would you humiliate your children?

[senordesol]

Public humiliation? I lean hard on 'No'; reason being is such a thing can stick with the public long after the lesson is learned. The last thing the kid would need is for an employer to dig up ancient history on them.

However, I see nothing wrong with 'humbling' a child when they are dangerously willful or disobedient. Aren't taking your grades seriously? Missing school? Taking drugs? Have fun spending a few nights under the stars, kid, because that's exactly where you'll wind up if you don't straighten out.

'Discipline' is always a touchy subject when it comes to parenting, as each child is different and each family dynamic is different. The fine line a parent has to walk, however, is to make sure whatever pain or discomfort results from disciplining doesn't become debilitating after the period of disciplining is over.

 

[Fifty-One]

Discipline is keeping someone in line, but humiliation is tearing someone down. Why the hell would you do this to your own child?

 

[omega 616]

The kid will just grow to resent the parent. It's like the kids who are forced to live out the parents dreams, you will enter baby pageants or be the best dancer ... or scheduling the whole kids life, cramming it full of activities, no second is wasted in making this kid an adult.

I think parenting is a delicate balance between being a friend and disciplinarian, that's why we all mess it up.

 

[lacktheknack]

So what, a non-injurious swat is now child abuse, but completely shattering their privacy and emotionally assaulting them is OK? What a world.

Why yes, I did just bring spanking into it. Come at me, bro.

Anyways, no. Why would you do that? Teasing and ribbing is fine (in small doses), but what kind of psycho wants to cause damage lasting years to their kids?

(To ward off inevitable "Spanking does that" remarks: Some kids handle spanking just fine, and it's up to you to know your kid. However, I defy you to find a child that would be fine ten minutes post-humiliation.)

 

[Eamar]

I don't plan on having kids, but even so... Hell no.

Of all the things that happened to me growing up, the times when I was really embarrassed are the ones that make me feel most uncomfortable to look back on, even though there were loads of objectively worse experiences. Embarrassment is one of the absolute worst emotions as far as I'm concerned, and I can only imagine how much worse it'd feel if my embarrassment had been deliberately inflicted on me by a parent.

 

[MrMixelPixel]

From what I've read, publicly humliliating your kids is a very bad way of trying to discipline them. A good principle when it come to this sort of thing is "Give them praise for what they do good in front of other people, and if you have to scold them, do it in private".

I'm inclined to agree with this line of thinking. A parent should avoid publicly disciplining their kids when possible.

 

[CaptainMarvelous]

I used to think like you, but then I saw the majority of people here are OK with incest, so anything could go.

Wait, SERIOUSLY? That is a grim statistic, my friend.

OT: No, I would not intentionally humiliate them unless somehow I'd failed so utterly at parenting they were an absolute shit and that was the only way to make them act like a human.

 

[Silverfox99]

Yes I would. I don't think its best to say you would never do something as a parent. Teaching a child is about applying and helping the kid understand consequences. Sometimes that goes hand and hand with humiliating situations. One of the times I was most humiliated in my life was when I was 7 and stole a candy bar. My parents found out and had me return the candy along with an apology to the store manager. It worked. I learned my lesson on stealing.

The most important part of discipline is not the punishment but how you teach your children to deal with the aftermath. How do deal with those emotions, and how to fix the behavior and fix any damage they might have caused. It is in the aftermath where the parents will gain or loose respect from their child and where the kid will develop self confidence or gain confidence issues. No kid enjoys a punishment but it is important.

 

[vIRL Nightmare]

Really it comes down to this: How badly did they screw up? Messed up on a test or in a sport or whatever I would have no reason or desire to. The school thing is an easy to resolve issue by taking the time to help with what the kid is struggling with. If I found out the kid was a bully then yes. A punishment should be something comparable to the screw up. Using bullying as an example, do something that teaches humility. It's better to be taught to be respectable then to be a scumbag for your whole life. It's how my dad taught me, and I intend to use quite similar lessons.

 

[Talvrae]

depends what my child would have done... Sometime they need something like that to understand, but for normal kid things no

 

[Thanatos5150]

Intentionally, AND as a Punishment? No.
Intentionally? Only if my kid has trouble coping with being humiliated. You're going to screw up, things are going to get pear-shaped, and if you're too busy crying about how Jenny The Popular Girl thinks you're a Total Loser now to fix it, you're missing an essential skillset, and it's my *duty* as a parent to rectify that.
As a Punishment? Don't be ridiculous. That teaches nothing.

Unintentionally? I'm sure it'll happen all the time.

 

[rutger5000]

Yes I would 3 reasons
1. Humilation is subjective. I wouldn't mind forcing my child to do something, that he/she finds humiliating, but shouldn't be so.
2. To all those who said no. I'm pretty sure that most of you would force your children to apologize if they wronged someone, and that can be humiliating for them.
3. Punishment or disciplinary measures are best to be dealt out directly after the offence, that can be in public, and that can than be humiliating.
However in any case I would never mock or ridicule my children should I ever get them.

 

[RicoADF]

So what, a non-injurious swat is now child abuse, but completely shattering their privacy and emotionally assaulting them is OK? What a world.

Why yes, I did just bring spanking into it. Come at me, bro.

Anyways, no. Why would you do that? Teasing and ribbing is fine (in small doses), but what kind of psycho wants to cause damage lasting years to their kids?

(To ward off inevitable "Spanking does that" remarks: Some kids handle spanking just fine, and it's up to you to know your kid. However, I defy you to find a child that would be fine ten minutes post-humiliation.)

I actually think that public humiliation would be open for legal action, atleast here in Australia. Honestly I don't think it's happened here yet (the whole facebook humiliation) and thus not been tested, but in theory it'd breach child protection and deformation laws.

As for smacking, I think it's stupid that spanking a child is illegal. My father spanked me and to be frank it was the best thing he ever did, taught me that there's consequences to my actions, heck even animals like Lions use spanking as a means of discipline. People need to learn to distinguish the difference between a smack and a beating.

 

[Whispering Cynic]

Yes, if I had a reason serious enough. If my child acted as a fuck up (joining a cult kind of fucked up) I would not hesitate to use any means necessary to prevent it from doing so.

Then again, I don't intend to ever have children, so I seriously doubt I'll have to deal with this kind of dilemma in real life.

 

[StormDragonZ]

Physical humiliation? Never. I find that going way too far.

Any other possible means? Yes, except over the Internet. Crazy people lurk out there willing to save things people post or show to ruin someone's life for practically eternity.

Then again, what's to keep someone from posting a photo of the humiliating moment?

You know what? If you're going to do anything humiliating, think it through.

 

[TaboriHK]

Letting the internet become a parent of your kids is what attention seeking assholes who shouldn't have kids do.

 

[Adaephon]

Well there are different levels of humiliation so... sort of? For example, last summer I found out that my two daughters had been going around the neighbourhood and taking little things off of people's lawns. Nothing major got stolen, it was mostly little ornaments and some loose toys but still it's obviously bad. So I sat them down and had a long stern talk about why what they did was wrong, and then I made them march to every house on the block and give everything back and tell the various people they had taken stuff from that they were sorry and that they would never do it again.

Technically I guess that was humiliation but I still think it was the right thing to do, and I'm sure they'll never do it again either. On the other hand though, there is such as thing as going to far, and I see no reason to put it up in front of people who had nothing to do with it, like if I had made them apologize to people they hadn't stolen from, it just makes no sense to involve a mass audience who had nothing to do with whatever dumb thing the kids would be punished for.

 

[Vegosiux]

Disclaimer: I do not intend to have kids at all.

Well, for certain given humiliating experiences, such as being made to apologize to someone they wronged, or being put on the spot for lying, yes, I'd totally have a good long talk with them, no matter how uncomfortable they might feel about it. And don't tell me that's not humiliating, it fucking is, seriously. You think you've outsmarted everyone and NOBODY WILL EVER KNOW, but there's that adult person, seeing through and through you and you feel so small and insignificant and utterly humiliated and all and now they're trying to tell you they're not as angry about what you did as they are about the fact that you lied to hide it... >.> *takes a deep breath*

As for the "hanging a sign around their neck and parading the town while people take pictures"; that's not the town's business, and all.

I mean, there are two things that compete for "Worst thing you can do to mess up your kid" if you ask me; one is tormenting them at every slight, and the other is being completely permissive and 100% supportive of whatever they do.

 

[Something Amyss]

You've asked this before. But since we're on the topic....

My mom's boss has a kid who's become a bit of a bully. And several people have got it in their heads that humilation and/or a "taste of her own medicine" is the right solution. It's an understandable respoinse because it's a very superficial and easy concept. It doesn't seem to work most of the time.

You don't need to, to be an effective parent.

In fact, I've read studies before (well, abstracts of studies) that indicate overwhelmingly a negative correlation between this sort of punishment and reformed behaviour.

And besides, any kid I have will suffer enough for have the parents they do.

I used to think like you, but then I saw the majority of people here are OK with incest, so anything could go.

Except there's not much in the way of logical reasons to condemn incest unless it's unwilling or there is some clear case of coercion. I'm not sure there's any real correlation between the two in terms of response. It shouldn't be surprising that one is becoming de-stigmatised and the other is becoming stigmatised.

So what, a non-injurious swat is now child abuse, but completely shattering their privacy and emotionally assaulting them is OK? What a world.

Is it actually child abuse in Canadia? Because in the states we've had recent cases where people who left bruises and didn't lose their kids. There was one a few years back where a pastor did it and only got hit with parenting courses. And the reason I ask is because I've been hearing since the 80s how 'Murrica was a nanny state because of things like not letting parents spank their kids, though it's clearly not true. It's just another false rallying cry for the anti-gummit types who want the freedom to leave bruises on their kids but don't want to let two men enjoy each other's bodies.

If I recall correctly, when there was a thread on that girl who was caught bullying and her parents put a photo of her on Reddit holding up a sign, quite a lot of people here supported that punishment.

Personally, I would call that humiliation.

You raise an interesting point in that people won't necessarily look at it as humiliation in the moment. Parenting is kind of a thankless job and one lacking an instruction manual, and one of the things we as the human race are good at is justifying our actions.

That is a humiliation punishment and it did get a sizable amount of support. I question the wisdom and I seriously doubt the effectiveness.

 

[Blow_Pop]

Honestly, it depends on what they did. But I'm one of those punishment fitting the crime types of people. And this is presuming my kids (if I ever have any) aren't embarrassed simply by being seen in public with me...which it's almost guaranteed that they will be.

Mocking and ridiculing? Most likely not. Fuck I don't even like the idea of people finding it ok to tease their children. It did quite a number on me growing up and my family STILL won't stop it no matter how many times I've asked them to. Because the way they do it, hurts.

But I would definitely think through the punishment before enacting it.