What do you boys and girls think of my decision? (love related)

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thestickman88

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May 19, 2010
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"This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl?s every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.

This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they?re at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don?t end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.

This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn?t worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you?d ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she didn?t have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing ?serious? between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: ?oh, but we?re just friends!? And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you?re nice like that.

The nice guys don?t often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don?t seem to get laid as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can?t. From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative bitches. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as ?oh, he?s too nice to date? or ?he would be a good boyfriend but he?s not for me? or ?he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn?t possibly ask him out!? or the most frustrating of all: ?no, it would ruin our friendship.? Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can?t figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I?m going to sleep with this complete ass now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn?t last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.

So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you?re sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming."

Fu-zu Jen, SEAS/WH, 2003

I do not take credit for this all credit goes to the kid who wrote this rant, but I do support him.

source: http://www.stwing.upenn.edu/~jenf/writing/rant04.html
 

Lilani

Sometimes known as CaitieLou
May 27, 2009
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Father Time said:
Lilani said:
did you ever once consider that maybe she didn't feel you were the one?
He answered that question in the OP.
I don't think you quite got what I was getting at. Perhaps I should reword it. Yes she said that, but I'm not so sure he completely comprehended it. He was hanging onto for dear life, hoping one day she would finally "see the light" and go back to him. It seems he never really considered the possibility that he may not be right for her, or at least chose to never act upon that. Regardless of how she felt for him, he hung on, desperately hoping his constant presence would change things for the better.

What I meant by that question was he may think he's right for her, but it seems SHE didn't feel he was right for her. And based on his actions, it seems he only cared about her being right for him. He never seriously considered what she wanted from her perspective. He believed that because he liked her, anyone else she went out with was inherently wrong for her, and that ultimately he was the only one for her--regardless of what she wanted. So, so selfish.
 

William Ossiss

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Apr 8, 2010
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(please note that i shall use the word "*****" in a non sex oriented way. to me, it means either male or female.)

dude, in a single sentence i shall now tell you what was wrong.
***** be crazy.
now, to expand on that simple sentence, she took you for granted and assumed you would always be around. you know your first mistake was not telling her right away. she used your disease and chronic depression (which i have an opinion about... but never mind.) as an excuse to keep you around as her emotional dump-ee. she looked at you like you were a giant teddy bear that she could tell everything and anything to and youd just nod and listen. biggest mistake ever, bro. people love a person who will just listen and nod. its why big corporate executives have yes men.

when you finally told her your opinion, she got mad. she got mad because she knows damn well taht you were right. thats EXACTLY how she was treating you. and it pissed her off that you finally told her so. so now that you have an opinion, she wants nothing to do with you. fuck her, dude. you dont deserve that shit. she led you on all that time, after you told her, and used excuses to keep you there. that girl is childish and immature. she will, in time, think that maybe she should have tried dating you. she might get ahold of you and try to rekindle things, but dont let her get to you. she had her chance, and she fucked it up. or she may never contact you again. but she will think about it, oh yes.


you have to be strong about it, brush her off like lint from your pants. go out and meet new people. hang out with friends. if you see her, dont even say hi. ignore her like that gross mold in the back of the fridge your too lazy to throw away. your confidence is all key to your attractiveness. focus on YOU for awhile. dont look for a girl/boyfriend. Live.


life may look like it sucks complete ass, but no worries. its just your perceived reality. change it into what ever the hell you want.

good luck; fine future, dude. be strong; never give in. YOU are in control of your world. let no one fuck with you.
 

ScreamingNinja

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Apr 12, 2011
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Kakemonster said:
ScreamingNinja said:
Kakemonster said:
Classic "good boy" scenario. You try to be her friend hoping to become something else, while she just hooks up with one asshole after another. Been there done that.
Because you know that being her friend in the hopes of it turning into something else is totally honest. Amirite?
If your in love with someone chances are you like them so much you would want to be their friend anyway. If someone is pretending to like someone just because they want to take advantage of the relationship thats dishonest, but I don't see whats wrong with being friends with someone you care about.
Usually you hit a person up, if they shoot you down then you either A) Stay friends with them and get over it and lose interest or B) Don't stay friends with them. If you take option C) 'I LOVE THEM SO MUCH BUT IMMA STUCK IN THE FRIENDZONE BUT I JUST LOVE THEM AND CAN'T MOVE ON! ;_;' Then that person is stupid, and is like the mental best friend from Not Another Teen Movie. XD
 

Lilani

Sometimes known as CaitieLou
May 27, 2009
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Father Time said:
Lilani said:
What I meant by that question was he may think he's right for her, but it seems SHE didn't feel he was right for her. And based on his actions, it seems he only cared about her being right for him. He never seriously considered what she wanted from her perspective. He believed that because he liked her, anyone else she went out with was inherently wrong for her, and that ultimately he was the only one for her--regardless of what she wanted. So, so selfish.
Ok a lot of this paragraph seems like pure speculation. For instance "He believed that because he liked her, anyone else she went out with was inherently wrong for her,"

He said he hated a guy she dated but he hated him before they were going out.
I took the sum of the situation into account. But, if you really want a direct quote:

Magefeanor said:
She obviously didn't feel to comfortable with me being madly in love with her, which she stated from time to time, though she also would say she was fine with it. I always suspected her of lying to me when she said that.
He suspected her of lying about being comfortable with his feelings. Meaning he knew his presence might have been making her uncomfortable. Isn't that a pretty obvious signal that he should probably give her some space? But no, he hung on anyway. Even knowing there was a good possibility she didn't want him around so much, he just continued business as usual. He ignored what she wanted so he could get what he wanted.

Also, if he DIDN'T believe he was the "only one" for her, why would he continue to harbor those feelings and refuse to move on? To believe that means he also believes anyone else is wrong for her. One comes with the other, even if only on an unconscious level.
 

godfist88

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Dec 17, 2010
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Sounds to me like you did yourself a favor, from the way you told it she didn't seem to respect you as a person, and just walked over you. you'll be much better off without those kind of people in your life. I hope you find someone who won't treat you like an emotional punching bag.
 

Marmooset

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Mar 29, 2010
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While there are two sides to every story, I wouldn't have put up with her for the length of that original post.
And i didn't even bother to see what she did.
 

Creator002

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Aug 30, 2010
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You did the right thing in my mind, mate. From what you've said, it sounds like that she simply used you for years. I would have done the same thing if I was in your shoes.
 

TheLoneBeet

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Feb 15, 2011
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You did exactly the right thing in that situation. I was in a similar situation at one point in my life and it was incredibly hard to break free. I am now happier than I've ever been because she isn't always trying to control me or use me. You'll come to the point I'm at soon enough, and you'll love it. If you're lucky you'll meet somebody new who actually appreciates you and you'll laugh at yourself for ever thinking you loved this girl.
 

Slayer_2

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Jul 28, 2008
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She deserved worse than that. However, it is partly your fault for letting that shit go on in the first place. Although I 100% understand what you're going through, I had a similar experience, minus being treated like total shit by her. She sometimes ignores me, and we never have serious talks, but still. The solution that worked best for me was to find a random girl to have a one-nighter with. Then another girl to chase for a more serious thing, later on.
 

K_Dub

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Oct 19, 2008
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I'm gonna go ahead and say that you were in the right here. Not that there's necessarily a right and wrong side here, but you're not a bastard. A person can only take so much shit before it all erupts.

And from what you described she didn't sound all that sympathetic or understanding, so let's just call her a jerk and move on.
 

Smooth Operator

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Oct 5, 2010
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We live and learn my friend, and you have gotten a very valuable life lesson, friend - love debacles are to be avoided at all cost.
If you want a good relationship then you haveto look outside your friend circle, i.e. don't piss in your pond.

There seems to be alot of pointing fingers going on in this thread on who is to blame and that is just stupid, the thing is done, everyone goes their own way and lives happily ever after.
 

Satosuke

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Dec 18, 2007
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To be honest, it's difficult to care. I just don't understand love. I'm probably crazy.

But yeah, I'd say you're not a jerk, just dumb for not ditching this 'friend' by the wayside years ago.