what is the greatest joke you have ever heard?

[Captain Wes]

A guy walks into a bar really sad and depressed the bartender says "Whats wrong buddy?" And the guy says, "There's just some things you can't explain" the bartender goes, "well it might help if you tried" the guy says "well im a farmer and today my favorite cow ever was having problems" the bartender says "that doesn't seem so bad" and the farmer says "somethings you just cant explain you see see was kicking at me and everything" and the bartender says "really thats not so bad" and the farmer says "somethings you just cant expain you see i had to tie one of her legs to a post so i could milk her" and the bartender says "im sure she doesn't have any bad feelings or anything" and the farmer says "somethings you just cant explain you see then she started kicking with her other leg so i had to tie that one to a post too" the bartender says "it really doesn't seem so bad" and the farmer says "somethings you just can't explain you see then see started hitting me with her tail and i was out of rope so i had to use my belt to tie her tail up" the bartender goes, "i dont mean to be rude but there are worse problems out there" and the farmer says "somethings you just can't explain you see then while i was milking her my pants feel down and at that moment, pants down cows legs tied and tail up my wife walks in, somethings you just cant explain"

 

[Serge A. Storms]

This joke combines a couple of minorities

Two gay guys are walking on a beach when they discover a lamp wash up on the shore. They pick it up at the same time, and a genie appears.
"I grant one wish to my master. As each of you rubbed the lamp, each of you shall receive one wish."
One of the gay guys thinks and says "I love it on this beach, I wish for a giant cottage right next to this beach so that we can stay here as long as we wish."
In a flash, a giant, lavish cottage appears with ever accessory one could hope to have. The couple is ecstatic, and immediately make plans to move in and celebrate their new home.
"I still haven't granted your wish" the genie says to the other man.
The man thinks for a second, then gestures for the genie to move in close. He whispers his wish into the genie's ear so that his partner can't hear.
The genie gives him a strange look and replies "that's certainly an unusual wish, but well within my power. It shall be done."
There's another flash, but nothing seems to have changed, and the genie departs.
"What did you wish for" asks the man's partner.
"It's a surprise. You'll find out tonight."
So the men go to the cottage, and make a lavish meal for themselves. Just as they are finishing, they get a knock on the door. They open it to find several dozen KKK members standing outside. The foreman of the group then asks "now which one of you wanted to be hung like a black boy?"

 

[Summerstorm]

A horse walks into a bar. Says the barkeeper: "So.. why the long face?"

 

[the_dancy_vagrant]

A bear walks into a bar and growls at the bartender "Gimme a drink!". The bartender looks at the bear and says "Sorry, but we don't serve bears here." The bear gets pissed off and says "If you don't gimme a drink, I'll eat that woman down at the end of the bar." The bartender does nothing, so the bear goes to the end of the bar and eats the woman. He lumbers back up and says "Now give me the drink before this gets worse." and the bartender replies "Sorry, but we don't serve to bears or people on drugs. That was the barbituate."

/funny

 

[ShadowStar42]

What do you call a black man who flies an airplane?

Spoiler

A pilot you racist

 

[TheSaint21]

God...I'm going to get banned for this.

**To the tune of Yankee Doodle**

Helen Keller went to town
Riding on a pony
Stuck a feather in her hat
and called it "NYUUUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHH"

**End song joke**

Why can't Helen Keller drive?
She's a woman.

How did Helen Keller break her hand.
Reading road signs.

How did Helen Keller burn her face?
She answered the Iron.

Why did Helen Keller's dog run away?
You would too if your name was "NYUUUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHH"


Dear mods....please don't hate me

 

[T5seconds]

Judge: So Mickey you want to divorce your wife on the set of insanity,

Mickey Mouse: No because she?s fuckin goofy...

All I must say is, I love this joke...