What's wrong with cheating?

[Abomination]

What she is essentially doing is forcing his personal life into his commercial life against his wishes. The situation surrounding why the individual was driven to cheat is completely ignored because "he's an ass".

And why do his wishes matter there?

And that is the mindset I can not abide here. His relationship is over yet there seems to be some idea that the one who was cheated on is entitled to also attempt to ruin his professional career? I understand there's likely an emotional hurt going on but how are the two situations related? If he doesn't share a workspace with her how is spreading such information helping anyone?

He has no right to such a separation.

Legally, you are right, of course. One would hope people consider how the two situations are entirely unrelated.

And 'driven' to cheat? Unless there's some kind of abusive relationship going on, no excuse. People are responsible for their choices, don't give some lame excuse of 'driven'. Cheating is not some kind of solution to a dire problem, it makes no sense to claim they would be 'driven' to it. All it gives is sex. Sex is not an answer to any kind of terrible situation.

Desire for sex is not the only reason why people cheat. Relationships are far more complex than someone wanting to get off with a different person, there are usually far more underlying issues than just that. It might not be abuse, but it can be neglect.

Of course the irony of the situation is that when a woman does something like that more and more people are starting to think "No wonder he cheated on you".

And some people think Obama is Muslim. Plenty of people have plenty of beliefs that make no sense.

If someone reacts in such a manner about a situation completely unrelated because they were hurt emotionally then it's generally perceived the individual does such things on other occasions to similar slights. It actually makes perfect sense to judge someone as irrational when your only experience with them is watching them behave irrationally.

 

[Lil devils x_v1legacy]

What she is essentially doing is forcing his personal life into his commercial life against his wishes. The situation surrounding why the individual was driven to cheat is completely ignored because "he's an ass".

And why do his wishes matter there?

And that is the mindset I can not abide here. His relationship is over yet there seems to be some idea that the one who was cheated on is entitled to also attempt to ruin his professional career? I understand there's likely an emotional hurt going on but how are the two situations related? If he doesn't share a workspace with her how is spreading such information helping anyone?

He has no right to such a separation.

Legally, you are right, of course. One would hope people consider how the two situations are entirely unrelated.

And 'driven' to cheat? Unless there's some kind of abusive relationship going on, no excuse. People are responsible for their choices, don't give some lame excuse of 'driven'. Cheating is not some kind of solution to a dire problem, it makes no sense to claim they would be 'driven' to it. All it gives is sex. Sex is not an answer to any kind of terrible situation.

Desire for sex is not the only reason why people cheat. Relationships are far more complex than someone wanting to get off with a different person, there are usually far more underlying issues than just that. It might not be abuse, but it can be neglect.

Of course the irony of the situation is that when a woman does something like that more and more people are starting to think "No wonder he cheated on you".

And some people think Obama is Muslim. Plenty of people have plenty of beliefs that make no sense.

If someone reacts in such a manner about a situation completely unrelated because they were hurt emotionally then it's generally perceived the individual does such things on other occasions to similar slights. It actually makes perfect sense to judge someone as irrational when your only experience with them is watching them behave irrationally.

In this day and age of universities and employers scouring facebook and other social media sites to turn up dirt on their prospects and also use that data to determine whether or not they will accept them, the idea of " business and pleasure" being separate no longer really exists. If an employer or university considers " character and ethics" to be of importance in their decision, their personal character is just as valid as their professional one.

 

[Abomination]

In this day and age of universities and employers scouring facebook and other social media sites to turn up dirt on their prospects and also use that data to determine whether or not they will accept them, the idea of " business and pleasure" being separate no longer really exists. If an employer or university considers " character and ethics" to be of importance in their decision, their personal character is just as valid as their professional one.

And the practice of doing so seriously needs to be nipped in the bud. Hiring people on such moral standards about such personal matters is seriously blurring the line between professional and personal lives. We work to live, we do not live to work. Our profession should support our personal life, our personal life shouldn't be required to support our profession.

If an employer doesn't give a shit my son is sick and still wants me to show up for work then they better damn well not give a shit if I have a new romantic interest in my life.

 

[Caiphus]

Unless it's a drunk accident kinda thing, anyone committing it is fully aware of what they're doing and should just break it off with whomever they are seeing. I've had my share of relationships and temptation has come around, but I either broke it off if I felt I didn't love my current girlfriend enough or made sure there was no temptation anymore.

Well yeah, of course. Having an affair is never the best solution to anything. By all means, it would be an ideal world if cheating just never happened. But it does, and your reaction, as an unrelated third party, will differ. Mine is that it's a nasty thing to do, but as the guilty party's friend I'm not going to hang it over their head forever. I might be stern with them about it, but that's probably it. Your reaction is that you would see it as an indication that your friend plays fast and loose with people's feelings, and shouldn't be trusted. I get that, and it's understandable.

You might have different life experience too. My perception of cheating would almost definitely change if a wife and kids were involved. But I'm only 20, so that hasn't been an issue as of yet. Most teenage relationships are kind of shitty anyway.

 

[rasputin0009]

Hiring people on such moral standards about such personal matters is seriously blurring the line between professional and personal lives. We work to live, we do not live to work. Our profession should support our personal life, our personal life shouldn't be required to support our profession.

I entirely disagree. If a potential employee isn't trustworthy enough, then I will not hire them. What better way to judge a person's character than proof of their personal lives?

Yes, I think we live to work. Nothing defines you better than what you do, and what you do includes your professional lives at work. To separate both your personal and professional lives is to separate yourself.

 

[Abomination]

Hiring people on such moral standards about such personal matters is seriously blurring the line between professional and personal lives. We work to live, we do not live to work. Our profession should support our personal life, our personal life shouldn't be required to support our profession.

I entirely disagree. If a potential employee isn't trustworthy enough, then I will not hire them. What better way to judge a person's character than proof of their personal lives?

Yes, I think we live to work. Nothing defines you better than what you do, and what you do includes your professional lives at work. To separate both your personal and professional lives is to separate yourself.

The best way to judge a person's professional character is proof from one of their previous professional situations - references. How a person behaves at home isn't the same as they behave at work - I would even call it unhealthy.

As for living to work? I can see that being the case if someone is lucky enough to have their dream job but that is seldom the case. Telling someone they live to work in a job they dislike - especially in this economy - is not going to do them any emotional favors. No, I work to live my life, to afford to do the things I want to do. I am defined by who I am, not what I do to be who I am.

 

[Childe]

To me at any rate cheating is pretty much the ultimate act of a coward. You cheat because you are no longer happy in your relationship but instead of having the balls to break it off you try and have your cake and eat it too. What i think gives cheating such a bad rap is that it has always been historically looked down upon and we havn't changed from that. Not that I think we should.

 

[Vegosiux]

I entirely disagree. If a potential employee isn't trustworthy enough, then I will not hire them. What better way to judge a person's character than proof of their personal lives?

If an employer has to look into your personal life to know whether or not you're likely to leave them for a better job offer if one turns up...

Because I can't think of any other equivalents for cheating. "Not trustworthy"? It's quite a leap of logic to assume one's a troublemaker who will harm your business because they cheated on their spouse that one time.

Luckily, a person's entire character is rarely defined by one individual action.

 

[Stasisesque]

Hiring people on such moral standards about such personal matters is seriously blurring the line between professional and personal lives. We work to live, we do not live to work. Our profession should support our personal life, our personal life shouldn't be required to support our profession.

I entirely disagree. If a potential employee isn't trustworthy enough, then I will not hire them. What better way to judge a person's character than proof of their personal lives?

Yes, I think we live to work. Nothing defines you better than what you do, and what you do includes your professional lives at work. To separate both your personal and professional lives is to separate yourself.

I have cheated, I've mentioned this in previous threads. I am, or at least I have been, a cheater. Of course I regret it, I don't condone cheating in any way but I also know that one mistake cannot be used to determine a person's character. I've been in... a few relationships, but I have only cheated in one of them. There's a history to it which I won't go in to, but please know that the person I wronged also made a mistake. We hurt each other (I like to think equally, others will think differently) and were stupid, but neither of us are bad people. People make mistakes.

As for the second point, separating oneself is often a good idea. The last thing you want to do is take the stress of work home with you. Especially if you have a family.

 

[afroebob]

Because when your with somebody your supposed to commit all of your romantic feelings onto them while they commit all of their romantic feelings back to you therefore making a romantic relationship. I'm not gonna lie, its pretty basic shit.

Granted, if the other person doesn't care if you go out and pull one night stands or whatever the Hell else you do its still pretty odd but I wouldn't necessarily look down on someone for doing it (well, I might. Not really sure, it would probably depend a lot on the specifics).

 

[Smeatza]

Uhm, breaking it off over a text that took you 10 seconds sounds kinda assholeish as well. If you can't bear to do it face to face, at least call them, come on.

Too right, but even a cowardly asshole will be able to avoid cheating on people using texts.

 

[Abomination]

What she is essentially doing is forcing his personal life into his commercial life against his wishes. The situation surrounding why the individual was driven to cheat is completely ignored because "he's an ass".

And why do his wishes matter there?

And that is the mindset I can not abide here.

You mean questioning things you assume? That is all that is present. Give a justification for why it should matter, don't just huff and be all "I can't stand you asking me to justify my assumptions!"

No, the mindset that someone is entitled to try and ruin someone else's life because their relationship failed.

His relationship is over yet there seems to be some idea that the one who was cheated on is entitled to also attempt to ruin his professional career?

No, I am asking why his wishes should matter. Is your position so indefensible you cannot answer a simple question like that? As far as I am concerned they are as entitled to do that as I am to go drink some water. They are entitled insofar as no one has provided a reason they should not be allowed to do that. You know, as opposed to you just being outraged as if that somehow made his wishes relevant.

"Please don't ruin my professional life because our relationship failed" is a pretty reasonable request. We seem to be talking past each other here. Legally she is able to do almost whatever she likes but it doesn't mean it is a reasonable or rational response.

I understand there's likely an emotional hurt going on but how are the two situations related?

How is this question or any of this related to answering the question I asked? You seem to be trying very hard to avoid any kind of analysis of what you say.

It's because I see no connection between how his professional life affects her personal life after their breakup. If there is no connection how is it constructive to try and jeopardize his professional career?

If he doesn't share a workspace with her how is spreading such information helping anyone?

Why does it need to help anyone? You make very odd assumptions. And I'd bet $100 you won't bother to justify them in the next post, just act all pointlessly outraged again. For no good reason.

It is not me who needs to justify destructive behavior. I figured that needed to be done by the person who was actively doing something destructive. You're asking me to justify him NOT having his career ruined? Like I said, that mindset is something is something I can't abide. You don't have to justify why something SHOULDN'T be destroyed, you have to justify why something SHOULD be destroyed. "Because he cheated" is not justification.

He has no right to such a separation.

Legally, you are right, of course. One would hope people consider how the two situations are entirely unrelated.

They are not unrelated in that he is in both of them. I see no issue with revenge. He wrongs someone, they find a perfectly legal and acceptable method to make sure he does not go unscathed. They can hardly seek retribution in the same manner that he wronged them.

So she does something completely destructive? Nobody benefits in this scenario - she looks like a raging ***** and he loses esteem with his coworkers.

Desire for sex is not the only reason why people cheat. Relationships are far more complex than someone wanting to get off with a different person, there are usually far more underlying issues than just that. It might not be abuse, but it can be neglect.

The solution to 'neglect' is 'breaking up'. Not hard.[/quote]Relationships are far more complex than that, sometimes there is a situation of financial interdependence, children can be involved or any other number of stumbling blocks. Emotional neglect is a terribly complicated thing, the reasons for it can vary to such a degree that dealing with it while keeping the relationship intact can be impossible in some situations.

If someone reacts in such a manner about a situation completely unrelated because they were hurt emotionally then it's generally perceived the individual does such things on other occasions to similar slights. It actually makes perfect sense to judge someone as irrational when your only experience with them is watching them behave irrationally.

It is not completely unrelated because the cheater is involved. The relation is that the cheater is there. Nothing irrational about it, only your obvious bias in trying to pretend the situations have nothing in common. The obvious goal is "X hurt me, I'll do something to them they also will be upset with". Not irrational in the least.

That is an emotionally fueled response. The rational response is "how can I get recompense for this loss?". The irrational response is to do something that hurts all parties, even a third party that had nothing to do with the relationship in the first place. How is harming his professional career constructive to anyone?