What's wrong with Polygamy

[Gralian]

Personally, i really do not like the idea of polygamy one bit. There's casual sex, but when you start throwing the term 'love' around, it just gets a bit much. The word is already used and abused so damn often in the modern world that it's lost all meaning. 'Love' is completely interchangable with lust that the people who do feel genuine love - the fairytale kind - are completely left out and their feelings ignored or unsung. When you do feel that kind of love, you can't just 'share' that person. Jealousy would blow ridiculously out of control, and coming from someone who once juggled with several women emotionally (though it never got physical), you definitely feel as though you 'love' one person more than the other. You know who you value above all else and it makes it harder to look that other person in the eye and repeat the same to them. Simply repeating the words 'i love you' to the next person feels hollow, empty and devoid of all human emotion.

However, as people above me have said before, if both parties are OK with it and just "like" each other (not the stare-into-each-other's-eyes kind of love) but want to go around humping more people then they can go ahead and do that. I don't think polygamists should be allowed to marry more than one person though. Aside from taxes, could you imagine the awkward conversations with friends and co-workers alike?

"So Bill, bringing your wife to the cook-off?"
"Nah, she's out of town."
"But i saw her in your car this morning."
"Nah, that's the other wife."
"..."

Not only that, but you will most likely foster a society where both sexes will compete to have the greatest number of "lovers", and it will get pretty damn crazy pretty damn fast. Men will feel inferior to the dominant males who have many wives and the women will feel unattractive if they don't have as many husbands. It's just not good, period.

Not to mention you'd probably spread STDs quicker, but i don't suppose it can get any worse now with all the casual sex people have.

 

[Seldon2639]

Dude, you've found your NEW religion. You are now a Morman.

The legitimate Church of Latter-Day Saints doesn't recognize polygamy as being a tenant of their religion. Only the FLDS has polygamy.

Don't tar the entire religion with the crazy ones

Thats just Polygyny. Polygamy can be both ways, with a woman having several men. I assume you are male and didn't even consider the other way around. And polygyny is good for most woman becaquse they can share the most desirable men? Damn I didnt know if I could share my car with more people that would be much better then keep it just for myself. That also throws down your assumptuion women monopolizing man with monogamy is a bad thing, as a man you just prefer men to monopolize women. I guess even going through the rest seems a very sexist point of view. You just put it on men perspective.

You missed part of this. I specifically enumerated for whom each version of mating is good. Yes, polygamy also includes polyandry, but given that I can't name off the top of my head a society which has practiced widespread polyandry, I'm going to assume that it would shake out the usual way: one man with many wives.

If you're the woman who can get the most desirable man, you damned sure don't want to share him. But, if you're a woman who (frankly) isn't the most desirable, it's better to be able to share the most desirable man. Lemme put it this way: would you rather own a Dodge Dart, or share a Ferrari? The choice isn't "if they don't share, every woman gets a great guy", most men are worthless scum. The choice is "if they don't share, some women get stuck with ugly, stupid, worthless, men" while the more desirable women get the best men all to themselves.

It's not a "good" or "bad" thing, the benefits and harms of each system fall to different groups. Remember, please, that monogamy is actually better for the majority of men who can essentially coerce some woman to marry him out of the gender ratio. Monopolization of a resource is good for the ones who can monopolize.

But, before you accuse me of sexism, please read my entire post. If you're an exceptionally desirable woman, you want monogamy. If you're a less-desirable woman, you want polygamy. If you're an exceptionally desirable man, you want polygamy. If you're a less-desirable man, you want monogamy. So, unless you're claiming to be the most desirable woman out there, yes, you do gain a benefit to being able to share.

But, I'm betting that you're male, and (as such) your initial reaction has more to do with the numbers game of "for every man with two wives, one man gets none" rather than any rejection of inherent "sexism" in my description. Remember, please, that unless the system is coercive (which it wouldn't be in America), a woman (or man) can always choose not to be polygamous.

But, given that none of us here are the most desirable men in the world, I'm betting our fear is: would women really want us if the better men weren't being gobbled up into relationships with more desirable women?

I guess its that way of thinking that makes me fill polygamy is a bad idea because like you put it, most men just think of polygyny. Men tend to see women as inferior and like many people already said it would (like you actually see on polygamist societies) increase even more the gap between both gender rights.

Correlation doesn't prove causation. Societies which have treated women poorly have occasionally be polygamous, but most societies of contemporary eras have treated women poorly, even monogamous ones. But, in a modern society, the only change would be that most of us men don't get wives, and more women marry the most desirable men. Brad Pitt gets fifteen wives, and fourteen of us get no one.

 

[Caliostro]

Maybe the wifes are the ones being considered here? Oh, wait. Males rule the world. I forget.

Polygamy also accounts for the other way around (multiple husbands). But even if it didn't, if both wives are aware of the situation and in agreement, what exactly is the problem?

Polygamy isn't "you're allowed to force people to marry you". There's a difference between allowing something and forcing it. Kind of a big one.

@OP: Because, in general, people are fucking insecure idiots who feel the need to force their own views on others.

 

[Orcus The Ultimate]

So a few days ago I just read up something about a ban on Polygamy (in the newspaper or something) and it just made me think what exactly is wrong with it? I use to hate it to for some reason (when I was religious.....and stupid (believe'd anything people told me....usually)from what I understand polygamy is having multiple wives (or lovers in general) now i can't see anything wrong with that (unless there's more to it) especially if you love all your wives (or both if you only have two) equally, so what is wrong with it??

it's not wrong, but if you Impose it culturally speaking, it is.

 

[The Hairminator]

It's defensible, from a genetically point of view, at least. Many sexual partners (that produce offspring) does create a wider variety in the gene pool.

 

[flamingjimmy]

Bans on Polygamy are illiberal and illogical.

Imagine this scenario: A married man is in love with another woman and has been cheating on his wife with her, he admits this, and after some time, his wife is OK with it. He still loves his wife, and doesn't want to leave her, but he also loves the other women. So he sees both of them.

This scenario is perfectly legal. It would also be completely legal to deceive your wife and sleep with and fall in love with another woman.

Yet if the man wants to marry both of the women it is illegal? How can that make any sense?

 

[Kimarous]

I've studied the issue in my college anthropology class. From what I remember, the main issue is cultural values. There are many places in the world where there are secure and healty polygamous marriages, both male and female based. Some spouses appreciate the amount of free time available, as housework is divided among everyone. Others appreciate the social/financial security that it provides. The list goes on. The core issue is that western culture, in general, does not seem to understand or accept such views.

 

[Vampire cat]

Polygamy also accounts for the other way around (multiple husbands). But even if it didn't, if both wives are aware of the situation and in agreement, what exactly is the problem?

Polygamy isn't "you're allowed to force people to marry you". There's a difference between allowing something and forcing it. Kind of a big one.

Well, if you really want to be in a relationship where you share 1 person with another that is possible. There is no law against having two relationships at once. Not being able to marry multiple women (or men) is because in many places still this i common practice, to literally "take" as many wives as you please. If we opened for this in western countries it would only encourage them to keep doing it.

Personally, such a relationship wouldn't work for me. But I also don't see how people are totally ok with their partners screwing around outside their relationship. I guess I'm sorta strict on those things?

 

[Caliostro]

I don't think polygamists should be allowed to marry more than one person though. Aside from taxes, could you imagine the awkward conversations with friends and co-workers alike?

Ah yes, we should totally forbid an entire life style between consenting people because conversation would be awkward. Yep, sounds like a legitimate and solid reason.

Not only that, but you will most likely foster a society where both sexes will compete to have the greatest number of "lovers", and it will get pretty damn crazy pretty damn fast. Men will feel inferior to the dominant males who have many wives and the women will feel unattractive if they don't have as many husbands. It's just not good, period.

As opposed to what happens now....?

But, that sounds to me like you're just afraid to belong to the "disfavored" group. So the option is try to force women to be with you out of desperation alone? This seems legitimate to you? Really?

This sounds less like a legitimate sociological problem, and more straight up fear of inadequacy.

 

[manythings]

I would call it the Marriage is between A man and A woman. I could care less about polygamy so long as everyone is on the same page and everyone knows about everyone else. A mistress she doesn't know about, and vice versa, is just an abuse of your significant other.

 

[Call Me Arizona]

As long as a system is set up to deal with the new factor of multiple spouses, then I'd vote for it to be legal.
I don't think I'd personally do well with it, but I don't mind if others do.

 

[Billion Backs]

There is nothing wrong with it.

I believe that everything should be okay between any number of consenting adults (adults, in this case, being people considered adults under law. I could argue that someone can be psychologically adult before reaching what generally is considered adult age - 18 - but that'd be a pretty pointless argument that would lead us nowhere)

I say, blame (generally organized) religious and cultural bigotry. If we could all do away with both of these pesky ideas, the world would have been a much nicer place.

 

[Caliostro]

Well, if you really want to be in a relationship where you share 1 person with another that is possible. There is no law against having two relationships at once. Not being able to marry multiple women (or men) is because in many places still this i common practice, to literally "take" as many wives as you please. If we opened for this in western countries it would only encourage them to keep doing it.

Ah yes, because our ban on it has clearly yielded results. Clearly there are no countries who continue to treat women like livestock or trading cards, right?

You do realize that the problem in those countries is not polygamy... It's the fact that women are valued as tools and not as human beings... right? The crux of the matter isn't that men are allowed multiple partners, but that said partners don't really get a choice in the matter. This is ENTIRELY unrelated to polygamy.

Personally, such a relationship wouldn't work for me. But I also don't see how people are totally ok with their partners screwing around outside their relationship. I guess I'm sorta strict on those things?

See, that's the thing, I'm not a fan of it either, but not liking something isn't legitimate grounds to forbidding it. Can't be on any society that accepts human rights.

 

[Therumancer]

There are a lot of issues with it.

One that hasn't been mentioned so far is of course that the population is usually roughly around 50-50 male/female. With polygamy you tend to wind up with the very rich/elite men marrying all of the eligible women. In ancient society they might not have much of a choice in the matter either (depending on the culture), in modern society with more women's rights there are other things to consider like the benefits of being married to a really rich guy.

What this does is lead to a lot of societal problems with a lot of very angry (usually young) men who can't get married or generally get with women. Not to mention what it can wind up doing to the population/social order as a whole over generations.

While it was a few years ago, I remember there was a big "Polygamy cult" in the news. I don't remember the names so finding a link is difficult. At any rate, one of the big issues was exactly what I'm talking about above. The "Alpha Males" who were in charge and married basically kicked the male children out of the community as soon as they could legally do so, to avoid the competition.

-

To put things into perspective, for a lot of guys having 2 or 3 wives (or more) probably seems "hawt" especially if you can afford them. But consider for a second what happens if your on the other end of that... your a young man, and there are either only other men around, and whatever women might be around are typically unclaimed by the upper crust for good reason..... meaning they probably have no redeeming values whatsoever (this can go well beyond physical appearance, since ugly but smart women might be taken as wives to do other things, especially if your dealing with a Harim type enviroment... a Harim is where Shiek apparently keeps his wives, while a harem is where he keeps his mistresses).

 

[Jaranja]

Maybe the wifes are the ones being considered here? Oh, wait. Males rule the world. I forget.

GOD DAMN IT, WOMAN! PUT ON A SEXY MAID COSTUME AND MAKE ME A FUCKING SANDWICH.

Seriously, if both people are fine with polygamy, more power to them. It's only disallowed because people get jealous.

 

[AssButt]

Some say that a surplus of men within the population, men who know that they will never find a mate could cause unrest in various areas of the nation.

I myself don't really care.

 

[Krakyn]

Taxes. You get tax breaks for being married. If everybody could just marry everybody, the government would lose a lot of money. It's kind of crass, but there it is.

 

[thethingthatlurks]

Meh, as long as there is consent, why the hell not? You know, treating adults like children is pretty damn annoying, and making things illegal because they go against some ancient tradition is just pathetic. Yeah, there will be tons of cases of abuse, but that also happens in marriages with unsettling frequency. If some people want to have multiple husbands/wives, who am I to disagree? Hell, go marry a dog for all I care, it doesn't affect me in the slightest...

But on the subject of divorce: having to pay one set of alimony is bad, having to two or three at the same time is just comical. And if you're the sad kind of sucker who will get married again (and more than likely get divorced again), well...lol

 

[swolf]

I don't think the problem is polygamy itself. I think it mostly has to do with the fact that most of the time there are practically no young men. It's just a bunch of old guys marrying younger women. I remember seeing this one talk show that had this girl whose mother was married to her father (not by blood) and he then married her. She refused to consumate the marriage and was then severely beaten for it, their logic was that she was dishonoring her husband and, in turn, god. That's pretty messed up.

 

[zehydra]

The problem is you can't love them all equally