When's it okay to dislike "special" people?

[Queen Michael]

At my job, the people who take care of emptying trash cans are the kind of people we call "special" nowadays to be considerate. One of them annoys the heck out of me. His way of speaking is annoying -- he speaks like a schoolyard bully who adopts a mocking tone of voice and repeats what the bullying victim's said. And just to be clear he always talks that way. He makes stupid jokes. He sometimes shoves people as a joke (that I don't find the least bit funny). Luckily, he's never shoved me so far, probably because I stay away from him.

Am I a bad person for disliking him?

See, I think we can agree that it's absurd to say you can't ever dislike "special needs"-people. The idea is that you shouldn't dislike them simply for being "special," and that's a perfectly fine sentiment with which I agree. Thing is, every part of their personality is created by their being "special," or to put it differently, they would be entirely different people if they weren't special. So is it ever okay to dislike a person who's "special"?

 

[Genocidicles]

I treat them as I would any other person.

So if they do anything to inconvenience or irritate me in any way, then I instantly dislike them.

 

[Weaver]

Well, he's kind of being an asshole so ... I mean yeah, I think it's okay to dislike him.

You're not disliking him because he's handicapped, you're disliking him cause of how he acts. Look, it might not be his fault he acts this way and that's a shame. But you simply don't want to be in a situation where you're essentially being abused by a stranger, and your human biology is making your brain go "unwanted aggressor in premise". His fault or not, it's not your job to put up with abuse like that.

Again, to me it's not like you hate him because he's handicapped. You can be understanding that he doesn't mean to be how he is, but if you hate the situation's he keeps putting you in then you're going to end up hating him too.

 

[JoJo]

You certainly aren't a bad person for disliking this individual, you can't help the way you feel about anyone, good or bad. Whether you'd be justified in acting like a jerk back to him is harder to say, after-all he'll never learn how not to be a jerk if people keep giving him slack right? I was diagnosed as being on the Austistic spectrum when I was a child so I guess I could come under this and I certainly wouldn't expect people to give me a pass solely because of that, all I'd ask for is acceptance that I won't always act or think like a typical person and to let me know if I'm acting like a dick without realising it.

Also, am I the only person who hates the term 'special'? It's always reeked of condescension to me, I'd honestly just prefer the actual medical term 'developmentally disabled' if a general term is needed.

 

[Amethyst Wind]

I think it's quite alright to dislike a mentally handicapped person if they bite.

This has happened to me. He bit me on the arm, I got very close to cracking him across the face before his caretaker caught up and explained the situation. I let it go at that and went back to my business.

Except he kept on trying to bite me.

I understand that the guy couldn't help it, but I refuse to be painted as the bad guy because I was less-than-tolerant of some hundred-pound lump trying to gnaw on my arm.

 

[The Wykydtron]

Eh, if someone's a dick they're a dick. Dislike away, special or no. You don't need to call him out on it or cause a scene over it right? Just post about it on an internet forum instead, trust me it works.

 

[Queen Michael]

hell, i've know drug dealer "gangsta" paraplegics

Um... I think you misunderstand what they mean by the gang name "Crips."

 

[krazykidd]

You are well in your right to dislike whoever you like for whatever reason you like. However, don't you dare threat him poorly, because no matter how much of a dick he is, people will think it's because he's " special" regardless of what the truth is.

Also, remember there is a different between not liking and discriminating. You can not like people because the are " special" all you like, as long as you don't discriminate against them.

 

[Vegosiux]

It's never "not OK" to dislike anyone because they happen to be an unlikeable (why is the verb not "unlike" then, by the way? Silly English) person.

But if you dislike someone without knowing s a single thing about them, you might be going into "not OK" territory.

Of course note that indifference and dislike aren't the same thing.

 

[Olas]

Boy, this sure sounds like an uncomfortable gray area if ever I heard one.

I'd say that it's completely acceptable to be annoyed, or even pissed off at someone who is incredibly obnoxious, even if that behavior is largely because of a disability. You're a human being, you're allowed to get upset over things that are the very definition of annoying. That being said I think you have to at least try to not to react to it with the same anger you would towards a normal person, try to be more understanding. I'm no expert on this, in fact I have a pretty strong phobia of these type of people so I could never see myself facing this situation willingly, so perhaps I'm the wrong person to be giving you advice. I'll go now.

 

[snowpuppy]

If someone is afflicted with some form of mental illness or disability they require more patience. How much patience is situational. The fellow you are describing sounds rather disagreeable, have you tried telling them that their behaviour is upsetting?

 

[Zakarath]

There was a 'special' kid in one of my college art/design classes a couple years back. He was constantly speaking out of turn, saying fairly rude things, getting things explained to him 3 or 4 times, etc, and overall slowing the pace of the course way down. I was pretty damn irritated with him after a short while of this.

 

[MeChaNiZ3D]

No. You can think whatever you want about people. You should make allowance of course for the mental disability they have - be more lenient with bipolar sufferers etc. - but you're free to treat them and think of them as you would any human. It's no more acceptable to shove someone with a disorder as without.

 

[Saltyk]

I'm curious if the behavior is the result of this person intentionally doing it or as a result of the disability.

If the described behavior is simply because this person is trying to act like a jerk and has nothing to do with the disability, then you shouldn't feel any guilt for disliking him. As it has nothing to do with the person being disabled. You're not saying you dislike a paraplegic because he can't walk. You're saying you dislike him for being an obnoxious jerk who tries to make others miserable.

If the described behavior is the result of the disability, then you really don't have a leg to stand on. Saying that they are sort of annoying because their disability makes them speak in odd ways, does lack a certain amount of empathy.

From what you described, I'm assuming (fully aware what that gets me) that the behavior is not the result of some severe learning disability or mental handicap.

For the record, it's okay to laugh at people with disabilities if they tell a joke, even if that joke is about their disability. It's okay to view them in a negative light as long as it isn't due to their disability. It's okay to treat handicapped people almost like actual normal people. Because they are actual normal people.

 

[Johnny Novgorod]

Anybody can like and dislike anything, anytime, anywhere. Feel free to not hurt anyone's feelings while you're at it.

 

[lacktheknack]

You can dislike anyone you want for any reason you want. That's fine.

If this is actually a question of "When can I voice my dislike for someone?", the answer is "When you're in the presence of good friends only". And even then that's pushing it. Sometimes, it really is better to just ball it up inside. It's not going to make you explode, really.

 

[Colour Scientist]

The Escapist, a bastion of tolerance and understanding if there ever was one.

Someone who has a severe intellectual disability requires more time and patience.
You may perceive it as malicious behaviour but that might not be their intention.

You can be frustrated by their behaviour, sure, but I would try to be more patient with him and try to understand that he might not be capable of fully understanding the implications of his actions.

 

[Belaam]

This was written to describe a dwarf in a fantasy series, but pretty much sums up my thoughts on the issue:

"Just because someone's a member of an ethnic minority doesn't mean they're not a nasty small-minded little jerk."
- Terry Pratchett

I get to know a lot of people with a wide variety of cultural, linguistic, class, special needs, etc. backgrounds in my job. Some of them are jerks. Luckily, most are not. But having difficulties does not mean you can't also be an ass.

If this person is literally pushing other people around at work, that is assault. Regardless of any conditions. Employers have a federal legal mandate to provide safe working conditions. Assault is not safe. I'd take it up with H.R., anonymously at the least. "So and so regularly pushes people at work. I do not feel safe or comfortable around this behavior." If they blow you off, get some OSHA info on workplace violence and make sure they are aware they are in violation.

We removed someone with special needs from our workplace because they told a woman "I'm going to find you alone some time and rape you." There was an argument that because of issues he had, he may not have been aware of what he was threatening, but accommodating his disability did not include giving him free range to harasses other people.

Someone who has a severe intellectual disability requires more time and patience.
Sure, you perceive it as malicious behaviour but that might not be their intention.

You can be frustrated by their behaviour, sure, but I would try to be more patient with him and try to understand that he might not be capable of fully understanding the implications of his actions.

Someone who is not capable or realizing that assaulting others is not okay should not be in a workplace environment. The mocking tone of voice and copying words back is one thing, but the instant the OP mentioned the person physically pushing people around, "patiently understanding" went out the window.