You should/shouldn't date the guy above me because...

[Tharwen]

Don't date. He just doesn't understand.

 

[ShockValue]

Date. Otherwise he'll shoot you.

 

[Yer man o'er yonder]

Date. Has a swanky moving avatar.

 

[ShockValue]

Date. He owns his own castle.

 

[Tharwen]

Don't date. She likes to keep people in her dungeon, then feed them only on burnt toast and raw eggs.

 

[ShockValue]

Don't date. He wants to be put in the dungeon next.

 

[Tharwen]

Don't date. That way I get all the burnt toast for myself.

 

[ShockValue]

Don't date. He enjoys burnt toast.

 

[MurderousToaster]

They kill small children with knives.

Date if you're in jail for murdering children with knives.

Otherwise that course of action is inadvisable.

 

[Scde2]

Don't date. He overcooks the food.

 

[ShockValue]

Date. He has heat vision.

 

[Scde2]

Don't date. She somehow undercooks the food, even with all of that fire.

 

[ShockValue]

Don't date. He has an addiction.

 

[Scde2]

Date. She has an addiction to sex.

 

[ShockValue]

Don't date. He's missing a few limbs.

 

[Scde2]

Don't date. She laughs at disabled people.

 

[ShockValue]

Don't date. He's a horrible negotiator.

 

[Scde2]

Don't date. She kidnapped herself.

 

[ShockValue]

Date. He has a vault full of gold.

 

[Scde2]

Date. She has a heart of gold...But now she's dead, but you can have the heart.