You are now the king/queen of the interenet, what is your first command.
- Thread starter zombiejoe
- Start date
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Internet access will be controlled by a stationary pedal bike that will require users to pedal at a comfortable pace in order to get any reasonable connection speed. This will be done to combat negative impacts to the public health in Western nations resulting from excessive sedentary computer use. The law will be rigorously enforced and tampering with the bike will carry the punishment of death, with all irony related to negative impacts to the public health duly noted
BEHOLD! THE COMMANDMENTS OF THE INTERNET!
Commandment 1: Thou shalt no censor the Internet.
Commandment 2:Thou shalt create any device or program that denies the internet to thy fellow man and woman.
Commandment 3: Thou shall not flame thy fellow forum poster for having an opinion different then thou
Commandment 4: Thou shall not forward chain emails to thy friends and close relatives.
Commandment 5: All who dare to make humorous remakes concerning Chuck Norris, the size of Justin Bieber`s manliness, and the gender of Lady Gaga will be thrown into the pits of 4Chan.
Commandment 6: It is thine sworn duty to report those who would distribute images and videos that contain the abuse of children and small animals.
Commandment 7: All scootabuse ends effective immediately.
Commandment 1: Thou shalt no censor the Internet.
Commandment 2:Thou shalt create any device or program that denies the internet to thy fellow man and woman.
Commandment 3: Thou shall not flame thy fellow forum poster for having an opinion different then thou
Commandment 4: Thou shall not forward chain emails to thy friends and close relatives.
Commandment 5: All who dare to make humorous remakes concerning Chuck Norris, the size of Justin Bieber`s manliness, and the gender of Lady Gaga will be thrown into the pits of 4Chan.
Commandment 6: It is thine sworn duty to report those who would distribute images and videos that contain the abuse of children and small animals.
Commandment 7: All scootabuse ends effective immediately.
- Trolls will be cut off from the internet
- Racism will also be punishable by a ban
- Torrent sites go on lockdown, fair use will be broadened
- A major community site with a market monopoly in it's area of expertise (The Escapist = Gaming, Twitter = Social networking and Facebook = business networking, _________ = Music, etc etc
- People can share everything they produce themself with any means, no restrictions on sharing gameplay, covering songs or using them montages.
- Racism will also be punishable by a ban
- Torrent sites go on lockdown, fair use will be broadened
- A major community site with a market monopoly in it's area of expertise (The Escapist = Gaming, Twitter = Social networking and Facebook = business networking, _________ = Music, etc etc
- People can share everything they produce themself with any means, no restrictions on sharing gameplay, covering songs or using them montages.
Close down Extra Credits. Don't get me wrong, I don't have anything against it, really, but it's giving a lot of people the wrong idea sometimes. Like how people now believe some games "pushes the medium back"
These are the three commandments of the new world order of the internet:
1: Those who have ever posted a Rick Roll video will be subjected to their own video on infinite loop for a total of 1 month.
2: Every day, we must pay a five minute homage to the Nyan cat.
3: Those who express opinions on something they have never tried must have their head slammed into their desktop.
1: Those who have ever posted a Rick Roll video will be subjected to their own video on infinite loop for a total of 1 month.
2: Every day, we must pay a five minute homage to the Nyan cat.
3: Those who express opinions on something they have never tried must have their head slammed into their desktop.
DELETE THE INTERNET FOREVER !!!
... that would be funny, to destroy so much valuable information
... that would be funny, to destroy so much valuable information
First, I permanently shut down any and all Westboro Baptist Church websites and access to the internet.
Next: Bring me all porn!
Next: Bring me all porn!
everything is free, porn, games, DLC for said games, computers, EVERYTHING!!!
There will be no hating on people based on their religion, ethnicity, gender, favorite gaming system, etc. hate will only be allowed if the person in question has insulted, attacked, tried to repress your rights, or otherwise offended you, and then only in proper amounts (so if someone says that your mother is a whore, you CAN say that its still better than what their mother is, but you CANNOT say that they are a nazi)
trolling will be allowed (in a very restricted form) since trolling can be somewhat funny to others (at least I get a kick when some guy who spends every minute in front of a computer tells others to get a life), but you can't complain when you get hate about it.
There will be no hacking government agencies, I may control the kingdom of the internet, but "real world" rulers have the ability to shut down power, and therefore internet, within their borders and I WILL NOT have MY subjects forced into exile just because some guy wanted to know where China keeps their nukes (it's pretty obvious anyway, why else would The Forbidden City be forbidden?)
also, there will be a translator program available to all so that the internet n00bz can understand what the everyday users are saying. I can translate 1337 (leet, duh), lolcat, and just plain shit grammar (i wll haxorz u 2 deth = I will hack you to death) along with as many acronyms as possible
I have more, but it's currently 4:30 AM and I did already cover the most important stuff, so I'm going to bed. Good night loyal subjects!
There will be no hating on people based on their religion, ethnicity, gender, favorite gaming system, etc. hate will only be allowed if the person in question has insulted, attacked, tried to repress your rights, or otherwise offended you, and then only in proper amounts (so if someone says that your mother is a whore, you CAN say that its still better than what their mother is, but you CANNOT say that they are a nazi)
trolling will be allowed (in a very restricted form) since trolling can be somewhat funny to others (at least I get a kick when some guy who spends every minute in front of a computer tells others to get a life), but you can't complain when you get hate about it.
There will be no hacking government agencies, I may control the kingdom of the internet, but "real world" rulers have the ability to shut down power, and therefore internet, within their borders and I WILL NOT have MY subjects forced into exile just because some guy wanted to know where China keeps their nukes (it's pretty obvious anyway, why else would The Forbidden City be forbidden?)
also, there will be a translator program available to all so that the internet n00bz can understand what the everyday users are saying. I can translate 1337 (leet, duh), lolcat, and just plain shit grammar (i wll haxorz u 2 deth = I will hack you to death) along with as many acronyms as possible
I have more, but it's currently 4:30 AM and I did already cover the most important stuff, so I'm going to bed. Good night loyal subjects!
I would tell Anonymous and all hacker groups to focus their efforts on worthwhile targets that are legitimately evil:
-Coca-Cola
-Apple
-Monsanto
-Proctor and Gamble
-Federal Reserve (USA) or any other financial institution that loans it's own money out WITH interest meaning that the country is eternally in debt.
I would then command the mentally unstable people on the internet to kill the following people for also being evil:
-George Bush
-Dick Cheney
-Robert Mugabe
-Steve Jobs
-Paul Wolfowitz
-Any Dictator that is clearly a detriment to mankind (besides myself)
-All corrupt politicians
-Any CEO that makes extremely greedy decisions that make countless people lose jobs or even lives based on that greed. If it is necessary for the companies survival then it's fine. But to lay off a whole bunch of people so your quarterly profit has an extra 0 so you can go buy that gold-plated penis to replace the one that fell off because you're such a douche deserves death![/b]
-Coca-Cola
-Apple
-Monsanto
-Proctor and Gamble
-Federal Reserve (USA) or any other financial institution that loans it's own money out WITH interest meaning that the country is eternally in debt.
I would then command the mentally unstable people on the internet to kill the following people for also being evil:
-George Bush
-Dick Cheney
-Robert Mugabe
-Steve Jobs
-Paul Wolfowitz
-Any Dictator that is clearly a detriment to mankind (besides myself)
-All corrupt politicians
-Any CEO that makes extremely greedy decisions that make countless people lose jobs or even lives based on that greed. If it is necessary for the companies survival then it's fine. But to lay off a whole bunch of people so your quarterly profit has an extra 0 so you can go buy that gold-plated penis to replace the one that fell off because you're such a douche deserves death![/b]
I would get rid of Fox News' website.
Would mostly leave the internet alone it is an evolving machine...
No government on this planet, in cyberspace or in outer space is allowed to "censor" the internet for the public's protection.
I would set up an agency of elite hackers and bureaucrats for the sole purpose of "dealing" with the most virulent internet trolls. (It might be anonymous, that doesnt mean we have to be assholes.)
Porn essentially free. Everyone 18 and up will have to apply for an Internet Porn Watching License (wont be hard to get). This will make it easier to find those who break the laws IRL. IE A parolee's License # is logged into a pedo site.
Google will be required by law to delete all their search engine IP tracking data every 72 hours. (They keep it for like 8 months, used to be longer.)
Internet providers will not be allowed to monitor their customers IP addresses. (They do. Even have a list of certain IP's that set of red flags in their servers.)
Would mostly leave the internet alone it is an evolving machine...
No government on this planet, in cyberspace or in outer space is allowed to "censor" the internet for the public's protection.
I would set up an agency of elite hackers and bureaucrats for the sole purpose of "dealing" with the most virulent internet trolls. (It might be anonymous, that doesnt mean we have to be assholes.)
Porn essentially free. Everyone 18 and up will have to apply for an Internet Porn Watching License (wont be hard to get). This will make it easier to find those who break the laws IRL. IE A parolee's License # is logged into a pedo site.
Google will be required by law to delete all their search engine IP tracking data every 72 hours. (They keep it for like 8 months, used to be longer.)
Internet providers will not be allowed to monitor their customers IP addresses. (They do. Even have a list of certain IP's that set of red flags in their servers.)