What is the funniest / most interesting thing that your teacher has said

[Voodoomancer]

One of my teachers once did an awesome demonstration of how plate tectonics work using a book and a random student's hand, and so many bizarre analogies he lost track of what he was trying to say xD

Also, my math teacher once recited 100-something numbers of Pi from memory. All correct.

 

[Frozen Donkey Wheel2]

I had another teacher who liked hiding certain student's phones in the ceiling while they were in the bathroom. (Bonus points for whoever gets the reference)

Well Jim Halpert and Pam Beasley played that prank on Andy Bernard in The Office, second season. Travelling Salesman, part 1.

Bingo. Here are your Bonus Points in the form of....

Spoiler: Get Ready...

 

[spartan1077]

Bingo. Here are your Bonus Points in the form of....

Spoiler: Get Ready...

Totally not watching the Office right now either <.< [http://www.justin.tv/offices231#/w/719710400/13]
I love that picture

And because even though I already posted it

Spoiler: Frolickisms

"So there was this one cat right? And I guess it had rabies. So I was looking out my window at the cat and it was running around some person's yard, frothing from the mouth and all that shit. So anyways, I guess someone was scared and called the police because two cops pulled up. As soon as they got out, the one cop takes out his gun and shoots the cat. So I run outside to see more and I see the cat struggling on the ground, still alive.
*demonstrates what cat was doing*
So the cop shrugs and shoots it again. And it still DOESN'T DIE! So he starts slamming it with bullets, BOOM BOOM BOOM and finally the cat starts to twitch and move again! They had to walk up and shoot it in the head...and this shows something about anatomy"

"...I'll tell you how spiders mate. The female spider is a real *****. She hates the male and doesn't really want to procreate so she has to be raped...so the male will go to her web and walk down to her, then get his head bitten off and his body devoured...at some point the male spider got smarter and probably flicked the web a little or something and saw the female fall asleep...for a second. So he plays the whole song and when she's asleep he goes, rapes her and then she wakes up and eats him."

"Instead of doing science, we're watching Sweeny Todd...what the fuck! This is a musical?"

"Okay, so the friendly, tall, angry, loving, caring, grumpy, tired ostrich sticks in head in the ground a metre from a convex mirror..."

"I used to have this Asian professor for physics. And he tried teaching us Reflection and Refractions but because he was Asian it sounded like,
"Refwactions and refwactions awe vewwwy diffewent."
Never quite understood him"

"See, now Isaac Newton was a real douchebag..."

"...and I would be pissed off if I looked like that too..."

*stares at kid who randomly stands up during class and then makes excuses*
"You know what your problem is? You have ADHD. You stand up and I look you in the eye and I see that you have no idea what's going on..."

"Get me pictures of clouds for a project we won't actually do..."

"Okay, so this is hydrochloric acid
*demonstrates acidic abilities*
Okay now after I take a handful of this
*grabs powder(it was some sort of base)*
and neutralize the acid
*takes a drink*
Tastes like vinegar...anyone want a glass?"

"All hail mighty google...sometimes when you guys are working I'll just sit at my desk and google random things..."

"It's got them fangs!...what were we talking about?"

"Ni! Ni! Ni! And now to chemistry..."

"It's like that one thing in Monty Python...what is your favourite color...blue no red no AHHHHH!"

Any quote from Holy Grail he pretty much did...

"Okay word association because that's something to do with your brain"

"The education system is a joke..."

"Evolution is not a theory. It's the truth!(I go to a catholic school...I loved him for that)"

"Think of molecules like atoms having sex. Chloe and Sodium are walking through the mall, see a nice closet and sneak inside for a little rump. Come back out and they can't get out of eachother...also think of them like orgies if there is more than two atoms"

"Ever notice how a heart kind've looks like two twins having sex?
*draws two hearts together*
And that looks like an orgy..."

 

[DPunch4]

Year 2, Teacher grabs kids faces to make them look at him, most likely a fucking sadist. Bruised my face badly. Taken to court, stepfather picked him up by his face, good times.

Year 8, Teacher for unknown reason holds grudge against me and think I'm legitimately retarded. One day, I'm under my desk picking up all my pens and stuff after dropping them. He grabs for my shirt to pull me out, get pants instead. Everyone sees my underwear, no one sees him the next semester.

Year 8, Same teacher. Friend squirts water on my crotch and yells out that I've pissed myself. Teacher believes him... I can't admit the truth because it's too funny, also everyone else in the class knows I wouldn't piss myself. As I walk out to 'clean up' I rub my wet hands on other kids faces. They thanked me later but acted disgusted. Best moment ever. His face was priceless.

 

[Hader]

Geology class the other year, we had a sub. She was explaining carbon half-lives and was trying to make a good analogy to go with it. She settled for heads/tails when flipping a coin, said something like "If half of you get tails, and half of you get head..."

Yes she forgot the 's' in 'heads'. I can't tell you why, only that it happened, and the lecture hall erupted in laughter. Poor lady never knew what she had said wrong though...

 

[Sgt. Sandstorm]

Hmmm best thing has to be when we were at math class not long ago.

Our math teacher told us to do some equations, and a girl asks for help...

Girl: I need some help here!...

Teacher: Yes, what?

Girl: What's the answer to this?

Teacher: To what?

Girl: Everything... (Talking about all the equations we were assigned to do)

And then our teacher answers "42" and everyone is just looking confused at him, except me and my friend, being the massive nerds we are, we are practically ROFL'ing, then our teacher goes

Teacher: And then we just got confirmed who the nerds in here

Great times ^^

 

[SkyeNeko]

My O.Chem Prof after introducing himself and such on the first day of class, before starting the lecture: "Ok, so any questions? About the syllabus? About the class? About getting a date? I can help you with that too." Said it with a totally straight not pervy in the slightest face.

When explaining resonance at the end of a lecture: "Remember, resonance is not real (next powerpoint slide has a pic of twilight) ... just like vampires. My fiancee is making me watch True Blood with her all weekend."

Talking about the compound CH3CH2OH: "This is your favorite molecule if youre over 21. It's ethanol. Or if you're not over 21. It can still be your favorite."
He also routinely talks about vodka while were doing labs...

 

[Betancore]

We have loads of quotes from teachers in our student-run magazine. Some of them are fairly amusing, I guess.

"It's good to know you're paying attention, but to the wrong things."
"Covalent bonds are like lesbians. However, these hydrogen molecules are like incestuous lesbians."
"Oh yeah, I think paedophiles are fantastic."
"Aren't you afraid that one day that fan is going to fall off and decapitate someone?"
"Bach had something like 20 kids. I mean, understandably, there was no TV back in those days..."

 

[DanielBrown]

An old math teacher of mine once shouted out;
"Paulina, I'm so horny!", to a girl in class.
He wasn't that good at Swedish, but my guess is that he wanted a hug or something since he had his arms streached out to her. He was rather embaressed when he found out what he said anyways.

 

[Sgt. Sandstorm]

Well I can dedicate everything to my Science teacher. And all of this is true.

Spoiler: Frolickisms

"So there was this one cat right? And I guess it had rabies. So I was looking out my window at the cat and it was running around some person's yard, frothing from the mouth and all that shit. So anyways, I guess someone was scared and called the police because two cops pulled up. As soon as they got out, the one cop takes out his gun and shoots the cat. So I run outside to see more and I see the cat struggling on the ground, still alive.
*demonstrates what cat was doing*
So the cop shrugs and shoots it again. And it still DOESN'T DIE! So he starts slamming it with bullets, BOOM BOOM BOOM and finally the cat starts to twitch and move again! They had to walk up and shoot it in the head...and this shows something about anatomy"

"...I'll tell you how spiders mate. The female spider is a real *****. She hates the male and doesn't really want to procreate so she has to be raped...so the male will go to her web and walk down to her, then get his head bitten off and his body devoured...at some point the male spider got smarter and probably flicked the web a little or something and saw the female fall asleep...for a second. So he plays the whole song and when she's asleep he goes, rapes her and then she wakes up and eats him."

"Instead of doing science, we're watching Sweeny Todd...what the fuck! This is a musical?"

"Okay, so the friendly, tall, angry, loving, caring, grumpy, tired ostrich sticks in head in the ground a metre from a convex mirror..."

"I used to have this Asian professor for physics. And he tried teaching us Reflection and Refractions but because he was Asian it sounded like,
"Refwactions and refwactions awe vewwwy diffewent."
Never quite understood him"

"See, now Isaac Newton was a real douchebag..."

"...and I would be pissed off if I looked like that too..."

*stares at kid who randomly stands up during class and then makes excuses*
"You know what your problem is? You have ADHD. You stand up and I look you in the eye and I see that you have no idea what's going on..."

"Get me pictures of clouds for a project we won't actually do..."

"Okay, so this is hydrochloric acid
*demonstrates acidic abilities*
Okay now after I take a handful of this
*grabs powder(it was some sort of base)*
and neutralize the acid
*takes a drink*
Tastes like vinegar...anyone want a glass?"

"All hail mighty google...sometimes when you guys are working I'll just sit at my desk and google random things..."

"It's got them fangs!...what were we talking about?"

"Ni! Ni! Ni! And now to chemistry..."

"It's like that one thing in Monty Python...what is your favourite color...blue no red no AHHHHH!"

Any quote from Holy Grail he pretty much did...

"Okay word association because that's something to do with your brain"

"The education system is a joke..."

"Evolution is not a theory. It's the truth!(I go to a catholic school...I loved him for that)"

"Think of molecules like atoms having sex. Chloe and Sodium are walking through the mall, see a nice closet and sneak inside for a little rump. Come back out and they can't get out of eachother...also think of them like orgies if there is more than two atoms"

"Ever notice how a heart kind've looks like two twins having sex?
*draws two hearts together*
And that looks like an orgy..."

LMFO x'D

God, and I thought my math teacher was good at making funny comments! x)

 

[theriddlen]

"name, stop playing with my mouse"
She said many funny things, but i'm not sure if she is aware of the second meaning of her words. Also, she's a principal.

Talking about the compound CH3CH2OH: "This is your favorite molecule if youre over 21. It's ethanol. Or if you're not over 21. It can still be your favorite."

I prefer C2H5OH And here you only need to be 18!

 

[LadyRhian]

I got to hear about Beethoven's Bathroom habits (he kept his chamber pot under his harpsichord because it "saved time") and Mozart had a bird that, when it died, he gave it an elaborate funeral, complete with paid mourners.

Speaking of which...

"Think of molecules like atoms having sex. Chloe and Sodium are walking through the mall, see a nice closet and sneak inside for a little rump. Come back out and they can't get out of eachother...also think of them like orgies if there is more than two atoms"

You have to see this...

 

[spartan1077]

Well I can dedicate everything to my Science teacher. And all of this is true.

Spoiler: Frolickisms

"So there was this one cat right? And I guess it had rabies. So I was looking out my window at the cat and it was running around some person's yard, frothing from the mouth and all that shit. So anyways, I guess someone was scared and called the police because two cops pulled up. As soon as they got out, the one cop takes out his gun and shoots the cat. So I run outside to see more and I see the cat struggling on the ground, still alive.
*demonstrates what cat was doing*
So the cop shrugs and shoots it again. And it still DOESN'T DIE! So he starts slamming it with bullets, BOOM BOOM BOOM and finally the cat starts to twitch and move again! They had to walk up and shoot it in the head...and this shows something about anatomy"

"...I'll tell you how spiders mate. The female spider is a real *****. She hates the male and doesn't really want to procreate so she has to be raped...so the male will go to her web and walk down to her, then get his head bitten off and his body devoured...at some point the male spider got smarter and probably flicked the web a little or something and saw the female fall asleep...for a second. So he plays the whole song and when she's asleep he goes, rapes her and then she wakes up and eats him."

"Instead of doing science, we're watching Sweeny Todd...what the fuck! This is a musical?"

"Okay, so the friendly, tall, angry, loving, caring, grumpy, tired ostrich sticks in head in the ground a metre from a convex mirror..."

"I used to have this Asian professor for physics. And he tried teaching us Reflection and Refractions but because he was Asian it sounded like,
"Refwactions and refwactions awe vewwwy diffewent."
Never quite understood him"

"See, now Isaac Newton was a real douchebag..."

"...and I would be pissed off if I looked like that too..."

*stares at kid who randomly stands up during class and then makes excuses*
"You know what your problem is? You have ADHD. You stand up and I look you in the eye and I see that you have no idea what's going on..."

"Get me pictures of clouds for a project we won't actually do..."

"Okay, so this is hydrochloric acid
*demonstrates acidic abilities*
Okay now after I take a handful of this
*grabs powder(it was some sort of base)*
and neutralize the acid
*takes a drink*
Tastes like vinegar...anyone want a glass?"

"All hail mighty google...sometimes when you guys are working I'll just sit at my desk and google random things..."

"It's got them fangs!...what were we talking about?"

"Ni! Ni! Ni! And now to chemistry..."

"It's like that one thing in Monty Python...what is your favourite color...blue no red no AHHHHH!"

Any quote from Holy Grail he pretty much did...

"Okay word association because that's something to do with your brain"

"The education system is a joke..."

"Evolution is not a theory. It's the truth!(I go to a catholic school...I loved him for that)"

"Think of molecules like atoms having sex. Chloe and Sodium are walking through the mall, see a nice closet and sneak inside for a little rump. Come back out and they can't get out of eachother...also think of them like orgies if there is more than two atoms"

"Ever notice how a heart kind've looks like two twins having sex?
*draws two hearts together*
And that looks like an orgy..."

LMFO x'D

God, and I thought my math teacher was good at making funny comments! x)

Forgot about one more A whole semester with that guy was awesome...never did any work

"True story here. I used to be a dick when I was younger and had a mean friend. So anyways we were in the park and we saw seagulls everywhere. So my friends suggests we throw rocks at them. We did and hit no one until we saw one land. And he threw the rock horizontally, the bird flew horizontally until SPLAT the bird's wings were broken. But that wasn't enough for my friend. I told him we had to put it out of it's misery and he looked back to me saying,
"my dad told me the best way to die is to drown"
so he picked up the bird and held it under the water"

 

[Safaia]

My ninth grade honors English teacher was awesome. We were all little freshmen sitting with the essays we had to write over the summer and he comes in, tosses a desk over and says "I AM SPARTACUS.'

Dude was fucking amazing. He also kept lipstick in his desk and would kiss people who fell asleep in class.

 

[TWRule]

"I once had a student who seemed like he had the potential to be a true philosopher. Then he told me he was going to a baseball game with his girlfriend, and I gave up hope."

Another, professor earlier on would dismiss the class each day with the following:
"Okay - use condoms; don't drink and drive; give a shit - see you next time!"

Same teacher:

"At your ages, you should be having lots of sex!"

As a phil major, your teachers say lots of interesting things, but those are probably some of the funnier ones off the top of my head.

 

[Palademon]

Well, in one lesson my philosophy teacher explained the flying spaghetti monster, purely by choice.

 

[thecoreyhlltt]

ok, mine would have to be in english 11 the teacher (whose name i can't remember) was talking about something and for some reason the topic of being held at gun-point came up. we asked him what he would do and he said "Well, i'd act like i was insane or something, so i'd start laughing and say holy shit! thats a really sexy gun!"
looking back i think he might've been high

 

[DaJoW]

My maths teacher from a few years ago was pretty funny. Don't think it'll be very good in text though...

"I can count the number of morning classes you attended last year on one hand... with three fingers missing."

"Won't you please need help? I feel so useless."

(To a student standing by a window) "Don't do it! This is just the third floor, you might land on a janitor."

(When our physics teacher had people take a test during maths class without telling our maths teacher, while walking out of the room) "If you hear a noise, don't worry. It's just Eric begging me not to drop him from the window."

(Before/at the beginning of major exams, while handing out gum) "Take this. I need to dope (as in doping) you up so you'll do well. Makes me look good."


Another teacher, during lectures on algorithm design:

"Look at this code. This is sexy code. Not ugly like that one."

"A monkey could do this!"

"My four year-old daughter could write a more efficient algorithm than this!"

 

[CharrHearted]

"Think of molecules like atoms having sex. Chloe and Sodium are walking through the mall, see a nice closet and sneak inside for a little rump. Come back out and they can't get out of eachother...also think of them like orgies if there is more than two atoms"

"Ever notice how a heart kind've looks like two twins having sex?
*draws two hearts together*
And that looks like an orgy..."

That was... amazing. Can I have your science teacher?

 

[CharrHearted]

I seem to remember my Maths Teacher turning round in the middle of class and shouting: DO you know who batman is? *takes his jacket* I'M BATMAN!.

Never seen him again after that.