People who don't know how to drive
Further sub-divided into:
- People who don't understand that on freeway on- and off-ramps, the little yellow sign advertising a certain velocity is not a speed limit, it's a suggestion (notice how the sign does not have the words "Speed Limit" on it). Step on it and fucking drive.
- People who don't know how to merge. It's like a zipper folks, someone in the lane goes, the on-ramp follows them, another person in the lane, another person from the on-ramp. Keep it fucking moving. Don't try and double-up - it's not going to get you to your destination any faster.
- People who can't drive in the rain despite being a local inhabitant. It's an oceanic climate, it rains all of the fucking time. Deal with it and stop driving like a scared child. That sign? It says "60" not "20". Stop being a pussy and floor it you dumb fuck.
- People who don't know the speed limit to the road on which they're driving. Hey asshole, it's the pedal on the right and you're not in a fucking school zone. When in doubt, 35.
- People who, while coming up to a stop sign or a stop light or another vehicle stopped at either, and stop their car 10, 12, 15 feet away from the vehicle in front of them or the stop line. I see this every fucking day and I don't understand the practical reasons behind it. Hey mister Center-of-the-Universe, you do realize that it's peak traffic time and there are other people behind you, yes dipshit? Miss One-hand-on-cellphone-other-hand-scratching-infected-vagina (née No-hands-on-steering-wheel-eyes-ignoring-road), do you realize that you need to be in front of the stop light in order for it to trigger a change? Those little squares & circles of tar directly behind the stop line aren't some 21st century crop-circle equivalent - they are a sensor under the road to detect when a vehicle is on top of or, at the very least, in close proximity to it. Please scoot the fuck up so we can fucking move!
- People who merge or cut you off and then slow down or tap the breaks for any length of time. If you're gonna fuckin' cut in front of me, at least have some fucking stones and speed up you chicken shit. Your car has 130+ horsepower and mine barely scrapes 100 redlining. Grow a brain, grow a pair and floor it.
- People who are extremely passive-aggressive and try to control the road around them and, by immediate extension, every other driver. Hey assbitch, you know why I'm going 70? Because traffic is moving at that speed. Yes, I know it is above the limit and yes, I know a patrol officer can pull me over and give me a ticket for this - that is my problem. I'm making the decision to move at traffic's pace despite the risks of a ticket because I know from experience that it is safer to 'go with the flow' rather than following the law to a 'T'. I'd rather take the 2% chance of getting pulled over and ticketed rather than having some (justifiably) impatient fuck flip out and swerve around me potentially hitting my car or somebody else due to anger clouding his judgment and understanding of velocity, mass and force - especially those of moving vehicles. I also know that Mr. PA-asshole has very little control in his/her own life so they must try and exert some on the road. Unfortunately, the universe consistently fails to dole out justice and have this person pulled over for going under the speed limit. This is why I have a constant supply of eggs in my car.
