Classic "good boy" scenario. You try to be her friend hoping to become something else, while she just hooks up with one asshole after another. Been there done that.
What do you boys and girls think of my decision? (love related)
- Thread starter Ushiromiya Battler
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A bastard? Not at all. I know how it is, that it can be hard to do what's best for you when someone means that much to you, but I think you did the right thing. That just wasn't healthy for you, and I have no idea what was going through her head that made her think that what she did was OK.
I found the same thing. Note that the profile states "last seen 1 yr ago". So that implies he's at least 18, and most likely no older than 20, which sort of fits in with how the posts read to me.kebab4you said:
For a lot of people, things do massively change between teens and early twenties, which does change how you see and deal with things.
I personally think you're right to turn your back on her - you can do favours for people, but they're under no obligation to return them. It's hard to turn your back on people... think you know that... and you're posting this to find the support for your actions ^^. Hopefully you've felt that now, and feel the strength to continue with this path.
In her eyes, she maybe deliberately stringing you on, or you may just be a hanger-on she just doesn't care for. The whole depression/institution thing chases a LOT of people off, especially younger folk. And you're there, taking note of everything as you love her... and she probably isn't. Would make her view of you much different than the one you seem to see of her.
As for the dating the nemesis of your younger years... I wouldn't be surprised if she thinks you should be matured past the point where it matters any more. People do usually get irked by it on some level, but part of maturity is accepting the fact and moving on, knowing you're not going to change things. You're not always going to like the friends of your friends.
I think you held it together quite well, considering how long she's been badly treating you, you probably could have been a bit more tactful, but thats booze for you.
I did the same sort of thing, I moved into a house last year, and within a week had fallen in love with a housemate. Long story short, a few weeks after baring my soul to her, and being rejected and being treated like shit, I got drunk at a party, did a really mean impression of her, told everyone how many people she had slept with in the last 4 years (she was 19 at the time and her current boyfriend was No. 32), and told her to f off.
In my mind, and to this day, she sort of deserved it, she really needed to be knocked down a peg or two, she was mean, self righteous and an all round *****, but to this day I still love her. Anyway we sort of made up, since she got absolutly wasted that night and I had to carry her home, but it wasen't the same. We still spoke to eachother, but we were no longer friends, just housemates.
Unless she sees that you are a good friend, and that you've been there for her, and probably always will, it might be over, you'll probably still talk occasionaly, but I doubt you will ever be that close again. Which by the looks of it, is a shame, to just throw away several years of close friendship, just like that.
I did the same sort of thing, I moved into a house last year, and within a week had fallen in love with a housemate. Long story short, a few weeks after baring my soul to her, and being rejected and being treated like shit, I got drunk at a party, did a really mean impression of her, told everyone how many people she had slept with in the last 4 years (she was 19 at the time and her current boyfriend was No. 32), and told her to f off.
In my mind, and to this day, she sort of deserved it, she really needed to be knocked down a peg or two, she was mean, self righteous and an all round *****, but to this day I still love her. Anyway we sort of made up, since she got absolutly wasted that night and I had to carry her home, but it wasen't the same. We still spoke to eachother, but we were no longer friends, just housemates.
Unless she sees that you are a good friend, and that you've been there for her, and probably always will, it might be over, you'll probably still talk occasionaly, but I doubt you will ever be that close again. Which by the looks of it, is a shame, to just throw away several years of close friendship, just like that.
To put it simply, she's a *****. Sorry if that's not something you want to hear just yet, but it's true. She used you, and threw a pissy whenever you said anything remotely against her. So she just sounds like a typical spoilt brat to me. I'm happy for you that you managed to end it though, most people would just ride through for years as the girl/guy's ***** until the girl/guy finally ended it with them. So I'm happy for you. And hopefully you'll learn from your mistakes (;
If you don't mind me asking, why did you come to love her in the first place? She sounds the opposite of ideal to me.
If you don't mind me asking, why did you come to love her in the first place? She sounds the opposite of ideal to me.
You guys don't seem to fight well. One of the bigger indicators for a relationship, in my book, is how you handle differences and escalating fights, and you two don't seem to fight in a way that'll leave you happy for years on end.
You're not in love with this woman. You're in love with an idealised version of her, one that is similar to the one you know, but is different enough that she might date you and wouldn't have the flaws that are keeping you from being the real version of her. You're not right together and the best you can hope for is to learn from this. Hopefully learn that booze isn't an answer either, but maybe that's a lesson for another day.
You're not in love with this woman. You're in love with an idealised version of her, one that is similar to the one you know, but is different enough that she might date you and wouldn't have the flaws that are keeping you from being the real version of her. You're not right together and the best you can hope for is to learn from this. Hopefully learn that booze isn't an answer either, but maybe that's a lesson for another day.
Just wanted to correct the nemesis part, as I wouldn't call a person continuously beating me up for a whole year simply cause I had long hear is a nemesis.tharglet said:
I never actually did anything to give him a reason for beating me, he was a classical bully and he apparently still hates me.
Having been in a very similar situation (but over a shorter period of time) I can honestly say that you did the totally correct thing. *Internet high five*
She sounds like for lack of a better phrase, a selfish controlling ***** who clearly had lets say a power over you and has used that to her full advantage over the course of your 'friendship'. You cared about her so much that you constantly had to jump through hoops to maintain your friendship and she just doesn't seem to care, or even worse notice the strain her actions puts on you.
I reckon your well rid to be honest although this will be difficult to maintain but you seem like a nice guy and your (im guessing) coming to the end of high school which is a big time for anyone, friendships become stretched people move away and on to different things there's no better time to make a change, step out from under her wing and try living for yourself for once. Just my opinion anyway.
She sounds like for lack of a better phrase, a selfish controlling ***** who clearly had lets say a power over you and has used that to her full advantage over the course of your 'friendship'. You cared about her so much that you constantly had to jump through hoops to maintain your friendship and she just doesn't seem to care, or even worse notice the strain her actions puts on you.
I reckon your well rid to be honest although this will be difficult to maintain but you seem like a nice guy and your (im guessing) coming to the end of high school which is a big time for anyone, friendships become stretched people move away and on to different things there's no better time to make a change, step out from under her wing and try living for yourself for once. Just my opinion anyway.
Mate, he said he didn't want to reveal his age. Respect the guy's wishes and don't be a dick.kebab4you said:
Spot1990, you're being a bit harsh. Claiming that he "used" her is kinda overboard, to me it sounds more like she took advantage of his vulnerability and misguidedness. However, you do make a good point in that people should not imagine a life together unless they have been in a committed relationship for a good long while. Me and my girlfriend have been together for 3 years almost, and we wouldn't even consider marriage for at least another 5. There are simply too many variables at this stage in our lives (starting new careers, etc.) for us to be able to make that kind of decision. There is always the potential for things to go tits up, and I wish more people would realise that before getting hitched and spawning children that then have to live through divorce.Magefeanor said:
Magefeanor, I've been in a similar situation to you in some ways (although not really as bad). When I was a fair bit younger, there was a girl a really liked that strung me along for ages and fucked me about so much I contemplated suicide (like you I was suffering from depression, which at the time was rather serious). Unlike you, however, I never got to tell her what I really think of her. You should feel proud and empowered that you showed your backbone and told her where to go. From what you've said, she is clearly a manipulative *****.
One thing I will say is that a "love" like that will take time to fade, but once it does you will feel like a great weight has been lifted off you. You will then begin to realise that it wasn't love at all, merely an infatuation. I for one don't believe that love can be one-sided. If you "love" someone that doesn't return it, you are in love with a dream. You'll never be in that person's life the same way you would be if you were together. Now that I am with my girlfriend I know what love means. The girl that I thought I loved before now means less to me than almost anything I can think of, and I know that what I felt for her was a misguided longing for something I knew I couldn't have. Once you accept it, you don't want it anymore. It really is that simple.
Hope that helps. =)
I guess I just really like her personality and the way she is.JasonKaotic said:
Except for the occasio... I can't really answer, it just makes me cry...
I've gone through so much with her and she's told me so much she's never told anyone else before.
Well you get the idea. I didn't really mean to criticize, I was just saying the girls in that age often tend to go for guys who are only interested in "using" them instead of the guys that are polite and caring.Magefeanor said:
Totally get your point, just wanted to point out she's only hooked up with one person I consider an asshole.Kakemonster said:
No hard feelings : )
I'd say you were somewhat justified in your actions. Though you were in the wrong to stay for selfish reasons, as she clearly didn't want nor need you around if you were just going to pussyfoot around her less than polished qualities. You stayed because it made you feel good but it ended up destroying both of you. Whether you like to admit it or not, you were in the wrong too.Magefeanor said:
However...
I can't help but side with you because you did less wrong than she did. She abused her friend and that was wrong. Even if she didn't consider you a friend in her mind, it was still wrong to abuse you as such knowing full well how you felt about her. just by the language you use you can tell it was never going to work anyway. "If we break up, I don't know if you'll be able to take it..." is a sure sign that she thought you were weak and pathetic, not strong enough to hold yourself up. No girl finds those qualities attractive and no matter how soft she thought the blow was, it'd have been a royal kick to the nads had it been said to me.
And then you didn't refute it!
Seriously, you had absolutely no power in the relationship and that's as unsexy as it gets. Ask any relationship expert and they'll tell you, straight up, that a guy that never speaks his mind, is never honest and will never go against you isn't a boyfriend; he's an ego boost. Regardless of her reaction, you need to stand up for yourself and tell her "Try me!" I'm sure that'd would've either turned her on or fly off the handle; either way you know if the relationship stands a chance or not. As the case seemed to be, the relationship was doomed from the start and that's unfortunately both of your faults.
My point is, if you loved her, you'd have told her how you felt about those actions that get on your nerves. You'd have felt comfortable to speak up and tell her the truth about what's on your mind. You'd have let her go because you obviously weren't making her happy!!! That's all there really is to it.
P.S. Just as a side question, what is this chronic disease you speak of? I'm just curious as it was never mentioned and as a sufferer of a chronic disease, it peaks my interest.
EDIT FOR TRUTH QUOTING
This is truth. It has been quoted. That is all.Mandalore_15 said:
i think she sounds like the bastard. she knows you like her, she says she likes you then says she's not going to do anything because she doesnt want to hurt your feelings... by dating your former bully.
and not trusting you because she heard, around the school, a rumour you two were dating? fucks sake i've had friends react less than a brick getting prodded after hearing rumours i was gay for them. the worst i got was a female friend (in a similar situation to you two) and i having a bit of a laugh because someone saw a picture of her at my house (hanging out) and assumed we'd fucked and spreading that around.
and not trusting you because she heard, around the school, a rumour you two were dating? fucks sake i've had friends react less than a brick getting prodded after hearing rumours i was gay for them. the worst i got was a female friend (in a similar situation to you two) and i having a bit of a laugh because someone saw a picture of her at my house (hanging out) and assumed we'd fucked and spreading that around.
Sorry, I shouldn't have asked ^^"Magefeanor said:
If it makes you feel any better, your English is very impressive. Just saying.
But seriously, I have a lot of friends that are still in a position like that, and it's a really good thing you got out when you did. Things get worse...