why can lesbians flirt in a way that's harassment if guys do it?

[Smooth Operator]

Only the internet equates flirting to harassment and small numbers of people who think internet equates to real world.

But talking with actual people (not internet drama pants characters) you will not run into these moronic presumptions, and if you do that is a definitive marker that person is batshit so walk away while you still can.

 

[Evil Smurf]

It's probably because you're bad at flirting, so you're creeping women out. Also women know how to talk to other women, so they won't creep them out.

 

[Nimcha]

It's not all that great, most girls I attempt to flirt with have absolutely no idea I actually want to get into their pants. They just think I'm being friendly

Then get out there are slap some bums!

Might be worth a shot!

 

[shrekfan246]

It might help, OP, if the premise of your thread wasn't based on the anecdotal experience of a single person.

For one thing, anything that's harassment when a man does it is still harassment when a woman does it. That doesn't change just because it's coming from a different source. And despite what the socially-awkward internet may want to believe, yes, slapping someone's ass when they haven't expressed a desire for it is harassment.

But, and here's a really obvious statement, all people are not the same. Everyone has their preferences. At the risk of being crude, some people really enjoy sexually aggressive behavior. And if someone is bisexual, they might have different preferences for each gender; perhaps they like dominant women but submissive men. Also, extrapolating the behavioral tendencies of an entire gender based around the actions of your local area tends to not be a fantastic idea. I'm assuming your "sample size" is actually even smaller than you're letting on, and it's worth bearing in mind that one million people is still a hilariously small percentage of the human race, so when you're working with something that's barely in double-digits at best? No offense, but it might be better to go back to the drawing board.

 

[mecegirl]

It's not all that great, most girls I attempt to flirt with have absolutely no idea I actually want to get into their pants. They just think I'm being friendly

Then get out there are slap some bums!

Might be worth a shot!

Please, please, please tell me that I'm not the only one who has seen the sitcom Coupling. Lesbian Spank Inferno anyone?
https://vimeo.com/16922193

 

[RJ 17]

Because lesbians are hot and women can't rape.

Among other bullshit mindsets.

Can't believe it took 10 responses before the truth finally came out.

Edit:
And on a related note...

I haven't experience what the OP is talking about. The closest has been working with a gay guy who kept talking and touching female co-workers in an inappropriate ways. The last straw for me was when I was talking to a female co-worker. He came up behind her and start breathing on her neck. She told him to stop repeatedly and he refused. I told my immediate supervisor. He is doing things that I would get fired for just thinking about doing them.

Sounds like he's faking so that women will lower their guard around him.

 

[maffgibson]

If we're going off anecdotal evidence, I have had several female friends (and two girlfriends) who have told me stories of feeling harassed by other women coming up to them and touching/grabbing/trying to kiss them. So I am not sure about the idea that it is considered "ok".

Perhaps a crucial thing is that of all the "person sexually harassed me" stories, those represent maybe 0.5% of the stories I have heard from my female friends: 99.5% being harassment by men. So given that, it seems reasonable to suggest that it is a much lower profile (and less common) issue, so society pays it less attention, and makes less of a big deal about it. If there were a double standard (and I am not sold on the idea that there is one), that is not right, but does make sense given how humans process information.

Finally, a point raised by other posters is pretty valid: some bars and venues have very different rules of behaviour, and aggressive picking-up is considered part of the 'scene'.

 

[Lil devils x_v1legacy]

Shortest answer I could give is that all women are afraid of all men all the time.

Seen it myself in numerous public places. If I'm walking out of the gym and a woman is also leaving, I'll hold the door for her. And she practically sprints to her car, glancing over her shoulder the entire way and stopping just short of screaming like a victim in an 80s slasher flick. Meanwhile I'm casually walking to my car on the other side of the lot, occasionally checking my email or texts.

Grocery stores. I'll be standing in a isle, comparing whatever to whatever. A woman wants to enter the isle too, but she simply won't. She won't dare be alone with a man in a full packed grocery store at 2pm. So she'll circle, waiting for me to leave.

Truly if I didn't know better I'd say all men walked around dressed up as Jason Voorhees all the time.

Much of how women feel they must be cautious around men is due to their own past experiences, and trying to reduce the chances of something happening again. From my own personal experience, it has affected how I view things and my behavior when near men. I always make sure I have an escape route, not allowing myself to be too close in proximity to men, being aware of who is around me and taking precautions to help reduce me being targeted again. Women really do have to do these things because women are so frequently targeted.

You may think that sounds like an overreaction, but it really is not due to what happens if we are not cautious. For me it started when I was a child and was violently raped by a 24 year old bouncer while walking from my friends home at 4pm in the afternoon. Then again I was attacked in highschool by a "friend of a friend" but luckily was able to fight off my attacker. Then again at 19 while walking to work at 9am two men in a pickup truck tried to grab me and pull me into the truck, then again a guy who lived two apartments down tried to hold me down and luckily I fought him off, then I bartended in college and there were countless ass slapping, boob grabbing and unwanted physical touching while working by hundreds of men, then my ex tried to kill me (twice) and finally went to prison after stabbing a neighbor who saved my life. Then again had a guy try to attack me in the hallway at the hotel I was staying at, then again I had a guy put his hand in my purse while walking down the sidewalk, then again had a guy breathe on my neck and sniff my hair while in line at the gas station... And MORE.

These things are actually so common and happen to so many women day and night, women do have a reason to take precaution now. It would be great if women didn't have to deal with this shit, but we do, and unless the frequency changes, it is better we are cautious than worse off for not being so.

 

[K12]

The difference between cheeky flirting and creepy harassment is pretty much entirely based around how welcomed it is.

If this is a real thing (and from my experience I don't think it is in any serious way) then perhaps lesbian women are just betting at reading signals than straight men are... revolutionary as that claim might be.

 

[eagles980]

This sounds like flame bait to me. If you want the gender flipped equivalent, look at the gay male club scene. Sexual forwardness is the standard there as well. Do you want to be able to grab strange women's asses or do you not want gay women not to grab each other (the frequency of which is dubious at best)?

 

[BloatedGuppy]

What AREN'T lesbians getting away with these days? Bloody lesbian privilege. I can only dream of enjoying the many social and cultural advantages being a lesbian imparts. SIGH.

 

[SecondPrize]

Don't you know that if you're on the side of the light then you can do no wrong? There is no self reflection going on in some quarters and I'll feel for them when it comes if it arrives with a cessation of behaving like complete fucking assholes.

 

[Bad Jim]

Maybe lesbians get harassment from guys themselves and have a better idea where the boundaries are, so they can get closer to the line without risk of crossing it.

Also, while 'lesbians can't rape' is obviously untrue, there is at least half a chance that a lesbian is no stronger than the woman whose bum she is slapping, so the woman is less likely to freak out.

 

[loa]

And I've seen a guy go up to a girl slapping her butt, saying "nice tits" and then they left and were apparently down to clown.
Maybe different people are just different.

 

[Silentpony_v1legacy]

SNIP.

It's that a little absurd though? To live a life of 100% constant fear?
And unfair to the overwhelming majority of men who could never even imagine hurting a woman but who are still seen as serial rapists. I honestly can imagine living any form of successful life if you literally believe 100% of all men, everywhere, are actively plotting to attack you.
Horrible things should have never happened to you, yes. There is no excuse for what happened and its beyond horrible. But isn't it a step too far to be afraid of the elderly man sitting in the park feeding the pigeons? You know, the one you've never seen before and will never again
Or to think those two brothers driving down the highway in Lancington, Michigan on there way to the movies are, right at this very second, actively plotting to hurt someone?
Or that President Obama is barely able to keep his violent sexual urges in check and that you need an escape rout if he asks to shake your hand?

I mean to be Batman and have half the planet's population be the Joker...

 

[sanquin]

I personally blame modern extremist feminism for this apparent fear of men. Every little thing a man does to show interest is suddenly a sexual harassment outrage. And since said extreme feminists have such loud voices, even if unconsciously, it slowly starts to seep into every woman's mind. "Men are only after sex, so watch out!" And once such thoughts become more 'normal', some (or maybe a lot?) women will start looking for sexual harassment everywhere, even if unconsciously.

I could be wrong, but as someone looking from the 'outside' as it were, since I live in a country where such viewpoints are rare, that's what it looks like to me.

 

[Lil devils x_v1legacy]

SNIP.

It's that a little absurd though? To live a life of 100% constant fear?
And unfair to the overwhelming majority of men who could never even imagine hurting a woman but who are still seen as serial rapists. I honestly can imagine living any form of successful life if you literally believe 100% of all men, everywhere, are actively plotting to attack you.
Horrible things should have never happened to you, yes. There is no excuse for what happened and its beyond horrible. But isn't it a step too far to be afraid of the elderly man sitting in the park feeding the pigeons? You know, the one you've never seen before and will never again
Or to think those two brothers driving down the highway in Lancington, Michigan on there way to the movies are, right at this very second, actively plotting to hurt someone?
Or that President Obama is barely able to keep his violent sexual urges in check and that you need an escape rout if he asks to shake your hand?

I mean to be Batman and have half the planet's population be the Joker...

Taking precautions around men does not mean in any way that you believe 100% of men are going to attack you. I have never been without a boyfriend for more than 2 weeks, put myself through medical school, am an accomplished Pediatrician, and have been in a successful long term happy relationship with a MAN for many years now. This is no way means that I am not weary of being alone or in compromising situations with unfamiliar men. Taking precaution =/= constant fear. Giving someone less opportunity to attack you in case they choose to does not mean that you think they will. Most of what you stated above is irrelevant and absurd and has no bearing in reality. IN reality women take precautions and that does not mean they are in " constant fear". The men I have dated had no problem having their drivers license photocopied by a friend in order to have an opportunity to have a date with me, I have never had a man not agree to have their ID photocopied so I don't think my safety is that much of an inconvenience for them. Not only did I have a friend keep a copy of their ID< my friend ALSO happens to own a background checking company. LOL

 

[The Almighty Aardvark]

I'll admit I haven't seen much girl on girl flirting out at a club (mainly because I don't exactly frequent Lesbian clubs). What does baffle the shit out of me is how Gay guys flirt. Over the last 6 months or so I've been out on the town with my mates a fair bit (keep in mind, we're all straight guys) and we get hit on by guys as much as we do girls, yet even after making it abundantly clear that we have absolutely 0 interest in guys. They seem to think because we're smashed we're up for whatever. Just 2 weeks ago my best mate had this one Gay guy essentially harass him and try to hook up with him the entire night despite being told over and over again we don't bat for that team and it seems to happen more and more now.

My girlfriend regularly gets the same treatment from guys when she goes to clubs, even if she claims to be a lesbian. I don't think that's by virtue of you being hit on by gay guys, I think it's by virtue of you getting hit on by guys.

I've never really seen examples of this. I've seen examples of women thinking it's okay to, but the people on the receiving end generally don't any more than otherwise. There's a lot of examples of this around cosplay, where women feel free to grope other women then turn around and aggressively support "Cosplay doesn't equal consent". Oh the irony

 

[DoPo]

What AREN'T lesbians getting away with these days? Bloody lesbian privilege. I can only dream of enjoying the many social and cultural advantages being a lesbian imparts. SIGH.

Well, why don't you become a lesbian, then? And you would benefit from all of these social and cultural advantages!

And don't try to weasel out with "but I'm not female" - that would be sexist, wouldn't it.
/joke