your child is transgendered
- Thread starter chinangel
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By the time I'm old enough to have kids, there'll be ezpz brain scan technology that'll tell if there is in fact a biological oddity, or if it's just a phase. Pretty simple to go from there.
I know there already is brain scan technology, I'm talking about it costing less in the future.
Unless you're talking trans-trender, as in "I identify as a gender-fluid plant" or some such, then I block tumblr and bop them on the head.
I know there already is brain scan technology, I'm talking about it costing less in the future.
Unless you're talking trans-trender, as in "I identify as a gender-fluid plant" or some such, then I block tumblr and bop them on the head.
Put them on hormone suppressant medications and have them start seeing a therapist that specialises in helping trans children. Let the child dress as the gender they identify with. Call them by those pronouns and if they have a name change that they'd prefer start calling them that and start getting the paperwork ready for them to legally change their name and gender. And support them every step of the way.
No procedures, no medicine to change them. He/she can pay for that themself when they grow up and move out. And hopefully by that point in time they will be setteled with who they are.
I was just questioning the urgency of transitioning ("immediately book a therapist appointment so we could start the transition process ASAP"). I'd rather start by working out with the kid what he/she really wants, and why, and is he/she absolutely sure and so on. Bring in a psychologist and get an estimate as to whether the kid's for real or if it's a phase and so on. All of us wanted to be a lot of things RIGHT NOW when we were kids, especially at such a turbulent age as 13. They need as much perspective as possible before plunging headfirst on what may be a whim.MarsAtlas said:
Not much to be honest. Like it or not some curiousity about the opposite gender is to be expected. It's not uncommon for everyone to think about what it would be like to be the opposite gender, usually in some ideal sense. In many cases I think it's a combination of "the grass is greener on the other side of the pasture", and liking the other gender and then following through to the point of thinking it might be awesome to be the other gender.chinangel said:
As a general rule such fantasies usually involve an ideal, which is why I don't take people claiming to be transgendered very seriously in most cases. For example your typical guy who wants to be a girl wants to be "pretty" and feel "sexy" and say wants to wear all these hot outfits, and have people take care of them. Very few girls get to be what that guy wants to be to begin with. He wouldn't be content with just being *A* girl of normal or below average appearance, he's generally looking at the girls he admires who are generally way ahead of the curve and wishing he could be like them. Typically these guys don't tend to think about things like periods and feminine hygiene, and the typical life, or what it would be like to live like that normally. In many cases it seems this kind of thing ceases when they get a reality check and/or learn everything. Conversely the same thing applies to women who want to be dudes, who tend to look at the cool guys who are ideal male specimins, the money, and perceived dominance within society. They tend not to think of all the expectations and responsibility that goes along with it, and all the hard work, and gross things guys are expected to do casually just because they are dudes in order to exempt others from them. Your typical girl is probably looking at say "cool CEO guy" or whatever, not say being Leon the Plumber, and/or being an average "slobbo" guy who works hard every day and doesn't get much respect at all. Both genders have their advantages and disadvantages and typically at the end of the day I think most people realize they are comfortable where they are and look toward their own gender's ideals. Most transgenders who stick with it, tend to be those who most maintain their denial, not one of them I've ever met say has any envy for some fat girl having heavy periods. On the other hand give any person the opportunity to change places with or become an ideal and I think they would take it. Basically I don't think your typical person would turn down, or be unhappy with, an ideal body, money, power, etc... simply on the merits of a gender change. For example if someone told me I could have all the powers of a Kryptonian but it would involve becoming my universe's equivalent of Power Girl as opposed to Superman, I doubt I'd say "no". Ditto for your average girl given the same offer, but becoming Super Man. In both cases keeping the original gender would be ideal, but I think you'd find few people who would honestly say "no".
At any rate at 13 I'd expect the kid to be more aware than wanting "medicine to change them". My immediate guess would be that he/she has started to notice the opposite gender, probably without being noticed much by the people they like, and have started to think it might be nice to be that other person. I imagine they will sort it themselves with more experience, especially Freshmem "health and sexuality" classes, in the mean time I'd try not to embarrass them at that age. I mean at 13 the kid probably thinks wanting to be an Astronaut is a valid career path. Like all kids, they will likely get over it on their own. At the extreme end, making sure the kid gets exposed to a lot of un-ideal examples of the opposite gender might not be bad thing as well, you know making it clear that if you change gender you'll still be the same as before just on the other side can be a reality check, your pudgy son might not find it appealing to be some fat girl, he probably thinks about being say Angelina Jolie in her prime.
Quietly and privately freak out a bit I imagine.
I'd be worried that I was going to end up either (a) severely upsetting my kid by dismissing genuine identity troubles as the result of a youthful phase or mere curiosity or (b) allowing drastic treatments to my kid as the result of a youthful phase or mere curiosity.
Plus general worry that, whatever the outcome, the whole thing was going to cause them all round unhappiness and hardship.
I'd be worried that I was going to end up either (a) severely upsetting my kid by dismissing genuine identity troubles as the result of a youthful phase or mere curiosity or (b) allowing drastic treatments to my kid as the result of a youthful phase or mere curiosity.
Plus general worry that, whatever the outcome, the whole thing was going to cause them all round unhappiness and hardship.
I would talk with my child and bring professional help if needed. But if this is not the way it goes then I am willingly support my child gender identity or sexual identity.
On the topic of hormone blockers.
It seems like a really poor idea to me.
I mean, as much as it sucks, you're essentially subjecting your kid to the hurl of abuse and bullying for being different, and that's pretty likely to increase the risk of suicide.
I suppose you'd have to weigh up the odds of being bullied against trying to make the child understand that waiting a few years isn't the end of the world.
In an ideal world, children wouldn't bully each other. But, also in this ideal world, they'd also be incredible well-educated and informed. The reality is that's basically never going to be the case.
It seems like a really poor idea to me.
I mean, as much as it sucks, you're essentially subjecting your kid to the hurl of abuse and bullying for being different, and that's pretty likely to increase the risk of suicide.
I suppose you'd have to weigh up the odds of being bullied against trying to make the child understand that waiting a few years isn't the end of the world.
In an ideal world, children wouldn't bully each other. But, also in this ideal world, they'd also be incredible well-educated and informed. The reality is that's basically never going to be the case.
Well, a tough one to deal with. No matter how much you support your child, that child will still have a host of problems due to their gender disparity. Only thing one can really do is be smart and be there for it, get professional help if needed and hold things of until person is much more mature. Not to mention that it's far from rare that gender identities shift over time.
As far as hormones and similar interventions, that I don't know enough about. Serious levels of education would have to ensue.
All in all, it's parents duty to raise his child to the point of maturity, independence and self-sufficiency. Something so many parents fail to do in last 20+ years. Everything else are just bumps on the road for parents and child to work on overcoming.
As far as hormones and similar interventions, that I don't know enough about. Serious levels of education would have to ensue.
All in all, it's parents duty to raise his child to the point of maturity, independence and self-sufficiency. Something so many parents fail to do in last 20+ years. Everything else are just bumps on the road for parents and child to work on overcoming.
To be fair, I think you have to cut people a bit of slack here. Most people in the thread are saying that they would try to go about it in a way that would keep their child happy and safe. I think rushing to put your child on any kind of medication or set them on any kind of definite path is something most parents are hesitant about because you want to do what's best for their child.MarsAtlas said:
Transitioning would be a pretty new and unknown process for a vast majority of people so I think it's understandable why a lot of people would be wary about making rash decisions and wouldn't jump at the "high-five, let's start everything right fucking now" approach.
I can understand why you might be frustrated as it's something you've had to deal with but I think you have to give a bit of leeway to people who are saying they would be hesitant about starting at a young age but would want to do right by their children.
I don't pretend to fully understand what transgender teenagers have to go through. But, I still can't help but feel like I'd have to be very hesitant about going through with any permanent procedures. I was a teenager too once, and I shudder to think of what would have happened had I been able to carry out everything I felt was an existential need when I was 15.
But of course I would take it seriously. I would absolutely support decisions to take on a different-gendered name and approach a different role (ie clothing, etc), and I would be okay with beginning a conservative (as in, medically conservative, meaning careful and non-committal) approach to reassignment to reduce the problem of lost time (the earlier the reassignment process begins, the better, being my understanding). I would say that I'd expect to hear from at least one therapist, ideally more than one, that the kid really wants it, that it's a rationally-made decision, and s/he would benefit from a permanent reassignment.
Now, I've read the literature on people who regret gender reassignment. It's a very low proportion, reported generally to be somewhere around 2-5% (very low for elective procedures) because, duh, it's not something you do on a whim like trying on a new coat, you don't wake up in the morning one day and say "You know what, today I'd like to change gender." But that's still a non-zero number, and it's a permanent procedure, so I want that risk to be as low as possible.
But of course I would take it seriously. I would absolutely support decisions to take on a different-gendered name and approach a different role (ie clothing, etc), and I would be okay with beginning a conservative (as in, medically conservative, meaning careful and non-committal) approach to reassignment to reduce the problem of lost time (the earlier the reassignment process begins, the better, being my understanding). I would say that I'd expect to hear from at least one therapist, ideally more than one, that the kid really wants it, that it's a rationally-made decision, and s/he would benefit from a permanent reassignment.
Now, I've read the literature on people who regret gender reassignment. It's a very low proportion, reported generally to be somewhere around 2-5% (very low for elective procedures) because, duh, it's not something you do on a whim like trying on a new coat, you don't wake up in the morning one day and say "You know what, today I'd like to change gender." But that's still a non-zero number, and it's a permanent procedure, so I want that risk to be as low as possible.
Oh god, not to completely miss the heavy nature of that link, but the design of that blog truly encapsulates all the stereotypes of tumblr. Animated backgrounds, coloured text frames and a horrible typeface? Everything on that page seems specifically designed to assault the eyes and repel the reader.MarsAtlas said:
Yes, I am irreverent enough to criticise the design choices of a suicide note ...
When they will be responsible adults, when they've learned to live not under my wing, when they've tasted life, basically when they have enough life experience, then I'll sigh and tell them to do whatever the hell they want. When they are too young, I'll do everything to distract them from making irreversable changes.