Why do women love confidence in a man?

[Ryotknife]

Well, confidence can be sexy to men too. Granted it is not a deal breaker, just a bonus.

 

[Quadocky]

Hell, I am so deluded an confused about interpersonal matters nowadays that I don't even know what confidence really 'means.' Or at least in terms of this discussion.

The socio-psychological concept of self-confidence relates to self-assuredness in one's personal judgment, ability, power, etc

I would add that EVERYBODY likes assertive people. The trend setters, those that stand for something, those that are quite literally IMBUED with meaning.

Who would you be more interested in? The girl sitting in the corner with with her head on the table acting all mopey or that girl who is on the stage playing the piano in the jazz band quite brilliantly and with much excitement?

If you want a more relevant example, Yahtzee.

...

Though of course I would lament I suffer from a degree of many personal problems so it becomes rather frustrating to deal with. Anyhow, off to therapy!

But the question of, do women care more about confidence than men? I have no idea quite frankly.

 

[lechat]

women are hard wired to guy for the guy with the best genes and self confidence sets you up as being an alpha male. sub consciously if you see a guy acting like he is the shit than you automatically assume he is cause if he wasn't someone else would have showed up and knocked him down a peg or 2 and he would be the one walking around with swagger and that other guy would be hiding in a corner crying

it doesn't matter if it is true or not. if you run around with self confidence you will automatically get better jobs and women. seriously. fact.

 

[Uszi]

Men don't usually care if a woman is that confident...

Really? I'm very attracted to confident women.

I thought confidence was sexy overall.

I don't want to babysit a partner, and I imagine a lot of other people feel the same.

 

[Soviet Heavy]

I think men also like confident women, you just seem to associate confidence with masculinity, which isn't very accurate. Confidence doesn't mean the same as swagger or dominance. Confidence is produced by a healthy amount of self-esteem, it is simply believing in yourself. Being comfortable in your own skin. What man doesn't find that attractive? Or rather, how many guys have you seen seek out the opposite? "Man, I really want a piece of that mousy girl in the corner who dresses like shit because she has no self-respect and looks like she'd rather be anywhere else but here."

Why men don't point it out as something they find attractive as often as women I can't say, but being a female myself I think I can guess why women feel the need to point it out. When growing up, guys tend to establish their pecking order by who has the most swagger, the most strength. They wrestle, they chase, they climb, arm wrestle, all those little contests to establish who's king of the hill. You bring another guy down a notch by outmatching him in those games.

Girls, on the other hand, establish their pecking order through psychological contests. They form cliques, and engage in psychological warfare. They tear other girls down by ripping into their self-esteem and self-image. Rather than subduing them with a chokehold, they subdue them by making them question themselves and their worthiness to be higher up on the totem pole.

When you spend your entire adolescence fighting these sorts of mental battles, you become attuned not only to your own self-confidence but also the confidence of others. So since self-confidence is a valuable resource in order to survive those sorts of psychological wars, of course girls are going to pick up on it faster and of course they are going to take notice when they see an abundance of it.

Of course that's all just speculation on my part based on stereotypes, but hey isn't that what psychology's all about?

You sound like a nature analyst. The Males compete for social dominance to prove their right to mate, while the girls prove who are the most eligible by forming a social hierarchy where the most popular girl is "proven" in a psychological sense.

 

[Lilani]

You sound like a nature analyst. The Males compete for social dominance to prove their right to mate, while the girls prove who are the most eligible by forming a social hierarchy where the most popular girl is "proven" in a psychological sense.

Lol, I'm just going by what I witnessed/went through in gradeschool. I experienced and witnessed those mind games first hand, and it is frighteningly similar to dominance showdowns you see on National Geographic. Anytime the girls in one particular group decided they wanted someone out, or that someone outside the group was causing them problems, they attacked. They spread rumors, they call names, they turn others against them. Only on very rare occasions did they ever resort to fisticuffs, and even then the anger that lead to the fighting was usually caused by the psychological warfare.

What I said about the guys was more from my passing observations. I didn't like many of the guys in my school so I only observed them from a distance. But from what I could tell, the main "cool guys" held their status by being physically fit and active, or by having enough swagger and self-confidence to be charismatic. Sometimes they could get by on just physical strength or charisma, but if a guy had neither he wasn't very high on the totem pole. But again I never had to go through any of that, so that could all be a load of shit.

Also, the thing about women using words to solve problems is something I've heard before. Men will usually rely on intuition and what is around them to solve problems, while women will use words. This, apparently, is why women like to ask for directions and men prefer to drive around for hours so they can get "oriented" again.

 

[Vault101]

I think you might be simplifying this a bit

Men don't usually care if a woman is that confident,

thats not quite true, it IS true from what Ive seen around the interwebs that [i']some[/i] guys find shyness and that whole "delicate little flower" thing apealing in some ways yes, however not all do

[quote/]but nearly across the board weither the woman is a dom or a sub, a older or a younger woman, nearly all of them require or find a condifent man sexy/strong/good.[/quote]
*rolls eyes* yes all women like the exactly the same thing

I think your problem is, is your being to specific in what "confidence" actually means, confidence to varying degrees is a postive trait in all people regardless of gender, the fact is no one wants a door mat, or somone who is so self loathing and insecure they constantly need the other party to encourage them

"confidence" in a man doesn't automatically mean some dude-bro-playa-jock, if somone is conifdent then they have enough I guess "self esteem" to put themselves out there, to mabye ask a girl out ect

I don't know about anyone else but I wouldnt want a so called "nice guy" who leeches onto a girl and is freinds with her hoping that she'll somehow end up loving him but is too insecure/shy to make his feelings clear, on the other side I dont want some asshole


[quote/]It isn't this homogonis with men, some like a confident women some don't, but with women it is practicly always a yes.[/quote]
and you know what how?

 

[Vault101]

If you want a more relevant example, Yahtzee.
.

huh?..I dont get it

no disrespect to Mr Yahtzee but he kind of seems a bit miserable...also a self professed introvert

What man doesn't find that attractive? Or rather, how many guys have you seen seek out the opposite? "Man, I really want a piece of that mousy girl in the corner who dresses like shit because she has no self-respect and looks like she'd rather be anywhere else but here."

leave me alone godammit!

[small/]and its not my fault men got the better deal when it comes to clothing [/small]

[quote/]
Girls, on the other hand, establish their pecking order through psychological contests. They form cliques, and engage in psychological warfare. They tear other girls down by ripping into their self-esteem and self-image. Rather than subduing them with a chokehold, they subdue them by making them question themselves and their worthiness to be higher up on the totem pole.

When you spend your entire adolescence fighting these sorts of mental battles, you become attuned not only to your own self-confidence but also the confidence of others. So since self-confidence is a valuable resource in order to survive those sorts of psychological wars, of course girls are going to pick up on it faster and of course they are going to take notice when they see an abundance of it.
[/quote]
god damn...XD

I'm trying to remember if I experienced any of that in highschool...I think in a way but it was more subtle

 

[Jenvas1306]

In my experiance, men tend to dont notice the more shy girls, als long as they arent very attractive and those two traits dont go along often.
while shy guys can be cute, it also can be difficult to go for anything romantic. some wont be able to realize you're interessted in them, as they just couldnt see why...
Needing to constantly reafirm them can get very exhausing.
For me personally, confidence is important in a guy, so I dont intimidate him too much, so he can stand up for his opinion if its different from mine, so he tells me what he thinks and wants.
You need to be confident enough for a relationship, but I'm certainly not attracted to guys with a bloated ego.

If you only let your ovaries pick a guy for you, you probably wont be too happy.

 

[Ihateregistering1]

I care strongly if a woman is confident in herself. At it's most basic, think of it this way:

If you had the choice between being with a partner who was confident in the relationship and believed in themself, or one who wasn't confident and you constantly had to emotionally babysit and remind them that they were smart, pretty, etc. etc., which one would you pick?

Likewise, even in our "non-caveman" society, confidence still matters greatly. Talk to any sort of manager or executive and ask them who they'll choose if they have two candidates with the same qualifications, but one is confident in themself while the other is meek and doesn't think they can do anything right. 999 times out of 1000 they'll go with the former.

 

[lechat]

guess i'm the odd one out cause i friggn love shy girls, so if you guys are not interested send em my way please.
not to say there isn't a lower limit on it but generally i'd prefer a mousey well presented chick to one that runs around flopping her tits out hoping for everyone approval

 

[Slayer_2]

Ummm, I'm a guy that likes a confident woman. I guess I'm just weird. Shy can be cute at first, but gets tiring quickly. I'd prefer confident over timid any day.

 

[marcooos]

I'm not going to speak for women in general just those that I know who have spoke about it.

They wanted a confident man because a confident man knows who he is, what he wants and is able to look after himself.

They don't want someone who needs fussing over and mothering.

I say wanted because thats what they got.

Aside from the confidence thing they aren't very fussy, and it shows, 2 of them are married to Man U fans .... they have no standards (says the bloke who's wife is a Man U fan).

Even scummers (southampton) supporters can get married so they really cant be that fussy

 

[darlarosa]

From this woman's perspective confidence comes in many forms. Confidence isn't the complete opposite of shy or equals dominate to me. Confidence is when a person knows and stands behind their actions and who they are. That being said I think most women want that balanced with self awareness, but don't realize it. The problem is unrestrained confidence in men and women leads to arrogance, and both sexes tend to focus on confidence without the other.

I know plenty of confident guys who are shy and quiet. In fact they're waaay more appealing

 

[Erja_Perttu]

I've never been able to find a good balance. I've tried dating shy guys and confident guys, but they're always too much one way or the other.

The shy guys turn out to have massive issues that need professional help, which they refuse to get because I'm their girlfriend and I'm the one who should be helping them through it. (Dude, girlfriend is not synonymous with therapist)

Or

Narcissists.

Someday I'll find a guy who likes both himself and me, but it is not this day.

 

[Vault101]

guess i'm the odd one out cause i friggn love shy girls, so if you guys are not interested send em my way please.
not to say there isn't a lower limit on it but generally i'd prefer a mousey well presented chick to one that runs around flopping her tits out hoping for everyone approval

whats shyness got to do with self respect/attention whoring? more than two types of women in the world

 

[Hagi]

Men don't usually care if a woman is that confident

Won't speak for all other men but I can sure as hell tell you that I personally do care.

There's nothing quite as annoying as an overly clingy girlfriend utterly incapable of making any decision for herself that needs reassurance all the freaking time.

Just to note: shy, mousy, quiet etc. don't necessarily mean a lack of confidence. Someone who knows and accepts only their flaws is lacking confidence, someone who knows and accepts both their flaws and strengths is confident and someone who knows and accepts only their strengths is arrogant.

A girl aware that she's not very great in social situations but also aware that she's damn good at some other stuff isn't lacking in confidence and therefore not lacking in attractiveness, depending on what the other party is looking for. Nothing wrong with knowing you're crap at some stuff and thus avoiding it, as long as you've got your pride in something else.

 

[danon]

Because you see i believe it's evolution.