Why Lord of the Rings SUCKS

[TheDrunkNinja]

Hold your fire! Hold your fire! I just thought this would be something fun to do.

Some of you have probably seen this, but I recently came across a spoof of a list of 50 reasons why the Peter Jackson Lord of the Rings films. It's pretty damn funny and uses some really retarded logic to the point of almost parodying a trolling fanboy.

Here are a couple of examples:

The Orcs were obviously stolen from PC game maker Blizzard and its Warcraft series. Too bad Blizzard is apparently too scared to sue New Line over it.

Racism. Percentage of protagonists in Fellowship who are white: 100. Meanwhile the black antagonists and their black crow spies and their black glass seeing ball inhabit their black towers and perform black magic. Gosh, I wonder if there's some symbolism there?

Gold: The Stretchy Element. The ring, which is seen to be at least two inches in diameter at the beginning to fit the polish sausage-sized finger of Sauron, suddenly fits Frodo's child-sized finger later. I guess this movie takes place in a world where rings magically change sizes on their own.

Violence. Give me one reason that story couldn't have been told without all the fighting.

Just take a quick look, and you'll get what I mean: http://www.lotrspoofs.net/50lotrsucks.html

Now to the purpose of the thread. I thought it would be fun to just start railing on a franchise that you personally love. This isn't an actual hate thread, people. List some obviously moronic and nonsensical reasons of why your favorite movie/book/game sucks a big fat one. The list doesn't even have to be long. Just one or two is fine.

Just a recap: This isn't a hate thread. I don't want people to start bashing a franchise that they actually don't like. Avoid the urge to troll, for all our sakes.

Now, let's get to it!

 

[Mr.Petey]

I've just one question. The bit about Orcs being stolen from Warcraft...that was sarcasm right? As I'm fairly certain JRR Tolkien didn't have access to the famous MMO back in his day.
But if it was a satirical pop then alrighty

 

[Bobic]

Toy story is a load of bull, I put camera's in a kids room and not once did I see one of his toy's get up and move. I got put on the sex offenders registry for nothing

 

[TheDrunkNinja]

I've just one question. The bit about Orcs being stolen from Warcraft...that was sarcasm right? As I'm fairly certain JRR Tolkien didn't have access to the famous MMO back in his day.
But if it was a satirical pop then alrighty

You did read the whole thing, right? That's the whole point. It's retarded logic.

 

[Dr. Crawver]

I'm glad this wasn't serious

 

[Leopard]

Has this guy even seen the films? Most of those are either incorect or exagerated to a stupid level. e.g.
#
Return of the Living Dead.

In FOTR, if you watch closely during the Inn scene, Frodo and his crew are shown getting stabbed by the Ring Wraiths. Then, five seconds later, they are fine again. Note to the director: try proofreading your movie before you release it to the public.

In the film it clearly shows the Nazgul pulling back the sheets to find shredded pillows under the sheets, so what was he watching at this point?

 

[Harkonnen64]

1: The orcs which were supposedly stolen from blizzard were effectively stolen from D&D first, not that either were stolen. Tolkien came up with the concept of orcs first, so actually Blizzard "stole" the orcs from LoTR.

2: LoTR was based on a sort of cross between Germanic themes and Middle Age themes, and everyone in those themes were white because they were from Europe before racial integration. Also, black has always been associated with evil because black is an inherently intimidating color, its why politicians wear black suits.

3: Given the ring was in fact magical, so I'd say its resonable for it to "magically" fit whoever wears it, especailly because it would help Sauron get it to him faster.

4: Because without the giant army of goblins/orcs/urk-eih Sauron wouldn't have any physical power, and therefore wouldn't pose a threat to anyone, leaving the story without a conflict and by extension pointless.

 

[Bobic]

Has this guy even seen the films? Most of those are either incorect or exagerated to a stupid level. e.g.
#
Return of the Living Dead.

In FOTR, if you watch closely during the Inn scene, Frodo and his crew are shown getting stabbed by the Ring Wraiths. Then, five seconds later, they are fine again. Note to the director: try proofreading your movie before you release it to the public.

In the film it clearly shows the Nazgul pulling back the sheets to find shredded pillows under the sheets, so what was he watching at this point?

The point and you have been separated for a while now haven't you?

 

[TheDrunkNinja]

Has this guy even seen the films? Most of those are either incorect or exagerated to a stupid level. e.g.
#
Return of the Living Dead.

In FOTR, if you watch closely during the Inn scene, Frodo and his crew are shown getting stabbed by the Ring Wraiths. Then, five seconds later, they are fine again. Note to the director: try proofreading your movie before you release it to the public.

In the film it clearly shows the Nazgul pulling back the sheets to find shredded pillows under the sheets, so what was he watching at this point?

I suppose the fact that the website was named "LotR Spoofs" didn't clue you in.

 

[Bobic]

1: The orcs which were supposedly stolen from blizzard were effectively stolen from D&D first, not that either were stolen. Tolkien came up with the concept of orcs first, so actually Blizzard "stole" the orcs from LoTR.

2: LoTR was based on a sort of cross between Germanic themes and Middle Age themes, and everyone in those themes were white because they were from Europe before racial integration. Also, black has always been associated with evil because black is an inherently intimidating color, its why politicians wear black suits.

3: Given the ring was in fact magical, so I'd say its resonable for it to "magically" fit whoever wears it, especailly because it would help Sauron get it to him faster.

4: Because without the giant army of goblins/orcs/urk-eih Sauron wouldn't have any physical power, and therefore wouldn't pose a threat to anyone, leaving the story without a conflict and by extension pointless.

Stop being ironic.

 

[Burningsok]

Actually the ring does magically change to the size of the wearers fingers. There is a scene where it shows that.

Well, anyways this is for funnzies soooo. The whole trilogy could of been avoided if the hobbits just flew on the back of those giant eagles, and dropped the ring into the lava lol.

In all seriousness, I love the movies. They are a bit long, but it's bearable to me.

 

[LostTimeLady]

In Doctor Who a 900 odd year old alien travels through time and space in a police telephone box that's bigger on the inside. I myself find this purely fantastical. I've never seen a police telephone box in my life!!!
(Pretty please note the irony, I love Doctor Who).


(Actually not true in reality but actually it only really looked more like a glorified junction box painted blue, the one I saw that is).

 

[PureChaos]

that's why i just go 'meh' and roll with it becuase if i let things like that ruin a film, every film would be ruined.

 

[Mockingjay]

Homage or theft X?

The character of Elrond was based on Agent Smith from The Matrix.

I lol'd.

 

[teutonicman]

..........you want to start a "fun" bashing thread but without the trolling. That's like saying look but don't touch.

 

[TheRightToArmBears]

"Did someone say plot hole?

Liv Tyler's character is seen easily defeating nine strong supernatural beings, even though she is clearly a woman."

Heheheh, ironic sexism is always funny.

 

[xuberfail]

Shakespeare so stole the plot of Hamlet from 'The Lion King'. And he can't even speak english properly.

 

[Sanguinius- The Angel]

I love how you guys don't seem to understand that the writer is making a joke here. XD Eg.

"Casting, III.

Why couldn't Bilbo have been played by Vin Diesel?"

I mean c'mon, you don't think that is SERIOUS do you?