your best joke
- Thread starter Evilmonkeysniper0182
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O.O.......W.....T....F!?snowplow said:
my best joke is unfortunately in swedish but i know two good ones in english.
An Irish man walks out of a bar.
George Bush, Gordon Brown and Barack Obama are standing in front of a wall about to be executed. suddenly Obama gets an idea and at the top of his lungs yells TSUNAMI!!! when the guards look around he runs of. Gordon Brown thinks that it was a really good idea so he thinks for a second and then yells EARTHQUAKE!!!!!!! as the guards look away he runs to safety. George Bush decides that the other two guys both had a good idea so he wants to try it out and so he gathers air into his lungs and yells FIRE!!!
btw you can change the politicians to suit your political standing.
a drill sergeant marched up and down in front of some new recruits. "right, you sons of bitches" he said, "today you are going to learn how to shoot. unfortunately, the army is underfunded right now, so you will instead be using these broom handles as guns. now what i want you to do is point the broom handle at the targets and shout "bangity bang"." so the recruits practiced this for the rest of the day.
the next day, the lesson was learning about bayonettes. "right you little spacewasters, the amy still cant afford to equip you with the rifle extention, so what youre going to do is tie these combes" he held up a bag of combes "to your broom handles, poke at the sandbag, and yell "stabbity stab". " and so this was what the soldiors did that day.
the next day the recruits were called up to the front line, still with the broomstick training weapons. they enter the battle, and proceed to point their brooms at the enemy and yell "bangity bang". much to their surprise, tthis works, and the enemy gets mown down.
the battle progresses, with the casualties being high on either side. the men pointed their broom handles at the enemy and yelled bangity bang, and if the enemy got too close they yelled stabbity stab.
the batte raged until there was just 2 men left, 1 on either side. a recruit pointed at the enemy and yelled "bangity bang". it had no effect, and the enemy advanced towards him. he came within range of the comb, and so the soldior yelled "stabbity stab". still no effect, and the enemy soldior continued until the recruit was knocked over. the soldior couldnt understand this until he heard the enemy muttering under his breath "tankity tank, tankity tank, tankity tank"
the next day, the lesson was learning about bayonettes. "right you little spacewasters, the amy still cant afford to equip you with the rifle extention, so what youre going to do is tie these combes" he held up a bag of combes "to your broom handles, poke at the sandbag, and yell "stabbity stab". " and so this was what the soldiors did that day.
the next day the recruits were called up to the front line, still with the broomstick training weapons. they enter the battle, and proceed to point their brooms at the enemy and yell "bangity bang". much to their surprise, tthis works, and the enemy gets mown down.
the battle progresses, with the casualties being high on either side. the men pointed their broom handles at the enemy and yelled bangity bang, and if the enemy got too close they yelled stabbity stab.
the batte raged until there was just 2 men left, 1 on either side. a recruit pointed at the enemy and yelled "bangity bang". it had no effect, and the enemy advanced towards him. he came within range of the comb, and so the soldior yelled "stabbity stab". still no effect, and the enemy soldior continued until the recruit was knocked over. the soldior couldnt understand this until he heard the enemy muttering under his breath "tankity tank, tankity tank, tankity tank"
I can't think of any good ones, but here they go.
"What do you call a red-ringed xbox 360?"
"What?"
"Yours. Kekekeke."
>_>
"Hey, nice mustang!"
"But I don't have a mustang..."
"Exactly."
<_<
"What do you call a red-ringed xbox 360?"
"What?"
"Yours. Kekekeke."
>_>
"Hey, nice mustang!"
"But I don't have a mustang..."
"Exactly."
<_<
Ok here goes.
Three men are sitting on the top of a skyscraper.
One man pulls a can of beer out from his bag and says "drinking this beer gives me the ability to fly"
The second man says "no that's not possible, prove it"
so the first man takes a sip of the beer, and proceeds to fly around the building, before landing a few moments later
"impressive" says the third man
"Ok now I want to try" says the second man, he takes a sip of the beer and jumps over the edge of the building.
as the two men are watching the guy fall to his death, the third guy says.
"superman you bastard!"
Three men are sitting on the top of a skyscraper.
One man pulls a can of beer out from his bag and says "drinking this beer gives me the ability to fly"
The second man says "no that's not possible, prove it"
so the first man takes a sip of the beer, and proceeds to fly around the building, before landing a few moments later
"impressive" says the third man
"Ok now I want to try" says the second man, he takes a sip of the beer and jumps over the edge of the building.
as the two men are watching the guy fall to his death, the third guy says.
"superman you bastard!"
Jim walks into a diner and orders a bowl of chili. The chef tells him that they are all out and points to the man who ordered the last bowl. Jim notices the man isn't eating the chili, so he asks if he can have it. The man gives him the chili and Jim eats the chili until his spoon hits something hard, it was a dead mouse. Jim throws up in the bowl and the man he got the chili from says "Yeah, that is about as far as I got."
