion as a writer, and most adults just passed it off as something as unobtainable as becoming a rock star, or NFL player.

Now I'm forcing myself to get a job, though I've already filled out several applications and no one seems to want me. I have no car, and only one person who could possibly drive me, but they have work too, so they can't take me. This means I'm limited to just places nearby, within walking distance (unless I could afford a bike). It's all...really hard. Especially with no desire for any of this. The only driving force is that I need money, and I can't live with my mother forever. None of my friends seem to have any interest on spliting a place to live temporarily either, so I'm pretty much just stuck with myself.

It's really stressful. I've had my career passion shot down, and now I'm expected to be thrown out there and find something else in a matter of days. It doesn't work like that, and even if people have done it before, I don't want to go through that. Those people I know, they aren't really happy, at all.

 

[ZZoMBiE13]

Hell if you wanna play games more than anything else, get a capture card and a microphone and start trying to build a website/youtube channel. If you look for it though, you might actually find some passion in life.

No one wants to get out there. "Out there" is scary. And don't let anyone tell you that they weren't. But scary is good. I would take scared over lethargic any day. If you try, you might actually find that there are things you didn't realize you enjoyed, things you might be good at that you were not aware of. But you won't find anything sitting on your ass.

If you wanna game for a living, lots of people are doing that. Build a popular channel on Twitch or YouTube. If you don't have any passion it's only because you haven't found it yet, likely because you haven't looked much from the sound of it. But it's up to you to find your purpose. Not for anyone else's sake, but for your sake.

If you truly don't want to get a job or go to school, maybe you should consider joining the military. It sounds like you could use a little discipline. Failing that, how about studying a martial art. There's a great spiritual side to the martial arts that might help center you.

I'd usually say good luck after a post like this, but I don't think you need luck. I think you need drive. So go find what drives you.

 

[Catface Meowmers]

I really don't want to get a job, I had a job when I was 15 and I realized that working really, really sucks.

LMAO Sorry to be harsh, kid, but welcome to the real world. And I say "kid" because, let's face it, you're still a kid if you're saying stuff like that.

First of all, pretty much nothing you "realize" at age 15 is some kind of actual Truth. Whatever you do, DO NOT continue to live your life as if your 15 year old self is somehow correct or someone you should listen to. Your self esteem is dropping because you are becoming depressed, and you're becoming depressed because you are beginning to realize that listening to your 15 year old self is turning you into a "useless burden."

But don't worry too much, because guess what? THIS IS A NORMAL OCCURRENCE. You're still really young, and most people your age don't have shit figured out and aren't even started on the "right track" for life. I'd say Psychobabble's three steps are your best bet. You have to force yourself out of your rut, out of your current routine, because your current routine is what's making you into a "useless burden." College and a 4 year degree aren't for everyone.

But I will tell you this, and it is the truth: The longer you let yourself keep sinking, the harder it will be to eventually pull yourself out. But a pull that just keeps you from sinking further is still worth doing. Don't think you have to make everything great right away. Setting small goals is easy. Saying you'll wake up tomorrow and fix your life is guaranteed failure.

 

[Ihateregistering1]

I love how someone describes not being able to leech off their parents as a "problem", but I digress...

Look, the truth is that it's pretty rare that anyone has a job that they truly 'love'. After all, if doing your job was the funnest thing imaginable, you'd basically do nothing but work and sleep. What you can really aim for is a job in which you don't mind going and working, where you don't wake up everyday and think to yourself "shit, I REALLY don't wanna go to work", and the most important thing that determines that is often the people you work around.

But, I can tell you right now, if the people you work around say "what do you do for fun?" and you say "I'm an asexual who lives with his parents and doesn't like to do anything except sit around and play video games", you'll be the office pariah faster than you can say "body odor".

Try out some different activities and maybe you'll find something you enjoy. But in terms of the work thing? It's time to be an adult. Do you really think those farmers in the middle ages who worked long hours to feed themselves and their families really enjoyed that work? Hell no! They did it because it had to be done, that's part of being an adult, understanding that you often have to do things you don't want to do to take care of yourself.

 

[krazykidd]

Reading you're first paragraph , i thought i wrote this . Appart from living with the parents i'm in the same situation . Fame money and power interest me none . I love videogames but have no will to work in the industry .

Unfortunately , i have no advice to give you . I'm in the same situation . I'm currently working a minimum wadge job just to support myself ( which i do quite well ). I'm not in any dept or anything. Just drifting in life playing videogames

 

[Fox12]

You have LITERALLY no aspirations beyond "play games"?

Not gonna lie, you've dun goofed.

If literally your only passion and interest is video games, then not only do I have no advice, but I can only predict that your life is going to suuuuuuuuuuuuck.

Yeah, this isn't pretty. I think OP needs to take a break from these sorts of things.

Here's my advice: get involved. Go to college and make absolutely amazing friends while taking part in clubs and maybe student government. You'll find people with similar interests and learn how to help out and manage something with a group. Maybe get a part time job at the college. I worked as a tutor, and I loved it. The pay wasn't amazing, but I made good friends, had flexible hours, and was able to get valuable experience. All these things will help give you drive. The only way to get motivated to do something is to, ironically, go out and things. Motivation will come.

Alternatively you can avoid college while joining several groups and organizations, on top of the aforementioned job. Something your interested in. Instead of playing games start devoting your time to developing a skill or to a creative project. I love games after a long day, but lets be honest, it isn't constructive on your part. It's just a way to relax. Learn to draw, or to write, or to play an instrument. Seeing your skill improve over years will help your self esteem. Joining organiations will also look really good on a resume, which will then help you find a better job.

Think of it this way, you're losing all of your security, but you're gaining something better in return: freedom! Freedom to ruin or flourish in your life. Pursue whatever hobbies or interests you want, your an adult now, if someone has a problem then you can tell them to go suck a boot! You're your own self sefficiant man, after all!

 

[Juste Goose]

The only way to achieve the lifestyle you want is to win the lottery.

I vote school. It's not boring when you find a subject you like. I didn't know what I wanted to do after high school. After working for a year, I decided that I didn't want that out of life. With just a high school diploma, you're mostly going to be doing hard work for little money. I wanted something better, and I felt like I wasn't living up to my potential. I just started taking random classes at a nearby community college, since it had a huge variety of subjects and the classes were relatively cheap. I was there two-and-a-half years, and changed my major four times. (This is my last semester. Then I get to go to four year! I can't contain my excitement!)

I eventually found something I loved, and the desire to pursue a career in that field is the biggest kick-in-the-pants I've ever felt. Helped me bring my GPA from a 1.7 to a 3.3 in two semesters. When you find something you love, you embrace the work.

Captcha: Hulk smash. Not relevant, I just thought it was mildly amusing.

 

[jesskit]

I feel sorry for you for some of the posters here. Yes it can be hard to get out there and well be apart of the wider world. And while you feel that your self esteem might start to slip, I would say it already has. If you are feeling this way, that you have no drive, no ambition, it may be an indicator of possible mental health issues already taking form. I do agree with the poster about doing some captures on twitch or youtube, you never know if you're good at something in an esports category a team may discover you, and you would play games for a living, not building them or what not. Also I would suggest the possibility of talking to a counciler, someone friendly, preferably young (that is important because there can be a generational gap to understanding these issues) to talk to, you never know what wisdom they may impart.

oh and this is to you and some of the other posters out there(especially the writer), not to sound too 80's early 90's movie on you but following can honestly be the best thing you cant do. forget what others say, "youre not good enough""youll never make it" blah blah blah. what you need is a good 80's power medley and follow your dream, but be smart about it. find how your dream and desire can help you and you will be happy. (one example of this is my fiancee, she loves to game, but she does also love to help people, so she has found a way to do both, by using gaming as a bridging tool for counselling young people). so go on, put on some power medley and play your way to your dreams

 

[Thaluikhain]

Well...you are using the greatest information gathering tool yet devised. My answer would be to use it. Learn. Read about anything, thought don't necessarily believe all you learn.

This isn't going to solve your problem, but I don't know what will. If you get in the habit of researching random things on the net, you'll most likely be in exactly the same place you would have been had you not, but be better educated, which is always nice.

 

[kurokotetsu]

Give it time I say. I know it is hard, and being lazy is great and everything. But it gets boring after a while, too.

Try finding something you really like. GO to school, get different jobs, read books, if you have the money travel around a bit. All those are valid solutions. Do some instrospection, think about life and what you enjoy, do different things and you may find an answer.

Odds are there are things you like a lot, and maybe you haven't discovered them yet. So just find them, whichever way suits you best. And when you find those things, see if you can live off them. If you do something you love working isn't that hard.

Do not be hard on yourself for being confused, take your time and just find what you really love. Then life will become clearer. There is nothing bad about taking time to understand yourself and what you like.

Also, to the guys insulting or being harsh,a word of advice. That doesn't really help most times. "Yelling" things like "stop complaining" of "you suck" or variations are normally not the way to go aorund people feeling confused. Support and understanding are better all around, not the military aproach to things.

 

[FPLOON]

Well, let me just say that I am a walking contradiction when it comes to that BIG question involving what you want to do with your life... I have a multi-step plan that involves reaching my goal at becoming a published writer, yet none of those steps involve details about how I'm going to live within the area of my choice or if I do end up living with someone who isn't a family member... In other words, I only have ONE plan with no alternative or back-up plans to fall back on when those unexpected moments happen...

Also, when you say that your interest lies in video games yet you don't want to get a job, to me it sounds like a contradiction. Not ALL video game-related jobs involve the video game industry... Have you seen any iconic Let Players on YouTube? That's just the easily-spotted "jobs" involving video games... Do you want to get paid to play video games of your choosing? Or maybe you would want to review video games of your choosing? Or just doing something unique that involves video games? I'm trying my very best not to mention a good chunk of the content here on the Escapist, since it seems TOO obvious to point out...

However, I feel the job that would suit you the most would be one where you have the most control over... meaning you may still have a fixed deadline, but the hours you put to reach that deadline are all up to you... Sounds pretty cool especially if you have good time managing skills, then it doesn't even feel like you're working at all and just doing what you're always like to do... (Yes, this does apply to freelancing as well...)


Anyway, as far as relationships go, I was taught that I should never worry about that to begin with. You let that come to you naturally and don't try to force it upon you. Granted, most of my "mentors" were three-times my age or higher with the exception from my own mother... and were mainly female, so I have a lack of a male role model to look up to... (I can't really count my own father because... well... "R.I.P, Dad Senior... It's been 20 years since that day...") Can't really say too much about wanting a relationship either, since I'm keeping most my focus on my goals anyway...


Overall, I know what I want to do, but I might want to set up some alternatives if the unexpected happens... and I'm sure you can find something to do video game-related that doesn't involve the video game industry (as much) anyway... Either way, you might have an idea of what you want to do with your life but you just might need to see it for yourself... It may be simpler that you realize...

 

[Simple Bluff]

The only thing I've ever had a real interest in is video games, but I don't really want to get into the industry either.

If you're looking for work, then the games industry would be the place to start for you, considering that you don't have any other passions or whatever. It's better than nothing.
You could maybe go into Q&A? Although I've heard it's pretty rough, its a good way to learn about the industry from the inside. You could use the money to fund a course in programming or something to go into development later on. Or maybe you could be a gaming journalist? It's a ridiculously tough field to get into or so I heard. But I suppose they all are these days.

I personally am in final year for my bachelors in Applied Maths. I love it. I've wanted to pursue maths since I was 16 - I remember one time sitting in Irish class, and thinking "God... why can't I just do maths all day instead of this?" I think that's the moment that I discovered I loved maths.
Funny thing is, I didn't get great grades in school. Not bad mind you, but not great. I'm not particularly intelligent and I don't think anyone who knew me expected me to go on to university. Since I've started though, I've been getting top grades. It's tough, but it's a labour of love.

I think I might pursue Probability and Statistics. It's my faveorite branch (and the most beautiful, in my opinion), but I don't really care what I'm doing after college so long as it's maths inclined.

 

[Teh Jammah]

I'm in the exact same situation. I graduated high school, am now 20, and have no real job. My passion is to become a writer, "professionally", but my entire life has consisted of "That's not a real job." or "You will need to get a real job first." or "Chances are you won't be successful." All those statements weighed on me, HARD. My english teachers even told me to give up, and some said (though they tried to convey it as if they were saying it nicely) that I had no real talent for writing, despite the fact that I wrote novels since second grade. It didn't even have to be books that I wrote, I just wanted to write almost ANYTHING, to tell a story to someone. My parents were just sort of "Meh." when I told them, and now, when I finally have the actual time to sit down and write something for more than a page or two at a time, I'm constantly being expected to go out and get a job, or go to college. It's less a lack of discipline and more a lack of motivation. No one (except a couple old friends with whom don't talk to me anymore) had any faith in my passion as a writer, and most adults just passed it off as something as unobtainable as becoming a rock star, or NFL player.

If you really want to write professionally you should consider (at least starting with) journalism of some description, even if its just sending in freelance articles to your local newspaper until they publish one. Not only is it writing for a living, its also giving you the skills you'd need to be an author - working within an editorial mandate, working to deadlines, etc. Plus you never know, it might actually give you an idea or two for a book, since sometimes truth is stranger than fiction.

But of you enjoy writing, then keep it up, even if its only as a hobby.

 

[LiberalSquirrel]

I'm in the exact same situation. I graduated high school, am now 20, and have no real job. My passion is to become a writer, "professionally", but my entire life has consisted of "That's not a real job." or "You will need to get a real job first." or "Chances are you won't be successful." All those statements weighed on me, HARD. My english teachers even told me to give up, and some said (though they tried to convey it as if they were saying it nicely) that I had no real talent for writing, despite the fact that I wrote novels since second grade. It didn't even have to be books that I wrote, I just wanted to write almost ANYTHING, to tell a story to someone. My parents were just sort of "Meh." when I told them, and now, when I finally have the actual time to sit down and write something for more than a page or two at a time, I'm constantly being expected to go out and get a job, or go to college. It's less a lack of discipline and more a lack of motivation. No one (except a couple old friends with whom don't talk to me anymore) had any faith in my passion as a writer, and most adults just passed it off as something as unobtainable as becoming a rock star, or NFL player.

Now I'm forcing myself to get a job, though I've already filled out several applications and no one seems to want me. I have no car, and only one person who could possibly drive me, but they have work too, so they can't take me. This means I'm limited to just places nearby, within walking distance (unless I could afford a bike). It's all...really hard. Especially with no desire for any of this. The only driving force is that I need money, and I can't live with my mother forever. None of my friends seem to have any interest on spliting a place to live temporarily either, so I'm pretty much just stuck with myself.

It's really stressful. I've had my career passion shot down, and now I'm expected to be thrown out there and find something else in a matter of days. It doesn't work like that, and even if people have done it before, I don't want to go through that. Those people I know, they aren't really happy, at all.

As a fellow writer, I say - never give up, and always keep writing. Whenever you can. Lunch breaks when you find a job, before you go to bed, whenever. You should never give up on something if you're really passionate about it. And the more you write, the more you improve. I'd be happy to discuss writing with you, if you want! Just message me or something. I'm a freelance editor as well - got my first editing job because someone literally cornered me and demanded that I edit for her despite leaving my internship - so I can say without too much arrogance that I'm pretty good.

If you have the ability and finances to, I would recommend going to college. It's a tough job market out there right now, and if you're truly passionate about writing, finding a school with a good creative writing/English program will give your writing an extra boost. My writing improved more in one quarter as an English major than all four years of high school. In high school, I just got As slapped on my papers or creative writing - especially bad in creative writing, where I rarely even got any critiques of my writing, just straight 100 percents. As an English major, I was constantly told how I could improve, even as the professors told me that I wrote well. It also gives you another life experience, something to expand the horizons of your writing. (Ye gods, that sounds arrogant. Ah well.)

Going to college might also help you find a direction for jobs you didn't consider, too. I work in nonprofit, and I love it, but that's something I never would have considered before going to college.

Now, to turn my advice-giving ways to the OP.

I notice you have a MLP avatar, OP - that means that you like that, too, it's that you're "just" passionate about video games. So why do you like that? The writing? The themes? The animation? Analyze stuff like that. Maybe you'll find something you're passionate about that way. Maybe you dream about creating films like Pixar or cartoons like MLP. There's plenty of ways that you can do that, too - writing, animation, sound. Think about it.

Let me assure you that any job you can get when you're 15 is probably not going to be like what the "real working world" is like. At 15, you're usually hired for manual labor. Work at McDonald's running the fryer. Work at the mall manning the cash register. As for me, I worked at an amusement park - and that was mind-numbingly repetitive. I found a way to start to enjoy it - mostly by playing games with the kids on the rides and stuff - but it's certainly not something I'd want to do for the rest of my life. And it's certainly nothing like my work now.

But let me say this, OP. Is there any adult you can talk to about this stuff? And I don't mean "adult" in the sense of "LiberalSquirrel is 23 years old and she's giving me advice on the internet," but more like a parent, a trusted teacher, a family friend, someone that has been out there in the workforce for a while that you can talk to about this, and have them really listen. Try that. Ask to meet them over coffee or breakfast or something, say you need some advice, and just talk. It's a perspective that might really help, because I can guarantee that nearly everyone - including myself - has felt kinda like you at some point.

...Well, that was a bit wall-of-text-y. Apologies, lovely people.