Why do women love confidence in a man?

[Overusedname]

Men don't usually care if a woman is that confident.

Speak for yourself man, I love confidence in a woman. Shyness makes good anime characters but in real life is just frustrating.

Same here. At a certain point a lot of people realize that having a diminutive, fetishy nothing strapped to your shoulder all your life. Gender has little to do with it in comparison to the individual.

Also, note on this and all gender and sexuality threads on this entire forum: The people assuming they now ANYTHING about the topics are almost always the most clueless with the least life experience. I can't help but notice that trend. Especially when people say "I wonder if gay men would be submissive?" and things to that effect. It's almost like sexual desires are different for each individual person and are more influenced by societal and environmental impacts than anything else, and that if society set's a status quo most people will pursue it due to ever present peer pressure, and most people don't study psych and never notice how much the world exploits them.

How about that? I've seen people constantly say things to the effect of 'stop trying to be different' then turn on their heel saying 'why do minorities and different people complain about being marginalized so much'?

I'm not saying stop discussing, I guess it's just getting dull. As long as gender is a favored discussion, maybe keep an open-mind.

 

[DevilWithaHalo]

Snip.

Nice elaboration. While you certainly have a point, one which I agree with in certain respects (I'll spare you the argument in how confidence determining success is causation), you're kind of overlooking the obvious; in the vast majority of surveys conducted on attraction, confidence usually shows up at the top or near the top of the list (which is the evidence you suggest doesn't exist). Along with height and humor of course. And a high salary never hurts either.

Here are some examples where "Confidence" is on the list... (they're just websites, it's not like I'm endorsing what they have to say, and some of them aren't surveys granted)
http://www.themodernman.com/dating/relationships/what_do_modern_women_want_in_a_man.html
http://www.aspirenow.com/smooth_03_01_what_women_want.htm
http://www.sosuave.com/articles/want.htm
http://www.doctornerdlove.com/2012/10/what-makes-man-attractive/all/1/
http://www.artofseductions.com/what-do-women-find-attractive/2/
http://www.eharmony.com/dating-advice/about-you/what-women-find-sexy-about-men-the-top-ten-list/
http://voices.yahoo.com/what-makes-men-sexy-women-tell-all-296432.html
http://gentlemansfashion.com/2011/11/what-do-women-find-attractive-in-men/
http://www.girlschase.com/content/book-excerpts-11-things-women-find-attractive-men
http://www.meetyoursweet.com/men/blog/what-do-women-find-attractive-in-men
http://www.blackloveandmarriage.com/2012/09/15-traits-women-find-attractive-in-men/
http://articles.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/2012-12-05/man-woman/31036876_1_women-physical-attractiveness-list
http://willyac.wordpress.com/everyday-articles/women-find-attractive-in-men/
http://www.thedatingpro.com/what-do-women-find-attractive/
http://www.winggirlmethod.com/what-do-women-find-sexy/

...think I'm going to stop. You can also find a plethora of interviews and women dishing out advice on youtube, much of which involves promoting confidence in men.

I thought the OP was more about the "why" to the acceptance that confidence is an attractive quality.

 

[alandavidson]

Confidence for both men and women equals someone who has a healthy self-esteem, and is someone who has an identity outside of the relationship. It means that you are happy in yourself, and that the partner won't have to bend over backwards to make you happy and feel good about yourself.

 

[Olas]

I don't get it either. I can't stand overly confident people, and I don't think confidence always equates to emotional health or that lack of confidence is evidence that there's something wrong with you. It might SEEM that way to someone on the outside, but I've known lots of people who fit into both categories and the cocksure ones can be just as messed up as the rest, or sometimes moreso.

Anyway, I assume it has something to do with alpha-males and dominance, needing to choose a partner most likely to protect you and all that jazz. A remnant from an age when toughness and aggression were the most valuable traits in a man.

 

[Giftfromme]

Being attracted to confidence is LEFTOVER MONKEY SHIT, like all human mating behaviors and most other behaviors. A confident MALE monkey is more likely to acquire more resources, and therefore natural selection caused the female monkeys to simply start being attracted to that confidence because it would later result in more stuff to be able to care for more baby monkeys. So now we have woman that don't even want children still desiring a confident man because it's been bred into her, and her reasoning will always be whatever nonsense-of-the-day is on her mind, but she's really just justifying LEFTOVER MONKEY SHIT.

Whenever you have a question about human behavior just look back to the leftover monkey shit.

Men preferring wider hips on a woman => more likely to survive childbirth => genetic line more likely to continue

Both sexes preferring facial symmetry on their partners => stronger immune system => genetic line more likely to continue.

lol what are you on about brother? I don't think you quite get it ahahha. At least it was a cute attempt at saying...something. Still not sure what. Just because something might be leftover from our ancestral past and no longer applies to the modern world doesn't make it less valid. Just makes it something that we have to work with or around as the case may be.

 

[cerebreturns]

Snip.

Nice elaboration. While you certainly have a point, one which I agree with in certain respects (I'll spare you the argument in how confidence determining success is causation), you're kind of overlooking the obvious; in the vast majority of surveys conducted on attraction, confidence usually shows up at the top or near the top of the list (which is the evidence you suggest doesn't exist). Along with height and humor of course. And a high salary never hurts either.

Here are some examples where "Confidence" is on the list... (they're just websites, it's not like I'm endorsing what they have to say, and some of them aren't surveys granted)
http://www.themodernman.com/dating/relationships/what_do_modern_women_want_in_a_man.html
http://www.aspirenow.com/smooth_03_01_what_women_want.htm
http://www.sosuave.com/articles/want.htm
http://www.doctornerdlove.com/2012/10/what-makes-man-attractive/all/1/
http://www.artofseductions.com/what-do-women-find-attractive/2/
http://www.eharmony.com/dating-advice/about-you/what-women-find-sexy-about-men-the-top-ten-list/
http://voices.yahoo.com/what-makes-men-sexy-women-tell-all-296432.html
http://gentlemansfashion.com/2011/11/what-do-women-find-attractive-in-men/
http://www.girlschase.com/content/book-excerpts-11-things-women-find-attractive-men
http://www.meetyoursweet.com/men/blog/what-do-women-find-attractive-in-men
http://www.blackloveandmarriage.com/2012/09/15-traits-women-find-attractive-in-men/
http://articles.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/2012-12-05/man-woman/31036876_1_women-physical-attractiveness-list
http://willyac.wordpress.com/everyday-articles/women-find-attractive-in-men/
http://www.thedatingpro.com/what-do-women-find-attractive/
http://www.winggirlmethod.com/what-do-women-find-sexy/

...think I'm going to stop. You can also find a plethora of interviews and women dishing out advice on youtube, much of which involves promoting confidence in men.

I thought the OP was more about the "why" to the acceptance that confidence is an attractive quality.

Nah, as it said I was more asking why women desire it a great deal more then men, but even more then that why they seem to desire it across the board where as men don't. But the general consensus is that they don't and my views do not represent the reality. That being the case it is still nice to see that so many people chimed in on this

 

[Something Amyss]

If this were true, then you wouldn't see shy/awkward folks fawned over by women in popular media and mainstream culture.

You do.

Therefore, we can safely deduce that it is false.

 

[manic_depressive13]

What the fuck is confidence? People are treating it as though it is a state of being. Confident doing what? Confident in their political beliefs? Confident in social situations? Confident in their appearance?

Even the most socially awkward person might feel confident writing a thesis in their area of expertise. It's not like there's a dichotomy between being insecure and being confident. People with more than one dimension to their character can generally manage both.

 

[Daniel Ferguson]

I am attracted to confident women - but then so is EVERY other guy. I have no confidence, so I can't compete. It comes down to pure luck and being in the right place at the right time, and my luck is just that abysmal, so that's not likely.

The next best thing is someone with low confidence who you can easily impress and all that. Except that I've actually met those types and they are just as hard because of how fricken awkward, reserved, and fearful-of-social-interaction they are. They're not actually easy to convince into dating, but I suppose the perception is that you stand a better chance with them if you play your cards right.

Maybe people look up to others of the opposite sex who have more confidence than themselves, because they believe it might rub off on them?

Maybe it's something to do with a warm and fuzzy feeling.

 

[joshthor]

confidence is pretty attractive no matter what. it doesnt mean the person is out going, or super vocal, or anything like that - confidence is applied for anything from talking to actions. personally I don't want a girl who is not confident enough to tell me what she is feeling or what she wants to do, or who gets nervous doing even the simplest things.

confidence is not domination, it is simply comfort in what you are doing. Its an incredibly important trait for any walk of life and its something that you aren't just born with, its something you have to develop.

not to mention, people without much confidence are usually super whiny because they don't have the balls to push forward with things in their life. (sorry, just stating the obvious)

 

[Strazdas]

Well, i was going to make a decent reply. but i did the mistake of reading whole 4 pages. And my thinking of an escapist as a haven of smart people just... went downwards.....

 

[Jarlaxl]

What the fuck is confidence? People are treating it as though it is a state of being. Confident doing what? Confident in their political beliefs? Confident in social situations? Confident in their appearance?

Even the most socially awkward person might feel confident writing a thesis in their area of expertise. It's not like there's a dichotomy between being insecure and being confident. People with more than one dimension to their character can generally manage both.

In this context, confidence generally refers to how one carries one's self in social scenarios. One is expressive, one is extroverted (in a go-talk-to-people sense), one is not shy about walking up to people and meeting them. It is referred to as confidence because it is generally perceived that one must be comfortable in one's own skin to be able to do this - I trust that I am a likable person, so I trust that others will like me too - in short, you are confident in the product of you.

Basically, you're The Most Interesting Man in the World as opposed to Passive-Aggressive Anime Character #87B.

It's more about how you carry yourself than what you do. You can be a total dork, but if you can walk up to someone, say hello, and find common ground and ways to continue a conversation, you've succeeded in "being confident."

Finally, if you do open up to others and it doesn't work, you won't be horribly distraught. You can bounce back, acknowledge that that was one weird person, and move on.

 

[katsabas]

*snippy* Women (and I hope I don't raise a shit storm by saying this), at least here, are bipolar cowards. *snippy*

El-oh-el.

When you say 'I hope I don't raise a shit storm', closely followed by the terms 'bipolar cowards', you can pretty much guarantee one thing - you're raising a shit storm.

That said, I do actually agree with you, although mainly in regards to younger women. All through university I remember the female students 18-23 or so as being something not dissimilar to what you say there. However, once they hit 25 years old and have a couple years of experience (sexual and otherwise!), they tend to chill out a bit. It's around then I have found many women actually do start looking for that 'nice guy' and get sick of dating tools.

This was the category of women I was shooting for. Glad to see I didn't miss. Right now, I am not in the mood to start dating older than me. Haven't solved their equations yet.

 

[Vault101]

In this context, confidence generally refers to how one carries one's self in social scenarios. One is expressive, one is extroverted (in a go-talk-to-people sense), one is not shy about walking up to people and meeting them. It is referred to as confidence because it is generally perceived that one must be comfortable in one's own skin to be able to do this - I trust that I am a likable person, so I trust that others will like me too - in short, you are confident in the product of you.
.

oh fuckng great ....being social wins once again

I agree with Mannic...being an introvert doesnt always mean you lack confidence....and social situation is only one of may scenarios

 

[Vault101]

Well, i was going to make a decent reply. but i did the mistake of reading whole 4 pages. And my thinking of an escapist as a haven of smart people just... went downwards.....

please explain..I'd like to know your veiw of things

 

[RhombusHatesYou]

"Evo psych" is a pop-culture phenomenon that parallels the actual scientific study of evolutionary psychology.

It could be worse, people could be banging on about 'biological imperatives'.

 

[Strazdas]

Well, i was going to make a decent reply. but i did the mistake of reading whole 4 pages. And my thinking of an escapist as a haven of smart people just... went downwards.....

please explain..I'd like to know your veiw of things

It seems that escapist, that is, even escapist ultimate parnet seems to be a bimbo and a jackass.

People like confident people because that are the ones that put themselves out there, and due to our strange social constructs that appears to be the only available ones. Id rather take a shy introvert than an extrovert idiot. and unlike what you may think from my forum posts, i am very shy in RL. internet is sort of escape for me, and i have been on the "ignored" and even "Hated" spectrum and it seems that escapist is no different.

Edit: wait a minute. you want to know my views? what sorcery is this?

It could be worse, people could be banging on about 'biological imperatives'.

we already did that, it was a eugenics thread