why can lesbians flirt in a way that's harassment if guys do it?

[chuckman1]

This is a topic that kind of boggles me. I hear plenty of stories with bi or lesbian girls doing things that would get guys harassment suits.
Example: "i saw her big ass and slapped it, she turned around and gave me her number, we kissed that night." How does that work? Are girls just less threatening to each other? It seems girls can flirt so aggressively it would get a guy arrested, but it works for them. (Granted I'm in a place where gays aren't exactly welcome with open arms so its a small sample size)

 

[Prime_Hunter_H01]

I'll let others add examples but for the scenario you described, it basically the perception that women are non threatening, and men are threatening. Basically add it to the category of sexist societal perceptions.

 

[TakerFoxx]

What was the setting of those stories? Because if they took place on the street, then yeah, that would be downright bizarre. But if they took place at a lesbian club, then it would make a lot more sense.

 

[DementedSheep]

Well when I had a lesbian grab my ass I can't say it made me want to punch them in face any less than it did when a guy did the same.

 

[Silentpony_v1legacy]

Shortest answer I could give is that all women are afraid of all men all the time.

Seen it myself in numerous public places. If I'm walking out of the gym and a woman is also leaving, I'll hold the door for her. And she practically sprints to her car, glancing over her shoulder the entire way and stopping just short of screaming like a victim in an 80s slasher flick. Meanwhile I'm casually walking to my car on the other side of the lot, occasionally checking my email or texts.

Grocery stores. I'll be standing in a isle, comparing whatever to whatever. A woman wants to enter the isle too, but she simply won't. She won't dare be alone with a man in a full packed grocery store at 2pm. So she'll circle, waiting for me to leave.

Truly if I didn't know better I'd say all men walked around dressed up as Jason Voorhees all the time.

 

[kris40k]

I'll admit I haven't seen much girl on girl flirting out at a club (mainly because I don't exactly frequent Lesbian clubs). What does baffle the shit out of me is how Gay guys flirt. Over the last 6 months or so I've been out on the town with my mates a fair bit (keep in mind, we're all straight guys) and we get hit on by guys as much as we do girls, yet even after making it abundantly clear that we have absolutely 0 interest in guys. They seem to think because we're smashed we're up for whatever. Just 2 weeks ago my best mate had this one Gay guy essentially harass him and try to hook up with him the entire night despite being told over and over again we don't bat for that team and it seems to happen more and more now.

C'mon man, your name is Leatherman ...

 

[Vault101]

waaaa....what?

ooookay

there are...layers, to this I guess

girls in general do not have the same "restrictions" put upon them when it comes to physical contact, they can hug, call each other cutsey names and even kiss (depending on the "kind" of kiss) without raising any eyebrows. Guys seem to have to layer everything in "bro" machismo to avoid the whole "gay" thing cause [sub/]blah blah blah societys weird thing with men/homophobia whatever[/sub] [footnote/]that obviously has some variation in regards to culture, ie kissing in france[/footnote]

so yes in SOME cases even when one or even both party's are straight light/heavy flirting might not be unwelcome...because yes women in general ARE less threatening to other women. Like when guys get freaked out over the idea of being hit on by men...welcome to our world

NOW THAT SAID its not always like that...in fact its probably NOT most of the time, I can't just go heavily flirt with whatever lady catches my eye. At least with F/M interactions your on the same page, with F/F [footnote/](and probably M/M but I imagine that has its own idiosyncrasies)[/footnote] it can be interpreted as just "being feindly" or if your intentions are clear they may not react well, also your gender presentation will affect how people treat you

so uhhh....that's the closest I can get to explaining your question

EDIT: maybe you mean in a setting where that kind of thing is "expected"? cause I guess my answer changes there

 

[KissingSunlight]

I haven't experience what the OP is talking about. The closest has been working with a gay guy who kept talking and touching female co-workers in an inappropriate ways. The last straw for me was when I was talking to a female co-worker. He came up behind her and start breathing on her neck. She told him to stop repeatedly and he refused. I told my immediate supervisor. He is doing things that I would get fired for just thinking about doing them.

 

[Erttheking]

Because lesbians are hot and women can't rape.

Among other bullshit mindsets.

 

[mecegirl]

Uhhh. Were both of those women in the op lesbians? And were they at some club somewhere? I've never seen that happen. But I'm not a lesbian so I wouldn't know. It would certainly make me uncomfortable if some random woman did that to me. Or even if one of my female friends just did that out of the blue. Female friends can be a bit touchier but outright groping isn't the norm.

I haven't experience what the OP is talking about. The closest has been working with a gay guy who kept talking and touching female co-workers in an inappropriate ways. The last straw for me was when I was talking to a female co-worker. He came up behind her and start breathing on her neck. She told him to stop repeatedly and he refused. I told my immediate supervisor. He is doing things that I would get fired for just thinking about doing them.

That's actually a big issue. Plenty of strait women do not appreciate how handsy some gay men can get. Nor do they appreciate random comments about their bodies from gay men. Its actually a bit harder to get a gay man who feels the need to cross that line to stop than a straight guy because some gay men assume their lack of attraction to women makes everything alright. But personal space is still personal space.

 

[Revnak_v1legacy]

Because they're sexy-

Because lesbians are hot and women can't rape.

Among other bullshit mindsets.

DAMNIT ERT!

Honestly, I have no experience with anything of the sort, and I might be too oblivious to recognize flirtation in the first place. However, if I had to guess, being told that you are a sexual deviant all the time might make you behave a bit more deviantly sexually. Also, from the little I've seen, girls tend to do that kind of stuff to each other all the time even when they're straight. As for why they get away with it... I don't know. Then again, I've also never make any sexually aggressive moves in my life, so maybe you're just lying to me OP. For all I know girls would totally be okay with me groping them or whatever.

 

[Zhukov]

I'm not exactly qualified to talk in depth on the behaviour of lesbians. (I've known a few, but none of them were particularly forthcoming about their butt-slapping tendencies or lack thereof.)

But if I had to guess I'd say it's because dudes are generally going to be more threatening. Or at least perceived as such.

That's not exactly a revelation.

...

By way of demonstration, let me ask a question of the OP and anyone else who feels like answering.

Tell me, who else, male or female, for whatever reason, regularly walks alone at night in non-crowded areas?

Those of you who do, I'm guessing whenever you go past a stranger, or group of strangers, you do a little sort of "threat assessment", even if it's just a quick once-over glance. I know I do and I've had others describe the same thing to me.

I'm willing to bet that, with few exceptions, men or groups of men register much higher on your radar than women or groups of women.

Whether that constitutes due caution or terrible sexist misandry I shall leave to other, highly intelligent, even-tempered, bias-free posters, of which I'm sure there are many.

 

[BarbaricGoose]

Because men are terrifying.

I should know--when I'm just waking up, and I accidentally look into a mirror, I shit my drawls out of sheer terror.

 

[zinho73]

What drives human interaction is context. The same phrase or gesture has a completely different meaning depending on who, where and when. Even the tone of your voice and the distance between you and the person is a factor. If you want to seduce, practice your strengths and forget about what others do.

If I have a favorable predisposition towards rich top models you would be impressed with how much aggressive they can be with me without putting me off. Bearded zookeepers will have to work harder.

There is a social component regarding some sexist and feminism issues, but hose usually play a lesser role in our day-to-day interactions (including flirting).

 

[Silentpony_v1legacy]

SNIP

Depends on how you look. Being 6'3 at 100kg usually in boots and jeans, I get looks like that all the time. Even have had cops follow me (while I'm on foot mind you) because of how "suspicious" I apparently look.

Yeah I'm 6' even weighing roughly 200lbs, so...what, 91kg. So a little shorter and lighter than you, but proportionally similar. And its infuriating as fuck having every single woman I meet act like a squirrel meeting a wolf.

 

[chuckman1]

All lesbians have a pair of RF chips implanted, one in the buttock and one in the hand. What you took to be a slap was a simple scan that let them know they were compatible partners.

But back here in the real world, I have never seen such behaviour and you have only heard stories about it. Being that I have also heard a story in which a small chicken runs around panicking that the sky is falling, and yet it remains exactly where it is, I would suggest that you've been in the fiction section of the library. Or a gay bar. Or Ibiza.

Well the girl who told me about it happening was in my opinion SUPER HOT 10/10 bi girl. As in, wanted to date her before personality differences made it seem impossible. The location was a regular, 18 year old dance club. No exclusivity to lesbians, no alcohol to blur people's view.

Maybe you can only do it if you're a SUPER HOT girl but this was just my opinion about her attractiveness. Hell she could have slapped my ass and I would have felt uncomfortable about that but still gone along with it and kissed her, etc.

University student that's 18 probably has different social norms.

Also I've never been to "the club" so maybe I just don't understand. But seriously, in general I notice girls being really aggressive hitting on each other (when that's the way they swing).

 

[Nimcha]

It's not all that great, most girls I attempt to flirt with have absolutely no idea I actually want to get into their pants. They just think I'm being friendly