What is Love? Does it exist?

[Daystar Clarion]

Love is playing Borderlands with your fiancee, then having sex with her.

It's awesome.

I suppose I should put something in there about getting on very well together, knowing each other very well, blah blah blah.

Love is just one of those things that's hard to explain. Those who've never been in love, are the least qualified to try and describe it.

When you fall in love, you know. It's as easy as that.

I was in love, so I feel I have a slight qualification to speak about it.

I was engaged to this female I knew. We'd been together for two years. She spent her time volunteering at a nearby animal sanctuary and going to school to be a vet technician. She was going to be next in line to manage the animal sanctuary. However, her uncle, the current owner, was later found to have taken funds to be used for the animals that SHE had generated (she would make jewelery, sell it, re-buy materials, and donate the rest to the sanctuary) to buy additions to his home. The animals were behind on their shots. She lost sight of what her future would be, but she knew she couldn't stay there. So... She left. Everything. She moved from Maine to California to simply leave everything behind in her devastation.

This left me behind, as well. We kept in contact by email, but when she finally admitted she was never coming back, I was distraught. Eventually, she stopped contacting me. Until the very end she maintained that she still loved me, but it simply was not to be.

A lie. That's all it was. I felt like a fool, and still feel ashamed for buying into it so much. I honestly believed that love was real, and that I had obtained it. It was, however, all disingenuous. People are inherently incompatible. I got caught up in it, a foolish mistake. I should have known better.

You loved her. She simply didn't love you, or at least not enough to do anything to stay with you. I know it sucks, but it happens.

 

[Fawcks]

First things first:
Sorry, it just had to be done.


Back on topic. Yes, I believe in love, because I am in love, and have been in love most of my life. Different kinds of love, of course. Love for my parents, love for my sister, love for my cat, love for games, love for scifi and last but definitely not least, for the past 7 years, love for my husband. There are many different kinds of love, and love, most often than not, defies definition. Love doesn't necessarily have to be a complicated thing.

As for the specific brand of love you're talking about, well... The problem today is too many people confuse true love with infatuation, and that very important distinction is best explained in the undying words of Ann Landers.

The love isn't merely infatuation. My romantic relationship lasted for two years, I highly doubt that infatuation would last that long.

I don't understand love on it's basic level. I've never really "Loved" anyone before I met that lady, so I don't understand it. No, not my parents. They love me, if they're to be believed. I do not, however, and I never have. Nor my sister. I despise them. My sister because she's loud and annoying, my parents because they're... They're just bad people.

 

[Fawcks]

You loved her. She simply didn't love you, or at least not enough to do anything to stay with you. I know it sucks, but it happens.

Shut up! You don't know anything. Just... Don't act like you know me, or anything about me! Got it?

 

[Fawcks]

Yes, people describe love to be a chemical reaction within the body or that it's just an urge to want a family, or primarily sex. Honestly, love has much more meaning. It doesn't even have to be love for your wife or husband. Love can be the matter of accepting someone or something so close that despite it's flaws, you wouldn't leave it for that.

This is exactly the thing I think is impossible. There will never be a point where love involves accepting someone despite their flaws. If someone becomes hurt, or changes, love will not keep others nearby. The others will always leave. When it stops being advantageous to the individual, they will leave. For example, say someone suffers an accident and becomes physically disabled or disfigured. Who will stand by him? No one. No matter how close they were before, the individuals friends would find the time they spend with him more and more strained, less and less enjoyable. Eventually, they will leave.

It's only logical.

 

[Fawcks]

You loved her. She simply didn't love you, or at least not enough to do anything to stay with you. I know it sucks, but it happens.

Shut up! You don't know anything. Just... Don't act like you know me, or anything about me! Got it?

Aaaaaand I'm out.

Emo crying is where I draw the line in any argument. This is obviously an attention grab for sympathy.

EDITED: Bleh...

 

[Lilani]

I think it's rather silly to think that love doesn't exist, considering so many people have made such a hullabaloo about it for the last several thousand years of documented civilization.

What kind of love? Parental love? Spousal love? Platonic love? What qualifies love? How do you differentiate "Love" from a close friend?

Everyone knows people get along better if they keep themselves at a certain distance; the closer you get, the more you learn about someone that you simply do not like.

Why do you feel the need to put a label on it? Love is a subjective feeling that is different for every person. You can't quantify or categorize it. Whatever sort of relationship an individual has with their parents, spouses, and peers is up to them. So if you don't feel there's something greater than you that can bind you to someone else, then that's your business.

You seem to think that love is some debilitating haze that settles on a person like a thick fog, which dulls a person's ability to make logical assessments and dilutes their soul. I think it's just the opposite. To me, love is seeing those "faults" and accepting the person anyway. There's a thing called "unconditional love"--love which is given no matter the circumstances. This is what many parents feel for their children. No matter how much their children drive them crazy, they still love them in the end. They may feel frustrated, disappointed, or downright angry, but at the end of the day it will always settle back down into love.

Of course, there is also infatuation and lust, both of which can cause...well, illogical behavior. But neither of those are real love. Real love isn't that toxic.

The best way to learn about love is experience. If you really want to get to know it better, than look at the relationships in your own life. And not just your romantic relationships. Look at your relationships with your parents, your family, your friends, your coworkers, and every other person you come in contact with. The only way you can learn about love is to learn what it means for you. There isn't a single answer to any of the questions you asked that anyone can give to you. Only you can decide what love means to you.

 

[Daystar Clarion]

You loved her. She simply didn't love you, or at least not enough to do anything to stay with you. I know it sucks, but it happens.

Shut up! You don't know anything. Just... Don't act like you know me, or anything about me! Got it?

Aaaaaand I'm out.

Emo crying is where I draw the line in any argument. This is obviously an attention grab for sympathy.

You're a presumptuous prick, I certainly won't miss you.

You made discussing love, and because you've had a shit exeperience with love, you're confused as to what love is. I get that.

If you thought you were in love with this girl, then you probably were. She obviously wasn't in as much love as you. I know that if I loved someone, I'd do anything to be with them. She didn't, ergo, she didn't love that much.

 

[the rye]

Wait, wait, wait if emotions like love have nothing to do with biology then are you saying these emotions some how exist as a seperate substance from our physical selves.

No, I didn't mean it literaly. I just meant there's more to it than chemicals in the brain. I mean, sure technically, everything we feel is a counterpart of our brain reacting to certain chemicals being released, but I think there's more to it than that. Afterall, it's possible to like someone, be infactuated with them, and still not love them.
At the same time, it's possible to love someone who's treated you horribly. And when you think about them, you can't help but feel negative emotions, and think about what horrible things they've done to you. And still, you know you love them.
I just think there's more to it than a chemical 'attachment'. Like, a dog could be attached to its master, and could be the most loyal friend one person would have. But I still don't think it's the same, as, say, even platonic love. Where two best friends know they can depend on one another more than they can depend on their own family.

I just think that love requires a combination of what we know as well as what we feel. So if you want to associate knowledge with biology, then yes, it is all biological.

Ah yes there is most certaintly a diffrence between the experiance of love (as a mental state being experianced by the individual) and as being observed/measured by empirical evidence.

 

[Fawcks]

You loved her. She simply didn't love you, or at least not enough to do anything to stay with you. I know it sucks, but it happens.

Shut up! You don't know anything. Just... Don't act like you know me, or anything about me! Got it?

Aaaaaand I'm out.

Emo crying is where I draw the line in any argument. This is obviously an attention grab for sympathy.

You're a presumptuous prick, I certainly won't miss you.

You made discussing love, and because you've had a shit exeperience with love, you're confused as to what love is. I get that.

If you thought you were in love with this girl, then you probably were. She obviously wasn't in as much love as you. I know that if I loved someone, I'd do anything to be with them. She didn't, ergo, she didn't love that much.

You're telling me if your parents died, or some other extreme circumstance occurred, you wouldn't change at all?

If your girlfriend lost her mother or someone close to her, and simply left because she didn't have the emotional capacity for you anymore, and someone told you she never really loved you, you wouldn't care? Is that what you're saying?

 

[Fawcks]

The best way to learn about love is experience. If you really want to get to know it better, than look at the relationships in your own life. And not just your romantic relationships. Look at your relationships with your parents, your family, your friends, your coworkers, and every other person you come in contact with. The only way you can learn about love is to learn what it means for you. There isn't a single answer to any of the questions you asked that anyone can give to you. Only you can decide what love means to you.

This is half of my point. There is not a single person in my life I "Love". If I were with a friend, and they became an inconvenience, I would leave. I hate my parents, I hate my coworkers. I spend my time with people I enjoy being around. No more, no less. There is no love. If their faults outweigh their pros, I would leave them. If, say, a friend suddenly lost a family member, or something, and as a result became less fun to hang out with, I would leave them behind. Anyone would do the same. That's my point. Love is simply a way of saying "I like being around person X", but when push comes to shove, there will always be something that can push people apart. Make them hate each other.

 

[BlackAura]

Well, I'm still trying to figure the whole "love" thing out, but I do know that the idea of unconditional love is bullshit. There are always conditions; if there weren't, we would never fall in love with that person to begin with. And if the person turns out to be an asshole, there's no way that we would be able to continue to love him/her unconditionally because the bad behavior in itself would become a condition to make us say "What the hell am I doing here?" and BAIL.

 

[Lilani]

The best way to learn about love is experience. If you really want to get to know it better, than look at the relationships in your own life. And not just your romantic relationships. Look at your relationships with your parents, your family, your friends, your coworkers, and every other person you come in contact with. The only way you can learn about love is to learn what it means for you. There isn't a single answer to any of the questions you asked that anyone can give to you. Only you can decide what love means to you.

This is half of my point. There is not a single person in my life I "Love". If I were with a friend, and they became an inconvenience, I would leave. I hate my parents, I hate my coworkers. I spend my time with people I enjoy being around. No more, no less. There is no love. If their faults outweigh their pros, I would leave them. If, say, a friend suddenly lost a family member, or something, and as a result became less fun to hang out with, I would leave them behind. Anyone would do the same. That's my point. Love is simply a way of saying "I like being around person X", but when push comes to shove, there will always be something that can push people apart. Make them hate each other.

Of course, that's a part of life. There isn't a single person in my life that I could say I love everything about them. My dad is way too prejudiced against certain things. My mom gets into my business too much. My brother argues about pointless things. My roommate is way too sensitive. There will always be things that you dislike about people.

To me, it just seems that girl pulled the rug out from under you and now you're questioning the stability of every other relationship in your life because of it. Put simply, it's all in your head. You're worried about your relationships, so go talk to them about it. It isn't love that clouded your vision back then. It's the pain you're feeling that's clouding your vision right now. Go talk to some people, get it off your chest, and just give it some time. Maybe see a therapist if you've got the money, if there are some things you don't want to talk about with those who you know. Get well soon.

 

[Romidude]

It's humans lust to have sex, it's over glorified into this wonderful thing.

 

[Canadamus Prime]

I believe that it does, what I doubt is that human beings are capable of it.

 

[Fawcks]

Of course, that's a part of life. There isn't a single person in my life that I could say I love everything about them. My dad is way too prejudiced against certain things. My mom gets into my business too much. My brother argues about pointless things. My roommate is way too sensitive. There will always be things that you dislike about people.

To me, it just seems that girl pulled the rug out from under you and now you're questioning the stability of every other relationship in your life because of it. Put simply, it's all in your head. You're worried about your relationships, so go talk to them about it. It isn't love that clouded your vision back then. It's the pain you're feeling that's clouding your vision right now. Go talk to some people, get it off your chest, and just give it some time. Maybe see a therapist if you've got the money, if there are some things you don't want to talk about with those who you know. Get well soon.

That's a lie. No, it's a misunderstanding. There is not a single person in this world I would miss if they left or died. People are merely another source of entertainment or pleasant feelings. It was only that one that I ever felt upset that I had lost, for whatever reason. Friends are easily replaced; you don't really need them. Sure, they're fun to hang around with. But if they change, and they're no longer fun? You leave. It's simple.

If the good outweighs the bad; you call that "Love". I define love as a sort of devotion to a person... To be willing to greatly inconvenience, hinder, or even hurt yourself or your goals for their happiness. Simply put, that does not exist.

 

[standokan]

So in a way we're just like robots, that makes me a sad panda.

 

[aeroblaster]

What is love? Baby don't hurt me... ;D

 

[Daystar Clarion]

You loved her. She simply didn't love you, or at least not enough to do anything to stay with you. I know it sucks, but it happens.

Shut up! You don't know anything. Just... Don't act like you know me, or anything about me! Got it?

Aaaaaand I'm out.

Emo crying is where I draw the line in any argument. This is obviously an attention grab for sympathy.

You're a presumptuous prick, I certainly won't miss you.

You made discussing love, and because you've had a shit exeperience with love, you're confused as to what love is. I get that.

If you thought you were in love with this girl, then you probably were. She obviously wasn't in as much love as you. I know that if I loved someone, I'd do anything to be with them. She didn't, ergo, she didn't love that much.

You're telling me if your parents died, or some other extreme circumstance occurred, you wouldn't change at all?

If your girlfriend lost her mother or someone close to her, and simply left because she didn't have the emotional capacity for you anymore, and someone told you she never really loved you, you wouldn't care? Is that what you're saying?

No, now you're making straw man arguments.

You loved her, and thought she loved you. That was probably the case.

Shit happens and now this girl doesn't love you, or doesn't love you enough to go out of her way. Different people react differently when something depressing happens, some people cling to those they love, or they shut themselves away. Some people never recover and any past and future relationships may be affected.

She got fucked over by 'fate' or whatever, and she's dealing with it. If she decided that you don't belong in her life anymore then that's her choice.

That doesn't lessen your love of her, but there has to be 2 people in a relationship. She wanted out, so you're left alone.

It sucks, but that's just the way the cards are dealt sometimes.

 

[Lilani]

Of course, that's a part of life. There isn't a single person in my life that I could say I love everything about them. My dad is way too prejudiced against certain things. My mom gets into my business too much. My brother argues about pointless things. My roommate is way too sensitive. There will always be things that you dislike about people.

To me, it just seems that girl pulled the rug out from under you and now you're questioning the stability of every other relationship in your life because of it. Put simply, it's all in your head. You're worried about your relationships, so go talk to them about it. It isn't love that clouded your vision back then. It's the pain you're feeling that's clouding your vision right now. Go talk to some people, get it off your chest, and just give it some time. Maybe see a therapist if you've got the money, if there are some things you don't want to talk about with those who you know. Get well soon.

That's a lie. No, it's a misunderstanding. There is not a single person in this world I would miss if they left or died. People are merely another source of entertainment or pleasant feelings. It was only that one that I ever felt upset that I had lost, for whatever reason. Friends are easily replaced; you don't really need them. Sure, they're fun to hang around with. But if they change, and they're no longer fun? You leave. It's simple.

If the good outweighs the bad; you call that "Love". I define love as a sort of devotion to a person... To be willing to greatly inconvenience, hinder, or even hurt yourself or your goals for their happiness. Simply put, that does not exist.

Love isn't like a scale--you don't put the good and the bad side by side and then decide which matters more. It just happens.

You're hurt and you're depressed, and you're pushing everyone away because of it. Or maybe you are right in saying you wouldn't miss anyone you know if they died, but if that's the case than it's only because you haven't allowed yourself to get close enough to them emotionally for it to matter to you. You keep everyone at an arm's length to prevent this sort of hurt, and now as far as you can see, all of your suspicious about love have been confirmed.

But it still hurts, doesn't it? Even though all you felt about love was right, it still hurts. Even with all of those walls you put up, the pain came through anyway. So why not try taking a few of them down, just to see if the grass is any greener?

And I think that's all I can offer on the subject. The rest is up to you.

 

[InnerRebellion]

Baby don't hurt me no more...
Sorry.

I think love really only exists for women. Sure, I've felt strong affection, but in the end, all my brain really wanted was sex. Even now, as I fight off the crazy desire to have sex with multiple female friends of mine, my mind only thinks of love as a concept used to get said sex.