Why is it when someones relationships (or lack of) go bad, they blame the entire sex

[sergnb]

A male gets betrayed by his wife, he blames all women in the world for his wife's choices, a female dates idiots and blames all men for her poor choices in dating material.

I don't quite get it and I've been coming across people like this a lot recently, more so than usual (Is it because of the recession? Lol)

There are groups and threads about "All men being cheaters, liars, etc" and "All women being spiteful, picking only the cool guys, etc".

I'm not sure how one gets to that state of mentality, even to the point where someone feels they have the right to go on a mass murder spree because things in their relationship didn't go the way they wanted to.

So here's the questions, do you know people who are like this? Where do you think that state of mind comes from and why blame others for things they / and former their partner(s) did wrong?

It's because our animal instints and our human morals and codes of conduct collide with each other.

When hunting for a mate to procreate with, the specimen usually targets the well-fit, good looking type of individuals. These individuals, who are used to be hunted, develop awful conducts, those whom an animal in its position would develop in its situation. After an extended time of relationship, the hunter realises its choice was not good, as the individual it decided to mate with was an awful one, and decides to leave him.

Forgetting about the past events, the hunter procceeds to go at this noble course of actions again, maybe thinking "perhaps this time it will be different".

Rinse & Repeat x100 times and there you have your answer as to why this happens. Plus, add the globalization and social networking, and while in the past you didn't hear about these relationship problems, NOW YOU DO ALL THE TIME, WETHER YOU WANT TO OR NOT.

Lol, but I don't understand how you can date 3 people and then judge the entire sex based on that little experience.

Its like carrying out a survey to prove that everyone is scared of horror movies, finding 3 people who happen to be scared and saying "yes, this is proof!" Not its not! And just because someone else over the internet is having the same trouble as you, doesn't mean that its happening to everyone, the number of people in a forum agreeing with you isn't even 1% of the entire human race, lol

That is, my fellow gentleman (madamme?), man-child behaviour, plain inmature. If a person is still doing this well into his 20's, I suggest you to stop the current relationship you could have with the person, or straight forward tell him/her the issue and literally force them to grow the fuck up

 

[RaikuFA]

think about this...

high school girl decides for shit and giggles to accuse a guy of rape just because hes ugly. starts spreading rumors that this guy rapes women. friends doubt him with the female members of the group. no girl even wants to date him no matter what. hes excluded from all social events that his friends go to(prom, dances, class trips etc.). since he never had a proper social life/dating life he cant maintain a sucessful relationship nor can he trust anyone he befriends. now you tell me its not justified for this guy to hate women

You know, that shit is illegal. You can sue the crap outta someone doing that.

Options that this male (I'm assuming it's you) could partake:

1. Sue the *****. Get money. Restore reputation.
2. Move out to different city (maybe for work?). Erase all proof and contact with anyone that has ever heard about this false accusation. Procceed to enjoy a new life.
3. Smack her in front of everyone and force her to say it's a lie (not recommended, worse consequences could endure)

i found out a year later it was the equivelent of sexual harassment. but i still have a hard time maintaining a relationship

 

[Doclector]

I don't know why. Personally, I don't hate woman because I've been screwed over (in every way but the good way) multiple times by women, I hate both genders because every time I put faith in people, I get screwed. That's multiple times. Understandable, right? But if it only happened once...I don't get it. Even I can't hold that much of an undeserved grudge.

Moral of the thread is; you can't trust women. Or men. Or transexuals, or White people, or black people, or (insert race here). Don't trust businessmen, or builders, or store workers or store managers. At the end of the day, the only person you can really trust is yourself.

Of course, this means you must not trust me when I say not to trust anyone including me. Which means you should trust me when I said not to trust me. But that means you shouldn't trust anyone which means you should trust everyone and paradooooox....

 

[Malrock]

On the whole, because these people are run by emotions, so when said event occurs, they vent in anyway they can, often with others of the same gender that would enjoy bashing on the opposite one. Silly really but they are not hurting anyone most of the time.

 

[Kargathia]

They're just doing the same thing as you are doing: generalizing hopelessly, and without anything more than anecdotal evidence to back it up.

 

[pulse2]

I don't quite get that mentality either ¬_¬ Over the years, 4 of my female friends have miraculously discovered they were bi and revealed it to everyone. They have a habit now of saying how great it is to date other women instead of men and how things are working out, yet none of them is in a steady relationship with a female yet, which is exactly what they were looking for from guys. I find that odd.

I've observed the same thing myself. As much as it may burn some people to hear it, you can be confused about your sexuality in both directions. For example a particularly bad relationship may cause you to re evaluate your sexuality but that doesn't necessarily mean you're absolutely gay. When you ask a question the answer can be 'yes' but it can also be 'no'.

Some people do experiment at some point or another and then discover it's not for them, that doesn't necessarily make them appreciably bi.

OT: The reason we generalise is because of a very real cognitive limit, there are a maximum number of people we can conceptualise as individuals before we have to generalise, that's just the way we are. We blame groups for an individual's actions for the same reason that we don't individually check if each fire burns us, it's a perfectly natural instinct designed to bypass unnecessary work and social situations like this one are practically the only situation it under performs in.

"Hmm, well the last fifty of these berries were poisonous but this one might not be..."

http://www.cracked.com/article_14990_what-monkeysphere.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fundamental_attribution_error

Well, this and the fact that the sexes share common cognitive patterns within them. So it's possible that when a man says that 'all women X' that a majority of women really do behave in a way that can be construed as X. Course, X tends to either be very vague or something that's personally 'burnt' the observer.

EDIT: It's important to realise that everyone commits the 'all X are Y' fallacy because there is no way they can possess a human brain and not. It's not a value call or anything, it's how we think. The X and the Y may vary from person to person but we all 'X are Y' it occasionally.

Well as I'm aware there is a valid difference between bi-curious and bi-sexual, in the sense that a bi-curious person may be interested in the same sex, but not entirely sure whether they are interested ENOUGH to just admit that they are bi-sexual. There are a few guys I know like this, more so than females, but I wonder if its because of the pressure that is mounted upon guys "to be straight" more so than girls. I find it hypocritical that one can think it okay for females to be bisexual or lesbian, but if a male should be gay, its wrong. And I also have a disdain for people who say bi-sexuality is selfishness or inhumane and I don't have to be gay or bi to realise that, its just open mindedness.

At the same time, I don't think that someone should use hatred for an entire sex as a main reason to look for love in the same sex. I can't tell you how many times I've heard the term "Maybe I'd have better luck with the same sex" (usually from women), when things go wrong, it makes a mockery out of homosexuality or bisexuality and makes that individual very difficult to work out whether their reasons were because they've genuinely had those feelings for a long time, or are just fed up with dating the opposite sex and using it as a means to explore their curiousity.

Which leads me back to the point, in the event that person is genuine, not to me, but to themselves and not just saying it to get attention, I'm all for that living a happier more fulfilling life without having to conform to "standards", but if that person still hasn't found love, I think its time for them to stop blaming the other sex as they were previously and start taking a longer and harder look at themselves.

 

[MaxwellEdison]

Of course I know people like this. I live on the Escapist. Half the relationship threads I see are started by misogynists.
Why do people act like this? I can't speak for your average male, but a lot of the people I know of who think this way have trouble getting women, mainly due to their failure to make any sort of advances, and just be nice. When you can't get any girls and they keep leaving you, blaming women might actually be a bit more healthy than the alternative that comes up - blaming yourself, but not because you failed, because you're "not good enough".

 

[OldGus]

A male gets betrayed by his wife, he blames all women in the world for his wife's choices, a female dates idiots and blames all men for her poor choices in dating material.

I don't quite get it and I've been coming across people like this a lot recently, more so than usual (Is it because of the recession? Lol)

There are groups and threads about "All men being cheaters, liars, etc" and "All women being spiteful, picking only the cool guys, etc".

I'm not sure how one gets to that state of mentality, even to the point where someone feels they have the right to go on a mass murder spree because things in their relationship didn't go the way they wanted to.

So here's the questions, do you know people who are like this? Where do you think that state of mind comes from and why blame others for things they / and former their partner(s) did wrong?

I have a little inside information here. If you step back and take a look at it, you'll see both the mindset that causes that mentality and where it can be caused on your own either way.

Basically, it comes down to attachment, difference, and association. Part one that causes this behavior is attachment. Obviously, if Member Q of relationship E has no attachment to D, then logically and emotionally, there is no pain upon the ending of that relationship. If there is a strong attachment, then there is great pain and/or regret, especially if it is D's fault (as Q will almost always argue.) Part two is difference, namely the focus by Q on the perceived differences between Q and D. This does not provide the groundwork of the generalization, but it does provide the reasoning. Part three is actually a collaborative effort between difference and association. This decides the target of generalization. I mention the collaboration because while association is the major component of this step, the seed starts in differences. Namely, what the perceived differences are, and how big the differences are. Interestingly enough, there seems to be an inverted bell curve, where the two extremes of differences lead to wider generalizations while the middle part tends towards narrower generalizations (still, a personal perspective rather than a sociological study); either way, it is still important to associate these differences with a group. This association is what determines whether the statement becomes "All frat-boys are the same," or "All boys are the same," or anything else in between.

 

[Moonlight Butterfly]

Iv'e been abused at every stage of my life by different men, these last few years have been the only time I've been 'safe' I have PTSD and anxiety disorder because of it.

It's sometimes hard to believe that men actually exist who won't treat me like trash. Most of them who treat me nicely 'just want to be friends' It's hard not to get bitter and resentful against 'men'.

Just sayin.

 

[Brutal Peanut]

Bitterness. Emotional lashing out.
"Woman betrayed:All women are betrayers." "Man betrayed: All men are betrayers."

I have female family members who picked 'winners', they are all single-mothers who are best friends with their little kids and post 50 pictures of them in a sitting and type things like, "What are men good for? Nothing!" into their Facebook statuses on a nearly constant basis. It bothers me because they are acting like such bitter hens because of their own personal choices in life and I wonder how their little boys are going to grow up in such an environment.


I also have friends who are the type of people who keep picking the same type of people to get into relationships with, over and over. I always get to hear, "No, ______ is different!" when I try to give them advice or just try to tell them on a friendship-level what I really think when they ask me. They get mad at me and stop talking to me. But it turns out to be true and they always come crawling back, "You were right about _____,...." You know why? Because it's happened way more then once, and the fact that I'm the only one that seems to see it out of the two of us is bizarre.

Having friends like that is exhausting.

 

[MaxwellEdison]

Of course I know people like this. I live on the Escapist. Half the relationship threads I see are started by misogynists.
Why do people act like this? I can't speak for your average male, but a lot of the people I know of who think this way have trouble getting women, mainly due to their failure to make any sort of advances, and just be nice. When you can't get any girls and they keep leaving you, blaming women might actually be a bit more healthy than the alternative that comes up - blaming yourself, but not because you failed, because you're "not good enough".

The thing is that I know I'm not good enough. I'm not attractive, either in personality or in looks. My interests do not coincide well with most women. Yet, I still hate a large subset of women, because it's so difficult to hear how amazing relationships are and how they're supposed to be verifying of you as a human being when you know that you have no chance of ever being in one.

You don't hate specifically women in that case, do you? You hate talking about relationships. If I sat down next to you, the large, hairy male that I am, and went on for ages about my girlfriend, you'd hate me too. The thread is about people who hate women as a group for perceived flaws. You hate women when they talk about a subject you are uncomfortable with.

And on not being good enough, looks generally don't play too much of a factor. I have yet to meet a man who is too terrible looking to get a partner. This isn't to say it will be harder because of societal factors, but there's a girl for everyone, as they say. Not knowing you, I cannot comment on your personality, and the fact that most women don't share your interests means some do.

 

[pulse2]

Iv'e been abused at every stage of my life by different men, these last few years have been the only time I've been 'safe' I have PTSD and anxiety disorder because of it.

It's sometimes hard to believe that men actually exist who won't treat me like trash. Most of them who treat me nicely 'just want to be friends' It's hard not to get bitter and resentful against 'men'.

Just sayin.

I understand your point, but it would be the same as saying that because one person lived in a rough area and was mugged by black boys, that person should adopt a hatred of all black people (which happens very often in fact and quite often I'm put into this bracket even though I have nothing to do with it, its quite frustrating being stereotyped all the time because of other idiots), or because one was bitten by bulldogs, they should hate all bulldogs.

I do feel for you and hope it works out for you, there is always time to meet 'the one' who will treat you better then all the others. Its funny that though, because my GF is Brazilian, she came over here to have a better life and was living with her autie before she met me, the life she had consisted of she and her mother being raped, a dead older brother and a gun shot wound she has on her waist, all inflicted by cruel men over there. She could have taken the veiw to hate all men and disregard them all, but it just so happens that she didn't thank god, because she met me, and to be frank, she is who makes me, I treat her like the world and I get angry every time I see that scar.

Its disheartening to hear when people were treated badly and I understand that it makes it difficult to trust the other sex, race, species whatever, but sometimes one has to overcome that state of mind, otherwise they will walk right on by the person who was destined to make you their world and make you happy.

I suppose open-mindedness goes a long way.

 

[Dags90]

It's not really an attractive option for gay people, what with it requiring an equal measure of self hatred and whatnot. It's easier to say "x are bitches/pigs" than say "I'm attracted to unhealthy relationships."

 

[Moonlight Butterfly]

snip

I don't see all men like that it's just hard not to when all your life experience points that way. It's like petting a dog and getting bitten and then getting up the courage to do it again and getting bitten. You start to get a bit wary after the fourth time. It's even worse if you let you guard down as it were you just feel stupid to have fallen for it again. You even start to think it's your fault when you see everyone else being normal.

 

[Aulleas123]

Generalization and prejudice. For example, I live in America near the border of another state; if I am cut off by a driver from that border state, I think that drivers from that border state can't drive and shouldn't be on the road. The same thing is with sex and relationships, if I'm in a failed relationship, I'm going to blame women (due to the fact that I'm a heterosexual male), only because it would never, ever be my fault!

It's a human thing, I wouldn't worry about it. Eventually it all pans out in the end and if it doesn't then we'll stop working as a species due to lack of reproduction.

 

[pulse2]

snip

I don't see all men like that it's just hard not to when all your life experience points that way. It's like petting a dog and getting bitten and then getting up the courage to do it again and getting bitten. You start to get a bit wary after the fourth time. It's even worse if you let you guard down as it were you just feel stupid to have fallen for it again. You even start to think it's your fault when you see everyone else being normal.

Yeah, I see what you mean and I suppose the best way to go about avoiding that is with a wall up, low enough to see over, otherwise you'll miss out on the good guys.

I've dated some psychotic women, one of which threatened my mum, I didn't even know she was capable of that , but I learnt my lesson, met my gf through different means to how I normally would and discovered that she was the one for me, hopefully it stays that way.

Like I said, I hope a BIG positive comes out of all those negatives, it'll make you look back and hopefully laugh at the fools of your past who made your life hell.