Would you REALLY survive a zombie attack?

[Akalistos]

I probobly, no, definitly, would not survive because I'm fat, and everyone knows the fatties always die first.

Not really, if your smart. Check out Max Brooks' Zombie Survival Guide

The problem with that was that book was written purely as entertainment, fiction, and of the comical rather than "Edu-tainment" variety.

For example he recommends an ice-pick (or First World War dagger based on the ice pick) as the "ideal anti-zombie melee weapon" only failing to realise the number of medical cases of HUMANS getting stabbed in the head with narrow pointed objects and them being in pain but virtually un-phased.

See, a narrow ice pick destroys so little actual brain tissue, hell just consider how Pre-Frontal Lobotomies used to be considered a "simple procedure" as the ice pick is hammered up through the top of the eye socket into the front of the brain and then ground around to churn up and destroy the brain and yet after the general anaesthetic wore off they were expected to walk home!

Look, there is a LOT of serious research into gunshot wounds and how they kill humans. Assuming Zombies are just humans only disease reduced them to base - and violent - functions then there is a lot this can say about what it might take to "kill" a zombie.
Bla bla bla.... zzzzzzzzzz

Sorry, it a nice novel. I agree with you, you bastard. Now, YOU'LL have to say something nice to him to boost it moral because i was trying to make him feel better.

Beside, who said it can't be applicable in a zombie situation. Fireaxes is a good idea if you want to enter barricaded spots(You would freak out just from the number of peoples that would just bring a Katana). Bring a book to keep yourself from going mad for the incessant moaning is another one. Running away from a potential infected crowds, which are likely to be Hospital (generally ground Zero), Police Stations and Military is one. You can't take all for granted. But like Antony Hopkins said in Fracture: "Even a broken clock is right two times a day."

 

[Blindswordmaster]

I would like to think that I would survive, especially considering that death is the only other option. There are two problems with survival: people either aren't trained or they haven't planned. Everyone can produce the necessary mental faculties to survive, but they're not trained, in denial, in shock, or other such things. The first rule is to accept your current situation and move on. The dead are rising from the grave, OK let's deal with that. If you can move on from this stage, you have a fighting change of survival.

 

[weecath77]

I have the address of both Bear Grylls and Ray Mears,one if these blokes could sort you out during a zombie/plague/sorched earth apocalypse.

Knowing them they'd probably try to eat the zombies!

They would strain them through clean cloth first,then drink the juice!

 

[Koganesaga]

Depends on what kind of zombies you got roaming around and if help ever comes. IF we got ground bound zombies, I could climb into my attic with the years worth of canned and dried food I Have in my house, as well as a few weapons. Realistically I'd survive until I need food or rescue party came around and I started to travel, at which point I'd probably die, but I'd have to die like a badass, mowing down zombies while the rest of the group escaped, until I'm eventually swarmed.

 

[Treblaine]

I probobly, no, definitly, would not survive because I'm fat, and everyone knows the fatties always die first.

I probobly, no, definitly, would not survive because I'm fat, and everyone knows the fatties always die first.

Not really, if your smart. Check out Max Brooks' Zombie Survival Guide

The problem with that was that book was written purely as entertainment, fiction, and of the comical rather than "Edu-tainment" variety.

For example he recommends an ice-pick (or First World War dagger based on the ice pick) as the "ideal anti-zombie melee weapon" only failing to realise the number of medical cases of HUMANS getting stabbed in the head with narrow pointed objects and them being in pain but virtually un-phased.

See, a narrow ice pick destroys so little actual brain tissue, hell just consider how Pre-Frontal Lobotomies used to be considered a "simple procedure" as the ice pick is hammered up through the top of the eye socket into the front of the brain and then ground around to churn up and destroy the brain and yet after the general anaesthetic wore off they were expected to walk home!

Look, there is a LOT of serious research into gunshot wounds and how they kill humans. Assuming Zombies are just humans only disease reduced them to base - and violent - functions then there is a lot this can say about what it might take to "kill" a zombie.
Bla bla bla.... zzzzzzzzzz

Sorry, it a nice novel. I agree with you, you bastard. Now, YOU'LL have to say something nice to him to boost it moral because i was trying to make him feel better.

Beside, who said it can't be applicable in a zombie situation. Fireaxes is a good idea if you want to enter barricaded spots(You would freak out just from the number of peoples that would just bring a Katana). Bring a book to keep yourself from going mad for the incessant moaning is another one. Running away from a potential infected crowds, which are likely to be Hospital (generally ground Zero), Police Stations and Military is one. You can't take all for granted. But like Antony Hopkins said in Fracture: "Even a broken clock is right two times a day."

...because my calculations show if you are running you've already screwed up! You should hole up in one place and stay quiet till it blows over, in which case some extra body fat will do you some good. More energy, easier to stay warm... hell, it works for hibernating bears.

(I always wondered why bears don't sleep during hunting season? Maybe that's why they're the ones on endangered species list and we're the ones with enough time to waste on dumb reality TV shows 'smarter than the average bear' ain't saying much).

Axe is handy, but cars are dandy*. Just get a good car and if you need to open... anything... put those 100+ ponies under the bonnet to good use. So that means a good bumper for ramming stuff and a decent chain as well for things that will only break outwards.

Again, melee weapons are for medieval armies fighting each other where they don't care about blood spraying everywhere, if you want any melee weapon, you want something with minimum splatter and maximum "just get it away from me!". Car is the right tool for that job plus it's not like you can pick up chicks for a ride on your fire axe... well... in THAT way, maybe.

It's not like the zombies are going to set IED charges, just drive right through them. Maybe invest in a plough...

And, err, just have a riot shield + lump hammer for any time moving from the safety of a 4x4 to a safer place like up a tree.

 

[Azure Sky]

Snip!

I am sure that a bat would be much better than asword. Why? Because zombie inner juices wouldn't splatter everywhre as much with a bat. A sword cuts. The best thing to do is have a blunt object. Cutting a zombie more easily spreads infection. And you can get yourself with it as well.

Basically though I'd pull apart the dresser I'm sitting beside and use it for body armor. There's axes somewhere around here, I'd be able to get to one.

That depends, it would be rather easy to procure an outfit that is waterproofed as well as covering most exposed skin and face, Any hull helmet with a visor (Motorcycle helmet, etc) with some appropriate clothing would prevent infection via splatter and spray. The added bonus is that if you wear such, the chance of being uninjured and uninfected after being mauled by a zombie are quite high.

I mean heck, some thick clothing with a few layers of duct tape would probably do the job, that stuff is unnaturally durable.

 

[Azure Sky]

Fast zombies : Alive and filled with rage and the desire to kill everything. Not just eat you. Kill. Would use A LOT of energy chasing any signs of human life and hence would not last long. Assuming some people got to some kind of bunker or tower inaccessible from outside then a few groups should survive.

Slow zombies : Huge masses of "dead" zombies stumbling towards the nearest functioning brain. However they would survive a lot longer and if they have some kind of sign as to where you are they would stumble towards you and infecting all near water sources with their already decaying flesh. Would also possibly take a lot longer to die and hence mean going out there to forage might become necessary if pinned down for weeks or even months as fresh dead zombies replace them.

As for actually attacking them for self-defense or when looking for food only taking off the head will completely stop them hence a rifle shot to the head or a relatively powerful handgun should incapacitate them. Shotgun as well as close quarters is obviously the most likely and it has insane stopping power. However melee weapons seems a bit stupid to me as you'll never be able to hold off very many with one. It would take a lot of effort for each one - you would become quickly tired and HAVE to get close each time.

I have no plans but it's kinda fun thinking about it.

While you may only hold a few with a melee weapon, a firearm isn't much better off, while you do get a few meters of distance you -will- run out of bullets before you run out of zombies, and then where does it leave you.

 

[Akalistos]

I probobly, no, definitly, would not survive because I'm fat, and everyone knows the fatties always die first.

I probobly, no, definitly, would not survive because I'm fat, and everyone knows the fatties always die first.

Not really, if your smart. Check out Max Brooks' Zombie Survival Guide

The problem with that was that book was written purely as entertainment, fiction, and of the comical rather than "Edu-tainment" variety.

For example he recommends an ice-pick (or First World War dagger based on the ice pick) as the "ideal anti-zombie melee weapon" only failing to realise the number of medical cases of HUMANS getting stabbed in the head with narrow pointed objects and them being in pain but virtually un-phased.

See, a narrow ice pick destroys so little actual brain tissue, hell just consider how Pre-Frontal Lobotomies used to be considered a "simple procedure" as the ice pick is hammered up through the top of the eye socket into the front of the brain and then ground around to churn up and destroy the brain and yet after the general anaesthetic wore off they were expected to walk home!

Look, there is a LOT of serious research into gunshot wounds and how they kill humans. Assuming Zombies are just humans only disease reduced them to base - and violent - functions then there is a lot this can say about what it might take to "kill" a zombie.
Bla bla bla.... zzzzzzzzzz

Sorry, it a nice novel. I agree with you, you bastard. Now, YOU'LL have to say something nice to him to boost it moral because i was trying to make him feel better.

Beside, who said it can't be applicable in a zombie situation. Fireaxes is a good idea if you want to enter barricaded spots(You would freak out just from the number of peoples that would just bring a Katana). Bring a book to keep yourself from going mad for the incessant moaning is another one. Running away from a potential infected crowds, which are likely to be Hospital (generally ground Zero), Police Stations and Military is one. You can't take all for granted. But like Antony Hopkins said in Fracture: "Even a broken clock is right two times a day."

...because my calculations show if you are running you've already screwed up! You should hole up in one place and stay quiet till it blows over, in which case some extra body fat will do you some good. More energy, easier to stay warm... hell, it works for hibernating bears.

(I always wondered why bears don't sleep during hunting season? Maybe that's why they're the ones on endangered species list and we're the ones with enough time to waste on dumb reality TV shows 'smarter than the average bear' ain't saying much).

Axe is handy, but cars are dandy*. Just get a good car and if you need to open... anything... put those 100+ ponies under the bonnet to good use. So that means a good bumper for ramming stuff and a decent chain as well for things that will only break outwards.

Again, melee weapons are for medieval armies fighting each other where they don't care about blood spraying everywhere, if you want any melee weapon, you want something with minimum splatter and maximum "just get it away from me!". Car is the right tool for that job plus it's not like you can pick up chicks for a ride on your fire axe... well... in THAT way, maybe.

It's not like the zombies are going to set IED charges, just drive right through them. Maybe invest in a plough...

And, err, just have a riot shield + lump hammer for any time moving from the safety of a 4x4 to a safer place like up a tree.

ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!
Seriously, Cars as tool are also in the Survival guide, but ramming your car in a building to get food is kinda dumb since if you just cut the lock mechanism and put something heavy against the door, it would keep Zombies that heard the motor and are coming after you Out.

But your right 100%

 

[Toaster Hunter]

I'm pretty good with a sword and am very strong so I probably would survive, but if I didn't there would still be a pile of headless corpses surrounding my body when someone else finds me.

 

[TheRocketeer]

You know, I can't pretend to speculate. But I am certain that if an actual zombie holocaust rolls around, a loooooooooot of people are going to echo the famous line, entirely unironically, "You mean the movie LIED?!?!"

I'm pretty good with a sword and am very strong so I probably would survive, but if I didn't there would still be a pile of headless corpses surrounding my body when someone else finds me.

First, I think it's hilarious you claim to be good with a sword, and second, a bladed weapon is going to be a TERRIBLE weapon against an enemy that has no regard for their own safety, attacks by swarming in groups, and may or may not even feel pain. You're going to get the blade stuck on your very first strike, and then you are going to be chewed up and digested by what's left of your family. Thank you for playing.

 

[Hollock]

if they were real zombies (and I understand what I just said), I would probably last a week, but if they were the "infected" I would die much faster.

 

[Keepitclean]

I think I'd survive better than most because I have a plan. Even though it was made as a joke it might work. I don't think I would go into direct combat with zombies if I could avoid it. Part of my plan is to kill zombies with fire rather than run at them flailing a crobar.

 

[blankedboy]

I'd probably be able to take on about 4-10 (depending on how good they are) if I had a meelee weapon, probably 10-20 with a gun.
After that, I'd probably be fucked.
I'm off to play Left 4 Dead 2, see ya.

 

[Plurralbles]

Snip!

I am sure that a bat would be much better than asword. Why? Because zombie inner juices wouldn't splatter everywhre as much with a bat. A sword cuts. The best thing to do is have a blunt object. Cutting a zombie more easily spreads infection. And you can get yourself with it as well.

Basically though I'd pull apart the dresser I'm sitting beside and use it for body armor. There's axes somewhere around here, I'd be able to get to one.

That depends, it would be rather easy to procure an outfit that is waterproofed as well as covering most exposed skin and face, Any hull helmet with a visor (Motorcycle helmet, etc) with some appropriate clothing would prevent infection via splatter and spray. The added bonus is that if you wear such, the chance of being uninjured and uninfected after being mauled by a zombie are quite high.

I mean heck, some thick clothing with a few layers of duct tape would probably do the job, that stuff is unnaturally durable.

Duct Tape is recognized by NASA as a material not to fuck with.

Surely if duct tape can hold up to a space mission, it can help one survive zombies. In fact, I am fully in the mind that hording duct tape would be a great starting step for survival.

 

[Biosophilogical]

I think there have been so many zombie survival threads and things that amassing a zombie army would be hard. I mean, everyone and their mum would go straight for the guns, the crowbars, everything. So after the initial outbreak, people would either evacuate, or kill(destroy?) a couple zombies before they die. So yes, I would indeed survive, mainly because, subconsciously, most first world countries are prepared (mentally and in terms of nearby make-shift weaponry).

HOWEVER! If we assume that people are incapable and basically throw themselves at the zombie horde in a suicidal manner, then no, I would not survive ... though I would if zombies could be poisoned (I'm Australian, we have venomous animals coming out the wa-zoo).

 

[demoman_chaos]

I could survive. My car is pretty much a tank (late 70's Cadillac), so I could plow through any horde with the only expense being slightly worse ride quality. I have several guns, and I know where to get ammo. Most importantly, I have both a naginata and a katana so I would have an edge if they got close (a very sharp one at that).
Emotionally, I hate all humanity anyways so it is not going to bother me. I like being alone most of the time so I could manage. The noises would stop bothering me after some time.
Foodwise, I am ill-prepared but nothing a ride in the tank can't fix.
Shelterwise, my mom lives in the middle of nowhere outside a town in the middle of nowhere so I could hide there no sweat.

 

[Mechsoap]

ofc, i just needa grab ma mate and go down the ole gun store and maybe barricade a food store

 

[bluemistake2]

Yes, i have 100 precent chance of survival.
Zombies are after brains, hehe im save for another zombie attack...