What should I do?

[thebobmaster_v1legacy]

First off, I'm sure this is going to sound whiny and/or wangsty, but I don't really care at this point. I just need somebody to spill all of this to, and ask for advice.

Basically, I'm feeling like crap on a daily basis. I basically go through the motions each day, not even really enjoying much of what I do, but only doing it because I can. I constantly find myself nearly in tears for no real reason, and my self-esteem is probably lower than I've ever had it, and with good reason, to me.

I know that, if I feel like that, I should probably see a psychiatrist, right? Well, there's a few problems with that. First, I have no source of income to pay for a psychiatrist. I haven't even been able to move out of the house yet, or get a job. I make $60 a week, and that's it. So, the next option is to ask family for help, right? Well, the only family I really have that can help is my mother. And she has plenty of her own debt, partially due to me needing support. She can't really afford to add more to pay. And I honestly worry that if I ask her for help, she'll just tell me I need to man up, take some responsibility, and get over it.

What the hell should I do in this situation? I'm currently trying the "grin and act like nothing's wrong" approach, but it's only getting worse. My temper's starting to get affected, to the point where my mom's friend (who's currently living with us because the house she was renting sank into the foundation, and she hasn't found a place to rent that she likes in her price range 9 months later) has told me, with no irony, "You have issues."

And please, no comments about how I should "suck it up", because I'm trying that, and it is totally not working, or commenting on my age. I'm an adult legally in every sense, but without a job, I can't get out of my mom's house, and getting a job is not easy for me, especially while recovering from knee surgery and lacking a car.

And these problems have been going on for a few months now. It's just starting to get to the point where I don't know how to handle it any more.

 

[Lilani]

I think you should try changing your pace. Quit "going through the motions"--do something new. Challenge yourself. They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing again and again and expecting different results. I know this is very vague, but seeing as how you don't have a job and you didn't say whether or not you were in school I'm not exactly sure how you spend your days. So find something you've been wanting try do for a while and go for it. Even if it's something as simple as an exercise routine, doing puzzles, picking up a craft, or reading some of the classics. It can get very aggravating and, indeed, depressing to get stuck in the same rut every day. So try changing your routine and see what happens.

 

[thebobmaster_v1legacy]

I think you should try changing your pace. Quit "going through the motions"--do something new. Challenge yourself. They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing again and again and expecting different results. I know this is very vague, but seeing as how you don't have a job and you didn't say whether or not you were in school I'm not exactly sure how you spend your days. So find something you've been wanting try do for a while and go for it. Even if it's something as simple as an exercise routine, doing puzzles, picking up a craft, or reading some of the classics. It can get very aggravating and, indeed, depressing to get stuck in the same rut every day. So try changing your routine and see what happens.

I am going to school. But due to some lackluster efforts in the past, when I was going to school because I had to rather than knowing what I wanted, I can only take one class, twice a week.

And exercise is still a tricky subject for me, because I had knee surgery a few months ago. I don't have any puzzles, or anywhere to do them, I don't have any crafts stuff, and I've read every book I own. I still play video games (of course. Why else would I be on this site?), but even that's starting to lose a bit of its fun, because I've played all the games I own, and have only one left to beat, and that one is buggier than an ant farm (Fallout: New Vegas on the 360). And even when I do have fun, my temper shorts out quickly, and I get overly frustrated before long, resulting in an outburst that, if heard, results in my mom's friend telling me I have issues.

 

[k-ossuburb]

Those all seem like basic symptoms of depression, consult your physician for a proper diagnosis and get the help/drugs you need.

 

[DeadlyYellow]

I'm one of those 'suck it up' people. It only takes about a month to get over knee surgery, unless you're very fat or lazy. Since a car is a problem, I assume you live in the boonies where biking to work is never an option.

Avoid alcohol, doesn't mix with depression. Avoid high caffeine and heavy sugars as well. This basically means no soda, energy drinks, and certain juices. You'll feel like absolute shit the first week or so, but the mass of chemicals Americans usually ingest will fuck you up something fierce. Poor health, poor energy, etc. Eating really healthy is not an option, as it typically triples food costs, but you can reduce the amount of crap you take in.

Learn to garden. It's constant simple physical labor that will get you moving at least, with potential for growing your own produce. Better if started earlier in the year when you can develop a proper vegetable patch.

 

[Susan Arendt]

Those all seem like basic symptoms of depression, consult your physician for a proper diagnosis and get the help/drugs you need.

I tend to agree. Not being able to concentrate, a general feeling of pointlessness - classic depression. The question now, is, if something specific triggered it, or if it's an ongoing condition. After my dad died, for example, I felt much the same way you did, but it was also clearly a temporary situation. If there hasn't been any key stressor for you - mum and dad splitting up, losing a job, some other major event - then your issue may be chemical in nature.

 

[BloatedGuppy]

First off, I'm sure this is going to sound whiny and/or wangsty, but I don't really care at this point. I just need somebody to spill all of this to, and ask for advice.

Sounds like clinical depression. There's no reason to think of it as whiny or wangsty, or try to find a reason to attribute it to. Most people will experience at least one episode of clinical depression in their lifetime, if not several, and not all of them will be related to trying circumstances. Sometimes your brain just packs it in for a year or two. This seems especially commonplace in the early to mid 20's, but it can hit at any time and at any age.

You don't NEED to see a psychiatrist. Talk therapy can be useful for a great many issues, especially longstanding ones reaching back into your childhood, but it's hardly essential. What you should do...and sooner rather than later...is make an appointment with your GP. Explain your situation, and talk about the possibility of getting on an anti-depressant. Something low impact, with minimal side effects and a short half-life (some anti-depressants can be pretty addictive). No, it will not change who you are, or alter your personality in some fundamental way. It'll help get your brain chemistry back on track so you can resume having a healthy outlook on the circumstances of your life.

In the meantime, you should also make sure you're eating right (lots of vegetables, minimal processed foods, lots of water), sleeping right (however much you need a night, 8+ hours usually), and exercising as much as possible (I know you've got the knee surgery but you still need to find a way to move around and get your heart rate up). All of those things will help get you feeling better.

While it's normal and healthy to feed sad and depressed when grieving or during times of great emotional upheaval/personal crisis, it's not normal or healthy to just "feel like crap on a daily basis". Just like we can get sick physically, we can get sick emotionally, too.

Go see a doctor.

 

[thebobmaster_v1legacy]

I'm one of those 'suck it up' people. It only takes about a month to get over knee surgery, unless you're very fat or lazy.

Strange. It took me a couple months just to be able to walk without a knee immobilizer on. Must have to do with the fact that, well, I had my tendons stretched and tightened. Takes a bit longer than a month to get over that.

As for it being depression, I wouldn't be totally surprised. I've been having issues for a while. They basically started back in October, but I've basically just pushed it away and pretended it wasn't an issue, or that something else was causing it, but obviously, it hasn't improved.

 

[Lilani]

I am going to school. But due to some lackluster efforts in the past, when I was going to school because I had to rather than knowing what I wanted, I can only take one class, twice a week.

And exercise is still a tricky subject for me, because I had knee surgery a few months ago. I don't have any puzzles, or anywhere to do them, I don't have any crafts stuff, and I've read every book I own. I still play video games (of course. Why else would I be on this site?), but even that's starting to lose a bit of its fun, because I've played all the games I own, and have only one left to beat, and that one is buggier than an ant farm (Fallout: New Vegas on the 360). And even when I do have fun, my temper shorts out quickly, and I get overly frustrated before long, resulting in an outburst that, if heard, results in my mom's friend telling me I have issues.

Well I didn't say you HAD to do ONE of those things ;-) Those were simply the first few things to come off of the top of my head. My point was find something else to do to break up this "usual routine." You would know what best to do better than me.

If you don't want to or can't see a doctor, you're going to have to take the steps yourself. You're going to have to push yourself to make the necessary changes. Make sure you're taking vitamins and eating a balanced diet (being low on certain vitamins can cause depression-like symptoms). And don't find a reason to dismiss every single possible solution that comes your way. Read all the books on your shelf? Fine. Go to the library and find a book that isn't on your shelf. Public libraries are totally free to use. Can't get to the library? Look up lists of good short stories and find them online. Or, again, take up some sort of craft or hobby.

My point is don't quit at the first hurdle you find, and don't give up on your first failure.

Also, if things don't start to improve soon, you may still want to see a doctor regardless. If you think you don't have much money now, there's no way you're going to have any more in the future if you get to a point where you can't even function.

 

[thebobmaster_v1legacy]

there's always suicide. just saying

That's one step I'll never take. My mom has to deal with enough without adding that onto her. I've been suicidal before, I seriously considered going through with it, but I'm glad I never did.

 

[Billabong Pobblecock]

there's always suicide. just saying

That's one step I'll never take. My mom has to deal with enough without adding that onto her. I've been suicidal before, I seriously considered going through with it, but I'm glad I never did.

Don't let some one guilt you out of suicide. it's your life. it's your decision. and think of this, when your dead you won't know anything about "hurting" people because you will be at peace

 

[mikey7339]

get the help/drugs you need.

The drugs you need? really? Help yes but antidepressants aren't magic happy pills. That should be an absolute last resort.

there's always suicide. just saying

That's one step I'll never take. My mom has to deal with enough without adding that onto her. I've been suicidal before, I seriously considered going through with it, but I'm glad I never did.

Don't let some one guilt you out of suicide. it's your life. it's your decision. and think of this, when your dead you won't know anything about "hurting" people because you will be at peace

What the hell is wrong with you Billabong?!?

 

[imnot]

there's always suicide. just saying

That's one step I'll never take. My mom has to deal with enough without adding that onto her. I've been suicidal before, I seriously considered going through with it, but I'm glad I never did.

Don't let some one guilt you out of suicide. it's your life. it's your decision. and think of this, when your dead you won't know anything about "hurting" people because you will be at peace

Stop trying to make the poor guy kill himself for a minuite!!!!!

OT: Try doing something that would make you feel better about yourself, maybe charity? run x amounts of miles not long after knee surgery! THE MONEY WILL ROLL IN!
For the Africans or whatever I mean.
.>
Not for you.
[small]Send it to me[/small]

 

[k-ossuburb]

get the help/drugs you need.

The drugs you need? really? Help yes but antidepressants aren't magic happy pills. That should be an absolute last resort.

Meh, they work for me, I never said they were "magic happy pills" but if it's a chemical imbalance that's causing the underlying problem (like with me) then antidepressants are really the only logical way to go. I suffer no problems with them and if I did I'd take it up with my doctor and have myself taken off of them.

 

[Bambi On Toast]

You should talk to someone who cares, like your Mum or your Mum's friend. You need to open up like this to someone in REAL LIFE. I'm not saying nobody here cares, but I am saying that I don't know how you can benefit from a thread like this. All it has done is highlight the fact that you are seriously messed up. (Yes, I'm a hypocrite for calling this thread pointless and then posting in it)

I guess I could try some advice.... Look at all the posts that have diagnosed you with depression. You know you have a problem, and you need to seek help. If you explain how you feel to someone close, I'm sure they will take care of you. Money shouldn't be an issue when your mental health is in danger. I'm speaking completely not from experience because I have never known anybody with depression... So I am just thinking sensibly. Ask your Mum for help.

 

[Entraboard]

I was kind of in a funk too... but then my brother came back from college and coaxed me into start going to the gym with him.

It seriously does help: it broke my "going through the motions" by forcing myself to stick to a schedule that would allow me to be on the treadmill by 6. After just a couple of weeks, I started feeling better and looking better, creating a positive cycle for me.
And like Elle Woods said in Legally Blonde:
"Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy."
So true.

After that, I started to look for a new hobby... something that would peel me away from sitting on the couch playing games/watching movies. For me, it was table-top gaming and I've met a lot of very friendly people at my local hobby store.

A lot of forum posters have also commented on how good exercise can be for you.
Not to mention eating right (for me, it was as simple as cutting out anything that came from a franchise: i.e. McDonald's, Subway, etc.)

I understand that you had knee surgery and are still recuperating and maybe excercise isn't an option... but you could go out for walks/strolls. I'm sure there are plenty of puppies at your local animal shelter that would really appreciate it if you took an hour from your day to let them enjoy being outside in the fresh air and sun... maybe you even become endeared with one and adopt it, making both your lots in life a little more pleasant.

Anyways; chin up, thebobmaster. A little change can lead to a whole new perspective.

 

[tunderball]

I am going to school. But due to some lackluster efforts in the past, when I was going to school because I had to rather than knowing what I wanted, I can only take one class, twice a week.

And exercise is still a tricky subject for me, because I had knee surgery a few months ago. I don't have any puzzles, or anywhere to do them, I don't have any crafts stuff, and I've read every book I own. I still play video games (of course. Why else would I be on this site?), but even that's starting to lose a bit of its fun, because I've played all the games I own, and have only one left to beat, and that one is buggier than an ant farm (Fallout: New Vegas on the 360). And even when I do have fun, my temper shorts out quickly, and I get overly frustrated before long, resulting in an outburst that, if heard, results in my mom's friend telling me I have issues.

Well I didn't say you HAD to do ONE of those things ;-) Those were simply the first few things to come off of the top of my head. My point was find something else to do to break up this "usual routine." You would know what best to do better than me.

If you don't want to or can't see a doctor, you're going to have to take the steps yourself. You're going to have to push yourself to make the necessary changes. Make sure you're taking vitamins and eating a balanced diet (being low on certain vitamins can cause depression-like symptoms). And don't find a reason to dismiss every single possible solution that comes your way. Read all the books on your shelf? Fine. Go to the library and find a book that isn't on your shelf. Public libraries are totally free to use. Can't get to the library? Look up lists of good short stories and find them online. Or, again, take up some sort of craft or hobby.

My point is don't quit at the first hurdle you find, and don't give up on your first failure.

Also, if things don't start to improve soon, you may still want to see a doctor regardless. If you think you don't have much money now, there's no way you're going to have any more in the future if you get to a point where you can't even function.

I'm totally with Lilani on this. You need to find something to challenge yourself and occupy your time other wise your just going to be stuck in the 'usual routine' for a long time. Although what I find a little worrying is that you just openly dismiss or find an excuse for every idea, you need to take bold steps forward yourself otherwise your not going to get anywhere.
Think of it like this if the goal is 'to get a job' but you can't do that right now due to your knee why not try and achieve something (anything, your choice take your pick!) whilst your knee is recovering. So when your finally recovered you'll possibly be feeling better about yourself and be in a better place to find work or do whatever you want with your life.

In short you need to find a challenge or a goal other wise your just going to be sat around doing absolutely nothing and your only going to feel worse about yourself, you just need to break your downward spiral and do something.

Oh and a final piece of advice just ignore Billabong Pobblecock the guy seems like he has 'problems' too.

 

[HardkorSB]

What the hell should I do in this situation?

Well, you can

man up, take some responsibility, and get over it.

I mean, why should life get better for you if you're not even willing to work for it?
After I finished college, I've been in the same situation as you. I was tired of the place I lived in and the people around me. All I did was waste my time, waiting for something to happen. It never did. I had to make it happen so I moved to a different country and started a new life.
It's still not perfect but way better than it was. At least now I'm doing something. I could do a lot more but I'm steadily making my life more enjoyable for myself as I go along. Sometimes, I even start to actually give a shit about the people I meet and the things that are happening. Sometimes, I like the life I live.

The point is, go look in the mirror, slap yourself in the face as hard as you can, then look again and think of all the greatness that life has to offer you instead of just sitting around and complaining about how miserable your current life is.
Heaven could be right around the corner but you still have to get off your ass and take those few steps to get to that corner.