Write a Poem, Win Psychonauts!
- Thread starter Montezuma's Lawyer
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Aww, I don't have Steam, since I'm not a PC gamer I really want to play Psychonauts, too, so I can stop torturing myself in the way Yahtzee described in his Psychonauts review 
Oh well, I'll write a poem anyway! Maybe if mine's best, I'll become king of Planet Bear!
Into the mind, the ever stranger mind
To solve a mystery, but what answers will you find?
Will squirrels catch on fire? Will fish people freeze at the terror of your might?
Will telekinetic bears be anywhere in sight?
There is one way to know!
There is just one way to go!
My nerd friends, we must go deeper! See what's inside!
Be amazed at the secrets the mind hides!
Psychic psychic bendy spoons,
Since games like F.E.A.R. are for baffoons.
Want to see a psychic? Want to let your powers show?
Well, Tim Schafer is the way to go!
Brutal Legend's the one forgotten,
Since it's about as fun as picking cotton!
But don't worry. Grim Fandango's even better!
That's the cotton, just now a sweater!
Try Monkey Island on for size!
Murray the talking skull has some sexy thighs!
What kind of name is Guybrush, might you ask?
Well stop worrying, you absolute ass!
So Tim Schafer is awesome,
His imagination, like a flower, blossoms!
He made a group called Double Fine,
Which made some of the best games you can find!
Now, sure, Psychonauts is a relic.
But it's also... I dunno, uh... Niko Belic?
Well, it's hard to find in modern days,
So you better get it, in some way!
Oh well, I'll write a poem anyway! Maybe if mine's best, I'll become king of Planet Bear!
Into the mind, the ever stranger mind
To solve a mystery, but what answers will you find?
Will squirrels catch on fire? Will fish people freeze at the terror of your might?
Will telekinetic bears be anywhere in sight?
There is one way to know!
There is just one way to go!
My nerd friends, we must go deeper! See what's inside!
Be amazed at the secrets the mind hides!
Psychic psychic bendy spoons,
Since games like F.E.A.R. are for baffoons.
Want to see a psychic? Want to let your powers show?
Well, Tim Schafer is the way to go!
Brutal Legend's the one forgotten,
Since it's about as fun as picking cotton!
But don't worry. Grim Fandango's even better!
That's the cotton, just now a sweater!
Try Monkey Island on for size!
Murray the talking skull has some sexy thighs!
What kind of name is Guybrush, might you ask?
Well stop worrying, you absolute ass!
So Tim Schafer is awesome,
His imagination, like a flower, blossoms!
He made a group called Double Fine,
Which made some of the best games you can find!
Now, sure, Psychonauts is a relic.
But it's also... I dunno, uh... Niko Belic?
Well, it's hard to find in modern days,
So you better get it, in some way!
I hear Psychonauts is pretty awesome. Anyway, here goes!Montezuma said:
Prepare for Epic and sombre death scene....
I sit here,
slumped against the wall,
oh, what a damn silly place to fall.
Where that blasted orc skewered my chest,
Oh, but I had done my best.
So where I lay,
My path led astray,
by thoughts and tales of adventures grand,
oh, if only I could stand.
I sit here,
lost in a cold castle, dark and deep,
down where many dead men sleep.
Yet none near me, for I was alone
To die alone, oh such a morbid tone
Alas, for that is my fate,
all I can do now is wait.
Dressed in my shining armour,
with little or none clamour.
A pointed helmet, a curved blade,
Neither of which for I had paid.
It all given to me by a gorgeous princess,
oh, her steely heart bless.
Such a pretty little thing,
I wish I could have heard her sing.
My utterly perfect girl,
had taken me off my feet all a swirl.
Alone in dark,
not even the sound of a dogs bark.
Silent as the dead men sleep,
but I shall not weep.
For what a way to go,
in such a epic way so.
Oh a death so grand,
what a glorious final stand.
slumped against the wall,
oh, what a damn silly place to fall.
Where that blasted orc skewered my chest,
Oh, but I had done my best.
So where I lay,
My path led astray,
by thoughts and tales of adventures grand,
oh, if only I could stand.
I sit here,
lost in a cold castle, dark and deep,
down where many dead men sleep.
Yet none near me, for I was alone
To die alone, oh such a morbid tone
Alas, for that is my fate,
all I can do now is wait.
Dressed in my shining armour,
with little or none clamour.
A pointed helmet, a curved blade,
Neither of which for I had paid.
It all given to me by a gorgeous princess,
oh, her steely heart bless.
Such a pretty little thing,
I wish I could have heard her sing.
My utterly perfect girl,
had taken me off my feet all a swirl.
Alone in dark,
not even the sound of a dogs bark.
Silent as the dead men sleep,
but I shall not weep.
For what a way to go,
in such a epic way so.
Oh a death so grand,
what a glorious final stand.
I knew creative writing club would come in handy one day!
The Trollphabet Song
A is for aisle, which you can walk down
B is for bdellium, an ancient compound
C is for czars, and the Slavs that they saddened
D is for Djinn, who hung out with Aladdin
E is for Euphrates, a breathtaking sight
F is for finally, they got this one right
G is for gnarly, for surfers and dudes
H is for herbs, which make medicinal foods
I is for Ian, a deceptive name
J is for jalapeno, from the language of Spain
K is for knife, which can get rather violent
L is for llama, cause the first 'L' is silent
M is for mnemonic, which seems rather dense
N is for nice of them to make this one make sense
O is for Oedipus, which Freud loved to explain
P is for pneumonia, which is a major pain
Q is for quiche, a delectable treat
R is for right, now we're back on our feet
S is for sure, cause 'sh' isn't a letter
T is for tsunami, hope Japan gets better
U is for useful, I suppose this one is fair
V is for valid, I do declare
W is for wrong, which isn't correct you see
X is for X-ray, cause that sounds like an 'E'
Y is for yperite, having talent in great amounts
Z is for Zsa Zsa Gabor, and yes that one counts
From A through Z, as the letters keep rolling
It seems to me that our language is just made for trolling
The whole thing's confusing and gives little rewards
It's clear the English inventors were out of their gourds
The Trollphabet Song
A is for aisle, which you can walk down
B is for bdellium, an ancient compound
C is for czars, and the Slavs that they saddened
D is for Djinn, who hung out with Aladdin
E is for Euphrates, a breathtaking sight
F is for finally, they got this one right
G is for gnarly, for surfers and dudes
H is for herbs, which make medicinal foods
I is for Ian, a deceptive name
J is for jalapeno, from the language of Spain
K is for knife, which can get rather violent
L is for llama, cause the first 'L' is silent
M is for mnemonic, which seems rather dense
N is for nice of them to make this one make sense
O is for Oedipus, which Freud loved to explain
P is for pneumonia, which is a major pain
Q is for quiche, a delectable treat
R is for right, now we're back on our feet
S is for sure, cause 'sh' isn't a letter
T is for tsunami, hope Japan gets better
U is for useful, I suppose this one is fair
V is for valid, I do declare
W is for wrong, which isn't correct you see
X is for X-ray, cause that sounds like an 'E'
Y is for yperite, having talent in great amounts
Z is for Zsa Zsa Gabor, and yes that one counts
From A through Z, as the letters keep rolling
It seems to me that our language is just made for trolling
The whole thing's confusing and gives little rewards
It's clear the English inventors were out of their gourds
A little ditty for you all, sung in the tune of Portal's still alive, I posted it in the thread regard Gabe Newell's estimated wealth:
*ahem*
Gabe is a triumph.
I'm making a note of his success.
It's hard to overstate his satisfaction.
Valve software.
They do what they must, because they can.
Making games for all of us,
Except for half-life 3.
But there's no use crying over every delay,
Gabe will just keep quiet 'til we die of old age,
But when it's finally done it will be so much fun,
for the people who are still alive.
Still alive.
*ahem*
Gabe is a triumph.
I'm making a note of his success.
It's hard to overstate his satisfaction.
Valve software.
They do what they must, because they can.
Making games for all of us,
Except for half-life 3.
But there's no use crying over every delay,
Gabe will just keep quiet 'til we die of old age,
But when it's finally done it will be so much fun,
for the people who are still alive.
Still alive.
In a tavern in a town out on the coast
Is a man who speaks up louder than most,
And he?s likely to brag, and he?s likely to boast,
But rarely is he lying.
Miller Tom had a wide-eyed son
Who?s milling work that day was done,
So the boy went off to find some fun.
But instead he found his future.
The miller?s boy went for a drink
And the loud man threw the crowd a wink
Saying ?Son, you?ve come to me, I think,
Riding the Breath o? the Ocean.?
The boy didn?t know the sea could breathe,
And he said so, then began to leave,
But the tavern man his heart did thieve
When he said, ?I?ve got adventure.?
The miller?s son was prone to dream
Which often made him foolish seem.
With gold and glory his eyes gleam
As he said ?You?ve got adventure??
?Adventure, yes, of the best kind,
And without me you?ll never find
A way to leave this town behind
In such a style or fashion.?
The miller?s son agreed to go.
For as the wisest men all know,
That like an arrow from a bow,
He?d no choice in his fortune.
The loud man said he had no name,
And the miller?s son told him the same,
For that was how you played the game,
When you didn?t trust your partner.
They left the bar and went to sea
On the man?s ship, the Ann Marie.
The crew as ragged as could be,
But they served their purpose.
Half the helmsman?s limbs were fake,
The first mate was a talking snake,
And pie was all the cook could make,
Which gets old very quickly.
The loud man was the captain clear,
And toward the south he bade them steer
Saying ?You will find your fortunes here,
When we reach the island.?
The island on no map was seen,
But the captain said that he had been.
The first mate hissed ?What do you mean??
And so the captain told them.
?A dragon ended one crew?s cares,
Another crew was boiled in pairs,
The last two crews were eaten by bears,
But this time I feel lucky.?
An uproar passed all through the boat.
The helmsman seized the captain?s throat,
When suddenly they saw a goat,
And knew they?d reached the island.
Perhaps for glory, likelier greed,
The crew decided to proceed.
The captain said all they would need
To do was reach the center.
All went well and all seemed fine,
Of danger there was not a sign,
But vultures on their flesh would dine,
Before they saw the morrow.
At last they reached the island?s core,
And saw a thousand gems, or more.
The captain gave a mighty roar,
And then there came the ambush.
The first shot was a wild miss,
And the first mate was heard to hiss
?What in all the Hells is this??
Just before he was skewered.
The boy?d seen danger up ahead,
And did not want to end up dead,
So turning round, he?d quickly fled
To the ship with the survivors
Escaping was the captain?s knack,
But it had failed him this attack.
The boy said ?Should we all go back??
Then from afar, they heard him.
?Fly, Ann-Marie, fly away!
There?s nothing you can do this day!
On this ground my bones shall lay,
For all of time eternal!?
The whole crew heard this final cry,
And saw the captain, watched him die.
The cook said he?d make a funeral pie,
But pie?s no good for grieving.
The crew had seen death in great measure,
But they?d also glimpsed the treasure.
They thought of wealth and pride and leisure,
And the boy said ?We?ll return here.?
The ship had lost most of its crew,
But the boy knew what to do,
And how to pick up one or two
Eager, foolish sailors.
In a tavern in a town out on the coast
Is a man who speaks up louder than most,
And he?s likely to brag, and he?s likely to boast,
But rarely is he lying.
Is a man who speaks up louder than most,
And he?s likely to brag, and he?s likely to boast,
But rarely is he lying.
Miller Tom had a wide-eyed son
Who?s milling work that day was done,
So the boy went off to find some fun.
But instead he found his future.
The miller?s boy went for a drink
And the loud man threw the crowd a wink
Saying ?Son, you?ve come to me, I think,
Riding the Breath o? the Ocean.?
The boy didn?t know the sea could breathe,
And he said so, then began to leave,
But the tavern man his heart did thieve
When he said, ?I?ve got adventure.?
The miller?s son was prone to dream
Which often made him foolish seem.
With gold and glory his eyes gleam
As he said ?You?ve got adventure??
?Adventure, yes, of the best kind,
And without me you?ll never find
A way to leave this town behind
In such a style or fashion.?
The miller?s son agreed to go.
For as the wisest men all know,
That like an arrow from a bow,
He?d no choice in his fortune.
The loud man said he had no name,
And the miller?s son told him the same,
For that was how you played the game,
When you didn?t trust your partner.
They left the bar and went to sea
On the man?s ship, the Ann Marie.
The crew as ragged as could be,
But they served their purpose.
Half the helmsman?s limbs were fake,
The first mate was a talking snake,
And pie was all the cook could make,
Which gets old very quickly.
The loud man was the captain clear,
And toward the south he bade them steer
Saying ?You will find your fortunes here,
When we reach the island.?
The island on no map was seen,
But the captain said that he had been.
The first mate hissed ?What do you mean??
And so the captain told them.
?A dragon ended one crew?s cares,
Another crew was boiled in pairs,
The last two crews were eaten by bears,
But this time I feel lucky.?
An uproar passed all through the boat.
The helmsman seized the captain?s throat,
When suddenly they saw a goat,
And knew they?d reached the island.
Perhaps for glory, likelier greed,
The crew decided to proceed.
The captain said all they would need
To do was reach the center.
All went well and all seemed fine,
Of danger there was not a sign,
But vultures on their flesh would dine,
Before they saw the morrow.
At last they reached the island?s core,
And saw a thousand gems, or more.
The captain gave a mighty roar,
And then there came the ambush.
The first shot was a wild miss,
And the first mate was heard to hiss
?What in all the Hells is this??
Just before he was skewered.
The boy?d seen danger up ahead,
And did not want to end up dead,
So turning round, he?d quickly fled
To the ship with the survivors
Escaping was the captain?s knack,
But it had failed him this attack.
The boy said ?Should we all go back??
Then from afar, they heard him.
?Fly, Ann-Marie, fly away!
There?s nothing you can do this day!
On this ground my bones shall lay,
For all of time eternal!?
The whole crew heard this final cry,
And saw the captain, watched him die.
The cook said he?d make a funeral pie,
But pie?s no good for grieving.
The crew had seen death in great measure,
But they?d also glimpsed the treasure.
They thought of wealth and pride and leisure,
And the boy said ?We?ll return here.?
The ship had lost most of its crew,
But the boy knew what to do,
And how to pick up one or two
Eager, foolish sailors.
In a tavern in a town out on the coast
Is a man who speaks up louder than most,
And he?s likely to brag, and he?s likely to boast,
But rarely is he lying.
There is a slight problem,
My poems are don't rhyme,
Well maybe they do,
But only with time.
Hold on, wait a sec,
There is a mistake,
They seem to be rhyming,
Oh for goodness sake!
It seems I was wrong,
While lost in my thoughts,
Please help distract me,
By giving me Psychonauts.
My poems are don't rhyme,
Well maybe they do,
But only with time.
Hold on, wait a sec,
There is a mistake,
They seem to be rhyming,
Oh for goodness sake!
It seems I was wrong,
While lost in my thoughts,
Please help distract me,
By giving me Psychonauts.
Skyrim theme cause I don't know:
There once was a naive guard from Falkreath
He would ponder his fortune without rest
When Alduin came, he saw it as his test:
"I'm Dragonborn!" He claimed under his breath...
He first set out to see the good blacksmith
Who asked him: "Find a wand'ring dog for me."
Met the dog called Barbas, 'cause it told he!
The guard went off: "I'm too old for this bit!"
Hearing thunder, he came up to a door
That door asked: "What is the music of life?"
The guard answered: "I won't deal with this strife"
And stepped away, searching a little more.
There once was a naive guard from Falkreath
He would ponder his fortune without rest
When Alduin came, he saw it as his test:
"I'm Dragonborn!" He claimed under his breath...
He first set out to see the good blacksmith
Who asked him: "Find a wand'ring dog for me."
Met the dog called Barbas, 'cause it told he!
The guard went off: "I'm too old for this bit!"
Hearing thunder, he came up to a door
That door asked: "What is the music of life?"
The guard answered: "I won't deal with this strife"
And stepped away, searching a little more.
Roses are grey
Violets are grey
I am colour blind
And suck at poetry
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I have a gun
So get in the van
And now for the best haiku ever:
On your drop ship hull
I planted a melta bomb
BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!
- Kharn
Violets are grey
I am colour blind
And suck at poetry
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I have a gun
So get in the van
And now for the best haiku ever:
On your drop ship hull
I planted a melta bomb
BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!
- Kharn