Words that assure your death in a zombie appocalypse

[Instant K4rma]

"Here, take this shotgun and run out that door with me. Let's fuck shit up."

That's basically what I'd say. If I'm goin' down, I'm taking as many with me as I can.

 

[6_Qubed]

"I'm black!"

Objection! So was the Dawn of the Dead guy!

OT: "Zombie Survival Guide? Never heard of it."

"But the Guide says we have to... Guys? Where you goin'? COME BACK!!!"

Because if you ever try to apply your nerddom to a real-life imaginary scenario, people will drop you like a bad habit, you'll be alone, and that's how they get you.

(And yes, I do indeed have a copy of the Guide.)

Ouch. Bad assumption is bad. You and I both know that while the book is fiction, it's studying a fictional event realistically. That's part of its appeal. The book is post-modernism at its best. Zombies do not exist, but this is a reasonable do-and-don't guide on how to handle them. In the event of zombies, the wrongful assumptions and bad ploys made in movies won't happen here. It may be the cart before the horse, but let's just say that the cart is ready if the horse ever shows up.

OT: "The authorities will figure this all out, any day now."

Worse assumption is worse. What person do you know in a situation like this ever listens to the guy who actually knows what's going on? I mean, before the guy in the know is dead themselves, and then they're all like "Gee, I guess he was right."

Wrong. The hollywood cliche is just that. A cliche. People hate cliches.

People hate fat chicks too, and yet there they are. Your argument is invalid. *monocle*

Number one, that's not a valid rebuttal. Number two, shame on your insensitive self. And number three...

Mine's better. Good night.

Two point response.

1. I actually don't mind a girl with some meat on her bones. I like big boobs, I like big butts (and I cannot lie,) and the way I see it some extra baggage around the midsection is a fair trade-off for the two. Though to be honest (read:shallow) I do have an upward limit.

2. ...Okay yeah, that's way better. Shit, mine ain't even nuclear powered.

 

[RaeveSpam]

"My father was a hunter, and he taught me that you should only kill what you intent to eat."

 

[Agarth]

"Heh, wow guys that was a close call huh?"

then a zombie bites him from behind.

Rule: 1) after just escaping an onslaught of zombies, don't say any sentence with the words "close" and/or "call"

Didn't you see Zombie Land? Rule 1. is Cardio.

"Not much farther to the *****." The ***** is probably going to be surrounded by zombies when you get there.
"Ah, hell yeah! A machine gun!" Your not going to get a headshot with that you moron. Even if you do it will take several shots.
"Come on, it's a grenade! Why shouldn't we take it?" If you actually kill some zombies with a grenade it will spray their blood and tissue everywhere greatly increasing the chance of you or a friend getting infected.

"Don't turn on that chainsaw you idiot!" *Activates chainsaw* "Let's go kick some ass!" The sound of that chainsaw is attracting every zombie from a mile away. The fuel will run out before you can kill that many. My grandpa has to refill his chainsaws fuel after trimming some tree branches.
"A helicopter! We're saved!" Yes your saved. That is unless they gun you down in fear of infection. (Which they will) And that helicopter very likely rounded up a million zombies from several miles back.
After being bitten by a zombie, "It's okay, I'm fine." "Alright, lets go." Your not even going to have someone keep an eye on him?
"What's with that wound? It looks like teeth marks." "Oh that. I was mugged on the way here. The muggers didn't want my money though..."
"Boom! Headshot!" Did you destroy the frontal lobe? No? Then shoot it again!
"Don't worry guys. I read the zombie survival guide." So did I asshole. Reading the thing doesn't make you immortal. I bet that at lead half of the people who turn into zombies will have read it.
"There's enough food here to last us until this is all over." Enough food to last at least 5 years? That is a lot of food.
"Hold on guys. I need to take a piss." Yeah, just go behind those bushes. I dare you.

These are only a few that I can think of.

 

[Agarth]

"I'm black!"

Objection! So was the Dawn of the Dead guy!

OT: "Zombie Survival Guide? Never heard of it."

"But the Guide says we have to... Guys? Where you goin'? COME BACK!!!"

Because if you ever try to apply your nerddom to a real-life imaginary scenario, people will drop you like a bad habit, you'll be alone, and that's how they get you.

(And yes, I do indeed have a copy of the Guide.)

Ouch. Bad assumption is bad. You and I both know that while the book is fiction, it's studying a fictional event realistically. That's part of its appeal. The book is post-modernism at its best. Zombies do not exist, but this is a reasonable do-and-don't guide on how to handle them. In the event of zombies, the wrongful assumptions and bad ploys made in movies won't happen here. It may be the cart before the horse, but let's just say that the cart is ready if the horse ever shows up.

OT: "The authorities will figure this all out, any day now."

Worse assumption is worse. What person do you know in a situation like this ever listens to the guy who actually knows what's going on? I mean, before the guy in the know is dead themselves, and then they're all like "Gee, I guess he was right."

Wrong. The hollywood cliche is just that. A cliche. People hate cliches.

People hate fat chicks too, and yet there they are. Your argument is invalid. *monocle*

Number one, that's not a valid rebuttal. Number two, shame on your insensitive self. And number three...

Mine's better. Good night.

You just won at internet threading. I don't care what someone says, you won.

 

[OneOfTheMichael's]

"Yah, you guys go through the open streets while I take a short-cut through this dark alley alone weaponless because all of you suck."
Proves you're idiotic and decreases the chance of people to come and save you.

 

[neonsword13-ops]

"Don't worry 'bout it! My shotgun's in this eerily lit hall closet that I let my cousin sleep in."

Don't go in the closet.

 

[soren7550]

"I'm black!"

I laughed so hard at this.

"Man, this bar-be-que sauce shampoo really does wonders to my scalp!"
"Hey, I think I'm actually going to make it out of this alive!"

 

[SL33TBL1ND]

"I'll be fine."

 

[mrhappy1489]

"Don't worry everything will be alright" or " We just have to get to [insert location] by [insert method]"

 

[Kukakkau]

Post what words that if said during a zombie appocalypse pretty much assure that you are going to die

Going to use an example from highschool of the dead
Guy1: Everyone get weapons
Girl: [Snaps end off metal broom making makeshift spear}
Guy2: [Picks up baseball bat] What about you?
Guy1: Oh don't worry I'm a blackbelt

Great show!

But the fanservice... the shameless, shameless fanservice...

OP:

Person 1: "They can't see me... because I can't see them!"
Person 2: "That's because your facing a rock"
Person 1: "Oh... yeah"

...pretty sure that death will come within 5 minutes...

Totally agree with you great but they are always like why you looking zombies? Here boobs is slow-mo!!! Also you should see how bad the OVA is - hallucinogenic orgy...not kidding

And nice red vs blue quote

 

[zombie goat fetish]

"All clear"

&

"It's only a scratch"

 

[Poster1234]

This topic reminds me of one of the last Resident Evill movies (3D?).
About 10 minutes in, I saw (spoiler alert) a black guy and his black girlfriend having sex after he got her(as I remember it) an extra round of food they didn't needed and while badmouthing about the group leader.
As I watched this scene in awe, all I could hear was "man this is gonna be unpleasant to watch real soon..."

(spoiler alert n°2) I was so surprised they didn't made it. Anyone can think of something ?