You get a call from from someone suicidal

[Death God]

First, subtly find out if they are pranking me with out making it sound like their lying just in case they are suicidal, then try to talk them down from it. And, because I could not resist it...

"i got some roap in the closet if your in need"

I have a dictionary for your "roap"

I have initiated a search for your missing punctuation.

Did somebody just as for a Quarter-Pounder of lolz?

 

[Liam Barden]

I wouldnt say anything to them,

I'd listen to what they had to say
because it sounds like nobody else does

 

[JackWestJr]

"Urgh.. Im gonna pass you over to my mum."

 

[Terminate421]

I would say this,

"Whats the point? It wouldn't make anything easier. Its just a waste of energy. By at least doing something later, you'll have a reason to exist."

It would convince them to be too lazy to commit suicide.

 

[kommando367]

Just hang up.

 

[HardkorSB]

You're just minding your own business when your phone rings and you answer. It's nobody you know, but who ever they are, they are saying they are about to kill themselves, and they wanted a stranger to console them. What do you do?

I would say:

"If you're considering committing suicide and you're so unsure that you're calling a stranger to help you, here's what you should do.
Buy the heaviest painkillers you can and a bottle of vodka or 2, take a day off work/school/whatever, go somewhere where you can be alone for the whole day, and then start taking 1 pill every 30 minutes, followed by a shot of vodka. With each round, it will get worse for you. There's a chance that you might die from it ,however if you'll just stop doing it before the trip gets really bad, it will be OK.
Between rounds, think your life over.

That is all."

Ends call.

 

[SilentCom]

I'll tell them that I'll join them so we could both kill ourselves. Either that or ask if I can tape it and edit the video with the wilhelm scream when I post it on Youtube. This will probably make him not want to kill himself, just the sheer embarrassment.