What's the deal with airline food?

[Smagmuck_]

Post the funniest or corniest jokes you know, like or have used before. Please, no dirty or exsesivly vulgar jokes... Okay, GO!



Me: Knock, knock.
Victim: Whose there?
Me: Interupting cow.
Victim: Interupt-
Me: MOO!

 

[IrishBerserker]

Please, no dirty or exsesivly vulgar jokes... Okay, GO!

But those are the only ones I know.

 

[-Orgasmatron-]

Is a hipapotamus a hipapotamus, or a really cool potamus? - Mitch Hedberg

 

[johnman]

man walks into a bar - ouch

When drunk that joke is awesome because of all the fake laughter it attracts
"HHAAHhhaaaa you are so funny man!"/ sarcasm

 

[Avatar Roku]

Is a hipapotamus a hipapotamus, or a really cool potamus? - Mitch Hedberg

I am saved by the buoyancy of citrus!

Fettuccine Alfredo is Macaroni and Cheese for adults.

 

[666thHeretic]

This one time I fell when I was riding the "up" escalator. I was falling down the stairs for hours.

My belt holds up my pants, but my pants have little loops that hold up my belt. What the fuck's really going on down there, who is the real hero here?

 

[Avatar Roku]

Is a hipapotamus a hipapotamus, or a really cool potamus? - Mitch Hedberg

I am saved by the buoyancy of citrus!

Fettuccine Alfredo is Macaroni and Cheese for adults.

There are 6 ducks out there, and they all want Sun Chips!

I ate a bag of Texas Grill Fritos, these fritos had grill marks. Hell yeah! Reminds me of summer, when we'd light up the Barbecue and throw on some fritos. I can still see my dad with that apron on. 'Better flip that frito Dad. You know how I like it.'

 

[Insanum]

Man walks into a bar, Ow. Man walks into a Funk Bar, Owww[/I]

3 blondes walk into a building, You would've thought one of them wouldve seen it!

 

[Drake the Dragonheart]

Did you hear about the blind man who picked up a hammer and saw?

 

[Avatar Roku]

Is a hipapotamus a hipapotamus, or a really cool potamus? - Mitch Hedberg

I am saved by the buoyancy of citrus!

Fettuccine Alfredo is Macaroni and Cheese for adults.

There are 6 ducks out there, and they all want Sun Chips!

I ate a bag of Texas Grill Fritos, these fritos had grill marks. Hell yeah! Reminds me of summer, when we'd light up the Barbecue and throw on some fritos. I can still see my dad with that apron on. 'Better flip that frito Dad. You know how I like it.'

I play a lot of tennis, and it depresses me to know, no matter how good I get I'll never be better than a wall.

I played a wall once man, they're fucking relentless.

I love how this is just descending into people quoting Mitch Hedberg.

I wanted to do a Smokey the Bear joke in England, so I had to ask if they know who Smokey the Bear is, but they don't. Because, you see, in England Smokey's not the forest fire prevention representative. They have Smackey the Frog. It's just like a bear, but it's a...frog. I think that's a better system, I think we should adopt it, 'cause bears can be mean, but frogs are always cool. I mean, never has there been a frog hopping towards me and I thought 'oh man, I better play dead!' It's always optimistic, like 'hey, here comes a frog. Alright! Maybe he will settle near me, and I can pet him, and put him in a mayonnaise jar, with a stick and a leaf to recreate what he's used to, but I better put some holes in the lid, 'cause he's damn sure used to air! And I can observe him, but he won't be doing much in his 16 ounce world.'

Of course it is, he's the fucking man!

 

[Kriptonite]

Is a hipapotamus a hipapotamus, or a really cool potamus? - Mitch Hedberg

I am saved by the buoyancy of citrus!

Fettuccine Alfredo is Macaroni and Cheese for adults.

There are 6 ducks out there, and they all want Sun Chips!

I ate a bag of Texas Grill Fritos, these fritos had grill marks. Hell yeah! Reminds me of summer, when we'd light up the Barbecue and throw on some fritos. I can still see my dad with that apron on. 'Better flip that frito Dad. You know how I like it.'

Would you like a frozen banana? No, but I would like a regular banana later so, yes.

 

[Avatar Roku]

Is a hipapotamus a hipapotamus, or a really cool potamus? - Mitch Hedberg

I am saved by the buoyancy of citrus!

Fettuccine Alfredo is Macaroni and Cheese for adults.

There are 6 ducks out there, and they all want Sun Chips!

I ate a bag of Texas Grill Fritos, these fritos had grill marks. Hell yeah! Reminds me of summer, when we'd light up the Barbecue and throw on some fritos. I can still see my dad with that apron on. 'Better flip that frito Dad. You know how I like it.'

Would you like a frozen banana? No, but I would like a regular banana later so, yes.

That reminds me. I don't know this one by heart, so I'll probably mangle it, but:

I love Baked Potatoes, but they take so long to make, so when I get home, even if I'm not hungry, I throw a potato in the oven, just in case I want one later.

 

[GrinningManiac]

I thought this was going to be a discussion on the quality of airline food

Seriously, I hate that stuff more than I hate things like Créme Fresh or Fox News or the BNP

Joke?

What do you call a Fly with no wings?

A Walk

What do you call a Fly with no wings OR legs?

A raisin

 

[SharPhoe]

P
Me: Knock, knock.
Victim: Whose there?
Me: Interupting cow.
Victim: Interupt-
Me: MOO!

I've always preferred my own version of the joke:

Me: Knock knock!
Victim: Who's there?
Me: Interrupting Heavyweight boxer.
Victim: Interrupti-
Me: *Punches the victim in the face*

...Okay, no, I've never actually done that.

 

[Kriptonite]

Is a hipapotamus a hipapotamus, or a really cool potamus? - Mitch Hedberg

I am saved by the buoyancy of citrus!

Fettuccine Alfredo is Macaroni and Cheese for adults.

There are 6 ducks out there, and they all want Sun Chips!

I ate a bag of Texas Grill Fritos, these fritos had grill marks. Hell yeah! Reminds me of summer, when we'd light up the Barbecue and throw on some fritos. I can still see my dad with that apron on. 'Better flip that frito Dad. You know how I like it.'

Would you like a frozen banana? No, but I would like a regular banana later so, yes.

That reminds me. I don't know this one by heart, so I'll probably mangle it, but:

I love Baked Potatoes, but they take so long to make, so when I get home, even if I'm not hungry, I throw a potato in the oven, just in case I want one later.

I saw a commercial for an above-ground pool, it was 30 seconds long. You know why? Because that's the maximum amount of time you can depict yourself having fun in an above-ground pool....I can't even drown my kneecaps!