You are an ambassador for Earth

[Birras]

You are an ambassador for Earth to an alien species (Let's assume that both Earth and the alien's planet remain fractured into many independent nations on their home planet, but have an international space program), explaining various facets of your culture. Although the alien ambassador listens intently, several questions simply confound him. Why does your planet place taboos on things such as nudity or swearing? Why does a significant portion of the planet hate or fear their race? What does your species hope to accomplish with interplanetary or interstellar travel should they obtain it?

How would you, as a diplomat for humanity, explain these questions to an organism which had very little knowledge of human culture or history?

 

[Radeonx]

I wouldn't.
I'd just pull out my weapons and shoot them all.
Then eat bacon.

 

[ClaptonKnophlerHendrix]

Well it depends whether they are more or less technologically advanced then us. If they were more technologically advanced I would explain, well it's part of our culture which has been embedded into us since long before our generation and it's just sort of stayed with us. If WE were more technoligically advanced I would explain with all out warfare and enslavery. Does that sound good?

 

[A random person]

I don't think I could explain any of those things, especially the nudity part.

 

[Birras]

I wouldn't.
I'd just pull out my weapons and shoot them all.
Then eat bacon.

No. I would answer all three questions with "Fuck you." then shoot the alien ambassador.

Well it depends whether they are more or less technologically advanced then us. If they were more technologically advanced I would explain, well it's part of our culture which has been embedded into us since long before our generation and it's just sort of stayed with us. If WE were more technoligically advanced I would explain with all out warfare and enslavery. Does that sound good?

I'm starting to notice a pattern...

 

[grimsprice]

I wouldn't.
I'd just pull out my weapons and shoot them all.
Then eat bacon.

No. I would answer all three questions with "Fuck you." then shoot the alien ambassador.

I'm starting to notice a pattern...

I would explain this "pattern" to the Aliens and plead for their help. As this pattern is the source of all those questions.

 

[walls of cetepedes]

"Wait, you expect ME to answer these?! I'm fucking 15! I don't even know why I'm here!"

Seriously, why am I Earth's diplomat?

 

[Amnestic]

"Wait, you expect ME to answer these?! I'm fucking 15! I don't even know why I'm here!"

Seriously, why am I Earth's diplomat?

Democracy at work - when you don't have to be capable, just popular.

 

[ClaptonKnophlerHendrix]

snip

snip

snip

I'm starting to notice a pattern...

Well in all the movies ever released the aliens are supreme and destroying the human race, I say it's high time we had a go.

 

[Birras]

"Wait, you expect ME to answer these?! I'm fucking 15! I don't even know why I'm here!"

Seriously, why am I Earth's diplomat?

Honestly, they drew names out of a giant hat capable of holding 7 billion slips of paper. At least we didn't send an infant or a hillbilly.

 

[Biosophilogical]

I'd explain through a SSBB face-off. 99 lives, no items (except warp star and maybe those blue bouncy-rings), final destination. It makes perfect sense in all respects. Once he(it?) begins to swear at me incessantly, he will realise the rudeness behind it and will understand that, once he sees me take off my virtual clothes (I am assuming that they can mod the console to alllow this obviously) I would T-bag his stunned body (virtual body), which explains the nudity. They would learn to fear human's 1337 skills, explaining the fear of their rce from our own, and by using the warp stars, they would see our violent intentions of interstellar capabilities.

As you can see SSBB explains all of the questions.... then I'd show him alcohol.

 

[Gruchul]

My culture doesn't have a taboo on swearing, it's merely etiquette. And no one wants to see unattractive members of our society unclothed. As to the hate and fear, I'd make them watch Alien and explain our concern about unknown dangers around us. And to the final question, we would go on a continuing mission to seek out new life and new civilisations. To boldly go where no man had gone before.

 

[Canadamus Prime]

Why does your planet place taboos on things such as nudity or swearing?

I don't know, doesn't your species have taboos on things?

Why does a significant portion of the planet hate or fear their race?

Stupidity and ignorance

What does your species hope to accomplish with interplanetary or interstellar travel should they obtain it?

I would say the vast exploitation of the Universe's resources.

 

[walls of cetepedes]

Democracy at work - when you don't have to be capable, just popular.

Then why am I here?!

Honestly, they drew names out of a giant hat capable of holding 7 billion slips of paper. At least we didn't send an infant or a hillbilly.

It was rigged, I tell you!

 

[Birras]

*snip*

It was rigged, I tell you!

Fine, I admit it! I put your name in twice and left out 您的母亲.

 

[KAPTAINmORGANnWo4life]

I would draw comparisons to similar facets of the other species' culture. If they had a negative view of say, not making eye-contact, I would compare that to our dislike of swearing.

I would also explain our xenophobia as an inherent fear of the unknown, and over time we would learn to accept them.

Our intentions with space travel would only be revealed at the discretion of our leaders. We don't exactly want them knowing we intend on launching a surprise attack on their mothership, do we?