What is Love to YOU?

[Madara XIII]

How's it going everyone? Something rather strange has come up in the past week or so and it raised alot of questions concerning my beliefs. (Not Religious seeing how much of a Nihilist I am.)

This whole thing isn't meant to be taken as sad or depressing (Intentionally at least), but rather out of curiosity.

It is a subject with so many interpretations and so many tales that romanticize this concept to the point of where even its very existence is a cliche. And given my prior experience, I'm left with the fact that love is not transcendent, it's not ephemeral nor do I see it as some intangible force that can somehow fix a person. Quite frankly I don't think much of the concept to be honest, but I do understand that I am not entirely apathetic towards it either. But with the many failures and successes I've had with this emotion we deem so highly, I couldn't help but want to take a step back and really understand why we fill this need to pursue such a thing. I am not angry that I am no longer with her, but I am angry that I can't seem to understand WHY we felt the need. If anything it was all pointless like most love is.

To throw away so much not for love... as I refuse to acknowledge it as such, but what it truly is. Comfort. Comfort coupled with some whimsical affection and greed. By an objective standpoint that's what this "love" really amounts to. To feel some comfort or find relief from loneliness. Man's loneliness is just his fear of life after all? Whose to say one needs "love" to conquer their dreams or ambitions? Is it not better to not have to rely on such an emotional crutch? To stand on one's own ? Is this comfort we seek really necessary or is it there to make life slightly more easy and bearable? I am left to wonder why something so intangible and practically nonexistent seems to outweigh the tangible accomplishments or success of humanity when it comes to value.

While I am left to wonder, I am infuriated that I have no real answer and possibly never will, but I feel as though I'd be somewhat happier that way. I am not entirely sure what is it about the concept of "love" that irritates me and sends me fuming at its useless implications, but I feel that should I find exactly why, I'm afraid that I will not like the answer and I may find out something quite unfavorable about myself. An answer that might ruin me more than I possibly intend.


Or perhaps it truly is useless




But what this simply amounts to is this.

[HEADING=2]How do you feel about this? What are your views on this incredibly strange emotion?[/HEADING]

[HEADING=2]How exactly do you as an individual perceive "love"?[/HEADING]

 

[Hero in a half shell]

I pondered this question for a while in the days of my youth, and decided to research it by asking the most respected influences in my life.

I asked my mother, but she told me I would only know when it found me.

I asked my teacher, but he said it wasn't something he was able to teach,

I asked a preacher, and he told me it was the most valuable thing I could have,

but when I went to the market and tried to barter my love the shop owners laughed and said it was worthless,

I asked a politican, but he told me it was just a vice to snare decent men and ruin them,

So I asked a scientist if he could remove it, but he told me it was a vital evolutionary instinct to continue the survival of the human race.

I asked my heart, but it told me it did not know yet.

I asked youtube, and it told me...

Spoiler

And that's why I love Youtube.

 

[DANEgerous]

Love romantic or otherwise for me is a quality in a person that is rather intangible yet perceived in that if they ask you to do something with them it is always more enjoyable no matter how dull the task. If you ever think something like a long hot ride on a bus is more bearable because someone was with you that is love.

A lot of people find this way to far reaching and for them perhaps it is but while I come off as friendly it is likely because I know how to avoid you when you would piss me off and just do so. I am looking for someone very specific here so much so to it does not even apply to my father at least not university.

Also I think I think this way because I have and never have had a romantic love, I have had sex and friends and all of the stuff emotional of physical that come with partnership that is not a life long commitment (that I do not in any way want) that every one else has had for good or for worse.

I also thin many people have it for worse because that is the goal set for them but not the goal set BY them, and that is sad if you want to be single or just date DO IT AND NO MORE THAN THAT feel no pressure to start a family because that is how horrible families start.

 

[Johnny Novgorod]

Love is a many-splendored thing,
It's the April rose that only grows in the early spring,
Love is nature's way of giving a reason to be living,
The golden crown that makes a man a king.
...
I mean, uh, I'm not sure.

 

[Ninmecu]

Heres the thing...I don't.

I feel a sense of companionship sure. I feel myself in the role of the Protector, the Father Figure to my siblings and the people I feel kinship with. But I wouldn't call it love. I'd just as easily sever the tie with them as I'd defend them unconditionally.

I was born lacking a sense of Empathy, Love and a few other "emotions" like guilt. I've learned how to emulate them to be more "normalized" but I don't feel love. I think of myself more as an Ultimate Pragmatist. I keep people close who have uses they serve for me. My girlfriend knows it, she accepts it(oddly enough) and loves me deeply, but knows if she betrays me I'll walk away just as easily as you would walk away from something that has no value to you. It makes me terrified of having children. I regard my little sister(15 years younger than I) as my daughter because I greatly contributed to her upbringing. I would do almost anything to ensure her safety and as she approaches dating age(Only 9 now granted, but I hit puberty around 8-9 years old. Just imagine your voice cracking at that age and having a Man's voice by grade 6...Ugh) I'm wondering, how am I gonna deal with her boyfriends(call it a double standard but if it's Girlfriends I'm totally cool with that in theory.). I used to be a horny teen, and she's a rare breed around these parts(1/8th native but like me could pass as Pure in certain circles.). And, yeah, we all know what horny teens do. Knowing me and my size...Lets not go down that road. back on topic, I'll admit, it follows a paradigm similar to love. I just don't agree that it's what I feel because I'm known for being cutthroat with anyone and anything, doing what needs to be done because I'm "That Guy" who will get the job done. I'm also apparently a womanizer since a young lad, I used to chase all the girls and steal kisses off of them frequently...Less so as I got older and learned "that's bad behavior". Then sex came along...And that's getting very off topic.

TL;DR I've got a Serious Case of Asperger Syndrome diagnosed during the 7th grade, born without a sense of Guilt, Empathy and Love. Various reasons why I got better(ish) and how I feel regarding "love"

 

[Madara XIII]

Heres the thing...I don't.


TL;DR I've got a Serious Case of Asperger Syndrome diagnosed during the 7th grade, born without a sense of Guilt, Empathy and Love. Various reasons why I got better(ish) and how I feel regarding "love"

Damn dude! That's harsh. Sucks that life dealt you such a hand. But while I might not care much for the concept of love, here you are unable to feel it.

just wow. Amazing story none the less, but what you have my good sir is true dedication.

 

[Madara XIII]

I pondered this question for a while in the days of my youth, and decided to research it by asking the most respected influences in my life.

I asked my mother, but she told me I would only know when it found me.

I asked my teacher, but he said it wasn't something he was able to teach,

I asked a preacher, and he told me it was the most valuable thing I could have,

but when I went to the market and tried to barter my love the shop owners laughed and said it was worthless,

I asked a politican, but he told me it was just a vice to snare decent men and ruin them,

So I asked a scientist if he could remove it, but he told me it was a vital evolutionary instinct to continue the survival of the human race.

I asked my heart, but it told me it did not know yet.

I asked youtube, and it told me...

Spoiler

And that's why I love Youtube.

I can't tell you how much I love this response.
The set up was perfect and while I expected a Haddaway joke eventually, the way you built it up was just splendid. THANK YOU

 

[Glongpre]

Love is...shooting out someones kneecap at 120 meters with an aratech assault rifle.

Spoiler

Sorry I just played kotor 2.

 

[The Wykydtron]

Ehh, I don't really know. I mean I could theoretically love a girl if she was my type (Specifically, glasses, a vast intellect to match my own, small breasts, must be able to play League in all positions HUE) Y'know, if I ever get over my crippling fear of intimacy that is >.>

Really i'm far too comfortable being on my own to go out of my way to find a partner. I do like a good romance story though... Is that odd?

 

[Angelowl]

A saying that I read a while back summarizes my view. "Romance is when you want the other person and true love is when you want the best for the other person." Made things simpler for me when I got a crush on my best friend some years ago, we got too different views on relationships, I wouldn't feel satisfied and he can't handle me on a 24/7 basis. So I decided to support him when it came girlfriends and not demand anything from him. Irony being that three girlfriends later he's tired of relationships and I'm still his best friend.

I want a partner that genuinly cares for my wellbeing and needs, and would be willing to do the same for them obviously. Not much fan of the whole "love at first sight", feels nice but a more mature emotion would probably be a better base for relationships.

 

[Miyenne]

It's a strange thing, for sure.

And I think it's different every time, for every person.

For me, it was:

When I was young it was this all consuming need for everything that was the other person to the point where we burned down everything around us.

Later, when I'd had a broken heart a few times I found it's something much more calm. Just a "Oh, I feel good standing next to this person" kind of thing. Where you don't try and be someone you're not, and you accept them for their damned annoying flaws too, and in time even come to appreciate those things.

Then again, I'm single so I'm not too sure on how to explain romantic love anymore. But I hope when I find the right person we'll just be "Oh, it's you." and that's that. If that makes any sense.

Oh yeah, something I read once really stuck me.

"All the world was in her eyes, in them he found his life's purpose." That.

 

[Madara XIII]

It's a strange thing, for sure.


Then again, I'm single so I'm not too sure on how to explain romantic love anymore. But I hope when I find the right person we'll just be "Oh, it's you." and that's that. If that makes any sense.

Oh yeah, something I read once really stuck me.

"All the world was in her eyes, in them he found his life's purpose." That.

As someone who tries to make sense of romance then yeah. It seems to be understandable if not strike a few chords with me.

 

[Wunderhund]

While we may not specifically need what "love" provides, I know I'm certainly all the better for it. While I don't need someone's approval to validate my lifestyle and perceptions, it's always awesome to discover people who do so just by virtue of who they themselves are. It gives me a sense of confidence and a feeling that I'm on top of shit when I'm in a good relationship.

I did great for a long time without love, but it's that irresistible icing on an already great cake.

 

[Ninmecu]

Heres the thing...I don't.


TL;DR I've got a Serious Case of Asperger Syndrome diagnosed during the 7th grade, born without a sense of Guilt, Empathy and Love. Various reasons why I got better(ish) and how I feel regarding "love"

Damn dude! That's harsh. Sucks that life dealt you such a hand. But while I might not care much for the concept of love, here you are unable to feel it.

just wow. Amazing story none the less, but what you have my good sir is true dedication.

Gotta roll with the punches. Strangely, my family trusts me unequivocally, they know I'm the rock. You'd think the guy born as a borderline Psychopath would be the last person they'd trust but they know anything I do that might hurt them will benefit them in the end. They know I don't fuck over the ones I consider Kin. It's strange but that's life.

 

[FalloutJack]

Heres the thing...I don't.


TL;DR I've got a Serious Case of Asperger Syndrome diagnosed during the 7th grade, born without a sense of Guilt, Empathy and Love. Various reasons why I got better(ish) and how I feel regarding "love"

Damn dude! That's harsh. Sucks that life dealt you such a hand. But while I might not care much for the concept of love, here you are unable to feel it.

just wow. Amazing story none the less, but what you have my good sir is true dedication.

Gotta roll with the punches. Strangely, my family trusts me unequivocally, they know I'm the rock. You'd think the guy born as a borderline Psychopath would be the last person they'd trust but they know anything I do that might hurt them will benefit them in the end. They know I don't fuck over the ones I consider Kin. It's strange but that's life.

Psychopath is generally used for those who are hindering or destructive to those around them. You're quite possibly the polar opposite of this.

As a different kind of autistic, I tend to think of love as a promise to care for one another, to trust and to not backstab, so support another and 'be on their side' when they need it the most. I have a girlfriend who finds that my dedication to her has seriously improved her life (after some really bad times in which I could no longer stand in the sidelines for). Love is a commitment, but it is not one viewed as a shackle. You willingly draw yourself to this other, because you want that other more than ANY other. You want that person to be happy, and you want to be happy sharing your life with that person. This does extend to love of family and the totally platonic love of good friends, yes, just in their own level.

 

[Vale]

I *could* elucidate upon my ideas and feelings and thoughts about the subject
but it is so much easier expressed through someone else's ideas and feelings and thoughts
especially when it's condensed into a catchy melody.

Spoiler: Someone had to do it.

But then suddenly I totally posted a different song than what everybody would expect! Still relevant though, so yay for me being... an idiot.
Oh.

captcha: be mine
Well, that figures.

 

[5ilver]

Where there is pain, there is love. Love, loss and pain are siblings.

Love is also self-sacrifice. If you are willing to bleed for another and there is no other explanation, love is likely involved.

 

[Little Woodsman]

You know just last night I was thinking about how depressing it is that this subject comes up on the Escapist so often.
Then I thought, "It's actually one of the burning questions of all humanity for all time...it *should* come up a lot".

Aaanyway, what you had my friend, was not love. It was romance. These are two different things. They are not mutually exclusive, in fact romance is at it's very best when it goes hand-in-hand with love. But you can have one without the other.

Romance is enjoying another person's company while also being glad that that person enjoys your company and having a mutual desire to share bodily fluids at some point. It is a fine thing.

Love is when another person's happiness and well being are more important to you than your own. This is the transcendant, ultimate, all-surpassing thing that some speak of.

Hope this perspective helps.

 

[Palademon]

Something I'd love to have, but sometimes hate to see.

They say love is blind, and that's one of the reasons I hate it. It's a seemingly fickle emotion that could be attached to anyone. That's why I probably wouldn't accept it. To me, the truest of love would be the one where that emotion comes last.
Where you love everything about the person, then that feeling comes. Not an emotion that is gained at a certain point, and later tested or justified.
It may be possible that easy coming love could simply be a product of adolescence. Maybe the more mature you are, the more picky it becomes. I have no idea. I'm quite young. I know the feeling can come and go, even in the best cases.
That is in many cases what it means to "move on", losing the great attachment you have to somebody.

I probably wouldn't say I'd ever really felt it, but everyone would love to say that about times it came of nothing.
I once had a great emotional attachment to someone, where I thought about them all the time, were always wondering where they were, and what they were doing. When I was close I would always look for them. I even identified their smell. I don't know if she wore something specific. I would always smile when seeing her and we'd have fun just by being around each other. It once took me a whole day to complement her on how she looked because every time I thought about doing it I thought I was going to be sick.

But this was not a justified love, even if you could call it that.
I foolishly felt this way as soon as I discovered we had common interests. This was new to me, I must have been lonely. I must have latched onto them.
Whether these emotions were true they certainly were undeserved, or at least in a situation I wouldn't have preferred.

Once we finally settled that we couldn't possibly be together, I lost all of that.
I realised that there was nothing to keep us together apart from that. The friendship had been ruined.
Because of the complications surrounding the rejection, I just couldn't see her as a friend any more.
That's how sad and blind I was.

I can imagine that many people are fine with love being random sometimes, because they think it's something special.
I don't want that.
I could easily see myself being too picky for the rest of my life, and leaving people over the smallest thing.
I don't think I'll find what I'm looking for, and I haven't felt that attraction since.

I want to be hopelessly attached to someone, spend the rest of my life with someone. Feel as if I could forsake everything for them. And I want to know that's there's reasons behind that.
Or maybe I'm just selfish and lonely, because I really want someone to feel that way about me.
I want to be someone's favourite. I never have been. Even if I was, I probably wouldn't appreciate it, but chances are I wouldn't feel the same. So in some way my loneliness is appreciated because I don't have to deal with that situation.