What do you boys and girls think of my decision? (love related)

[Ushiromiya Battler]

Of course you didn't get any trust, you were at her side because you wanted her. You were using her just as much as she used you.

Girls are not delicate little flowers who need to be backed up all the time and protected by the big strong man. it would never have worked as a relationship because you weren't willing to be a person around her. You wanted t marry her? Never disagreed with her? Of course she never respected you man. Sorry but that's just the way it is. You act like that it makes you seem like a complete loser in her eyes. I'm not saying be an asshole, that whole notion that girls ony like assholes is complete bullshit. They, like anyone else you will meet in life, just have more respect for a confident guy who acts like a three dimensional person around them.

You were right to end it. A relationship like that is a fucking cancer man. A word of advice, never ever think about the future and marriage with a girl you're not in a long term committed relationship with. You can't plan a lifelong commitment to someone when you have no idea what it's like to even be their casual boyfriend. That's putting pussy on a pedestal (sorry for how crass that is, it's just the best way I've ever heard it described). How could you be so madly in love with someone who treated you with so little respect? Love is about mutual respect.

May I ask how I used her?
And if you've ever been in love(like in love, not like)?
And where did I say I protected her? She was the one coming to me whenever something bad happened.
Except for those points I understand where you are coming from, but simply disagree.
Or, well, I do know that girls only loving assholes is bullshit.

 

[Soviet Steve]

Long overdue and far too mild, but at least you will be able to move on from it.

 

[NoOne852]

Well I was actually in almost the same situation aside from a few things, and it ended a bit better and we are close friends to this day.

OT: The point seems clear already, but you're not a bastard. You did the right thing even if it took awhile. The thing is, most times the right thing to do isn't ever that easy. I may be getting a wrong vibe, but from your replies, you seem to be doing well for this kinda thing. As was stated before as well, going back to her will only bring more problems. Wait for a true apology, and even then, don't go straight back to being the close friend you were. Give it a bit and if it goes well then you should resume that "status" so to speak.

 

[Ushiromiya Battler]

You sound like just another kid in love. One day you'll be laughing at all of this.

Sure I'll do, though it's not ''one day yet''

Dude, how old are you?
Right, yeah, I get that you have chronic depression and whatever, but I'd say that the two of you were just ridiculous in your actions. From the sound of it, you imposed on a girl for years in a row, inviting her to trample all over you for the sake of 'love' before starting a series of arguments about things that you had never talked about before. Here's a quick tip: nobody is perfect. If you point something out that you don't like, a comment or habit that someone has or says, chances are they might get mad at you for an evening but then it'll be an apology the next day and friends just as before, minus the annoyance or insult. Is that really hard?
Then on her part we have the whole problem of her basically using you. Sure, she may not have realised that what she was doing hurt you, but still, you don't walk all over people for over a year and not spot something wrong.

More like the slightest hint of me disagreeing with something she said would get me the silent treatment from a week to a month.

I'd rather not reveal my age.
And if there is something I know, it is that no one is perfect, I'm a living example of that.

 

[laststandman]

My ultimate advice after this, unless she apologizes to you (and make sure it's sincere), don't go running back to her and give her a second chance. I let the girl in the similar situation half-heartily apologize to me which ended up completely backfiring as she would go out of her way to be a ***** to you thinking that she can get away with it, only for another big fight to take place.

Stay the course. It'll be tough in a bit, but stay the course.

I completely agree, but I would go just a little further, because I know how this feels. When she does apologize to you (and she will), acknowledge that she is, but dont go back to being yourself around her so quickly. If you do she'll think she can pull this shit again. Instead what you should do is be a little more distant, but not too much that she can question your change out loud. She'll probably do this thing where she'll try to do something familiar, something that she used to do that made you happy or comfortable in general (ex: for me it was a girl calling me by a nickname). When she does that, kind of smile at it or something, but make it disconcerting. Make it so that she needs to think about how it's different, and why that's a bad thing. If she ever asks, tell her everything's okay, and talk about something good that has NOTHING to do with her. She should feel like she's just there, but not as important anymore because that's exactly how she made you feel. I know how terrible that sounds, but I also know exactly how you feel. You can think however you want inside, in your head you can cave, but outwardly you should definitely not seem as committed. Eventually, she'll get that something's different and she'll hate it, but she'll know why. She'll be so much more invested in having you back as a friend that you'll know, and at that point you have the ability to choose how you want things to be. You'll probably want them to go back to the way they were too, and if they do, they'll go back for the better because she wont be so quick to take your friendship for granted.

Just try not to love her as much anymore, nobody deserves unrequited love.

 

[Walter Sobchak]

No offense to you, but she sounds like an utter *****.
I'd say good riddance.

I'm sorry this has nothing to do with your quote I just think your icon is sweet

 

[astrav1]

I'd rather not reveal my age.
And if there is something I know, it is that no one is perfect, I'm a living example of that.

So you're 14? You aren't in the wrong for doing such a thing, really the only thing you did "wrong" was support her as long as you did.

 

[kebab4you]

I'd rather not reveal my age.
And if there is something I know, it is that no one is perfect, I'm a living example of that.

So you're 14? You aren't in the wrong for doing such a thing, really the only thing you did "wrong" was support her as long as you did.

If I got the right page up when I did some searching he is supposedly 17.

 

[kebab4you]

Double post, internet derped.

 

[Ushiromiya Battler]

I'd rather not reveal my age.
And if there is something I know, it is that no one is perfect, I'm a living example of that.

So you're 14? You aren't in the wrong for doing such a thing, really the only thing you did "wrong" was support her as long as you did.

If I got the right page up when I did some searching he is supposedly 17.

Wow, supposedly indeed...
Didn't expect that, though this is the internet.

 

[Tupance]

Good man!!!! You did the right thing and it took courage (if backed up by a bit of booze)to do it. Well Done

 

[PatrickXD]

snip

More like the slightest hint of me disagreeing with something she said would get me the silent treatment from a week to a month.

I'd rather not reveal my age.
And if there is something I know, it is that no one is perfect, I'm a living example of that.

I can guess that your age is roughly 16-19. Being as you seem so oddly insecure as to be willing to reveal all but perhaps the most important of details in determining the extent of your problem (YOUR AGE), I can reasonably assert that perhaps you think too much.
From what it sounds like, you never approached this girl about anything negative regarding her. therefore, your perception that she would flip her shit over some relatively insignificant fault was unfounded.
On top of all this, how could you possible love someone who, over the course of just 2 years, managed to build up enough hate within you regarding her to end what would seem to be a trusting (if significantly unhealthy) relationship into such a steaming pile of shit?

 

[MordinSolus]

You were in the right. She was using you, and you broke the shackles she put on you.

 

[Ushiromiya Battler]

It seems like you're being there was mostly in the hopes that she might return your feelings eventually. There's no other reason I could see why you wouldn't speak up earlier.
Yes, I've also been in the exact same position you have and experience and hindsight have both taught me that that instance wasn't love.
When you said you would never disagree with her or speak up.

There's a reason people don't get engaged the day after they start dating. You can't possibly know you want to spend the rest of your life with someone that quickly with no experience of what the relationship will be like. Life isn't like the movies, love isn't about butterflies in your stomach it's about compatibility.

If I may ask you a couple of questions,
How old are you?
Have you ever been in love with anyone else and in a long term committed relationship with them?

I'm not saying these things to be a dick, basically what I'm getting at is
A) Be more confident in yourself, if you disagree with a girl tell her it'll earn you more respect and she can't love you if she doesn't respect you.
B) You will find someone else and you will look back on this experience and realise how wrong it all was.

There is a certain backstory behind why I never spoke up against her to, though I'd rather not go into that one as it is reaaally personal.

Yes I've been in relationships before, though they were really short as I sadly never really loved them, they are currently close friends and dating other guys.

Sorry, but I never reveal my age anywhere...

She did return my feelings, thrice, though as I've said she was afraid that a breakup would destroy my already weakened mind.

 

[saruman31]

You stayed in the friend zone for 2 years? HAHAH! Just make her pay!

 

[Ragsnstitches]

Bastard? No... Fool? Maybe... but love makes fools of all us.

Lessons learned hopefully.

 

[Ushiromiya Battler]

I can guess that your age is roughly 16-19. Being as you seem so oddly insecure as to be willing to reveal all but perhaps the most important of details in determining the extent of your problem (YOUR AGE), I can reasonably assert that perhaps you think too much.
From what it sounds like, you never approached this girl about anything negative regarding her. therefore, your perception that she would flip her shit over some relatively insignificant fault was unfounded.
On top of all this, how could you possible love someone who, over the course of just 2 years, managed to build up enough hate within you regarding her to end what would seem to be a trusting (if significantly unhealthy) relationship into such a steaming pile of shit?

I'm really paranoid when it comes to revealing my age, laugh if you want to.

I never approached her about negative things because of how she flipped, through the first months of knowing her I mentioned stuff that I felt she should know, but she flipped...
Do you even know how much it hurts to be ignored by the person love more than anything?

I've been through anger management classes, cause of my earlier explosive and short tempered anger.
A byproduct of me being frustrated over going 18 years not knowing what was wrong with my body, that's how long it took before they finally gave me a confirmation that I have and have had a chronic disease for as long as I have lived.

I've constantly afraid that I might get angry at people, hence why I never let out steam.

 

[M920CAIN]

Right, at a party yesterday I finally let my steam loose and told my closest friend(a girl) that I no longer would be at her side.

Now there is obviously a backstory here which I will go into now.

2years ago I fell in love with this girl, not a crush, we are talking madly in love, seeing a future kind of love. I've long wanted to marry her.
A year ago I spilled my beans a while after she broke up with her boyfriend; seeing as I loved her I stayed with her through her whole painful breakup.
She said she no longer had these kind of feelings for me and that she'd rather be friends, which I gladly said yes to, as I only told her about my love for her, cause I simply wanted her to know.

There was a certain problem though......
My mayor love for her, deemed me incapable of going against her in anything. I was the close friend that always was on her side.
Which meant that whenever she did something that angered me, I would quietly seal it behind a huge wall in my mind, while nodding at whatever she said.

That wall breached a week ago. It was an interesting experience as I finally told her what I meant about certain things she did to me and around me. She obviously didn't take too kindly to this.
Though after half a year of small fights every month, she decided not to give me the silent treatment for a week or two and instead respected my opinions and simply just said I was wrong.
With our friendship sort of restored again we went through the week without problems, up til yesterday.

Before I continue with this part I'd like to give some more info on why we were fighting a lot.

She obviously didn't feel to comfortable with me being madly in love with her, which she stated from time to time, though she also would say she was fine with it. I always suspected her of lying to me when she said that.
The thing that brought on the fights were the day when she spilled that she loved me, but that she was to afraid to weaken a already weak man(chronic disease and chronic depression(been through different institutions)).
Instead she started to date a person that used a whole year in primary school just to beat me up, she couldn't seem to understand why I hated him, even after telling her this.
So here comes the fights and certain outcries about her not wanting me to be there for her, yet she still came to me first whenever something happened.
I can't even count all the times she's cried at my shoulder.
The fights always consisted of her shouting at me about how I she didn't want me to be there for her, how I never was there for her and my love for her. Whenever I tried to get a word in, I was met by the silent treatment for days, weeks or even months.
Which as you can guess, was like going through hell for me.

So, back to yesterday.
While hanging out at school, she suddenly asked me to follow her to a certain place where we could talk under 4eyes(6 as I have glasses ^ ^).
There she tells me that I apparently have walked around telling people we're an item. After going through a year telling people I'm just her friend, you could say I was simply speechless when I heard this. The problem though was that I started laughing. It was just so damn silly, me the person that was piss afraid that she would leave me, I couldn't believe how she could even think the thought that I would say something like that.
Spreading rumours like that would be an obvious death sentence for our relationship.

So I told her to trust me, which she then stated that she didn't. Which left me even more baffled...
I thought I would have at least racked some trust this year, constantly staying at her side.
Apparently not.
Though I was still not going to lose her, so I decided not to say what was on my mind, and instead counted to 100 in my head. After calming down, I gave her a disappointed look and simply left.
3 hours later I left with her and another friend to a party.

Seeing as I'm a person afraid to speak my mind, you can say booze kindly tells my timid personality to go fu*k itself.
So 2hours in, after she comes out of a closed room with my friend, I let the booze handle the talking. 10minutes later she's screaming at me while I calmly state that I am no longer going to be her slave, as she apparently doesn't appreciate it.
I actually told her ''for once I'll not do as you say''
I've never seen her so angry.
After and hour of bickering back and forth we are both picked up by our parents.

And here I am today. Hungover and slightly irritated, finally deciding that I'm no longer going to keep up with this.

I would like to know if you guys and girls think I'm a bastard for what I do...
And I'd gladly answer questions if you feel you need more information.

IF what you said is true, I don't believe you're a bastard. Find strength in yourself & move on.