What's it like having 2 parents?
- Thread starter chuckman1
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I don't think my opinion would be good here. My parents are alcoholic smokers who fight on a weekly basis, making it loud enough for me to hear it, and it's often about their ongoing marital problems. I have a LOT of nervous ticks because of that.
I was raised by two mothers and a dad, in other words by my mom and her parents.
So I guess I got more attention than most kids, especially after my grandparents retired.
I had my mom to look up to in intellectual matters, grandad on practical things and conventional wisdom, and grandmother to test my logic against, I guess?
But it's not like the number of parents you have is the only thing that defines what your childhood is like.
So I guess I got more attention than most kids, especially after my grandparents retired.
I had my mom to look up to in intellectual matters, grandad on practical things and conventional wisdom, and grandmother to test my logic against, I guess?
But it's not like the number of parents you have is the only thing that defines what your childhood is like.
That does suck. Sorry to hear that. My mom and I get along pretty well. But we're barely above poverty level. Guess it's preferable to your situation though.Griffolion said:
sorry to hear someone not having a full family mate 
that really makes me want to cherish more my still pretty well-united family...
i sometimes think bad and even say bad things to my parents but that i guess happens to every teenager but seriously - i can't possibly imagine my life without one of them .
as far as i can remember, there were about 3-4 (maybe even 5) times when we were on verge of separation (fighting almost violently sometimes) and really nasty conflicts but im really glad they keept up together for my and my big brother's sake.
About how it feels having them both?... well it's kind of like having two big parts of your life in place. They give you many of the important life-lessons(even without them acutally talking to me about it):the evreyman's different opinion on anything; the propper maners; the way to act nice but at the same time not too nice with your friends; maybe even open your eyes on how scummy some people are and many others.
well it has it's flaws, but i guess they're something that every child and teenager needs in order to go through these incredibly awkward periods.
that really makes me want to cherish more my still pretty well-united family...
i sometimes think bad and even say bad things to my parents but that i guess happens to every teenager but seriously - i can't possibly imagine my life without one of them .
as far as i can remember, there were about 3-4 (maybe even 5) times when we were on verge of separation (fighting almost violently sometimes) and really nasty conflicts but im really glad they keept up together for my and my big brother's sake.
About how it feels having them both?... well it's kind of like having two big parts of your life in place. They give you many of the important life-lessons(even without them acutally talking to me about it):the evreyman's different opinion on anything; the propper maners; the way to act nice but at the same time not too nice with your friends; maybe even open your eyes on how scummy some people are and many others.
well it has it's flaws, but i guess they're something that every child and teenager needs in order to go through these incredibly awkward periods.
You call that a wall of text? : |chuckman1 said:
OT:
It's really hard to say how it's different from living with one parent because I've never experienced that. Needless to say, if I lost one of my parents I would miss them very much.
One big difference I can point out is that most married couples (or domestic partners if theyre not married) fight A LOT! Some more than others, some more violently than others. Personally though, Id have to point out that if she weren't arguing with my father she'd be arguing with me a lot more than she already does : \ So that's a plus I guess.
I imagine its not the same for everyone. I can tell you what it's like being the youngest child:
Me: "I want the puppy!"
Parents: "You get the puppy!"
Me: "I want a jet-ski!"
Parents: "You get a jet-ski!"
I was pretty spoiled. I started feeling guilty about it when I turned 17 or 18 and started working so I could buy my own crap. But my parents still get my stuff now (I'm 24) even when I say, "No, I'm fine. I can wait until I have the money for it".
But having both parents? For me, it was great. Both my parents are extremely loving, and I never went through that phase of being embarrassed of your parents. I don't think I could live myself if I treated them like I was ashamed of them, after everything they've done for me.
Me: "I want the puppy!"
Parents: "You get the puppy!"
Me: "I want a jet-ski!"
Parents: "You get a jet-ski!"
I was pretty spoiled. I started feeling guilty about it when I turned 17 or 18 and started working so I could buy my own crap. But my parents still get my stuff now (I'm 24) even when I say, "No, I'm fine. I can wait until I have the money for it".
But having both parents? For me, it was great. Both my parents are extremely loving, and I never went through that phase of being embarrassed of your parents. I don't think I could live myself if I treated them like I was ashamed of them, after everything they've done for me.
I have two parents, but they broke up before I can remember. So it's like having one parent at a time, but I had two houses, two bedrooms, two sets of toys, two beds... it was alright but a pain having to travel to and fro, and now I'm older I have to make sure I make time for both of them separately and it takes up a lot of time.
I don't think my dad's really taught me anything my mum couldn't have, but I'll bet that wouldn't be the case if I was a guy.
I think one bonus of having separated parents that you still see both of, it's like you have two chances to have a stable childhood. If I'd been living with both my parents I'd have had to deal with my mum being nuts and a borderline alcoholic and other stuff all the time, but this way half my childhood was spent in the presence of my sane dad, who married a fairly wealthy woman so ended up being able to help me out through university...
I don't think my dad's really taught me anything my mum couldn't have, but I'll bet that wouldn't be the case if I was a guy.
I think one bonus of having separated parents that you still see both of, it's like you have two chances to have a stable childhood. If I'd been living with both my parents I'd have had to deal with my mum being nuts and a borderline alcoholic and other stuff all the time, but this way half my childhood was spent in the presence of my sane dad, who married a fairly wealthy woman so ended up being able to help me out through university...
When you have two parents they scream at eachother a lot, everyone's always crying and no one really cares about you. When you have one parent everything is okay for a couple of years until they find a partner, at wich point there's a lot more of your things breaking, death threats, and it apparently becomes okay to hit you for no apparent reason except that you somehow managed to upset said partner's delicate sensibilities. I can't speak for everyone of course, but I'm pretty sure that's how it goes.
Well it's been good. I think there's still flaws, but still. I've got time so I'll split my childhood into pros and cons:
Pros:
There's always been a measure of peace.
What with all the people I know with divorced parents, I always felt lucky having that quintessential nuclear family thing going on.
My mum taught me to be sensitive, how to respect literary works, and cook.
My dad taught me how to shoot, fish, skin animals, train hunting dogs, play cricket, football and be a sarky git.
My mum has been very supportive of my decision to attend university in America, where I one day hope to live.
Cons: To be honest, I do differ from my parents on a lot of things. My sense of humor is far different, as is my outlook on a lot of subjects. Growing up, I felt like there was usually a little condescension going on, and that my opinion was never taken all that seriously, when my two sisters seemed to have a lot of say
Being the youngest child, I felt a little sheltered, despite the survivalist stuff I got from my dad.
While it's certainly a loving relationship, I don't necessarily describe it as "good". I rarely bring up experiences in my own life; they weren't aware of my first real girl friend, or when I lost my virginity. I didn't tell them about being stabbed, due to being on holiday and able to tend it myself remarkably well. It's not that they wouldn't care. They certainly would care a lot. I think that's part of my problem with sharing with them. My mum's a little overbearing with worry and with things like these, I prefer to be left alone.
While my mother was supportive of my choice to go to university in America, she is far less supportive of my decision to join the Royal Marines. She consistently tells me not to get my hopes up, and overall, of everyone who I've told of my choice, I've received little to no encouragement. That sometimes gets to me, because I feel like nobody has faith in my abilities.
Edit: Conclusion: I feel like despite preferring my mother (who was more lenient) in my childhood years, looking back, I feel as though I acquired more of my dad's personality. The cynical outlook, the bitingly sarcastic comments. But from my mum, I've gained what I would call gentlemanly qualities. I tend to be polite, and respectful.
Pros:
There's always been a measure of peace.
What with all the people I know with divorced parents, I always felt lucky having that quintessential nuclear family thing going on.
My mum taught me to be sensitive, how to respect literary works, and cook.
My dad taught me how to shoot, fish, skin animals, train hunting dogs, play cricket, football and be a sarky git.
My mum has been very supportive of my decision to attend university in America, where I one day hope to live.
Cons: To be honest, I do differ from my parents on a lot of things. My sense of humor is far different, as is my outlook on a lot of subjects. Growing up, I felt like there was usually a little condescension going on, and that my opinion was never taken all that seriously, when my two sisters seemed to have a lot of say
Being the youngest child, I felt a little sheltered, despite the survivalist stuff I got from my dad.
While it's certainly a loving relationship, I don't necessarily describe it as "good". I rarely bring up experiences in my own life; they weren't aware of my first real girl friend, or when I lost my virginity. I didn't tell them about being stabbed, due to being on holiday and able to tend it myself remarkably well. It's not that they wouldn't care. They certainly would care a lot. I think that's part of my problem with sharing with them. My mum's a little overbearing with worry and with things like these, I prefer to be left alone.
While my mother was supportive of my choice to go to university in America, she is far less supportive of my decision to join the Royal Marines. She consistently tells me not to get my hopes up, and overall, of everyone who I've told of my choice, I've received little to no encouragement. That sometimes gets to me, because I feel like nobody has faith in my abilities.
Edit: Conclusion: I feel like despite preferring my mother (who was more lenient) in my childhood years, looking back, I feel as though I acquired more of my dad's personality. The cynical outlook, the bitingly sarcastic comments. But from my mum, I've gained what I would call gentlemanly qualities. I tend to be polite, and respectful.
I know, right? And there's always that whole thing about only being able to get a full answer about various life questions out of one or the other. WHY CAN'T THEY COMPILE ALL THE KNOWLEDGE INTO ONE PARENT, DAMMIT?! Then I'd have to put up with only ONE parent stopping me from killing myself with brilliant schemes and plans. Gah. Double-parents ruin everything.Tharwen said:
My family's had ups and downs. I have both of my original parents and 9 siblings.
I think the numbers alone can tell most of the story. Being more of a middle child, and still treated like one, I never saw much of my parents as a child. Now that only 6 of us live at home and I'm the oldest things are better.
I have to agree with a lot of people, it all depends on dynamics. Mine aren't that bad. My mom owns the house, my dad just so happens to live in it and is heard as an equal opinion, as she says. My dad plays along and if anything every time she says that or proves it he says it reminds him the reason why he fell in love with her, her strong opinions and ways.
I am ever greatful that even through some really dark days my parents stayed together and that for the most part we all did.
I think the numbers alone can tell most of the story. Being more of a middle child, and still treated like one, I never saw much of my parents as a child. Now that only 6 of us live at home and I'm the oldest things are better.
I have to agree with a lot of people, it all depends on dynamics. Mine aren't that bad. My mom owns the house, my dad just so happens to live in it and is heard as an equal opinion, as she says. My dad plays along and if anything every time she says that or proves it he says it reminds him the reason why he fell in love with her, her strong opinions and ways.
I am ever greatful that even through some really dark days my parents stayed together and that for the most part we all did.
Growing up with two parents was....good? I don't know, it's all I've ever known. As far as I can tell though, it varies from family to family.
For instance, I'm sure if your dad had stayed around, you would have been worse off than simply being raised by only your mom (seeing as you said he terrorized your family).
In my family, my Mom was a stay at home Mom and my Dad was always working, so I rarely saw him except at night and on weekends. When I was a little kid, I thought it was awesome. When I was an angsty teen, I resented them both. Now that I'm an adult and on my way to being a father myself, I appreciate them both.
Basically, it's entirely subjective.
For instance, I'm sure if your dad had stayed around, you would have been worse off than simply being raised by only your mom (seeing as you said he terrorized your family).
In my family, my Mom was a stay at home Mom and my Dad was always working, so I rarely saw him except at night and on weekends. When I was a little kid, I thought it was awesome. When I was an angsty teen, I resented them both. Now that I'm an adult and on my way to being a father myself, I appreciate them both.
Basically, it's entirely subjective.
When mine were together, my dad would be sort of militaristic in how he ran things, setting up the chore schedule and stuff but when we were out of the house he always seemed to be putting on a show for the public. Vacations seemed like an order to have fun, him being stressed when we weren't doing something, making it feel like we were wasting time.
My mom seemed to counterbalance him, seeming to never have outgrown her teen phase. She was always doing the behind the scenes stuff like cleaning while I was at school. She seemed to have a personality that annoyed me though while I had a sort of fear from my dad. Over time I seemed to withdraw from both of them while they, at first seemed like the opposites attract thing, started to show signs of being incompatible and eventually got divorced.
Swapping weeks between them, there wasn't much difference in the day to day life. Dad was always preoccupied with some project or I was in my room playing games while mom was watching tv or playing on the web.
Don't worry too much about it.
My mom seemed to counterbalance him, seeming to never have outgrown her teen phase. She was always doing the behind the scenes stuff like cleaning while I was at school. She seemed to have a personality that annoyed me though while I had a sort of fear from my dad. Over time I seemed to withdraw from both of them while they, at first seemed like the opposites attract thing, started to show signs of being incompatible and eventually got divorced.
Swapping weeks between them, there wasn't much difference in the day to day life. Dad was always preoccupied with some project or I was in my room playing games while mom was watching tv or playing on the web.
Don't worry too much about it.