Why your zombie survival guides are all useless

[Ravinak]

Having roamed the Escapist forums for a while now, I am not unfamiliar with the occasional "Zombie Survival Guide" threads, but this article will explain why all the carefully detailed plans in the world will be unnecessary.

http://www.cracked.com/article_18683_7-scientific-reasons-zombie-outbreak-would-fail-quickly_p1.html

 

[Mr. Gency]

When I saw the thread's title I was going to post that.

 

[101194]

I choose to Believe! What I was programed to believe!

 

[Ironic Pirate]

Yeah, well when the super zombies come, I'll be safe in my abandoned prison or gas drilling station, and you can mock them all you want. They'll still eat your brains.

 

[Satin6T]

psh what if it's the rabies virus instead of an undead virus?

 

[RaphaelsRedemption]

Ummmm... because zombies aren't real?

I mean, I like to plan for zombie invasions, because I know they will never happen.

Honestly, we don't need to debate this so seriously. ZOMBIES (at least, mass zombies on the scale that movies portray them) AREN'T REAL!

 

[Vhite]

But... but...
*puts away shotgun*

 

[pyrosaw]

The seventh reason is exactly why I'm not scared.

 

[Mr. Gency]

But what if it's not the slow zombies? What if it's a mutated Rabies virus like in L4D? What if UROBOROS IS RELEASED INTO THE ATMOSPHERE?!

I know, right? L4D zombies are basically immune to all the dangers of being a zombie (apart from the obvious exceptions).

 

[no oneder]

That's what I've been trying to tell ya!

 

[Mr. Gency]

The seventh reason is exactly why I'm not scared.

You should be.

 

[dark_taint92]

But what if it's not the slow zombies? What if it's a mutated Rabies virus like in L4D? What if UROBOROS IS RELEASED INTO THE ATMOSPHERE?!

Yeah that article focuses on the droplet infection type and touch infection whereas L4D zombie and RE5 zombies have airborne viruses which would fuck us up big time because airborne viruses can get everywhere EVERYWHERE! so I'm not too bothered about zombies unless I start seeing tanks then I'll be scared

 

[BlindMessiah94]

Thank you! I'm so sick of Zombie Fanboyism...It is not something that would ever happen like we imagine. And everyone that thinks a zombie apocalypse would "be cool" is fooling themselves. The minute you realized everyone you ever knew or loved was a horrible monster, you would start to go crazy. Also killing things isn't easy. If no one here has ever been around a corpse, let alone seen an actual dead, mutilated human being up close, I'm pretty sure they would puke and start crying. They wouldn't be grabbing their copy of World War Z and finding a crowbar.
I'm sorry but Zombies =/= cool. There I said it.
+3 Flame Shield on.

 

[sketch_zeppelin]

Okay first of all the zombie thing is just for fun.
Second of all there have been guides (max Brooks's for example) that go on to explain why things like insects or rot doesn't effect zombie very well. yes its made up but so is the idea of a zombie so as long as it sounds reasonable why not go along with it. For example try asking a star trek nerd about warp drives and they'll spew out all kinds of non-sense but it makes sense in context of the fiction itself.

World War Z is a great counter to this article. I doesn't start with the zombies already in the millions. It starts with a Patient Zero and shows a logical spread of the disease world wide.

If your not into zombie's thats cool but let us nerds have our fantasies. Some people like to argue about wether Chuck Noris or Jesus Christ would win in a fist fight. I prefer to imagine which one of my cirlce of friends would make it in a Zombie Outbreak.

 

[Ravinak]

But what if it's not the slow zombies? What if it's a mutated Rabies virus like in L4D? What if UROBOROS IS RELEASED INTO THE ATMOSPHERE?!

Yeah that article focuses on the droplet infection type and touch infection whereas L4D zombie and RE5 zombies have airborne viruses which would fuck us up big time because airborne viruses can get everywhere EVERYWHERE! so I'm not too bothered about zombies unless I start seeing tanks then I'll be scared

Hmm I didn't realise the virus in L4D was airbourne, how is it that the survivors run around an infested city without being infected?

And yeah if the virus is airbourne, we are pretty much fucked, unless we own a filtered air tight bunker.

 

[Mr. Google]

But what if it's not the slow zombies? What if it's a mutated Rabies virus like in L4D? What if UROBOROS IS RELEASED INTO THE ATMOSPHERE?!

NO NOT UROBOROS! Damn it Wesker!

 

[dark_taint92]

But what if it's not the slow zombies? What if it's a mutated Rabies virus like in L4D? What if UROBOROS IS RELEASED INTO THE ATMOSPHERE?!

Yeah that article focuses on the droplet infection type and touch infection whereas L4D zombie and RE5 zombies have airborne viruses which would fuck us up big time because airborne viruses can get everywhere EVERYWHERE! so I'm not too bothered about zombies unless I start seeing tanks then I'll be scared

Hmm I didn't realise the virus in L4D was airbourne, how is it that the survivors run around an infested city without being infected?

And yeah if the virus is airbourne, we are pretty much fucked, unless we own a filtered air tight bunker.

Because there immune to that certain strain of virus by some miraculous gene coding is all, it explains it a little in L4d2 with the fallen survivors believing there immune turns out they weren't and they turned anyway. It just shows that it's an incredibly small percentage of people that would be immune

 

[Mr. Gency]

But what if it's not the slow zombies? What if it's a mutated Rabies virus like in L4D? What if UROBOROS IS RELEASED INTO THE ATMOSPHERE?!

Yeah that article focuses on the droplet infection type and touch infection whereas L4D zombie and RE5 zombies have airborne viruses which would fuck us up big time because airborne viruses can get everywhere EVERYWHERE! so I'm not too bothered about zombies unless I start seeing tanks then I'll be scared

Hmm I didn't realise the virus in L4D was airbourne, how is it that the survivors run around an infested city without being infected?

And yeah if the virus is airbourne, we are pretty much fucked, unless we own a filtered air tight bunker.

The Survivors are

Spoiler

carriers, they're immune but they can still spread the disease