Never is my custom title more readily apparent than when my friends try and set me up on blind dates. And never is the fact that I'm a sucker and an idiot more apparent than when I accept. A case in point happened recently (as in about six weeks ago, but I'd put this little "dating Let's Play" on hold then.)
Anyway, a friend of mine with a boyfriend wanted to do a little New Year's Eve double date, but her friend couldn't find a date for the occasion. So, knowing that I'm single and also knowing that I'll date almost anybody once, she arranged first via Facebook and later via phone calls for me to get to know her friend in advance of a potential date.
Now, my first clue that something was horribly, horribly amiss should've been immediately self-evident from the girl's Facebook profile. Usually, if someone's profile picture is pictures of flowers or cartoon characters or It's Happy Bunny, that's a sign they are either very private in nature or that they've got something to hide from the world. So that should've been my first sign.
But no matter---the girl was funny, well-spoken, reasonably intelligent, and as time went on during the four days or so between the introduction and the actual date I was like "hey, maybe some good will come of this."
Until I saw her. I have been on this earth a long time and I have seen a lot of people in my day. And I can say without a trace of sarcasm, irony, or embellishment that this chick was absolutely, positively, about as ugly as it's possible to be without being reclassified as some other primate species. 5'3 and at least 250 pounds, hair that looked like it hadn't been washed since Bill Clinton was still president, and the kind of hook nose that made me think "the only way I know she's not a witch is that there can't possibly be a duck out there that fat, can there?" It really is hard for me to adequately describe the depths of her beyond saying that "she fell out of the ugly tree, hit every branch on the way down, then someone took her up in a hot air balloon until they were over the ugly tree and dropped her over the side of the basket so she could have another trip through the branches."
I was polite---like I said, the girl has a nice enough personality---but when she started trying to get amorous and took my lack of interest as a horrible personal insult, I excused myself to the bathroom, whipped out my cell phone, and called a cab. Nice but aesthetically unappealing is one thing, but I'll be damned if I'm going to have someone like that making romantic advances at me. I later told my other friend "what the fuck were you thinking? You want to set her up on another blind date, get Stevie Wonder on the phone. Don't pull that shit on me."
For Discussion! Have you ever been set up on a blind date? And was it a disaster? Or did some good actually come of it?
Anyway, a friend of mine with a boyfriend wanted to do a little New Year's Eve double date, but her friend couldn't find a date for the occasion. So, knowing that I'm single and also knowing that I'll date almost anybody once, she arranged first via Facebook and later via phone calls for me to get to know her friend in advance of a potential date.
Now, my first clue that something was horribly, horribly amiss should've been immediately self-evident from the girl's Facebook profile. Usually, if someone's profile picture is pictures of flowers or cartoon characters or It's Happy Bunny, that's a sign they are either very private in nature or that they've got something to hide from the world. So that should've been my first sign.
But no matter---the girl was funny, well-spoken, reasonably intelligent, and as time went on during the four days or so between the introduction and the actual date I was like "hey, maybe some good will come of this."
Until I saw her. I have been on this earth a long time and I have seen a lot of people in my day. And I can say without a trace of sarcasm, irony, or embellishment that this chick was absolutely, positively, about as ugly as it's possible to be without being reclassified as some other primate species. 5'3 and at least 250 pounds, hair that looked like it hadn't been washed since Bill Clinton was still president, and the kind of hook nose that made me think "the only way I know she's not a witch is that there can't possibly be a duck out there that fat, can there?" It really is hard for me to adequately describe the depths of her beyond saying that "she fell out of the ugly tree, hit every branch on the way down, then someone took her up in a hot air balloon until they were over the ugly tree and dropped her over the side of the basket so she could have another trip through the branches."
I was polite---like I said, the girl has a nice enough personality---but when she started trying to get amorous and took my lack of interest as a horrible personal insult, I excused myself to the bathroom, whipped out my cell phone, and called a cab. Nice but aesthetically unappealing is one thing, but I'll be damned if I'm going to have someone like that making romantic advances at me. I later told my other friend "what the fuck were you thinking? You want to set her up on another blind date, get Stevie Wonder on the phone. Don't pull that shit on me."
For Discussion! Have you ever been set up on a blind date? And was it a disaster? Or did some good actually come of it?
