What's The Difference Between Creepy and Romantic?
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Or, given it is a sentiment that has been repeatedly expressed throughout modern history by innumerable men and even many women, then maybe it is a "most (not all) the women problem".TheLaughingMagician said:
A bisexual friend of mine, some years ago decided to stop dating men altogether and focus exclusively on women because she felt men were too sexually demanding. A year or so later, she had changed her mind to date exclusively men because, to quote her directly, "Women are fucking crazy."
...I'll be blunt, that's not a women-exclusive problem. Getting men to admit to what they like is like getting blood from a stone. My god, the stories I could tell - it once took three days to get an old boyfriend to admit he liked flowers! Three days, for flowers! You're already Gay, dammit, it's not like admitting to liking flowers is going to make you gayer!KissingSunlight said:
And... honestly, from personal experience, the guys that get labeled 'creepy' and publicly shamed are the... well, creepy ones. Attractive, unattractive, it didn't matter, they did creepy shit and were thusly labeled 'creepy'. Though the attractive ones did have more people coming to their defense, which was... disappointing, but not surprising. Given how hell-bent Western society is on people fitting a rather narrow definition of 'attractive', anyone who fits that particular bracket getting treated better than the rest despite being a piece of human garbage isn't too taxing on the imagination.
It's to be expected when one is trying to lump every woman as one. There is no magic formula that works on most women because all people are different. There is no strict gender divide when it comes to who likes what. The best one can get is narrowing down by personality type. But folks never do that when they ask what "women" like or want.TheLaughingMagician said:
There is no hive mind. One woman's answer won't give you insight into another woman's thought process unless she knows the woman in question. And an individual woman isn't likely to give you a checklist of everything you should do to impress her...a man won't do that either. If either a man or woman did the average person would think they are handing over a list of demands instead of a road map to their hearts anyway.
That is pretty true, actually. Both men and women are pretty shit at letting partners or prospective partners know what they like. Women are more visible in this respect because even in the present day it is still largely men who are expected to make the romantic gestures and it is up to the women to accept, but it's still a problem of both genders.Wrex Brogan said:
Kinda none.
I used to be a romantic. Hopeless kind.
and by that i mean, i used to be super creepy and kind of a stalker.
Then i learned to live in the real world. And thank god for that otherwise i think i'd still be single.
I used to be a romantic. Hopeless kind.
and by that i mean, i used to be super creepy and kind of a stalker.
Then i learned to live in the real world. And thank god for that otherwise i think i'd still be single.
American Fox said:
OT: Whether or not the person whom the gesture is directed towards considers said gesture romantic or not. That's pretty much just another way of saying everything everyone else has been saying for this whole thread. For example, if I'm out with a girl and order her favorite drink without her even knowing I know her favorite, one can consider that considerate and a sign of caring, and another creepy and a sign of obsession.
There were people in the thread saying the thing that mattered about the gesture was how attractive the person doing it was. That is not so. And you never know, some people might be into getting their laundry sniffed. Which would make it consensual and okay and I guess a somewhat romantic gesture if that's what you're into.Stewie Plisken said:This example doesn't prove your point, Phasmal. There is absolutely no context in which sniffing one's laundry basket could be interpreted as romantic. The question is when a gesture that is intended as romantic would come off as creepy.Phasmal said:
Context and reciprocity. That's literally it. It has nothing to do with attractiveness, those who say it does aren't spilling the hard truths they think they are, they're just misinterpreting situations. For instance, I'd bang Chris Evans like a screen door in a hurricane, but I'd still think it was weird if I found him face down in my laundry basket inhaling like a crack addict.
Attractiveness is not the be all and end all.
And I see the conversation has jumped from the standard 'hot guys can do whatever they want' to 'women won't tell us what they want'. You guys could try to be a little less predictable.infohippie said:
Personally, I find that women are usually very clear about whether they like someone, but sadly a lot of guys will ignore the answer if it's not the one they want.
Still, the answer is to err on the side of caution, if you're not sure about what the person likes or if they're even into you- you probably shouldn't be planning romantic gestures.
As a pretty ugly (and old now) guy I have to say... Attractiveness increases rejection, that much is true. But being rejected isn't really the same thing as being seen as or considered creepy. Even if a woman that shoots me down thinks or even says to someone "wow that creepy guy asked if I want to dance" that's not really the same. She may think it, but won't for long as I'll be out of her head a few minutes later... just as she's out of mine when I move on.
Hello, Mr. George Carlin. However, this is creepy vs romantic, not crazy vs maniac.American Fox said:
OT: Depends on the people involved, if you ask me. There's a shit ton of variables to determine which of the two it is and no one person has the correct answer. It is only their answer to the question.
Haha, well, you seem to also have missed the distinction I was drawing (unless you think suddenly cooking for a person you barely know fits within the definition of nornal-spectrum acts that I specified...) so I guess I got what I deserved.Wrex Brogan said:
Again, the question here is "why do only some people come off as creepy when the cotext is the same as the one of those who come off as romantic". To answer that it is due to context misses the point entirely and answers an altogether different question. The basis for the question is that context leaves the determination solely on the shoulders of the person towards whom the act is directed. What we are examining here is why, all things bein equal, people react differently to the same acts done by different people in similar contexts. Ergo my original post in this topic.
I think it depends on the people involved. There are some people who think it's a cute show of affection to make sex in public but honestly if someone says my name to me in any sort of kind way I get incredibly uncomfortable. This is one of those weird, "There is no correct answer" kinds of things since people are so weird and different.
I don't completely buy it when people say, "this is only creepy if the person doing it to me isn't attractive". Creepy behavior is creepy behavior, no matter what the person doing it looks like and no matter what their intent.
"Here is a well-written confession of my love with a lock of my hair" says Tom Hiddleston.
"Awwww" says the recipient
"Here is a well-written confession of my love with a lock of my hair" says Brendon Fraiser.
"GET THE FU-HAAAAAAAAAAAAAALP!!! POLICE!!!" says the recipient.
I don't completely buy it when people say, "this is only creepy if the person doing it to me isn't attractive". Creepy behavior is creepy behavior, no matter what the person doing it looks like and no matter what their intent.
"Here is a well-written confession of my love with a lock of my hair" says Tom Hiddleston.
"Awwww" says the recipient
"Here is a well-written confession of my love with a lock of my hair" says Brendon Fraiser.
"GET THE FU-HAAAAAAAAAAAAAALP!!! POLICE!!!" says the recipient.
I'd say it's the degree to which the feelings are reciprocated that makes the difference. I mean, romantic things are romantic because you're supposed to be in a romance with the person. If they're a total stranger you ogle at the gas station, it's not romantic for you to show up on their lawn playing music. It's weird and creepy.
The best answer is that a lot of it is contextual and based on accurately gauging the other person's degree of interest in you. If they're uninterested and you want their attention, a better way to do it is to politely ask if they want to get a coffee sometime or any other way of opening a conversation. Once they know you better, you can move on to the late-night texts and dick pics. You need to earn enough trust that they know there's no malice behind it; then it stops being creepy.
So, context, context, context. Physical attractiveness is, in my experience, irrelevant, and kind of dodges the whole question by shovelling responsibility for one's romantic prospects entirely on how pretty their face is. That just discourages average-to-fugly looking people from dating, and gives attractive people a false sense of confidence that can easily lead to crossing someone's personal boundaries by mistake.
The best answer is that a lot of it is contextual and based on accurately gauging the other person's degree of interest in you. If they're uninterested and you want their attention, a better way to do it is to politely ask if they want to get a coffee sometime or any other way of opening a conversation. Once they know you better, you can move on to the late-night texts and dick pics. You need to earn enough trust that they know there's no malice behind it; then it stops being creepy.
So, context, context, context. Physical attractiveness is, in my experience, irrelevant, and kind of dodges the whole question by shovelling responsibility for one's romantic prospects entirely on how pretty their face is. That just discourages average-to-fugly looking people from dating, and gives attractive people a false sense of confidence that can easily lead to crossing someone's personal boundaries by mistake.
Reciprocation. Going into the depths of your emotions and desires when the other person hasn't returned a little bit of theirs, if they have them at all for you, is the beginning of creepy. Extensive details without their consent IS creepy.
It takes two to tango, don't play your cards out all at once.
It takes two to tango, don't play your cards out all at once.
Whether it's a coffee commercial or not...
I will also accept; "When the BGM tells us it is/n't..."
That gaze at the end becomes a whole lot more sinister if you replace the tune with the in-episode remix of the X-Files theme.
I will also accept; "When the BGM tells us it is/n't..."
That gaze at the end becomes a whole lot more sinister if you replace the tune with the in-episode remix of the X-Files theme.
I'll throw in my two cents.
Romance: "Hopefully this gesture will make this person happy"
Creepy: "This should get this person to see how great I am and how we should be together"
Romance is a gesture, be it great or small, to just do for the other person. Filling your partner's tires because they are stuck home working on something is romantic. Poems are not going to be written over it, but it will touch someone that you went through the effort for no other reason than you care.
Creepy are attempts to impress the other person so they realize you're a suitable mate. They are show-offy gestures designed to make you look like hot shit so the object of your affection (and never has the term been so apt) has no choice but to submit to your wooing.
Romance: "Hopefully this gesture will make this person happy"
Creepy: "This should get this person to see how great I am and how we should be together"
Romance is a gesture, be it great or small, to just do for the other person. Filling your partner's tires because they are stuck home working on something is romantic. Poems are not going to be written over it, but it will touch someone that you went through the effort for no other reason than you care.
Creepy are attempts to impress the other person so they realize you're a suitable mate. They are show-offy gestures designed to make you look like hot shit so the object of your affection (and never has the term been so apt) has no choice but to submit to your wooing.