Worst Movie experience
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Sitting behind me when I saw The Dark Knight was a stereotypical black guy moviegoer - a stereotype who I thought didn't really exist until that day.
The whole movie he wouldn't shut up with "Oh Shit!"'s and "NO WAY!"'s.
And his running commentary was just restating exactly what was happening on screen.
One line sticks out in my head:
"OH SHIT YO! He flipped da whole truck. Dude Batman fo real."
The whole movie he wouldn't shut up with "Oh Shit!"'s and "NO WAY!"'s.
And his running commentary was just restating exactly what was happening on screen.
One line sticks out in my head:
"OH SHIT YO! He flipped da whole truck. Dude Batman fo real."
Oh, there is a story to this one...but I must tell it to emphasize how much this movie experience sucked.
Ok, so it's the early Winter of 2004, around the Christmas season.
I boarded an Amtrak train in central Illinois, and departed southward for San Antonio Texas to meet up with my extended family for the holidays.
I don't recall the specific year, but it was one of the three years where we had a freak blizzard devastate much of the central United States. There were curtains/sheets of ice in central Missouri and even into Arkansas (who doesn't get snow, like ever) but I'm getting ahead of myself...(and this isn't the first time this happened on this particular voyage. We've had freak blizzards hit us when taking this same trip three times).
This particular train was scheduled to stop in St. Louis MO. However, a switch froze, and derailed a commercial freight train, causing a crash that released several hundred thousand gallons of chlorine into the region. In short, we had to be rerouted because of a massive chemical spill. So we stopped just prior to St Louis, and waited for several hours of freight traffic to clear so we could switch around to another track that would take us around the spill.
By the time we cleared St Louis, it was the graveyard shift (we had left around 4:45pm, CST).
Now, there are federal regulations in the US that require certain jobs to not operate more than 24 hours at a time without rest. Train staff are included on that list; so despite clearing the spill we had to be shuffled onto buses and shuttled to Little Rock in order to keep to the timetable. While the original train crew slept, another crew was going to take control of the train and meet us down in Little Rock later. Trust me, they can make great time when they need to.
It was on this cramped bus that I found myself squashed between a window and this enormous fat guy.
It was then that the stage was finally set for my worst movie-experience of all time.
The bus attendant retrieved a cheap looking cassette tap box and played Johnson Family Vacation. And it sucked. The only thing I can remember was a vague sequence of stereotypes being played back to back in a vain attempt to be funny. Not one soul on the bus laughed.
As bad as that was, there was worse yet to come.
And so, at around 3:45 in the morning, on a bus that was slowly sliding to Little Rock (there was ice everywhere, and no salt trucks), while squashed next to an unpleasantly sweaty beached whale-man I was subjected to Barber Shop Blues.
I will say, without a hint of irony, without any exaggeration, that the movie was worse than everything else I had experienced that evening.
And I couldn't. Shut. It. OFF.
Ok, so it's the early Winter of 2004, around the Christmas season.
I boarded an Amtrak train in central Illinois, and departed southward for San Antonio Texas to meet up with my extended family for the holidays.
I don't recall the specific year, but it was one of the three years where we had a freak blizzard devastate much of the central United States. There were curtains/sheets of ice in central Missouri and even into Arkansas (who doesn't get snow, like ever) but I'm getting ahead of myself...(and this isn't the first time this happened on this particular voyage. We've had freak blizzards hit us when taking this same trip three times).
This particular train was scheduled to stop in St. Louis MO. However, a switch froze, and derailed a commercial freight train, causing a crash that released several hundred thousand gallons of chlorine into the region. In short, we had to be rerouted because of a massive chemical spill. So we stopped just prior to St Louis, and waited for several hours of freight traffic to clear so we could switch around to another track that would take us around the spill.
By the time we cleared St Louis, it was the graveyard shift (we had left around 4:45pm, CST).
Now, there are federal regulations in the US that require certain jobs to not operate more than 24 hours at a time without rest. Train staff are included on that list; so despite clearing the spill we had to be shuffled onto buses and shuttled to Little Rock in order to keep to the timetable. While the original train crew slept, another crew was going to take control of the train and meet us down in Little Rock later. Trust me, they can make great time when they need to.
It was on this cramped bus that I found myself squashed between a window and this enormous fat guy.
It was then that the stage was finally set for my worst movie-experience of all time.
The bus attendant retrieved a cheap looking cassette tap box and played Johnson Family Vacation. And it sucked. The only thing I can remember was a vague sequence of stereotypes being played back to back in a vain attempt to be funny. Not one soul on the bus laughed.
As bad as that was, there was worse yet to come.
And so, at around 3:45 in the morning, on a bus that was slowly sliding to Little Rock (there was ice everywhere, and no salt trucks), while squashed next to an unpleasantly sweaty beached whale-man I was subjected to Barber Shop Blues.
I will say, without a hint of irony, without any exaggeration, that the movie was worse than everything else I had experienced that evening.
And I couldn't. Shut. It. OFF.
The Spirit.
Although I did laugh when Samuel L. Jackson dressed up like a Nazi and started melting kittens. Acually I'd say it was a "So bad, it was good." type of movie.
Although I did laugh when Samuel L. Jackson dressed up like a Nazi and started melting kittens. Acually I'd say it was a "So bad, it was good." type of movie.
The fucking. Last. Airbender. I am a fan of the cartoon, a big fan of the cartoon, and Shayamalan fucked EVERYTHING in the ass. People say the effects were good? No they weren't, there was no connection between the characters and the powers. There's a scene with a big group of Earthbenders dancing in formation to make one rock I could easily lift float through the air. None of the powers looked like they connected to the characters, it just looked like random floating scenery while the character danced. In the cartoon there was always a connection between the two, and it was amazingly done.
And then there's the story. Just... fuck... And not to mention quite a few camera angles that made me cringe. The three kids are talking, not even some big dramatic scene, they're just talking. And it pulls right up close to Aang's face. That's a angle to promote tension! It's to make you focus on what he's saying because it's important! What the fuck are you doing using that angle here?!
And they couldn't even pronounce the name's right! Furking hell, it actually turned into the worst possible remake. They could not get one thing right. And they tried to add entirely too much.
It was just... painful... truly painful to watch...
And then there's the story. Just... fuck... And not to mention quite a few camera angles that made me cringe. The three kids are talking, not even some big dramatic scene, they're just talking. And it pulls right up close to Aang's face. That's a angle to promote tension! It's to make you focus on what he's saying because it's important! What the fuck are you doing using that angle here?!
And they couldn't even pronounce the name's right! Furking hell, it actually turned into the worst possible remake. They could not get one thing right. And they tried to add entirely too much.
It was just... painful... truly painful to watch...
I went to go see Beowulf, which isn't such a good movie to start with, and the 11 year old boys behind us WOULD NOT quiet down.
The scorpion king.
If i weren't in the cinema with a friend i would have walked out(although if i were alone i wouldn't have gone to it.
Now to show my shitty taste. I enjoyed the adventures of sharkboy and lavagirl (own the dvd and watched it a few times already)
If i weren't in the cinema with a friend i would have walked out(although if i were alone i wouldn't have gone to it.
Now to show my shitty taste. I enjoyed the adventures of sharkboy and lavagirl (own the dvd and watched it a few times already)
CLASH OF THE FCKING TITANS!! I spent the whole time going "don't worry it'll be better then the kraken shows, just you wait, an epic battle will unfold and it'll be all worth it!" then kraken shows up and dies 5 secs later, no fight just showed up and died and a lil piece of my soul went along with it after watching the entire movie. watching the movie trailers was basically the whole freak'n movie w/o the useless talking!!
hmm, ive seen a lot of awful films some that come to mind:
Bloodrayne - it took me nearly 5hrs to watch because i kept pausing it and going to do other things, i've still got the direct to DVD sequel on my laptop to watch, gotta build up to it.
When i was younger and we only had one computer in my house and it was in the same room as our TV i once sat through the 2004 film version of The Phantom of the Opera, god it was awful and if somethings on i ALWAYS have to kinda watch it.
The Twilight films ofc, forced my self to sit through 2 of them so far and got the other one waiting on my laptop... got to build up to it.
Finally one recently: The Bleeding - its seriously awful, average plot, very bad acting, bad script, bad action sequences and effects - half the cast weren't proper actors, i mean when the people who are advertised to be in the film include the rapper DMX and the tattoo artist Kat Von D (who are both in it for like 5 mins) you know its not going to be good
Bloodrayne - it took me nearly 5hrs to watch because i kept pausing it and going to do other things, i've still got the direct to DVD sequel on my laptop to watch, gotta build up to it.
When i was younger and we only had one computer in my house and it was in the same room as our TV i once sat through the 2004 film version of The Phantom of the Opera, god it was awful and if somethings on i ALWAYS have to kinda watch it.
The Twilight films ofc, forced my self to sit through 2 of them so far and got the other one waiting on my laptop... got to build up to it.
Finally one recently: The Bleeding - its seriously awful, average plot, very bad acting, bad script, bad action sequences and effects - half the cast weren't proper actors, i mean when the people who are advertised to be in the film include the rapper DMX and the tattoo artist Kat Von D (who are both in it for like 5 mins) you know its not going to be good
Alice in Wonderland by a fucking mile!!! Usually I would just leave but my friends were with me at the time so I couldn't and sleeping wasn't an option either. I also wanted to make jokes about it but unfortunately the cinema was full, I just had to sit there and suffer. Well I faked going to the toilet a couple of times and then got myself some ice-cream, that helped keep me sane.
After the movie though me and my friends had a good rant, and because of that I ended up having a good time.
After the movie though me and my friends had a good rant, and because of that I ended up having a good time.
The Last Airbender, with full expectation that nottoo much of plot was gonna be butchered and that they would at least have the all of the names right. But no i wasted $22 bux on eye cancer(paid for myself and my gf).
Worst movie experience for me was when a mass group of scallies* were admitted to see The Two Towers. (They were being obnoxious even in the line for the tickets, and the cashier refused to serve them - but then the cashier was overruled by his manager...)
They basically made the film hard to watch by throwing things and being loud and generally like bratty, unsupervised kids. People started shouting at them or asking them to settle down, which predictably made them even worse.
In the end they were kicked out... 15 minutes before the film ended. Bad news.
*Not sure if that word is just a Northwest UK thing - but I basically mean a gang of aggressive teenagers.
They basically made the film hard to watch by throwing things and being loud and generally like bratty, unsupervised kids. People started shouting at them or asking them to settle down, which predictably made them even worse.
In the end they were kicked out... 15 minutes before the film ended. Bad news.
*Not sure if that word is just a Northwest UK thing - but I basically mean a gang of aggressive teenagers.