When's it okay to dislike "special" people?

[Thaluikhain]

Very easy to say "it's not because they are special needs, it's because I think they are an arsehole" and quietly overlook the possibility that being special needs has influenced that view of them. Lots of people hate special needs people out of sheer bigotry, it's naive to think only people who aren't you are capable of that.

The only thing I don't find okay is just casually referring to them as "special". Has this actually become socially acceptable? Because it's really fucking insulting. Aren't the terms 'disabled' or 'mentally challenged' good enough?

Euphemism treadmill. Whatever label you give a group that most people don't like will become an insult sooner or later, and you have to swap it for another one.

 

[88chaz88]

The only thing I don't find okay is just casually referring to them as "special". Has this actually become socially acceptable? Because it's really fucking insulting. Aren't the terms 'disabled' or 'mentally challenged' good enough?

I prefer the term "snowflakians."

No, I'm not serious.

I'd like to make it clear that I'm not some PC nut who'll get personally offended. Just there's a difference between what's acceptable language in private and public, anything goes for the former, calling mentally challenged people "special" certainly doesn't go for the latter.

Also when Queen Micheal says "the kind of people we call "special" nowadays to be considerate." I think "WTF." There's nothing considerate about the term. You may as well be straight up calling them retards.

 

[88chaz88]

Euphemism treadmill. Whatever label you give a group that most people don't like will become an insult sooner or later, and you have to swap it for another one.

In some cases yes, but "special" in reference to disabled people in particular has always been incredibly demeaning and insulting, it's not a new thing.

 

[Colour Scientist]

No, I'm pretty sure you got that wrong. If you read the OP correctly, he says at his work, the people who take the trash are what they call "Special". I'm not sure how you can take it any other way.

Derp, yeah, I completely misread that.

 

[Professorohki]

Euphemism treadmill. Whatever label you give a group that most people don't like will become an insult sooner or later, and you have to swap it for another one.

In some cases yes, but "special" in reference to disabled people in particular has always been incredibly demeaning and insulting, it's not a new thing.

Which is why it's called "special education" / "special needs education" right? Because if there's one thing professionals in that field are setting out to do, it's demeaning and insulting the people they've dedicated their lives to helping?

 

[88chaz88]

Which is why it's called "special education" / "special needs education" right? Because if there's one thing professionals in that field are setting out to doing, it's demeaning and insulting the people they've dedicated their lives to helping, right?

You'll notice the difference there is the addition of 'education' and 'needs'. This is referring to mentally challenged requiring education that's out of the ordinary, it's fine and descriptive. Shortening the terms to simply "special" and using it to refer to the people isn't cool. You wouldn't call a Japanese person a "Jap" would you.

 

[ExtraDebit]

You can dislike whoever you want for whatever reason, society just don't like you disliking certain people for certain reasons, so just dislike them in secret. Don't let anyone know. If you choose to take action against such a person don't do it directly, scheme and backstab, it's not the moral way but it's the smart way.

Society is like a game, it have it's own rules, and if you should play this game well you should be mindful of these rules.

 

[Eamar]

I'm not going to comment on this particular case because I don't know the person involved or the details of his disabilities.

What I will say is that yes, it is perfectly possible for someone to have a developmental/learning disability or a mental/neurological disorder and also just be a dick.

I know lots of depressed people who you might have to make allowances for, but who are perfectly nice people. I've also known one or two depressed people who were manipulative and needy (in addition to the neediness depression can cause).

I know autistic people who yeah, may sometimes seem annoying to me, but who I would still count as friends. I also know autistic people who I can't stand to be around.

I have severe bipolar disorder, and people in my life have often had to be lenient with me, but generally I've managed to sustain strong friendships and treat others with respect. My sister had a bipolar friend/housemate who was completely unreliable and inconsiderate, and who I had no time for at all.

It's a tough call to make, and sometimes I do worry that I might be taking an unfavourable view of someone because of their disability, but at the end of the day it can be difficult to tell where someone's personality ends and their disability begins. You just have to try your best to differentiate and make your own mind up.

Of course, if you do dislike someone don't be a dick about it yourself. That goes for everyone though, not just disabled people.

 

[Queen Michael]

Am I a bad person for disliking him?

See, I think we can agree that it's absurd to say you can't ever dislike "special needs"-people. The idea is that you shouldn't dislike them simply for being "special," and that's a perfectly fine sentiment with which I agree. Thing is, every part of their personality is created by their being "special," or to put it differently, they would be entirely different people if they weren't special. So is it ever okay to dislike a person who's "special"?

Of course you can dislike people, no matter what their intellectual capacity is.

I see from your profile that you are Swedish - is that correct?

If you work in Sweden, then this trash collecting person is probably employed by a company that provides meaningful work for people with intellectual disabilities. The biggest is Samhall, but there are others. This means he has a supervisor, and part of that supervisor's job is to help deal with the issues that occur. The fact that he acts inappropriately is such an issue. If you talk to him or to his supervisor about this, I think they would appreciate it. They need to know these things, particularly about the pushing. You seem like a nice person, but others he annoys may not be so nice. This is an "arbbetsmiljöfråga" for you, but for him it's a safety issue.

Yup, I'm Swedish. And whoever hired him must have focused on that sort of thing, yeah, it's not like they just happened to hire three mentally handicapped people for the exact same workplace.

 

[Something Amyss]

deaf supremacists

They're more common than you think.

Also, the Deaf community tend to be dicks to people with disabilities. This is quite possibly due to their desire to distance themselves from the disabled.

 

[JupiterBase]

I'd like to point out that you've been avoiding confrontation with this person when maybe you should just tell him to stop very calmly.

The Escapist, a bastion of tolerance and understanding if there ever was one.

Someone who has a severe intellectual disability requires more time and patience.
You may perceive it as malicious behaviour but that might not be their intention.

You can be frustrated by their behaviour, sure, but I would try to be more patient with him and try to understand that he might not be capable of fully understanding the implications of his actions.

This is pretty spot on. People with mental handicaps or disabilities often have trouble with their perception and expression of emotions. He very well may think that what hes doing is friendly horsing around and unless spoken to correctly will continue to do so. Just saying, dont jump to disliking the guy so quickly...

 

[Callate]

It's kind of difficult in as much as (as has been noted) they may not have the capabilities to understand that their behavior isn't acceptable.

But then, they aren't going to get better for other people continuing to pretend that their behavior is acceptable. And their failure to understand isn't, to my mind, a good reason to allow them to continue to create an unpleasant environment for everyone else. "Ignorance of the law is no excuse," yatta yatta.

In as much as they don't understand, perhaps they deserve an extra strike. But I'd still be inclined to have words with their supervisor, if possible- not in an attempt to get them fired or disciplined, but just in as much as it's their job to oversee their subordinates' behavior.

You don't have an "obligation" to pretend that you're okay with being shoved and bullied, and I really can't conceive of an argument that could make a strong case otherwise.

 

[ninjaRiv]

Hve you explained the problem to him calmly? It's already been said, but disabled people might require more patience and understanding than everyone else. I know it's not the same (I don't think) but I've been shouted at, brushed off, etc because of my mental illness. It's not nice. First time it happened, it was a shock, since I had no idea it was an issue. I am now forever conscious of it and it can make things harder. So, best not to keep it to yourself and then let it explode. Best to calmly explain. It may take a few times, too, since he may have trouble understanding at first. He's a dick if he keeps it up, though.

That being said, perhaps he has just seen you and your friends/co-workers doing similar stuff. Maybe he's seen other people doing it. Maybe he takes it too far or maybe you notice it more with this guy. A lot of maybes in this, a lot of possibilities.

 

[Raikas]

If that person did it because the part of his brain that manages impulse control doesn't work due to a clearly obvious genetic malfunction he's not an asshole, he's an unlucky son of a ***** and I will treat him very differently.

Do we know that this is the case here? I had the impression that the OP was using "special" as a euphemism for an intellectual disability rather than a behavioural one or a mental illness. If the person is just slow, that certainly doesn't mean they're can't be intentionally being irritating (or that they won't understand that they're being irritating if someone points it out).

From what I've seen, some behavioural issues in people with developmental delays is caused by people not pointing out bad behaviour based on the assumption that they don't know any better - but if no one ever tells them, how are they going to learn?

 

[AnnaIME]

Am I a bad person for disliking him?

See, I think we can agree that it's absurd to say you can't ever dislike "special needs"-people. The idea is that you shouldn't dislike them simply for being "special," and that's a perfectly fine sentiment with which I agree. Thing is, every part of their personality is created by their being "special," or to put it differently, they would be entirely different people if they weren't special. So is it ever okay to dislike a person who's "special"?

Of course you can dislike people, no matter what their intellectual capacity is.

I see from your profile that you are Swedish - is that correct?

If you work in Sweden, then this trash collecting person is probably employed by a company that provides meaningful work for people with intellectual disabilities. The biggest is Samhall, but there are others. This means he has a supervisor, and part of that supervisor's job is to help deal with the issues that occur. The fact that he acts inappropriately is such an issue. If you talk to him or to his supervisor about this, I think they would appreciate it. They need to know these things, particularly about the pushing. You seem like a nice person, but others he annoys may not be so nice. This is an "arbbetsmiljöfråga" for you, but for him it's a safety issue.

Yup, I'm Swedish. And whoever hired him must have focused on that sort of thing, yeah, it's not like they just happened to hire three mentally handicapped people for the exact same workplace.

So talk to your supervisor about him, or to his supervisor, or to your "arbetsmiljöansvarig". You can improve your own work environment, and you really are doing this guy a favour by speaking. We have some employees with special needs at my job too, and part of why they are there is for them to improve their social skills.

 

[EeveeElectro]

You can dislike anyone you want if they give you a reason to do so.

However, in the case of "special" (I hate that word, but I don't think the word disabled is the correct term here) you need a lot more patience and understanding than you would with someone else. For a lot of them, their behaviour is compulsive and uncontrollable. Discussing it with them might help but they sometimes can't change or control themselves.
It doesn't mean you can't dislike them but it's good to keep in mind that there is a reason behind their behaviour, unlike some people who are just cunts.
Acting hostile or nasty towards them will make them feel even worse. They already have a lot to deal with.

Saying that, I once lived with my ex and his friend (to cut costs etc) who was autistic who was the biggest bellend I've ever known. He'd regularly try pass it off as his autism but I know it wasn't as severe as he made out and I know autistic people knew the difference between right and wrong which he didn't. He was screaming and shouting at me putting a plate in the sink and calling me all sorts of names, then tried smashing up the house. My ex asked him to apologise to me later and he just said, "well no because I've got Aspergers."
One time me and my ex had a massive argument, I went downstairs to sit on the sofa and cry so he came down later and watched me cry while sniggering. I've never known an autistic person be as horrible as him.

He couldn't excuse himself as much as he tried. The day we moved out I had some serious words with him.

 

[Not Matt]

In this case, no. "special" or not the guy is still a prick. And since you're supposed to treat anyone with a different gender, race, belief, sexuality or in this case, "specialness" just like any other equal person. You're free to loathe him just like you would with any other prick. Just don't judge all special people by his actions, there's always that one rotten apple hiding amongst the fresh once. There are some really great "special" people too.

And, no it's not just you. I get kinda uncomfortable around them too if I have to be brutally honest.

 

[SinisterGehe]

You are allowed to dislike anyone as much as you want, but you are not allowed to discriminate.
That is how I live. I can hate anyone as much as I want. But I will never discriminate them for what they are.
Of course this philosophy leads to all sort of accusations because they can always say you hate them because "x defining characteristic".

You can dislike and hate him as much as you want. Well to the extend you feel right about it.

 

[Quiet Stranger]

You certainly aren't a bad person for disliking this individual, you can't help the way you feel about anyone, good or bad. Whether you'd be justified in acting like a jerk back to him is harder to say, after-all he'll never learn how not to be a jerk if people keep giving him slack right? I was diagnosed as being on the Austistic spectrum when I was a child so I guess I could come under this and I certainly wouldn't expect people to give me a pass solely because of that, all I'd ask for is acceptance that I won't always act or think like a typical person and to let me know if I'm acting like a dick without realising it.

Also, am I the only person who hates the term 'special'? It's always reeked of condescension to me, I'd honestly just prefer the actual medical term 'developmentally disabled' if a general term is needed.

If you want an even better term than "Developmentally disabled" I'd go with "Differently abled" it's what my girlfriend and I use and it's much nicer.


Well if he's doing all that then no, I don't think anyone would blaming you for hating him