What do you think the above users deepest darkest secrets are?

[Barbas]

Pooped and rolled it under a nearby sofa.

 

[UltraDeth]

Bumbled all through the morning.

 

[Barbas]

Has fever dreams at least three times a week.

 

[Drake the Dragonheart]

raids his neighbor's trash once a week.

 

[UltraDeth]

Churns butter once or twice a week.

 

[Drake the Dragonheart]

live tweets funerals and takes selfies with the deceased.

 

[UltraDeth]

Said "He literally couldn't get out of bed".

 

[Drake the Dragonheart]

writes words using numbers, and he's not seven, or named Prince.

 

[UltraDeth]

Never had a date he couldn't inflate.

 

[Drake the Dragonheart]

once raided his sister's underwear drawer.

 

[UltraDeth]

Wears 2 pairs of socks.

 

[UltraDeth]

Has had a permanent erection since age 12.

 

[UltraDeth]

Wears turtle neck sweaters and smokes a pipe.

 

[Drake the Dragonheart]

is actually a robot

 

[UltraDeth]

Plays the kazoo well.

 

[Drake the Dragonheart]

plays the banjo.

 

[UltraDeth]

Is an expert in "Getting the fuck outta dodge".

 

[Drake the Dragonheart]

crashes funerals.