Why do women love confidence in a man?

[Damir Halilovic]

I just came here to say that I am EXTREMELY surprised by the incredibly non-idiotic posts and arguments. In all sincerity - congratulations and bravo to everyone. The amount of stupidity I see regarding this topic on a daily basis from various groups (Die-hard feminists, white knights who hate their own gender) is staggering. When I saw this thread on the front page I was bracing myself for yet another round of internet poo-flinging from insecure "basement dwellers" who deny basic biological attraction principles.

Faith in humanity + 1.

 

[Vault101]

It seems that escapist, that is, even escapist ultimate parnet seems to be a bimbo and a jackass.

People like confident people because that are the ones that put themselves out there, and due to our strange social constructs that appears to be the only available ones. Id rather take a shy introvert than an extrovert idiot. and unlike what you may think from my forum posts, i am very shy in RL. internet is sort of escape for me, and i have been on the "ignored" and even "Hated" spectrum and it seems that escapist is no different.

well I think the thing is people dont just fit into two groups....I wouldn't mind if someone isn't "confident" in certain areas but I wouldn't want someone with issues or is a doormat

[quote/]Edit: wait a minute. you want to know my views? what sorcery is this?
[/quote]I was generally curious as to what your oposing veiw on this matter may be, not a challenge or cause for argument..just curiosity

 

[holy_secret]

I think it's more the fact that an insecure person is damn unsexy.

 

[Vegosiux]

In this context, confidence generally refers to how one carries one's self in social scenarios. One is expressive, one is extroverted (in a go-talk-to-people sense), one is not shy about walking up to people and meeting them. It is referred to as confidence because it is generally perceived that one must be comfortable in one's own skin to be able to do this - I trust that I am a likable person, so I trust that others will like me too - in short, you are confident in the product of you.

I'm sorry, but I'll have to interject. let me put this in form of a question:

How can you tell who's not confident, and who's just not interested? Ye gods, so often it happened I lost all interest five seconds after I woman I greeted opened her mouth. Maybe I'm just too picky and that's to my detriment, but hey, first impressions work on me, too.

 

[Yopaz]

I think men also like confident women, you just seem to associate confidence with masculinity, which isn't very accurate. Confidence doesn't mean the same as swagger or dominance. Confidence is produced by a healthy amount of self-esteem, it is simply believing in yourself. Being comfortable in your own skin. What man doesn't find that attractive? Or rather, how many guys have you seen seek out the opposite? "Man, I really want a piece of that mousy girl in the corner who dresses like shit because she has no self-respect and looks like she'd rather be anywhere else but here."

You've got it all wrong, I want my women with as low self esteem as possible so I've got a chance with them.

OT: Well, the question isn't really hard. Confidence is an attractive characteristic because it shows that you're a strong person. Both men and women like to be able to care and reassure their significant other and have a nurturing role at times, but that shouldn't be a significant part of a relationship. Confidence is about how you view yourself and it affects your interactions with others. If you're not confident then interactions have a tendency to get awkward, have the confidence in yourself to ask a girl out, have the confidence to push ahead in your education or career, have the confidence to trust your decisions.

Lack of confidence can make you miss out on a lot of great things. Also thinking about population dynamics the confident individuals are sometimes able to succeed matched against stronger individuals. Now we might be able to find someone who doesn't leap onto the "Confidence is hot" wagon, but lack of confidence certainly isn't hot.

 

[Strazdas]

It seems that escapist, that is, even escapist ultimate parnet seems to be a bimbo and a jackass.

People like confident people because that are the ones that put themselves out there, and due to our strange social constructs that appears to be the only available ones. Id rather take a shy introvert than an extrovert idiot. and unlike what you may think from my forum posts, i am very shy in RL. internet is sort of escape for me, and i have been on the "ignored" and even "Hated" spectrum and it seems that escapist is no different.

well I think the thing is people dont just fit into two groups....I wouldn't mind if someone isn't "confident" in certain areas but I wouldn't want someone with issues or is a doormat

[quote/]Edit: wait a minute. you want to know my views? what sorcery is this?

I was generally curious as to what your oposing veiw on this matter may be, not a challenge or cause for argument..just curiosity[/quote]
Of course you can classify it into just two groups. but you have to admit there are both overconfident and shy people.
Well after some of my posts i was kind of expecting you to put me on ignore or something since one may seem that im just following you around bashing your posts.

 

[Vault101]

Of course you can classify it into just two groups. but you have to admit there are both overconfident and shy people.
Well after some of my posts i was kind of expecting you to put me on ignore or something since one may seem that im just following you around bashing your posts.

no not really

though I'm not sure I'd agree with implying everyone else is uh...less than smart

 

[JagermanXcell]

Define "love"?

On a serious note I don't really know. I recently entered in male pageant at my school, went on stage solo, performed a dance, got interviewed looking cute as I usually do, and quoted lines from The Office like any badass I see would. Then when I went to go sign autographs I got 5 girls phone numbers just thrown at me, not to mention many comments about how cute/cool/talented I was.

Call me lucky but, I still don't see the appeal in it. I guess it really all depends on the person, I'll admit my physique is not the greatest, Translation: I LACK ALL FORM OF MUSCLE, but I went up on stage for the purpose of having fun and got new friends and "friends" because of it. The fact that I was up there with 7 other dudes who could probably snap me in half may have been that "confidence" they found attractive.

Other then that I really have no clue.

 

[Vault101]

All women like confidence, the problem is how much. I got confident enough with my last girlfriend and she got scared.

scared?....how uh "confident" were you? what does that even mean?

[quote/]Women (and I hope I don't raise a shit storm by saying this), at least here, are bipolar cowards. They go off "where are the good guys", then they find a good guy and after a while they distance themselves. You have to be constantly aware of what would be too much. [/quote]
making swepping (and a little insulting) generalisations about a group is goiing to cause a shitstorm...and your going to have to explain that one ,also what IS a good guy?

That said, I do actually agree with you, although mainly in regards to younger women. All through university I remember the female students 18-23 or so as being something not dissimilar to what you say there. However, once they hit 25 years old and have a couple years of experience (sexual and otherwise!), they tend to chill out a bit. It's around then I have found many women actually do start looking for that 'nice guy' and get sick of dating tools.
.

again I dont think all men fall into "nice guy" and "tools"

 

[Loonyyy]

Snip.

Nice elaboration. While you certainly have a point, one which I agree with in certain respects (I'll spare you the argument in how confidence determining success is causation), you're kind of overlooking the obvious; in the vast majority of surveys conducted on attraction, confidence usually shows up at the top or near the top of the list (which is the evidence you suggest doesn't exist). Along with height and humor of course. And a high salary never hurts either.

I still haven't seen that the actual attraction is necessarily related to confidence. It's not that I'm suggesting evidence doesn't exist, it's that I haven't seen it. Surveys are good for telling us what people think they want, but that's not the best indicator of what we actually want. But certainly, it's undeniable that confidence is key to being successful.

Here are some examples where "Confidence" is on the list... (they're just websites, it's not like I'm endorsing what they have to say, and some of them aren't surveys granted)
http://www.themodernman.com/dating/relationships/what_do_modern_women_want_in_a_man.html
http://www.aspirenow.com/smooth_03_01_what_women_want.htm
http://www.sosuave.com/articles/want.htm
http://www.doctornerdlove.com/2012/10/what-makes-man-attractive/all/1/
http://www.artofseductions.com/what-do-women-find-attractive/2/
http://www.eharmony.com/dating-advice/about-you/what-women-find-sexy-about-men-the-top-ten-list/
http://voices.yahoo.com/what-makes-men-sexy-women-tell-all-296432.html
http://gentlemansfashion.com/2011/11/what-do-women-find-attractive-in-men/
http://www.girlschase.com/content/book-excerpts-11-things-women-find-attractive-men
http://www.meetyoursweet.com/men/blog/what-do-women-find-attractive-in-men
http://www.blackloveandmarriage.com/2012/09/15-traits-women-find-attractive-in-men/
http://articles.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/2012-12-05/man-woman/31036876_1_women-physical-attractiveness-list
http://willyac.wordpress.com/everyday-articles/women-find-attractive-in-men/
http://www.thedatingpro.com/what-do-women-find-attractive/
http://www.winggirlmethod.com/what-do-women-find-sexy/

Lots of interesting stuff there, but it's not really what I mean. They focus on surveys, or the simple correlation. I'd actually like to see if confidence is attractive. I haven't seen it seperated out, like you, when I search, I find lots of dating advice, which focuses on the obvious: Confident men are more successful with women, but they're not really interested so much in why it's the case, and settle for "Confidence is attractive". I just think it's likely a little more complicated than that. I'd like to see it pulled apart like a broken toaster to see how it works. Unfortunately, the massive amounts of pop-culture speculation on the subject make finding actual scholarly articles or academic research difficult to people who don't specialise in psychology or sociology.

...think I'm going to stop. You can also find a plethora of interviews and women dishing out advice on youtube, much of which involves promoting confidence in men.

Confidence is definitely a good thing, don't get me wrong. I'm just interested in knowing whether confidence is what makes people feel attracted, or if it's the condition which enables it. Partially because, confidence is displayed in all manner of ways, and the ways which you would expect not to be successful (Bogans and the like), are suprisingly successful. Which makes less sense if it is confidence that is attractive, because false, shallow confidence would seem to be less attractive than genuine confidence.

I thought the OP was more about the "why" to the acceptance that confidence is an attractive quality.

I think the OP's heard the "Men should be confident" bit, and is confused by the supposed different standard for women. It was a very confused post.

 

[nexus]

If this were true, then you wouldn't see shy/awkward folks fawned over by women in popular media and mainstream culture.

You do.

Therefore, we can safely deduce that it is false.

"Popular media and mainstream culture" = "shy/awkward". . . looool. That's called marketing.

Being attracted to confidence is LEFTOVER MONKEY SHIT, like all human mating behaviors and most other behaviors. A confident MALE monkey is more likely to acquire more resources, and therefore natural selection caused the female monkeys to simply start being attracted to that confidence because it would later result in more stuff to be able to care for more baby monkeys. So now we have woman that don't even want children still desiring a confident man because it's been bred into her, and her reasoning will always be whatever nonsense-of-the-day is on her mind, but she's really just justifying LEFTOVER MONKEY SHIT.

Whenever you have a question about human behavior just look back to the leftover monkey shit.

Men preferring wider hips on a woman => more likely to survive childbirth => genetic line more likely to continue

Both sexes preferring facial symmetry on their partners => stronger immune system => genetic line more likely to continue.

This guy. This guy gets it.

Whenever I see someone arguing over "traits" in a "mate", all I see or hear is monkey howling. People will do anything to justify their primitive behavior. It's just people literally flinging their leftover monkey shit at your face. Big, warm, juicy scoops of it. *OO WOH WOH WOOOOH AAAH AAAAH AAAH AAH AH*

 

[Rasor]

I never thought of this, I always feel like I should force myself to appear confident while shyness is an trait a lot of females are adored for...
Am I allowed to be a shy male? or openly dislike my own physical appearance?

I think I'll try to stop putting on the act of confidence and see how that goes for me, thank you OP.

 

[Vegosiux]

I never thought of this, I always feel like I should force myself to appear confident while shyness is an trait a lot of females are adored for...
Am I allowed to be a shy male? or openly dislike my own physical appearance?

I think I'll try to stop putting on the act of confidence and see how that goes for me, thank you OP.

There's the gist of it. There's nothing truly "confident" about putting up an "act of confidence" or "forcing" oneself to "appear confident".

And we're right where I usually start my participation in such discussions (for some reason, I didn't do it here...):

"Confidence" is one of those words everyone likes to swing around as if it was a dead cat, and nobody can agree on what the hell it's supposed to mean in the first place.

 

[LetalisK]

Confidence is definitely a good thing, don't get me wrong. I'm just interested in knowing whether confidence is what makes people feel attracted, or if it's the condition which enables it.

Ding ding ding! We have a winner. It's difficult to be attracted to someone you never notice. Confidence is still a good trait to have, but the primary advantage is that one is more likely to put themselves out there. You know those guys that seem to have a different girl on their arm every week? Yeah, they get rejected. A lot. They just take rejection in stride and don't let it cripple them.

 

[Loonyyy]

Confidence is definitely a good thing, don't get me wrong. I'm just interested in knowing whether confidence is what makes people feel attracted, or if it's the condition which enables it.

Ding ding ding! We have a winner. It's difficult to be attracted to someone you never notice. Confidence is still a good trait to have, but the primary advantage is that one is more likely to put themselves out there. You know those guys that seem to have a different girl on their arm every week? Yeah, they get rejected. A lot. They just take rejection in stride and don't let it cripple them.

Thankyou, thankyou *bows*.

The big thing I always take away from the discussion is that every interaction you don't have is a failure. It's a friend you don't make, an acquaintance you don't gain, or romance you miss out on. I don't know if it's truly that confidence is attractive, but you'll never be seen as attractive, or much else, without it.

Another thing on that note: If you're more confident, you interact more. If you interact more, you get better at interacting. I didn't come out of my shell till college, and no matter how confident you are, if you don't make meeting people a habit, you suck at it. People who make it a habit (Socially confident people), will get better at it by practice, so long as they're not completely oblivious.

Actually, it reminds me of a "player" character in a bad movie, I think it starred one of the people from American Pie, anyway, he's trying to teach his friend to pick up women, and he tells him it's a numbers game, and that rejection happens, and that the trick is to hit on as many people as possible. While I find the premise disgusting, and the phrasing terrible, it's a good point. Not every person you meet becomes a friend, and not every lady you meet is attracted to you. But the more you talk to people, the more success you'll have.

 

[Damir Halilovic]

Confidence is definitely a good thing, don't get me wrong. I'm just interested in knowing whether confidence is what makes people feel attracted, or if it's the condition which enables it.

Ding ding ding! We have a winner. It's difficult to be attracted to someone you never notice. Confidence is still a good trait to have, but the primary advantage is that one is more likely to put themselves out there. You know those guys that seem to have a different girl on their arm every week? Yeah, they get rejected. A lot. They just take rejection in stride and don't let it cripple them.

This. My personal quota seems to be 1/10. Assuming 3 nights out per week for someone who works a 9-5 job, this means that to in order to "have a different girl on my arm every week" I need to do 3-4 approaches each night. Regardless of what you think attracts women - in order to pull off those numbers, I NEED the confidence. I need to be in the right mindset, and I need to realize that I will be rejected.

But, to the people arguing that all of this is "monkey leftovers", I must say that you seem like the type of men who hate their own gender and, quite frankly, can't get laid. I might be wrong, but this is the impression I am getting from the angry posts.

Look at it this way:

Men like women and women like men. (I am excluding same-sex attraction for simplicity's sake)
To be more precise: Men are hard-wired to like women, and women are hard-wired to like men.
Men like to see wide hips, thin waists, but women do not find these attractive. They are attracted to prominent jaws, thicker, more muscular arms etc. (OBVIOUSLY I am generalizing, but again, simplicity's sake, bear with me)
This is an obvious, crucial difference between how men and women operate in terms of attraction, and it is crucial to understand that men and women ARE attracted to different things.

The bottom line is: Men are attracted to feminine traits, women are attracted to masculine traits, both physically and mentally.

"Niceness", compassion, shyness etc. are generally considered feminine traits.
Aggression, confidence, dominance etc. are generally considered masculine traits.

So, at the end of the day, if you, as a man, want to attract women, act masculine.

 

[LetalisK]

You know those guys that seem to have a different girl on their arm every week? Yeah, they get rejected. A lot. They just take rejection in stride and don't let it cripple them.

Actually... I know one of those guys. Well, maybe he doesn't have a different woman on his arm every week, but almost every month. And... he kinda does let rejection cripple him. Like so many other people, his confidence is a mask for his personal insecurities and he achieves the successes he has with women by being a bit of an opportunist.

If a runner gets his leg broken and still manages to win the race, I'd question just how injured he was. Everyone has personal insecurities, but that doesn't preclude someone from still being confident. If he can still meet women that easily even after rejection, then rejection can't be crippling him. Unless he'd be swimming in a sea of super models otherwise, but at that point I'm not too worried about him.

Edit: That's not to say he's not being crippled in other areas(ie being able to actually hang on to a girl or being self-sabotaging, etc), which may have been your point and none of this was relevant. I'm talking specifically about actually meeting women. Maintaining a relationship is a whole other ball game.