What do you think a relationship is about?

[CHUD]

What everyone wants from a relationship is quite different. For example, I've known people who prefer wives that are completely subservient to them. They wanted a woman who would listen to them, agree with them, and follow their direction. They wanted a woman who wouldn't challenge them.

Basically, they wanted a partner to be less then them.

Yeah, that's pretty messed up. Myself, I think I agree with norashepard - you want someone who's got your back.

 

[Tanakh]

- what are the reasons for people wanted to be in a relationship?
- What do people look forward to when they want to form a relationship?
- Sex, intimacy, more time together, making the other one happy?
- So why do people strive for relationships so much?
- But why build up so much for so little?

I am pessimistic, never been in a relationship, very left-brained (logical, mathematical, rational) and not right-brained at all (art, language, emotions, instincts). So I don't understand the concept of love or relationships at all (seeing as I am making this topic).

KK, going in order and answering as if you have asked me rather than that nebulous concept of "people".

- I do not, usually would rather just be sexfriends. The only two reasons I would start a relationship is if she meant enough for me not to want to share her or if i wanted to do a life project with her; this happens from time to time, tough once a decade or so, so far hasn't gone great tbh.

- I look forward having a partner in crime (so to speak) which i can trust 100%, or at least 90% to be realistic.

- Yes, yes, not necessarily but maybe and FUCK NO. LoL making someone happy.

- I do not, people in general? Because they were told happiness has a direct correlation with it or are scared of being alone.

- So little? lol...

Now, here's what made me write this post, that last paragraph is FULL OF BS! The concept of love and relationships are all logical ones that can be expressed via reason with chemistry and equations. IMO if you fail to understand the concept then you are failing at logic and scientific thought.

Failing go feel it on the other hand it's a whole different subject (that you should probably get to the root of), but comprehend it? lol, totally left side... unless you fail at observation... I mean, studying relationships you are analyzing and comprehending the behaviour of an animal in it's natural habitat, it's reasons and making predictions, how more scientific than that can you get?

So... IMO either study the phenomenon and understand the concept of love or accept that your left side is not up to the task, but don't blame being on the wrong hemisphere.

Edit: As a disclaimer, all my life i have been working with my left side and atm i am on an open relationship with a girl i love and seeing a couple others... which really hurts the wallet.

Second Edit: I guess the popular notion is that love is crazy and irrational and that's why you had that preconceived thought... LOL, soo full of BS, as said before, it is just a behaviour of an animal, study it, learn from it, read about it (preferably studies with science behind), it is not even that hard to understand.

 

[Mobax]

Hrmm... this is an interesting question. I take it the OP means a relationship in the classic sense, a "romantic" relationship. In my opinion what a relationship is like a coin, in that it has 2 sides. On the one side is the simple biological need of humans to produce offspring and continue the species, that is perhaps the simpler aspect. A relationship needs to have a physical attraction, there has to be a desire to be physically intimate with that person. Imo if there is no physical desire to a relationship you just have a wonderful friend.

On the other side of the coin is the more complicated side of a relationship. A partner needs to be your other half; someone who is your confidante, your shoulder to cry on, share in your joy, laugh at your jokes, pick you up when you're down, and someone you'll do all that for - not because you have to, but because you want to

Now obviously that doesn't mean a relationship has to be perfect, you argue with siblings, with friends, of course you'll argue with a partner. But a relationship has to have a bond similar to close friends or family, it can withstand some pain. Here is the problem with defining a relationship, it is not something you can just have in it's fullest capacity. You have to meet someone, probably more then one someone. And it's hard to know, if not impossible if the person you've know for 3 weeks is your soulmate. Relationships are hard, but I think that a good relationship is the right mix of lust, love, friendship, and loyalty.

 

[generals3]

TL;DR - What do you want and expect from a relationship? What is your opinion on the whole subject?

While I have never been in a relationship myself (too lazy) the way i see it relationships are here for two reasons: intimacy and exclusivity. Intimacy is in itself actually a weaker argument because people can be very intimate with friends too (sometimes more than with partners!). However exclusivity is the big point. You see if it's ok to have sex with friends and you have sex with a friend than nothing says either you or him/her can't sleep around with other friends. And while some people may not care others do. Than there is also the hierarchical priority pyramid. As a relationship partner you are on top of the pyramid meaning that you're less likely to be blown off than if you're just one of the friends.

 

[krazykidd]

I actually made a thread on this exact topic a long while ago .
http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.406204-So-whats-the-point-of-being-in-a-relationship

OT: And i still have no clue . I think society tells us we should be in one , and we do it without questioning it .

 

[Tanakh]

That last one is key: societal and interpersonal pressure to couple up, to sow one's wild oats (for men) or settle down with one person and make babies (for women), is pervasive and immense. It. Infects. Everything.

I forgot that part, this alone is a good reason to be in a relationship. I am a 29yo male and I am a slut, a very careful, honest, clean, crafty one; but one must carry a social stigma for it.

I estimate that around 75% or so people that know that think a bit less of me, some of them probably think the worst. In my personal experience it leads to a LOT of woman thinking you are trying to fuck them when you have never even made a pass at them, and some of them might cause you trouble due their paranoia.

 

[Tanakh]

And i still have no clue . I think society tells us we should be in one , and we do it without questioning it.

I think I posted there: If you don't get a kick of the ol' 4-(2-aminoethyl)benzene-1,2-diol better known as dopamine, then I don't know what the heck you are doing there. But that is an issue with your relationship, not with relationships in general.

 

[Strazdas]

first of all define in what way you understand "Relationship". A relationship with a wife ive been mattied for 50 years is different than a relationship with my cat.

. I am a 29yo male and I am a slut, a very careful, honest, clean, crafty one; but one must carry a social stigma for it.

I estimate that around 75% or so people that know that think a bit less of me, some of them probably think the worst. In my personal experience it leads to a LOT of woman thinking you are trying to fuck them when you have never even made a pass at them, and some of them might cause you trouble due their paranoia.

Yes I do think you are a horrible person for stealing all those woman and leaving none for us not so whorish guys.
im joking of course.

I was always very happy single and I never went looking for a relationship. But when I met my boyfriend it all just clicked. And now I can't imagine my life without him.

Its easy for females since males are expected to make the first step. now try doing the same if your male and you will never meet a partner. since they will be expecting you to "go look for it".
i guess my point is - societal norms sucks.

 

[Guitarmasterx7]

I think it should be about synergy, honestly. Your significant other shouldn't feel like something that you have to deal with or an obligation. I'm not even trying to be all nerdy poetic right now, but you know how when you're playing a coop videogame, and your relationship with the other player is pretty much "everything you're doing for me is good?" That's pretty much what you're looking for, but in life. It sounds cliche, but when people refer to their partner as something like "my better half" I think that kind of sums up what it should be ideally.

A relationship is always going to be work, but if it feels like a hassle and you're just doing it so you have something to fuck, just find something to fuck and don't put up with it.

 

[EeveeElectro]

It's like having a player 2 who knows all the really awesome cheat codes and can make your game awesome.

It's hard to agree on this because a few of us want different things in relationships.
My boyfriend is also my best friend and I think that's the most important thing. I can tell him anything without him judging me or thinking less of me. I've been with a guy who wasn't also my best friend and that failed quickly. I didn't feel comfortable around him and I always felt like he didn't care about me as much as he could. I think he just wanted somewhere to stick his dick and someone to help get away from the "forever alone" feeling.

People on here look at relationships in a scientific way which I think is going about it wrong. I don't see what's so hard about seeing a relationship for what it is - two people who love each other making each other happy.

 

[TheKangaroos]

There's never a hard and fast rule or a clear-cut answer as to what relationships are based on. Some are about love and others are about money or status. They may be the result of pressure from outside, e.g. arranged marriages in Middle Eastern cultures or random people being shipped together by mutual acquaintances in the West. They may be borne from a desire to play house, fear of being alone or conformity to the unspoken expectations of others. That last one is key: societal and interpersonal pressure to couple up, to sow one's wild oats (for men) or settle down with one person and make babies (for women), is pervasive and immense. It. Infects. Everything. Not even Madagascar is safe. And failure to comply with the directive is grounds for reprisal. This is why the unbelievably sexist bald tire of a trope about the successful thirtysomething career woman who only finds completeness and grounding when the male lead comes into her life is the basis of every other romantic comedy being made. This is why the guy who remains a virgin at an advanced age gets laughed at behind his back. This is why the lady who developed uterine cysts at 19 and had them taken out a short time later is so frequently treated like she's useless.

Ideally, a relationship should be about love, companionship, support and all that shiny happy crap, but this is the case maybe 50-55% of the time. And that's a generous estimate.

Good God, the "uterine cysts at 19" just came out of the clear blue sky in that post. Are you suggesting that's an over used trope as well?!

What makes you think that 55% is the maximum happiness yeild of a relationship? Does that apply to all relationships?

 

[Esotera]

A friendship is when two people have enough in common to hang out with each other sometimes or at least keep up to date on what the other is doing. A relationship is pretty different from that, it's not just friendship + sex as we all have friends we haven't seen for years or rarely speak to. The best way to define a relationship is two people who have enough in common to spend a lot of time with each other, and care about each other a lot more than a typical friendship would require. Add sex onto that and you have the template for a functioning romantic relationship.

 

[Ecliptica Wolf]

A relationship is whatever you want it to be. It can't really be explained as it's different for everyone. I've had and do have 'fuck buddies' but I'm at university and that's pretty standard for a guy in my experience, I just can't imagine myself committing to them for a multitude of reasons.

However I've also had a relationship that lasted a long time, where I couldn't imagine myself without that person. I've only ever felt that about three people in my life before (I'm only 20 so I guess that's not really a long time) but in those moments there is nothing quite like it.

Regardless of the fact I'm a very emotional person, in comparison to many of the people on this forum who are highly logical I find it a lot better to relate to people and talk to them whereas mathematics can go fuck itself in my opinion. This may lead you to the 'logical' conclusion that because you can't relate to people as well as others can there might not be someone out there for you.

But I still believe that there's someone for everyone, or multiple people for one person. You may not have met that person yet but there are too many people in this world for there not to be a counterpoint to your soul in another person. Someone just as logical may come along, or someone very emotional who can be everything you can't be.

To the OP: I get the impression that you are worried about this situation, don't be. Instead try and focus on how you can change your less appealing aspects, to me it seems like you lack some confidence and are uncomfortable in intimate situations. If you are then work on that. Try speaking to someone new everyday, regardless of who they are or what they look like. Build that people confidence. Don't be a person who just accepts that they will never be a sociable or intimate person, if you want that then go get it.

 

[Tanakh]

I can tell him anything without him judging me or thinking less of me.

Just as an observation, what you are saying is literally impossible unless he is not a mammal or his brain has a serious defect. I am all for trusting and shit, but he does judge you, would suggest you not to think otherwise.

On a bigger scale, this is my issue with the standard romance idea, it has totally nuts premises that can't be achieved by humans.

 

[Bertylicious]

I don't get it. That IS what a relationship is about. Having a friend you can have sex with.

I think it might be about more than that, I mean your friends are a part of your life but you're living seperate lives. A relationship is really about building a life together.

At least that's my take on it.

I don't think it's for everyone, I don't think everyone is cut out for it to be honest, the sacrifices and whatnot, the emotional commitment.

 

[EeveeElectro]

I can tell him anything without him judging me or thinking less of me.

Just as an observation, what you are saying is literally impossible unless he is not a mammal or his brain has a serious defect. I am all for trusting and shit, but he does judge you, would suggest you not to think otherwise.

On a bigger scale, this is my issue with the standard romance idea, it has totally nuts premises that can't be achieved by humans.

Well then he doesn't say anything about it out loud or change the way he treats me. He probably does judge me but not negative enough to think any less of me, probably bad wording on my part.

 

[MrHide-Patten]

When they say trust is an important part of a relationship, I'd be inclined to agree. To me a significant other would understand me explicitly (or at least know there is some method to the madness) and somebody that I could be honest with, without sounding like a dipstick.

 

[Tanakh]

snip

Yeah, well my issue was not with your wording but with the idea in general, not your's but this whole soul mates that are always unconditionally there and never judge, perfect fits and stuff... I used to want that, think that and guide by that some of my actions, was always a bad idea.

We are humans, as such when you tell him something that doesn't fit him his Amygdala and Ventral Tegmental Area process it and react before the cortex is even informed. He does judge you but values you over that, which is nice... kinda rambling here ain't I?

Guess my point is that you must be very conscious that the being that is your partner is an animal of the H. s. sapiens subspecies, not some kind of magical "soulmate". Has done wonders for me in relationships, not to idealize nor to under appreciate, but to see how wonderful a girl can be while also understand how limited she can be.

Nway, good luck with your boyo, you sound very happy

 

[HoneyVision]

Ultimately, it's about companionship and being prepared to put that person before yourselfz. But for some, they're also looking for benefits as well. And I don't really have anything against that, as long as the foundations for what a relationship is about are present in the first place.

For me personally, I have never felt the emotional/physical need for one so I've stayed away from it. I don't mock it nor do I discourage it, simply because I have no personal experience with it.

 

[EeveeElectro]

snip

Yeah, well my issue was not with your wording but with the idea in general, not your's but this whole soul mates that are always unconditionally there and never judge, perfect fits and stuff... I used to want that, think that and guide by that some of my actions, was always a bad idea.

We are humans, as such when you tell him something that doesn't fit him his Amygdala and Ventral Tegmental Area process it and react before the cortex is even informed. He does judge you but values you over that, which is nice... kinda rambling here ain't I?

Guess my point is that you must be very conscious that the being that is your partner is an animal of the H. s. sapiens subspecies, not some kind of magical "soulmate". Has done wonders for me in relationships, not to idealize nor to under appreciate, but to see how wonderful a girl can be while also understand how limited she can be.

Nway, good luck with your boyo, you sound very happy

We don't idolise each other, we're both far from perfect (well apart from me ;D) and I don't think of him as such.
I don't have unrealistic expectations and neither does he. We do a lot to piss each other off but at least I always know he doesn't seem to think badly of me despite knowing exactly what I'm capable of >.>
(He has no problem telling me I'm a sore loser at MtG, I think he throws the games sometimes instead of having a moody girlfriend for ten minutes.)

I don't really believe in soul mates. I know some relationships feel different or much than others but I don't believe in there being just the one person for someone out there. I do know I've got someone special though, but far from perfect which is partly why they are so important to me.

Don't worry, I know there's a massive difference between real life and Disney ;~; A healthy relationship has it's ups and downs.
And thank you, I am very happy, so much more than last year. *thumbs up*