Why do women love confidence in a man?
- Thread starter cerebreturns
- Start date
Recommended Videos
I consider confidence the equivalent to experience so in this example it would be experience with woman. Now when you first learned to drive were you a confidant driver? Probably not, but after driving for years you became pretty confidant.
Is it natural to be confident in anything you are inexperienced with? No. And is that really the best thing for a woman? A confident or experienced guy? Does the fact that a guy has been in many relationships increase the chance that his relationship to you will last? Or do you just want people to fake confidence and make themselves uncomfortable? Plus being confident around women doesn't mean they will be confident in all situations.
I am not confident around women but I've worked for everything I have, pulled myself out of financial holes, defended people that could not defend themselves, and supported myself for years. Is that better than the guy who is confident enough to talk to you but doesn't have a job or any aspirations? Women need to start giving more shy and awkward guys a chance because they might be dependable in other more important areas of life. For example, Bill Gates, he wasn't very confident with women he only dated one girl his whole life and he didn't meet her until he was 40 but he obviously was a confident business man.
Is it natural to be confident in anything you are inexperienced with? No. And is that really the best thing for a woman? A confident or experienced guy? Does the fact that a guy has been in many relationships increase the chance that his relationship to you will last? Or do you just want people to fake confidence and make themselves uncomfortable? Plus being confident around women doesn't mean they will be confident in all situations.
I am not confident around women but I've worked for everything I have, pulled myself out of financial holes, defended people that could not defend themselves, and supported myself for years. Is that better than the guy who is confident enough to talk to you but doesn't have a job or any aspirations? Women need to start giving more shy and awkward guys a chance because they might be dependable in other more important areas of life. For example, Bill Gates, he wasn't very confident with women he only dated one girl his whole life and he didn't meet her until he was 40 but he obviously was a confident business man.
I enjoyed being committed to another person. When she caught wind of that, she got scared. Simple. Long term relations aren't everyone's cup of tea.Vault101 said:
I already did explain the reason I called the majority of women here (in Romania) bipolar cowards. Of course it's insulting. But it's also sincere. I also explained that the comment was directed to women between 18 and 23, maximum 24 yrs old.Vault101 said:
The good guy term is being described by people as being too nice. This has been a constant problem for me. I don't enjoy playing hard to get nor being played like that, nor do I like making people jealous, nor changing girls like pairs of socks every few weeks. In my circle, that's who I am and MY definition. Maybe in a different circle, I would be something else. Depends on your kind of definition and people you hang out with.
As to that last part, yes, guys do not fall only into the categories of 'nice guy' and 'tool'. There are also 'nice tools'.
you mean to her? jesus what did you do? start suggesting baby names?katsabas said:
[quote/]
I already did explain the reason I called the majority of women here (in Romania) bipolar cowards. Of course it's insulting. But it's also sincere.[/quote]
yeah...those terms don;t compute for me
[quote/]The good guy term is being described by people as being too nice[/quote]
not quite
being a nice decent human being is..its great actually...all what you described there is dickish behaviour (well depending on how one goes about it that is)
people use the term "nice guy" as to imply somthing bad because it describes a specific type of person who actually isnt "nice" at all
the thing is everyone is "nice" being "nice" is not hard, NOT being a total while something admirable (especially depending on situation) but its bare minimum...and you can;t expect to get by on bare minimum
a "nice" guy in the negative sense is the kind of guy who thinks the girl of his desires will fall for him if he's her freind, if hes nice to her...then becomes bitter when she doesn't fall for him because in some way he thinks he's entitled to his happy fairytail ending, its another side of sexism really...again such people might then label women "bitches who only go for jerks" (jerks in this case being any guy who isnt him" because he loves and he appreciates her and blah blah blah it never occurs to him that mabye the girl in question actually has her own wants/desires
note that what I'm describing is a steryotype and I'm not even basing this on expereince (because I dont have any) but more the kind of crap I read on the internet all the time
What's so great about that? I doubt I could tolerate someone who walked up to people comfortable in the belief that those people will like them. Nor do I think dismissing anyone who doesn't like you as 'weird' is anything to desired. That seems like a terribly arrogant mindset you're describing.Jarlaxl said:
"I am likeable, everyone will like me and if they don't they're weirdos." Right... keep telling yourself that. I would much prefer someone who acknowledges that they're not The Most interesting Man in the World. That doesn't mean they will be passive aggressive. There is a middle ground between casually striking up conversations with strangers and only communicating via post-it notes.
Νο, no, hahahaha. Nothing like that. Women have instinct. They eventually catch up.Vault101 said:
They don't have to, they are not your termsVault101 said:
Everyone has their own. Doesn't matter if you haven't had the chance, input is appreciated in discussions like these. I am a nice guy in the positive sense. I am not waiting for stuff. I get out there and do them. Sometimes it lifts off, sometimes it doesn't. I also try to own up to my mistakes.Vault101 said:
Your interpretation of jerks is bit misled. Jerks in something as fragile as a relationship are something a lot worse that simply 'I'd like to be that guy'. Jerks in this case are people who get off by or believe they are entitled to for some reason to make people miserable, regardless of the other person's feelings. For example, not letting your girlfriend go out with her friends if you are not with her. Jerks also mix and mingle with dicks most of the time.
I think people misunderstand the meaning of "confidence."
Confidence is rooted in the Latin word confidentia, and literally means "trusting [something] firmly."
Self-confidence is having trust in yourself and your own abilities.
If you lack self-confidence, then why would you expect other people to have confidence in you?
Also, shyness and confidence are not mutually exclusive. People saying "I'm attracted to shy girls like on the TV" are fooling themselves, because these shy characters are almost always internally confident. There are people like that in real life, too. But a shy girl who also lacks self-confidence is going to be insecure, vulnerable, irrational, prone to misery and self-doubt, liable to cheat on you with someone "better" (because she has no confidence in any decisions she makes, including the one to go out with you) and generally an unpleasant person to share your life with. Which is why a lack of self-confidence is a serious problem, and not just a cute character quirk.
Confidence is rooted in the Latin word confidentia, and literally means "trusting [something] firmly."
Self-confidence is having trust in yourself and your own abilities.
If you lack self-confidence, then why would you expect other people to have confidence in you?
Also, shyness and confidence are not mutually exclusive. People saying "I'm attracted to shy girls like on the TV" are fooling themselves, because these shy characters are almost always internally confident. There are people like that in real life, too. But a shy girl who also lacks self-confidence is going to be insecure, vulnerable, irrational, prone to misery and self-doubt, liable to cheat on you with someone "better" (because she has no confidence in any decisions she makes, including the one to go out with you) and generally an unpleasant person to share your life with. Which is why a lack of self-confidence is a serious problem, and not just a cute character quirk.
You're on a ship that's heading straight towards an iceberg. The ship has been dubbed unsinkable and it's exactly 100 years since those teenagers died crashing their boat against the same iceberg.
Who would you rather have taking the helm? The guy who is confident he can steer things around, even though the largest space of open water he had previously seen was his bathtub?
Or the wimpy "nice guy" who's ego is all too easily bruised?
Yeah.
That's why people prefer confident people.
Who would you rather have taking the helm? The guy who is confident he can steer things around, even though the largest space of open water he had previously seen was his bathtub?
Or the wimpy "nice guy" who's ego is all too easily bruised?
Yeah.
That's why people prefer confident people.
Actually, I'd be looking at their navigatory skills first, all else second.Spinozaad said:
And since we're not in an action flick, forgive me if I treat the "Is there anyone on this here ship/plane who can steer it and hasn't had fish for dinner?" scenario as a meaningless hypothetical...
It's implied that the confident one doesn't have any, and the wimpy nice guy is too much of a wimp to handle the pressure (lest he bruise his precious, fragile ego). ;-)Vegosiux said:
I'm sorry, but the question "why do women love confidence?" is as alien to me as the question "why do people enjoy alcohol?", or want "why do people want to orgasm during sex?" As Sterling Archer would say:
Sterling Archer was also confident he could land the space shuttle over the wimpy Cyril. He crashed it. I think the awkwardness of your example might be obvious.Spinozaad said:
You want someone who has the skills to steer, and one of the indicators for that is that they're confident in their ability to steer. But not all confidence is founded, and there's many who feign confidence, or who like being the centre of attention.
Moreover, why would a shyer person be worse at the task for fear of "bruising their ego"? Shy people generally have lower self esteem, not large egos. I think you're mixing metaphors and definitions to promote the superiority of being an overconfident jackass.
For a more likely example: If someone starts having heart trouble, I'll yell out "Are there any doctors here?", not "Are there any douchebags who think they have the skills of a doctor, but no training or skills whatsoever." failing that, I'll look for someone who has first aid training. Failing that, we do the best we can. We don't just leave things in the hands of the most douchey person present.
And using Archer as a role model? Really? He's my favourite fictional character at the moment, but "DO YOU NOT" see that he's a jackass and the butt of his own joke?
Fine. I'll concede. It's inconceivable why women love confidence in a man. I'm going to write a poem about it, right now. Then cry myself to sleep, because my poem can never ever express my inner beauty, and that makes me very, very sad.Loonyyy said:
in my experience, insecure people have always tended to try and drag me down to their level. my ex had a birthmark on his face that made him extremely insecure but instead of acknowledging that, he would try to belittle me to make up for his lack of confidence. my best friend has no confidence and i dont know how his wife deals with him, he needs someone there to hold his hand through everything and its really exhausting sometimes.
theres a huge difference between confidence and arrogance though.
theres a huge difference between confidence and arrogance though.
Confidence is a matter of perspective, and is subjective. As it stands, I personally don't think it is only confidence that people look for, but rather, that particular quality, or even parts of that quality, in parity with something else.
A person who is confident, yet lacks a skill or trait to be a foundation of that confidence is merely conceited. There was a time in my life when I was conceited. There was a time in my life when I wasn't confident. However, both of those characteristics died as I worked through the basis behind them. So it would be my thought, that rather than being confident, it is the other traits that people internally associate with their reason to be confident.
My confidence comes not only from my physical strength and willingness to attempt something, but it also comes from my mental aptitude (which I have in far more abundance). The fact that my physical strength is genetic is something I cannot control, or fix, and maybe my intellect has a basis in genetics as well, as no one in my family is actually stupid. However, it may be the fact that I have the drive and ability to apply my intellect and knowledge, and to learn quickly from situations.
Ultimately, all things considered, I very much think that different people seek different traits, and as said before, confidence is a flag that maybe, someone has a reason to be confident. As for physical ability, it figures up very little in the grand scheme of things. Yeah, someone might be able to hunt and kill a bear, but ultimately, if they don't know how to dress it down, they can wind up starving.
Finally, I think the reason has been geared toward this whole 'confidence' thing, is because the past few generations have, for the largest majority, been without father figures. A confident person is generally seen as stable, if not successful, and can work as not only a provider, but someone to turn to in the case that you don't have daddy.
OT: Dominance may be associated with physical attributes, generally. However, the guy who is mentally capable of getting inside of a person's head and leading them around, is the true dominant force.
A person who is confident, yet lacks a skill or trait to be a foundation of that confidence is merely conceited. There was a time in my life when I was conceited. There was a time in my life when I wasn't confident. However, both of those characteristics died as I worked through the basis behind them. So it would be my thought, that rather than being confident, it is the other traits that people internally associate with their reason to be confident.
My confidence comes not only from my physical strength and willingness to attempt something, but it also comes from my mental aptitude (which I have in far more abundance). The fact that my physical strength is genetic is something I cannot control, or fix, and maybe my intellect has a basis in genetics as well, as no one in my family is actually stupid. However, it may be the fact that I have the drive and ability to apply my intellect and knowledge, and to learn quickly from situations.
Ultimately, all things considered, I very much think that different people seek different traits, and as said before, confidence is a flag that maybe, someone has a reason to be confident. As for physical ability, it figures up very little in the grand scheme of things. Yeah, someone might be able to hunt and kill a bear, but ultimately, if they don't know how to dress it down, they can wind up starving.
Finally, I think the reason has been geared toward this whole 'confidence' thing, is because the past few generations have, for the largest majority, been without father figures. A confident person is generally seen as stable, if not successful, and can work as not only a provider, but someone to turn to in the case that you don't have daddy.
OT: Dominance may be associated with physical attributes, generally. However, the guy who is mentally capable of getting inside of a person's head and leading them around, is the true dominant force.
Look, buddy, you can sit there splitting hairs until your fingers fall off, but that only demonstrates to me that you've missed my original point. My point being, confident people are usually more successful than people who lack confidence. Yes, you do have to pay attention to the details, because people are usually more confident in some situations than in others, and there is such a thing as being cocky and full of yourself. Still, I believe confidence and success are, indeed, strongly correlated, because you get confidence through having success.Katatori-kun said:
If you try something, and succeed at it more often than not, you'll be confident in your ability to do that specific thing.
If you try something, and fail more often than you succeed, you won't be as confident.
If you try lots of different things, and succeed at many of them, you'll probably be more confident in general. If you fail at a lot of things, you'll probably be less confident in general.
Can we agree on that?