Why your zombie survival guides are all useless

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oranger

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May 27, 2008
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Who says the zombies are truly undead? this is reality after all, and the most likely scenario is a bio-weapon creating some sort of 28 days later/I am legend (will smiths version) type of zombie: They are really alive despite appearances, just altered to be completely crazy and violent. And infectious, a simpler form of life inhabiting the shell of a person like a virus hijacking a host cell.
Do we really think the CDC and the various powers that be would be able to stop something like that? when an infected person would take a perfect headshot to kill and never truly dies of hunger? And if the infection took a long while to manifest any symptoms?
 

ezeroast

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Jan 25, 2009
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Following max brooks, infected people (zombies) are very poisonous to all living creatures and they know it. Even ants and flies are not attracted to the walking dead. Neither are bacteria, so the quick decay in warm climates doesn't work either I believe.
 

Extraintrovert

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As I understand it, Zombie Preparation is merely using an impossibly unlikely scenario to prepare for the worst. The thought goes that if one is prepared for the complete collapse of all human society and infrastructure and the almost spontaneous generation of endless swarms of extremely deadly hostiles, then things like blackouts, floods, earthquakes, even civil war seem paltry in comparison. I have no idea whether such a mentality has actual practical benefits, but that's how it goes.
 

twaddle

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klaynexas3 said:
if it were real..... and if you're immune to it, just go north or south to a cold place where they would freeze to death.
i have been saying the same bloody thing about going north during zombie apocalypse for years. and in America your savior up north would not be jill valentine but it would in fact probably be this chick
 

Chrono212

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May 19, 2009
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silver wolf009 said:
My rebuttle, source, Max Brookes books.
*snip*
Check and Mate.
Makes you wonder what Max Brooks does all day...

OT: Good points but as you can ^see^, most fiction deals with those issues.
 

Guitar Gamer

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Apr 12, 2009
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Well that column works for zombies that might somehow scientifically (with a hint of magic) exist, it doesn't apply to the fact that since zombies don't exist because they can't, writers only have to give the illusion of stuff being real.
Take "World War Z" it's basis on a lot of zombie mysteries is "THEY ARE ZOMBIES DEAL WITH IT"

How did the zombies thaw after all of their cells exploded in the winter?
"I unno, they're zombies"
 

klaynexas3

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Dec 30, 2009
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twaddle said:
klaynexas3 said:
if it were real..... and if you're immune to it, just go north or south to a cold place where they would freeze to death.
i have been saying the same bloody thing about going north during zombie apocalypse for years. and in America your savior up north would not be jill valentine but it would in fact probably be this chick
if i met her up north, i'm feeding her to the zombies and going further north. in fact, i might just find a ship to take me to russia so i can have vodka and their badass military.
 

CRoone

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Jul 1, 2010
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*reads article*

0_0

...Okay, I'll put away my rifle and my crowbar...I'm not going to un-pack my Bug-Out Bag, though. What if the Discovery Channel calls me up to be on their next Survival-themed show or something?
 

dibblywibbles

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Mar 20, 2009
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that was the most unscientific "scientific" zombie debunking I've ever seen. that man should go get eaten by a zombie
 

Not G. Ivingname

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Ravinak said:
Though a good deal of those are assume the zombies are actually dead, and not just driven mad like with a mutated rabies virus or something similar to 28 Days Later, the ones that would work for both kinds (living undead and Dead undead) are pretty devastating and would render the zombies useless.

Thanks for posting that, now I don't need to build that bite proof suit of armor :p
 

Wiiiiiiilliam

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Aug 15, 2010
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About the Left 4 Dead zombies, those we the zombies in quarantine and the CDC didn't fuck around in that movie.
 

Eclectic Dreck

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Honestly, it makes a decent argument. The trouble is, most zombie movies rely on some form of magic or another to move the plot forward. Unless there is sudden and dramatic shift in the fundamental operation of a zombie body, which would involve nothing less that the sudden evolution of new cellular structures in the billions of cells in the body during the always brief period from exposure to zombification, you'll find the human body needs oxygen and glucose. Some tissue in the human body can operate without oxygen (notably most of your muscle tissue) but the process results in incredibly harmful byproducts (lactic acid for example). This basically means that any interruption of the circulatory or respiration systems of a zombie body ought to have the same impact as it has on a normal human.

In much the same fashion, if we assume that the zombie is "dead" by traditional means of determining such things, one would still find that there are some very basic tenants that the body must be followed. Regulation of vital functions would still likely be centralized to an extent even if it were through some newly grown organ. Said organ would still need a way to communicate with and control existing tissues in order to do things like move the shambling/running corpse around. It would still need a way to gather and parse sensory input. There are only two plausble explanations for this: Either the zombie rapidly develops entirely new systems overnight or it just uses the exact same systems the normally functioning human used in the first place. The former is just shy of impossible: the growth of significant new body structures would take more time and metabolic energy than could reasonably be expended in the space of a few hours or even days. The latter is far more reasonable and would mean that anything a normal human is vulnerable to a zombie would be too. This would mean things like vulnerability to nerve agents and at least some complications from sudden nerve stimulation (flashbangs, intense pain etc) as such things can simply overload the nervous system.

The basic point I suppose is that the zombie of movie and often video game fame relies on some magical process that allows for incredibly limited vulnerability. The more realistic portrayal would be something on the order of 28 days later where there was no actual physiological difference between an infected human and an uninfected human. And, for those who somehow think that simple weight in numbers would be sufficient to win the day against humanity, remember this was the same sort of thinking that people had in the first world war and it never worked out the way they might have thought. A zombie plague as portrayed in movies is only a threat to humanity if humanity refuses to work together in the time of crisis. Even in the worst case scenario one could imagine, where a huge portion of the population is turned before people figure out what is going on, the odds of total zombie victory are slim at best as even relatively small and dispersed military units could move quickly and efficiently through areas causing massive casualties to infected individuals as they go until such time that they could link up with larger units. Search and destroy operations would quickly quell the largest collections of the infected and normal attrition through any number of means would spell the end for the rest in short order.
 

AMMO Kid

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Jan 2, 2009
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I thought of one thing when I saw this thread title. The reason zombie guides are useless is because zombies don't exist.

/thread