Why do women love confidence in a man?

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Vegosiux

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Karoshi said:
Talkativeness isn't everything. If you speak a lot, but it's all small talk in the end and you always just say "I suppose you are right" "Whatever" "Maybe" and never really speak your mind - that shows if a person ain't confident.
Ain't confident? How about ain't interested?

Ever notice how when flirting some people always cave in and just claim that they "love everything you love"? As you said, that's a mask and a pretty bullshit one.
Oh, that's just obnoxiously boring, I agree. Though the entire "flirting" game usually comes across as just pretentious in the first place...

That's why I mentioned not only talking, but being honest and relaxed as well. Sure, one might have a set of fake opinions and hobbies, but I'm not sure how anybody could bear lying about yourself all the time.
Honest, relaxed and only actively engaging in interaction when you actually care about it? Now how many people would mistake that last bit for lack of confidence?

There's the rub.
 

Naeras

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Mar 1, 2011
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At least for me, that really works both ways. Low confidence in a girl is actually a huge dealbreaker for me, to the point that I've rejected/friendzoned/"yeah of course I'll call you"-ed women on that basis.

As for exactly why women in particular think confidence is sexy; I have no idea. But it works.
 

mad825

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Yeah, the saying "women love confidence in a man" is so generic that it means nothing.
 

Imperioratorex Caprae

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cerebreturns said:
Except that's just my point. The fact that even though it's not needed required anymore, it's still desired and required by the majority of women, even those who try to take on other roles.
I would say thats an opinion, not a fact. A male who isn't confident doesn't raise kids who are confident in themselves or their abilities, thus making life harder for them to adapt to once they're in the real world.
Confidence is a trait that leads to success, whereas low self-esteem can hinder social and work relationships to a point where they atrophy.
How many successful people have no confidence in themselves? And how ridiculous is it to say that confidence of the self is a trait that is no longer needed?
Personally I wouldn't want to be with someone, male or female who had no self-confidence. Why? Because people with low self-confidence are needy and clingy and those relationships do not last, tend to be a burden and drag the other person down.
Also confidence and arrogance are two wholly different traits and shouldn't be confused, but some women seem to not know the difference.
 

cikame

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Many years of me watching nice girls get together with the worst kinds of guys, leads me to believe that it's just the way it is.
It used to frustrate me but deciding that it's just a fact of life gives me a sort of 'knowledge pride' and allows me to move on.

I call it a decision because it's not truth, and i'm sure many people would like to prove me wrong, but until i see it for myself it's my truth.
 

Xanadu84

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A lot of the differences between TRENDS (Trends! Just Trends! Not a guerentee, not what all of them are but TTRRREEEEENNNNDDDSSSS!!!) for men and women come down to the evolutionary history of women as baby making machines and men as disposable appliances with 2 settings, Impregnate and Kill. Confident men get stuff done or they die trying, either great success or no big loss. A lot of men can die, and there will still be plenty of sperm left. Confident women might try to fight a saber-tooth tiger or something, which is unhealthy for the baby, or their capacity to produce spawn for the tribe. This perspective doesn't fit in with modern life? Congratulations, you have just pointed out the problem.

Lots of phenomena start looking really weird under the evolutionary psychology lens. Why are men so obsessed with big Penis's? Well that would be because a large penis acts as a plunger for removing competitors sperm from their mates vagina. Why do women make the duck face when they try to look attractive? That would be because they are trying to make their lips look like an aroused vagina to entice men. Its awkward to admit, but a lot of our instincts are based on some REALLY weird things. Before we criticize our weird double standards and non-sensical behavior, its worth remembering that we have come a LOOONG way.
 

Loonyyy

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Correlation != causation. I think there's a simpler answer at play.

It's often said that women favour confidence in a man, but that view seems a bit off to me. First thing you should do is acknowlege statistical biases. Confident men... approach women more. Even if I assume everyone has the same success rate, then confident men win.

Likewise, a woman who engages many men is more likely to be successful.

A lack of confidence is detrimental to all social interactions, firstly because it stops most of them from happening.

People like people who have at least the confidence to be seen and heard, I think that's pretty universal. If you don't see them, and if you can't hold a conversation with them, it's done.

It's important to know what confidence means though. Posturing and being a douche is not confidence. It takes some form of confidence to do it, but it's not itself confidence. Some people get lost here. Being willing to be yourself, and be noticed, and make yourself noticed, is confidence. A person who is confident in their social skills has no problem striking up conversation, talking to new people etc. A person who is confident has no problem with walking tall. These things may also be attractive, but it's my fundamental belief that it's the social abilities rather than the attractiveness of those which are responsible for the meme.

As a guy, I find that unconfident women aren't necessarily unnattractive, but they're a lot harder to get close to. Awkward silences aren't good conversations.
 

Mcupobob

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Lilani said:
I think men also like confident women, you just seem to associate confidence with masculinity, which isn't very accurate. Confidence doesn't mean the same as swagger or dominance. Confidence is produced by a healthy amount of self-esteem, it is simply believing in yourself. Being comfortable in your own skin. What man doesn't find that attractive? Or rather, how many guys have you seen seek out the opposite? "Man, I really want a piece of that mousy girl in the corner who dresses like shit because she has no self-respect and looks like she'd rather be anywhere else but here."

Why men don't point it out as something they find attractive as often as women I can't say, but being a female myself I think I can guess why women feel the need to point it out. When growing up, guys tend to establish their pecking order by who has the most swagger, the most strength. They wrestle, they chase, they climb, arm wrestle, all those little contests to establish who's king of the hill. You bring another guy down a notch by outmatching him in those games.

Girls, on the other hand, establish their pecking order through psychological contests. They form cliques, and engage in psychological warfare. They tear other girls down by ripping into their self-esteem and self-image. Rather than subduing them with a chokehold, they subdue them by making them question themselves and their worthiness to be higher up on the totem pole.

When you spend your entire adolescence fighting these sorts of mental battles, you become attuned not only to your own self-confidence but also the confidence of others. So since self-confidence is a valuable resource in order to survive those sorts of psychological wars, of course girls are going to pick up on it faster and of course they are going to take notice when they see an abundance of it.

Of course that's all just speculation on my part based on stereotypes, but hey isn't that what psychology's all about?
Its like what Louise C.K said a man will cut your arm off but leave who you are as a person intact. Women will leave emotional scars like a atrocity deep in your psyche.

OT: Because most people are looking for a type of leader I suppose, its not just women that want a confident man. When voting for the a leader or (hypothetically) deciding on who to promote it doesn't matter if Marvin is the better I don't lets say architect if Frank the tank is strolling in like he owns the place and highfiving people left and right while Marvin is eating lunch alone again, your going to go with Frank.
 

x EvilErmine x

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Katatori-kun said:
SimpleThunda said:
We're animals. We're "programmed" to reproduce.
Yay, more completely unscientific and unsupportable evo-psyche nonsense.
I'm sorry but I have to disagree with you here, we are animals and we are programmed to reproduce.
It's not evo-psyche nonsense. Simple observation of human development and physiological responses shoot massive holes in your argument. Just because we think we are above nature and some how it has no baring on us does not make it the case.

For example:

Explain why puberty happens if not to cause an organism to mature to a state that is capable of sexual reproduction?

Why is it that even before we develop to sexual maturation we become aware of the opposite sex and become attracted to it?

Why do we have the urge to find companionship/intimacy with the other sex?

What's the point of meiotic cell division if not to enable sexual recombination of DNA?


OT

I don't really know, maybe it's the whole 'alpha' thing. You would have to ask 'women' about that for a definitive answer though.
 

TheSteeleStrap

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May 7, 2008
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You don't look for confidence in a woman? You prefer a woman who barely talks and barely looks at you? I don't
 

katsabas

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Apr 23, 2008
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All women like confidence, the problem is how much. I got confident enough with my last girlfriend and she got scared. Women (and I hope I don't raise a shit storm by saying this), at least here, are bipolar cowards. They go off "where are the good guys", then they find a good guy and after a while they distance themselves. You have to be constantly aware of what would be too much.

Also, too much for one chick might be a little or normal for another.

From the many stories I have heard and witnessed, 9 out of 10 finished with the guy wanting to go on.

A confident man in my book means someone who knows what he wants. Same could be said about a woman. The difference lies in exactly that. The 'WHAT'. Bed, a relationship, someone to pass the time etc. The trick is to be confident enough to ask her out the first three times and start having the guts to call.

The hard part is not confidence. The hard part is patience on your part for the other half to do something once in a relationship.
 

xDarc

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Feb 19, 2009
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Rawne1980 said:
They don't want someone who needs fussing over and mothering.
That pretty much cut this entire thread down, at least by half, on the 2nd post. Nice.
 

TallanKhan

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Aug 13, 2009
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I think it has alot to do with the fact most people (men and women both) aren't very confident, regardless of how they act. We percieve confidence as being key to things like success and happiness and thus we covet it. That makes it an attractive quality in any kind of relationship which is why people gravitate to confident people and those who appear confident. This is true of all relationships be it friendships, work relationships or more intimate relationships.
 

Adeptus Aspartem

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Jul 25, 2011
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"All humans are programmed to reproduce"

>Asexuals don't exist.

Also from what i read here people misjudge being extroverted with confidence. Just because you don't like to be in the spotlight doesn't mean you're not confident - quite the contrary.
Running around chin high and chest pumped more often seems awfully fake and dishonest - i'd say the majority of these people appear that way to me.

But i guess nowadays with all the media & internet it's not uncommon to think that only people who strive for the most attention and "succes" (which everyone defines diffrent anyway) are "confident".
Someone said it's can also be like wearing a mask, not showing how wrecked you really are on the inside. Probably one of the reason some girls always fall for the wrecks because they appear very confident on the first glance *shrug*.

Anyway, i'm quite certain it's not as black & white this thread makes it out to be^^