Would you consider this cheating?

[justnotcricket]

Hm...well, technically, since she had said no, she didn't want to 'go out' with you, she can't complain if you go on a date with someone else. I can't help but think, however, that you should perhaps have discussed the rules of your arrangement more carefully. I've never liked the whole 'dating but not exclusive' model, because to me it just unnecessarily confuses things.
The fact that you feel bad about it suggests that on some level, you felt more attached to this girl than your relationship status suggested.

If you still want to go out with her, I would have a chat about where things stand, and set out some rules. Remember what happened on Friends when Ross and Rachel were on a 'break' but hadn't set boundaries for it? A lot of whinging and recrimination, that's what. If she doesn't want to know, you'll just have to cut your losses, and learn the lesson for next time (if there is one).

 

[MR.Spartacus]

Although not cheating per se you're story makes it seem like she was hoping you'd wait. You missed these clues and any relationship with her may be FUBAR. Regardless of who's in the right pissing her off is all it'd take.

 

[Gudrests]

kind of a dick move...but no nothing wrong...just a dick move. was it like the enxt day uoi asked this other girl out?...and she did say as soon as she cleared the air with the X..

 

[Lyri]

She has nothing to go on, she said no.

End of story.
Your still free & single and your business is your business, tell her to go jump.

 

[tthor]

I've been seeing this girl for about a month now and we really click. I was having a good time of it so I decided to ask her if she wanted to officially date. She said no because she was dealing with a troublesome ex and wanted to completely end things with him before she did anything involving commitment. I was cool with this and saw it as an opportunity to ask out this girl who lives down the road from me on a date. We had a pretty good time together and had some fun at my place afterwards. The girl who rejected me finds out about this and got really pissed at me for technically cheating adn that she wanted to date me after she had cleared her other stuff up. I'm telling her that because we weren't official it can't be considered cheating but when I think about it I can't help but feel a little bad. I'm not a fan of cheating and I really do like her.

So my question is this. In your opinions, would you call that cheating? Should I be mad with myself? Her? should I try to work things out?

sorry, but this is kinda your fault, tho i can't blame you for not seeing it coming. the 'inbetween zone' is very common in pre-relationships. its that zone where 2 friends have feelings for eachother but aren't sure whether to stay friends or date, or sometimes are simply holding off. this is basicly like being in a relationship, except nothing physical and neither side will admit its a relationship.i've seen many couples (including myself) go thru this phase. and if you do something bad, like treat the girl badly or mess around with another girl, you fail the inbetween zone. so when you asked another girl out, you did mess up.

 

[captaincabbage]

It's not technically cheating, but it is kind of a dick move. She really wanted to go out with you and was holding it off until she cleard up some stuff so the two of you could have a better relationship.

 

[Dxz5roxg]

It's not cheating at all. Just tell her until she's ready to go out on a date and be official you're still looking around.

 

[Cain_Zeros]

It's not technically cheating, but it is kind of a dick move.

 

[minarri]

My general guideline is that if you need to ask yourself whether it's cheating or not, then it probably is.

 

[johnzaku]

I'm not sure that it should be called cheating, but it will certainly put doubts in her mind.

I can't say I blame her, but I also can't see you in a position to be accused.

 

[ilikepie59]

If you liked her so much, why would you turn around and date someone else as soon as she tells you to just wait a bit? Seriously?

 

[Something Amyss]

No, you didn't cheat. What you could do, however, is use this as leverage and tell her something like, "If you don't want me to try dating anyone else, then you should claim me to yourself."

It's a little underhanded, though.

 

[Paksenarrion]

You should say the other girl took advantage of you while you were drunk, then break into tears. That seems to be one tactic that works in most relationship threads I've read.

*days later, girl signs up on Escapist and asks if she should keep dating this guy who cheated on her but seemed very broken up about it*

 

[Jezzeh]

From a girl's perspective:

No, you didn't cheat. But it was still pretty low of you. Obviously she cares enough to be upset that you did it, which means something. But whether or not she would really be able to move beyond that and fully trust that and be willing to commit to any sort of firm relationship is questionable - Mostly because YOUR ability to commit is questionable. If you weren't willing to stick around for her then, what would happen if things between the two of you got rocky?

You didn't have the patience to stick around and wait for a girl that you say you really like (which I kinda doubt, as just about any woman would, judging by your actions) and you make it obvious that you prefer to dance between partners. Not a smart move...

I'd just walk away from the both of them.

 

[Death God]

That is nowhere near cheating since you aren't together and she was still handling issues with her ex. You can like more than one person if your still available dude.

 

[LittleChone]

I don't think it's considered cheating if you aren't actually dating, but I can see how she'd take offense. Look, just go to her, mend some wounds, and if all else fails, just say your sorry. That's my advice.

 

[Amberella]

No, you didn't cheat. What you could do, however, is use this as leverage and tell her something like, "If you don't want me to try dating anyone else, then you should claim me to yourself."

I agree with this.

 

[Jinjiro]

All you lacked was the tact to realise that when she said 'no, not now' (in so many words), the 'not now' bit was important. She probably wanted you to pick up on the fact that it wasn't a straight no, that she was interested to some degree in a relationship with you at some point, and when you ignored or failed to see that, she got annoyed.

It's really half her fault for being vague, and half your fault for being hasty with diving into another (albeit short) relationship.

As for solutions, if you still want to be in a relationship with girl number one, I reckon your best bet is a heartfelt apology. Tell her you misinterpreted her answer, and that you were just feeling a little lonely or down when you got with girl two (who you should probably also apologise to).

I think the fact she reacted the way she did, with flashes of jealousy, means she probably fancies you a little bit too. Go for it.