Why are you hetero or homosexual?...

[5mj7R7yf4Dwr3gdZyyu9PeGNwYjlNrjzuh3iTXQG]

Edit VI: There is no way I am the only 16-year-old who has never been in a relationship.

I only became sexually active after I was twenty-six.

So, no. You've got plenty of time.

238U.[footnote]In the event that Escapist requires me to view a commercial before getting a code, I will simply not post. Depending on the frequency, this may temper or cease my future participation in the Escapist community. Apologies in advance, if this policy prevents me from replying to you when it is proper to do so.[/footnote]

 

[Ghengis John]

Edit V: I KNOW FOR MOST PEOPLE SEXUALITY IS NOT A CHOICE.

Then WHY are you even asking? This is a stupid question, I hope in retrospect you can appreciate that.

I just figured since most isn't all there could be something I haven't heard before. :/

My apologies. I should remember the old axiom about how the only stupid question is the one not asked. But might I ask a question of you? What do you hope to learn from this?

i'm just very gay, only girls make me feel that way. if i would feel it for a guy i would go for it but that has never happened and i think there is a very good chance it never will.

I hope you won't find it offensive when I say this, but whenever I meet a pretty, intelligent and kind lesbian girl I always think it's kind of a shame. Hope you won't hate me too much for that.

 

[maturin]

Even if I was bisexual, I would likely just ignore that fact. Because really, I don't need that whole set of complications.

And if queer and transgender people can define their own identity, I'm perfectly capable of defining myself as straight. I wouldn't expect anyone to sanctimoniously defend that identity for me, though.

Huh, that was the most 'anti-homosexual' post I've ever made.

 

[feauxx]

Edit V: I KNOW FOR MOST PEOPLE SEXUALITY IS NOT A CHOICE.

Then WHY are you even asking? This is a stupid question, I hope in retrospect you can appreciate that.

I just figured since most isn't all there could be something I haven't heard before. :/

My apologies. I should remember the old axiom about how the only stupid question is the one not asked. But might I ask a question of you? What do you hope to learn from this?

i'm just very gay, only girls make me feel that way. if i would feel it for a guy i would go for it but that has never happened and i think there is a very good chance it never will.

I hope you won't find it offensive when I say this, but whenever I meet a pretty, intelligent and kind lesbian girl I always think it's kind of a shame. Hope you won't hate me too much for that.

don't worry about it, i feel the same way when i find out such a girl is straight

 

[zelda2fanboy]

Um, wrong. Sexuality is a measure of a disposition towards a certain gender. Sexual EXPRESSION is a choice; sexuality is not. If you'll accept my shitty analogy, I really don't like eating brussels sprouts. I can go eat as many brussels sprouts as I want, and who knows why? Maybe I think that my mom won't be happy unless I'm with brussels sprouts, maybe I think that brussels sprouts are good for me even though I really just want to eat broccoli. The fact that I'm eating all of these brussels sprouts doesn't make me a brussels-sprouts-liker, it just makes me a guy that eats brussels sprouts.

My question (before this thread gets inevitably locked/deleted) is "what's the difference?" Suppose I eat brussels sprouts like a bandit. My mom isn't going to say "He sure hates vegetables." Seems like a really arbitrary and pointless distinction to me. I realize I am in the minority on this one. A personal preference not expressed isn't a real tangible thing. Brokeback Mountain wasn't about two guys who really wanted to, but didn't have a lot of gay sex. It was about two guys having sex in secret. This is what made them gay or bisexual (or whatever society wants to label it at a given point in history). Two men not having sex is not gay - also boring if you're making a movie about it.

My point being, especially if you're a man, is that you can't have sex unwillingly and make it look like you want to. It's noticeable.

 

[SideburnsPuppy]

What you seem to be describing in your OP is a Platonic/Hands-Off Relationship, and what you're asking about is a Romantic/Sexual Relationship. The two can be mutually exclusive. I have a Platonic/Hands-Off Relationship with almost everybody I know, but I've never had a Romantic/Sexual Relationship in my life. You describe in your post meeting a person who is 10^8 times "better" than your Romantic/Sexual partner, but is the opposite gender that you are attracted to. In those situations, you just become Platonic/Hands-Off friends with that person. For instance, I, a male, pursue Romantic/Sexual Relationships with women and only women. But I have considerably more Platonic/Hands-Off friends that are male than I have that are female, because males are more likely to share my interests and sense of humor (which can get misogynistic/racist/scatological/loldeadbabies at times all the time). So, yes, I'm usually happier around males than with females, but no part of me wants to do sex with them. It's all about the difference between Platonic/Hands-Off Relationships vs. Romantic/Sexual Relationships.

 

[Biodeamon]

why is the sky blue? why do people die?

it's just how it is. it's just there. nobody chooses...homo or hetero.

 

[zz_]

It's just how things work, you can't decide upon what sexuality you have.

 

[weker]

Edit II: Why do people keep thinking I said sexuality is a choice? If you get that impression I clearly need to have my post beta'd.

No offence I'm just being honest but most people think your suggesting that it is a choice. The reason for this is most people see you question as a common knowledge, meaning you don't get to choose, therefore they think your perspective is from a person who think people have a choice in their sexuality.

Edit IV: Is there a way to turn the anger off in here?

Its the snow ball effect and its hard to get such a response to everyone in the thread.
No way to stop a thread so large.

Edit VI: There is no way I am the only 16-year-old who has never been in a relationship.

Hell i'm almost 19 but iv got the excuse from suffering from social disorders that reduce as I mature.

 

[Hexenwolf]

TLR: How is it you're only heterosexual/homosexual? Am I completely over looking/ undermining the physical/sexual attraction aspect of relationships?

Yes.

I'm hererosexual because I'm attracted to females.

If I was attracted to males, I'd be homosexual.

If you're not attracted to someone, you can't have a sexual relationship with them, almost by definition.

 

[weker]

This is a pretty silly question... Who really knows why they're attracted to whoever they're attracted to?

You what now?
Well if there are half naked photos of someone and you get sudden feelings down stairs, I would call that a give a way

If you're not attracted to someone, you can't have a sexual relationship with them, almost by definition.

"unless you close your eyes... and think of ENGLAND!!!" a bear reference but it still works XD

 

[5mj7R7yf4Dwr3gdZyyu9PeGNwYjlNrjzuh3iTXQG]

...I realize I am in the minority on this one. A personal preference not expressed isn't a real tangible thing. Brokeback Mountain wasn't about two guys who really wanted to, but didn't have a lot of gay sex. It was about two guys having sex in secret. This is what made them gay or bisexual (or whatever society wants to label it at a given point in history). Two men not having sex is not gay - also boring if you're making a movie about it.

This really depends. Two men not having sex is Unresolved Sexual Tension [http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/UnresolvedSexualTension], and makes for a really hot movie (or TV-series or whatever).

Two men not having sex in real life statistically leads to two men having sex.

According to the Roman Catholic Church, a man not having sex with men is different than a man not having sex with women, since the latter can join seminary and become a priest. The former cannot, even though either would be taking a vow of celebacy and ergo not having sex.

To specific conservative protestant faiths, a man not having sex with men is not gay until he has sex with a man. If he has sex with his wife a thousand times and then has sex with one man, he will be ostracized for being gay, even if he has no inclination to have sex with another man again, and even if the sex occurred in unusual circumstances (say, he was raped by Bubba in prison).

238U.[footnote]In the event that Escapist requires me to view a commercial before getting a code, I will simply not post. Depending on the frequency, this may temper or cease my future participation in the Escapist community. Apologies in advance, if this policy prevents me from replying to you when it is proper to do so.[/footnote]

 

[Robert Ewing]

I believe homosexuality or heterosexuality is on a spectrum.

Super gay - gay - bisexual - straight - super straight

I believe it's influenced only slightly by environment. I believe it's mostly influenced by DNA, and brain development. I haven't read much into theories behind it. I just know that homosexuality isn't a new thing to society, a lot of classical history is based around homosexuality, and it has lots of mentions in pre-history. It also isn't isolated to our species. My friend has a male dog that will only shag other males. So I guess that's ample proof that homosexuality exists outside of humanity.

I was having the same conversation with one of my homosexual friends about this very topic. And he says that he WANTS to find women attractive, because he wants to have a family. But he just... doesn't. He's capable of having sex with them for a child, but no recreational sex. He says that he just doesn't find any part of a woman appealing. He doesn't like their looks, he doesn't like their personalities, he doesn't like the fact that they have vagina's. He just finds everything a man has all the more appealing. So we've come to the conclusion that he is actually incapable of finding a woman sexually attractive. But he still can, and wants to procreate. With this, we can deduce that he in fact cannot chose to be gay, he just is.

 

[weker]

Not what I meant, but I cba to elaborate

Don't worry I didn't think it was literal and neither was mine.

 

[InterestingKiwi]

There is way too much to this topic to read through it all. But I like the question.

I identify 100% as homosexual, however technically I'm bisexual.

Spoiler: Off topic tangent

I could go on to argue the notion that everyone is bisexual because humans are not literally attracted to gender. There are characteristics of the genders that people find attractive, and you'll often find people being attracted to traps of the other gender.

I find women attractive, I can get aroused until orgasm to women in porn, however what I can't/wont do is date women. It's more the normalcy's off their personality, habits, and other factors that just turns me off completely. In porn, I don't deal with any of that.

So, that is why I identify as homosexual, not because I don't find women physically attractive, but because I don't find them mentally attractive

 

[Infernai]

Contrary to popular belief, i don't believe Sexuality is 'encoded' or we are 'born with it'...I'm sorry, but to me, that is right up there with saying 'god made me do it'. Sexuality, atleast to me, is determined by a persons nurture as is most other things. Ok, naturally SOME things are passed through genetics, not denying that, but Sexuality ain't one of them. Sexuality is a choice, that simple.

This kinda reminds me of when people say Evolution is a belief system.

It's really odd to me.

Because how would folks feel if someone just said one day "Arithmetic is a belief system, frankly I don't think division works that way."

Wouldn't that come across as odd? Kinda stupid, maybe crazy?

There is so little evidence to support sexuality as a choice that I find it so odd that anyone could say it without following it up with "I've done absolutely no research into the topic."

At least then I can read it and say "Well I suppose if I was just randomly making up theories about how the world works based on my own personal feelings I could come up with crazier things to say."

Otherwise I'm just left stumped.

There is a really long blurb about why this is a dangerous view even if you personally don't use it to hurt people, but this question gets brought up on these forums about once every three days so its obviously a waste of time.

Apparently nobody has access to case studies anymore. If only there was some interconnected series of computers where this sort of thing could be answered.

I'll see if Al Gore is around for some help on the problem.

The thing is, i havn't really yet to see anything that suggests that it is linked solely to nature either.

I guess if i see some evidence/reports/etc that do indeed prove that sexuality is linked mostly to nature rather then nurture, then i'll believe it. Part of the reason i believe it to be a choice is that...we all have free will. Even if it is limited by other factors in the society we live in, we still are fully capable of making choices and coming to conclusions. That's more or less why i believe that Nature doesn't really determine much about a person socially, including Sexuality.

As i said though, if someone or you did provide evidence that proves the contrary i'll gladly back off and say i was wrong.