I am twenty-three, and my Husband is thirty. We've been together since I was nineteen. That drives some people crazy, even here in the States. But I also hadn't lived with my parents from sixteen on, I have had jobs and responsibilities, and even lived on my own. We were friends first, gamed together, and then started seeing each other after we ended up fooling around one evening. We were together for three years, moved into our house, before HE brought up marriage and it wasn't on a whim. We talked about it a lot, at least six months before he 'popped the question'. I also wanted to make sure he was asking me because he wanted to, not because he felt pressured by any family members. Mine or his.
What would each expect from each other after the papers were signed? We went over our future plans again and asked would this marriage conflict with our separate future ideals or goals? Why did he feel he needed to ask me? Would I say yes, and why? Did he feel this was something he HAD to do because he believed in God? We also talked about the legal benefits of marriage. That the marriage license isn't about the romantic part of your relationship or marriage, but it works as a legal document forcing the government and certain companies (insurance, work , hospitals) to see you as a committed couple and forces them to give you the benefits that they provide.
We also have no plans on having ANY children. We both have mental issues in our family lines (one quite severe) and feel that it would be irresponsible to bring a child into the world to suffer with those disabilities , and we both don't feel we are even close to emotionally ready to handle a child. So we didn't get married to strictly have babies. We also don't do everything together. If he wants to go out to eat and I don't, he just goes out to eat. If I want to go shopping and he doesn't want to tag along, I don't nag him, I just go shopping and enjoy my afternoon. You are still two separate people with your hobbies, little joys, and alone time. If you feel tied down, married or not, something isn't right.
It may seem like everyone and their dog in the States is praying to Jesus, getting married and squirting out ten children apiece, but that isn't actually reality.
Honestly, a lot of people, even outside the U.S., get married for the wrong reasons. They want instant gratification and for a perfect relationship or marriage to just be provided for them through the marriage license and that's not how it works - at all. They treat marriage AND divorce like a easy way out (or so they think) of all their problems. When a majority of those problems stem from the inside and marriage just projected those problems onto their partner and/or children. Even after the divorce, you still have your problems. That is something for you to fix, not your partner.
But as to some of these responses to your questions and comments, not everyone is 'dumb', 'naive', 'immature', or a 'religious zealot' - when they do. Just because it is unfortunately abused, doesn't make it any less important to those that didn't do it for petty reasons. It's a life choice that should be respected just like any other life choice. To be single, to have a partner and not be married, to have multiple partners who work together like a big family, etc. I support all of these choices, and wish them the best.
What would each expect from each other after the papers were signed? We went over our future plans again and asked would this marriage conflict with our separate future ideals or goals? Why did he feel he needed to ask me? Would I say yes, and why? Did he feel this was something he HAD to do because he believed in God? We also talked about the legal benefits of marriage. That the marriage license isn't about the romantic part of your relationship or marriage, but it works as a legal document forcing the government and certain companies (insurance, work , hospitals) to see you as a committed couple and forces them to give you the benefits that they provide.
We also have no plans on having ANY children. We both have mental issues in our family lines (one quite severe) and feel that it would be irresponsible to bring a child into the world to suffer with those disabilities , and we both don't feel we are even close to emotionally ready to handle a child. So we didn't get married to strictly have babies. We also don't do everything together. If he wants to go out to eat and I don't, he just goes out to eat. If I want to go shopping and he doesn't want to tag along, I don't nag him, I just go shopping and enjoy my afternoon. You are still two separate people with your hobbies, little joys, and alone time. If you feel tied down, married or not, something isn't right.
Our friends aren't married and have been with their partners for 5+ years, and no one gives them any grief.
My Dad and his girlfriend have been living together for a few years, with no talk of marriage.
My aunt is nearly sixty now, and unmarried, without a partner. I don't particularly like her as a person, but her personal life is never a topic of gossipy conversation.
My sister was just married yesterday at thirty-three (already has a child to someone she wasn't married to), her husband is forty and had a vasectomy.
My other sister is a couple years from forty, one child from a 10 year relationship that fell apart, with no plans to ever get married and definitely not to have anymore children. I don't even think she's dating. And no one treats her as if she's anything other then human.
My Dad and his girlfriend have been living together for a few years, with no talk of marriage.
My aunt is nearly sixty now, and unmarried, without a partner. I don't particularly like her as a person, but her personal life is never a topic of gossipy conversation.
My sister was just married yesterday at thirty-three (already has a child to someone she wasn't married to), her husband is forty and had a vasectomy.
My other sister is a couple years from forty, one child from a 10 year relationship that fell apart, with no plans to ever get married and definitely not to have anymore children. I don't even think she's dating. And no one treats her as if she's anything other then human.
It may seem like everyone and their dog in the States is praying to Jesus, getting married and squirting out ten children apiece, but that isn't actually reality.
Honestly, a lot of people, even outside the U.S., get married for the wrong reasons. They want instant gratification and for a perfect relationship or marriage to just be provided for them through the marriage license and that's not how it works - at all. They treat marriage AND divorce like a easy way out (or so they think) of all their problems. When a majority of those problems stem from the inside and marriage just projected those problems onto their partner and/or children. Even after the divorce, you still have your problems. That is something for you to fix, not your partner.
But as to some of these responses to your questions and comments, not everyone is 'dumb', 'naive', 'immature', or a 'religious zealot' - when they do. Just because it is unfortunately abused, doesn't make it any less important to those that didn't do it for petty reasons. It's a life choice that should be respected just like any other life choice. To be single, to have a partner and not be married, to have multiple partners who work together like a big family, etc. I support all of these choices, and wish them the best.
